I Was Lost Without You
by NOTCONTinued
Summary: They had always gravitated toward each. Two opposite poles moving together to become one. Adrianne and Cullen. Mage. Templar. She went from friend to enemy to lover over the course of their lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Wintermarch 9:19 Dragon- A lake near Honnelath

She stared at the beautiful blue sky. Counting each and every fluffy cloud, and wondered what it felt like to lay on one. From the lake she was currently submerged in, the sky reminded her of a painting she had seen in Val Royeaux. Swirls upon swirls of blue and white. Intermixing parts creating a whole amazing scene.

It was midday, when the sun's warmth was just right, and left a heavenly sensation on the girl's skin. All around the earth sung to the small girl, and she swam deeper into the lake until she was in the middle of it, floating upwards. She felt at peace.

Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris was the happiest girl in Thedas at this moment. Away from the sister she had been avoiding for the several hours. Isabel would never know to look here. The prissy pampered girl hated water, much to Adrianne's delight, and wouldn't dare come anywhere near here. Isabel wouldn't want to ruin her silks, of all things. Adrianne enjoyed torturing her dear older sister with unladylike hobbies.

The day would have been heavenly, no, it would have the best day of her life had it not been for HIM. The boy who ruined her peace.

Adrianne heard a splash in the water,and several rugged breaths heading her way. She lifted her head slightly and saw a blonde haired boy swimming rapidly toward her. It was an interesting sight to her, to say the least. However, he took her by her foot and began swimming her toward shore. Alarmed, Adrianne splashed water at his head. He turned around and Adrianne made a face at him.

"What are you doing?!" she shouted.

"I'm saving you! You were drowning!" the boy argued.

"No wasn't! I was floating! I was awake.""

"No you weren't!"

"Yes, I was!"

"No you weren't"

"Was too!"

"Were not!"

Adrianne splashed water at him, and the boy returned the gesture by splashing more in her face.

"Stop splashing water at me!"

"You started it!"

She began splashing water at him, and the boy the same, until they heard the shrill of a young girl and the giggles of others from the shoreline.

_Oh no...she found me._

_"_ADRIANNE. CHANTELLE. CALLIGARIS. Get over here now!" Isabel screeched from the docks, avoiding any water as possible.

One of the giggling girls spoke afterwards, "Awww! Cully Wully found a little wife! This is so cute!"

Adrianne and the boy both groaned, and glared at each other the whole way back to the shore. Isabel quickly wrapped Adrianne with a towel before gathering her discarded clothing from the ground. Isabel's hands shook with anxiety at the sight of dirt stains on Adrianne's dress.

"This is chiffon Adrianne! You can't get chiffon dirty! Do you know how ill mannered it is to be dirty. Also, you know it is unladylike to be unchaperoned with a boy! Much less in a lake with him!" Isabel chastised her. The girl was horrified at the breaking of so many lady rules.

"I was!" Adrianne shouted and then pointed the boy dubbed "Cully Wully", "He came along and ruined it!"

Isabel shook her and whispered to herself," No,noooonnooon, no. Non! Lavender oils and a nice warm bath should take out the lake smell and whatever this is in your hair," she cried as she grimaced and searched through Adrianne's black hair for more lake debris.

Adrianne groaned once more, "How did you even find me? We just moved here,"

"Mia and Klara Rutherford were looking for their brother, Cullen. And I asked them if by chance, there was a lake or any water around here. And they said..."

"That our Cully Wully is probably where your sister is. Come with us," Mia laughed as she ruffled Cullen's wet hair. He muttered something under his breath.

"So I followed them here. And I was right: you must think I'm stupid if you thought I would not know where you would be. Father told you to stay in the village with Adeline and me. I should not have been surprised when you got out," Isabel and turned them both to the direction of the village," Now, we go, and scrub," she said while escorting Adrianne home.

"You ladies have the Calligaris thanks," Isabel curtisied before jabbing Adrianne in the side to remind her of her manners. Adrianne bowed.

Mia waved her off, "No problem! We're going to be living next to each other, after all,"

Adrianne and Cullen looked at each other horrified, "WHAT!" they shouted in unison.

Isabel, for one small second, gave Adrianne a smug look, "Oh yes. So you will act like you like him whether you want to or not. Manners and all," she emphasized.

Adrianne complained the entire way home, and only stopped when Isabel threatened her with more etiquette lessons. After that, she was quiet as a night.

* * *

"Ow, that hurt!" Adrianne grimaced as Isabel tugged at her long hair.

"If you stopped moving, it wouldn't hurt. Anyways, this is an Orlesian braid, it requires a certain amount of precision and elegance. Hair style is beauty. And beauty is pain," Isabel reasoned while pulling another strand of dark hair.

Several hair pulls and ten complaints later, Isabel took a step back to admire her work, "This is my best work yet. You have such thick beautiful hair, Adrianne. You're blessed,"

Adrianne made a face, "I guess," she muttered.

Isabel placed her hands on her hips, "You guess?"

"I _suppose_," Adrianne corrected herself.

"Much better. Alright, you can go and play now, Adrianne. No lake, though," she specified.

Adrianne groaned.

"No lake. It took me a week to get the lake smell out of your hair, and three days to get the dirt stains out of your dress. No lake, Adrianne. At least not until Father returns," Isabel repeated.

"Alright," Adrianne lied, trying to sound as disappointed as possible.

"Now that you understand, run along. Adeline, come here. You're next,"

Once she was out the door, Adrianne made sure Isabel wasn't looking out the window. As soon as the coast was clear, she ran to the lake. It was tempting to go for a swim. The cool blue water was tantalizing. Knowing Isabel would sense if she even dipped a toe into the water, Adrianne settled for staring at the sparkling water from the docks instead. She hung her feet her the edge and smiled at the midday sun. The sun felt nice, as it did that day. She began humming softly.

"What are you doing here?" Cullen asked.

Adrianne eyed him suspiciously, "What are you doing here?"

"Running from my sisters,"

"Why?"

"They tried putting pigtails and ribbons in my hair. What about you?"

Adrianne laughed at the thought of ribbon's in his golden hair, "My sister finally lifted my punishment. Sort of,"

"Isn't your Father or Mother supposed to be the one giving punishments?" he asked.

She shrugged, "That's how it's always been. Papa usually has work that takes him away for a week, so he usually leaves Isabel in charge,"

"What about your mother?"

Adrianne grew sad at the word mother, "I don't know. She died when I was very little, I don't remember her. I only remember Isabel taking care of me,"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know about that. I'm sorry if it made you sad," Cullen said softly.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. Wherever Mamae is, she's at peace now,"

The two sat by each other and stared at the water in silence. When Cullen wasn't looking, Adrianne glanced his way, and smiled. He was nicer than the first time they met. He wasn't so bad. He was very sweet in fact.

"You're aren't as...annoying as I thought you were," Cullen explained.

She took compliments were she can get them,"Same to you," Adrianne replied.

"Maybe we can be friends,if you want,"

This made Adrianne happy. A friend...something she never had before.

"I'd like that,"

Cullen smiled, "Uh...how exactly do say your name. I heard it,but...I didn't exactly catch on,"

A reasonable question for Fereldens to ask. Antivan names were tricky to foreigners, Adrianne soon realized.

"Adrianne,"

"A-Adriane,"

"Adrianne,"

"Ahdrianna,"

"Adrianne,"

After several butcherings of Adrianne's name, the small girl's hand covered his mouth, "Just call me Adri,"

Cullen nodded in agreement, "I can handle that,"

That day, Adrianne reflected later in life, became the most important and precious moment in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Solace 9:22 Dragon

Adrianne raced through the woods, smiling smugly as she looked behind her to see no Cullen in sight. Victory was to be hers at last.

She sprinted to the forest's clearing where she wait and gloat that she, Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris,finally beat Cullen Stanton Rutherford in the sacred forest obstacle course of doom. Her winnings was in sight when her face fell at the person who was standing there with a fat smirk on his face. She stopped dead her tracks, wondering how he kept winning.

Adrianne shook her fist at him, "You dirty cheat!" she accused.

Cullen's ran his through his hand through his untameable golden curls and laughed at her accusation.

"Just because I beat you,dear lady, doesn't mean I cheat," he replied as she punched him in the shoulder.

"That is bull shite! I win you in a foot races easily, and yet you are victorious in a competition of speed," she countered.

Cullen pointed to his head, "You need to know how to use this,"

Adrianne glared at him, "I do know how to use it! And it is mathematical impossible for you to keep winning!," she pulled out a folded piece of paper from her with all her work done on it.

He patted her on the shoulder, "Looks like I have luck on my side," he teased.

"Whatever,"

"Don't be such a sore loser," he teased.

After several cold shoulders, Adrianne finally conceded to Cullen's victory. They went to the docks and began skipping stones across the water's surface. Of course, this soon turned into a competition to see who could skip the stones the farthest.

Cullen had been winning until a group giggling girls came by the lakes shore. The boy began blushing profusely as the beautiful red head, Rosalie, waved at him. He ended up losing the competition shortly after.

Adrianne looked at Cullen then back at the girls, and rolled her eyes.

_Typical._

"You're so hopeless. It's almost sad to watch," she commented as Rosalie walked over to the slack jawed youth.

"Oh, hello Cullen. It's so good to see you! You're looking quite handsome today," Rosalie smiled.

Cullen's face blush turned into an intense shade of red, "I-I uh-um-I-you look um-I-you look handsome too," he stumbled.

Rosalie laughed and Adrianne shook her head in disappointment at her friend for succumbing to his boy brain. The red head gave Adrianne a look, which she returned. It was safe to say that the two did not care for each other.

"Thank you. I was wondering if you would like to take me for a walk around the village later on. Perhaps we can even get a snack," the soft-spoken girl offered.

_Oh for the Maker's sake. Really Cullen? REALLY Cullen?_

"I um...would like that," he finally responded after what seemed like an hour.

Rosalie gave him a smile that would send most boys, as Cullen, sputtering like idiots. However, Adrianne was not impressed. In fact, she was furious. He was blowing off their plans for a walk with the bane of her short life of nine years.

"Great! Meet me by my house later! I'll see you then!" she said walking away.

Cullen had the most gleeful grin on his face, and for a moment, Adrianne felt her blood boil. Rosalie wasn't the sweet nice girl most people pegged her to be. No, she was a terror. Yet, she had just about everyone wrapped around her figure except Isabel and Adrianne. They saw through her thin facade.

"Oh I'm Rosalie, and I have every boy wrapped under my whim," Adrianne mimicked the girl's voice as best she could with her Antivan accent.

"I get to escort the most beautiful girl in the village, Adri, me: Cullen Stanton Rutherford," he said in awe.

Her anger boiled over, and his words stung more than they should've. With moisture in her eyes threatening to spill over, she shoved Cullen with her shoulder as she went to gather her things.

"Where are you going?" Cullen called out to her as she walked away.

"I'm going home!" she shouted without turning to look at him.

"Why?"

She stopped in her tracks to answer and felt a tear roll down her cheek. She sniffed slightly, and continued on her way without replying.

_I get to escort the most beautiful girl...most beautiful girl...most beautiful...Rosalie. Not you, Adrianne. _echoed throughout Adrianne's head.

Her emotions were scattered when she slammed the door as she entered her home. Isabel lowered her knitting needle and stared at her emotionally compromised sister. Adrianne wiped the tears as she stared looking at the wooden floor.

Isabel stood slowly and walked over to her sister and lifted her chin to gaze into those hurt brown eyes. Isabel's green eyes revealed many things her words or body didn't. In them they held concern and empathy for her sister.

"Perhaps a lavender and vanilla scented bath to get the dirt stains and sweat stains off your skin. Come along," she said while gathering bath items and Adeline for a trek to the bathhouse.

* * *

"And then what happened," Isabel asked as she handed Adrianne a soft cotton dress.

"Then he said yes to Rosaline. Completely ignoring the things we planned to do. Then he called her the prettiest girl in the village. Which she isn't! You are Izzy," Adrianne explained while dressing. She pulled her wool stockings up and put her worn leather boots on.

"Are boys mean, Isabel," Adeline asked while playing with the bubbles in her bath. The four-year old had a pile of suds on top of her head that made both Isabel and Adrianne laugh.

"No, my dear, Adeline they are not all mean. They're just stupid," she replied while scrubbing Adeline's arm, "As for you, Adrianne, ignoring prior oaths is unforgivable. Especially to a lady, might I add," she paused for a moment before continuing, "And thank you, for your compliment. It was very sweet,"

Adrianne handed Isabel a towel to dry off Adeline, "What would you do, Izzy?"

"Hmm...I would do nothing," She answered while drying Adeline's hair.

Adrianne was confused...do nothing? "What do you mean?"

"I would do nothing. If Cullen truly is your friend, he will come to you and apologize. Sometimes when we try to force people to see the wrong in their actions or to see our side, it makes the situation worse. Sometimes inaction is the best alternative when you don't know what to do. It's a decision in itself," Isabel explained.

It didn't make sense to Adrianne but she thought it was to her lack of experience in things such as this. Isabel had worlds of experience, everyone loved her and wanted to be her companion. Isabel was beautiful and radiant, never misplacing one glass on the dinner table. Adrianne...well she was herself.

"You fancy this Rutherford boy, don't you Adrianne?" Isabel asked suddenly as she gathered her soaps and oils into their bucket.

A big blush formed on Adrianne's cheeks. For Isabel to make such a connection was a testament to her intelligence and perception. And she held Adrianne's full respect after that day.

"I don't! I-," she tried denying before giving up, "He doesn't look at me that way," she said quietly.

"Well how could he? He doesn't know. He's no lady, he can't read into a person like me,"

"He's my friend, Izzy. It would ruin everything,"

Isabel smiled faintly and placed her supplies on the ground. She knelt to Adrianne's level and held her sister's hands lightly, as if they were made of glass.

"If there is one I do know, is you are wonderful girl, one with questionable hobbies at best, but a wonderful girl nonetheless. You're not afraid to be yourself, and when you commit to something, you leave nothing behind. Those are admirable traits, Adrianne. If Cullen cannot see this, then he is unworthy of your affections,"

Adrianne smiled gave Isabel the biggest hug known to Thedas, "You're the best big sister, Izzy. You're going to make a good Mamae someday,"

"I hope so. If I'm not worn out after raising you two,"

The moment of peace did not last long. Adeline came to Isabel in head to toe mud, and her older sisters wondered how was she able to dirty herself so quickly.

"Well...my work is never done, apparently,"

* * *

Adrianne sat at the lake's docks late that night staring at the bright stars. She was up to a hundred stars counted when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to see Cullen standing with a blanket in his arms. He gave her a slight smile and she returned it.

"I thought you were with Rosalie," she said softly while staring back at the stars.

He sat next to her, and placed the blanket over both their legs, "She apparently wanted to do something very mean...to you," he replied.

Adrianne cocked her head in confusion,"Like what?" she was curious at what that red-headed witch planned to do.

Cullen shook his head quickly, "It's not worth repeating,"

She decided it was best if she didn't know. Chances were that she would throttle Rosalie if she ever found out. However, she wanted to know what Cullen thought.

"And you didn't do it? You didn't think about doing it?"

"Of course not! You're my friend, and you don't deserve what she was going to do,"

She was relieved, "What did you do? "

Cullen laughed nervously, "I told her mother, and she got in trouble. Besides, if I'm going to escort a girl around the village, I want her to be someone like you, someone I can trust. Also, sorry that I didn't keep our promise to spend the day together," he said while looking at the stars.

Adrianne's heart thumped against her chest as she processed what he said. Her cheeks warmed at the possible meanings behind what he said, and the more she thought about it, the more her raced. It gave her hope...that someday they could...

"Oh I almost forgot!" From his pocket, he took out a beautiful amulet attached to a silver chain. It glistened in the moonlight. "I got this for you,"

He placed the amulet gently in her hands. Adrianne touched it's surface with one finger, mesmerized by its beauty. She didn't know what to say, but she knew what she felt. At the time, she didn't know what to call it.

"It's beautiful, Cullen. How did you even manage to get something like this?" she asked.

Cullen showed Adrianne his blistered hands and laughed, "A couple days a week for two months at the woodcutters. I knew when I saw it I had to get it for you. Put in hard work and some bleeding blisters, and I managed to get enough money to get it. Do you like it?" he asked.

Adrianne saw his hands and looked into his soft kind eyes. Feeling the tears coming once more, Adrianne pulled him into a hug. At first, Cullen remained still, but soon returned her embrace.

"I love it. Thank you," she whispered as she let him go.

"No problem," Cullen shrugged with a slight blush forming on his face.

Not thinking, Adrianne leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Cullen's cheek. Realizing what she had done, she looked back at the stars. If Cullen had given her a look, she didn't want to see it. She felt his hand drifted towards hers and smiled.

They remained in silence looking at the night sky with their hands touching until the early dawn.

It felt right sitting here with him by her side. At that moment, Adrianne fell in love with Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Harvestmere 9:23 Dragon

Adrianne breathed rapidly as she tossed and turned in bed. She shook violently as she felt a pain in her body explode. The pain felt foreign, and burned throughout Adrianne's veins. Flashes of heat and burning made her skin sticky with sweat. It was at that point, Adrianne awoke to the smell of smoke. All around her a haze obscured her vision, but she felt warmth radiate from inside her room. Adrianne realized soon what it was.

She sat up and stared in horror at the dresser in the front of her bed covered in flames. The fire crackled and hissed as it responded to her emotions. Adrianne looked around frantically for someone, anyone to help her. Panic was setting at the growth of the fire: golden and relentless.

Adrianne with a shaky voice, cried,"Isabel! Someone help me!"

Isabel came bolting through the door in her nightgown and stepped backwards as the fire grew. She ran back into the house and came back with two buckets of water. She threw the water buckets simultaneously before running out to get more. After several trips, the fire was put out. The entire town was alerted as well.

Isabel opened the windows in the house to clear the smoke. Everything seemed like blur to Adrianne. Isabel's voice was drowned out in her ears; it was like hearing some talk underwater. The world moved slow and sluggish around her; it felt surreal. She was distant to the present with no connection what so ever to the chain of events happening around her. Nothing seemed real or something she could believe. It felt like a nightmare.

"Adrianne! Adrianne! Adrianne, speak to me," Isabel begged as she shook her.

Adrianne looked at Isabel with empty eyes. Her sister's usually perfectly braided hair was now messy and with sweat plastering her hair to her skin. Isabel's eyes widened as she looked down at Adrianne's hands.

Adrianne heart raced as she saw her hands covered in fire. She began panicking which made the fire grow bigger. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to think of something to do to stop this. Anything to stop this. Everything she was able to control was now controlling her.

"Isabel! I don't know what to do! It's getting bigger!" she cried.

"You need to relax and it'll go away! Just relax!"

Closing her eyes, Adrianne attempted to calm herself down as Isabel commanded. She numbed her emotions, and pleaded for the fire to leave her hands. Once she purged herself of her emotions, and she was sure she was able to control them, Adrianne opened her eyes.

The fire was gone. However, when Isabel went to hug her, Adrianne flinched away. Isabel tried again to hug her, and Adrianne flinched away again. She was scared to touch her. Something could happen and Adrianne would never forgive herself.

"Don't touch me!" she shrieked while her hands shook, "I don't want to hurt you," she whispered.

Isabel frowned with a hurt expression on her face, "You're not going to hurt me, Adrianne,"

She shook her head fast, "How do you know that? I can't control it!" Adrianne reasoned.

Muffled voices and knocks came outside their house entrance. Isabel cursed under her breath.

"Stay here," she commanded as she ran to the door.

Adrianne overheard Isabel's assurances to the concerned that everything was alright and that there was no need to come inside. After several minutes, the door closed and a chair was dragged across the floor. Probably to prevent prying eyes from opening the door.

Isabel returned breathing heavily, "We're just going to ignore this happened. Father comes home in three days. When he arrives he should know what to do. Until then," she grabbed Adrianne by the shoulders, "we have to keep this between us. If anyone finds out..." Isabel trailed off.

Suddenly a loud knock echoed throughout the house. Adeline came crying in the doorway and the fire in Adrianne's hands returned. Isabel looked between them and begged Adeline to stop crying. However, the littlest girl continued bawling as the knocking grew louder and louder. Thedas was crumbling all around her. Every knock brought a sense dread and fear into all the girls.

The eldest girl pulled at her own hair to think of something to do as the situation spiraled out of control. Isabel's tears streamed down her cheeks, and Adrianne's fire roared in her hands. She slid down the floor to concentrate. Isabel felt that she needed to something to keep her family together. Nothing she did could've prevented what happened next.

Suddenly the door burst open to two Templars in their gleaming armor approaching where the girls hid. They looked directly at Adrianne and then to Isabel's moistened eyes. Adrianne never forgot those eyes of Isabel for as long as she lived: wide with terror, begging and pleading, sorrowful, but most of all, frightened.

Isabel dropped to her knees and pleaded with them, "You didn't see anything! Please! Don't take her! This can be our secret!,"

Her pleas fell on death ears. The Templar Order were protector's of mankind against magic, Cullen once told Adrianne. They would do whatever necessary to uphold their vows and oaths to the Chantry. They would go as far as taking children from their families, if the Order called for it.

Their cold demeanor revealed nothing of sympathy, if they felt it. They were cold, and indifferent toward Isabel's cries. Hearts of steel.

"We're sorry, Miss, but they're rules. Any person possessing magical abilities are to be sent to the Circle of Magi. No exceptions," they explained.

Adrianne saw all the terror she caused. She heard Adeline's cries ring throughout her ears, and she ached at Isabel's tear stained face as she clutched at the templars' skirts. Her freedom was not worth her family's pain. Not by a long shot. She was resigned to her inevitable fate.

Adrianne stepped forward, and made her way past Isabel. She stared up at the templar's, and felt small in their dominating presence. She took several breaths to gather enough courage to speak.

"I'll go wherever you take me. Just don't hurt them," Adrianne whispered softly.

The templars nodded in agreement, "We don't hurt people, little lady. We want to help,"

_Am I not people too?_

The room remained silent. Adrianne flung herself at Isabel and wrapped her arms tightly around her. Isabel hugged her with the same amount of urgency, refusing to let go.

"It should have been me," Isabel sobbed, "I'm the eldest. This should've been my burden to bear,"

Adrianne shook her head. Isabel had lived her life raising and nurturing her sisters without a thought of herself. No one ever thanked her for the things she had to give up to become their mother.

"No, you gave up enough. It's time for someone to give up something for you," Adrianne whispered into her shoulder. The only reply she received was Isabel's tighter hold on her.

Shortly after, the templars took Adrianne away; leaving Isabel crumbled in the entrance of her former home. There was so much sadness around her, and no way out. Adrianne held the amulet gifted by Cullen for comfort. It was the only thing she could do.

They readied the wagon and horses for the journey. She sat on the edge as the last of the supplies were loaded. Adrianne felt the templars board and give order to the horses to begin the trek.

The townspeople watched in silence. Judging her in silence. Everything around Adrianne was crushing her. It was suffocating her, making it hard to breath. As they excited the village, Adrianne saw a figure in the distance running after the wagon.

_Cullen._

The golden boy stopped in his tracks and stared off in confusion as the distance between them grew. She clutched the amulet, and closed her eyes. It would be cruel to see his expression now. Things were going to change, that Adrianne knew.

From then on, the simple days were over.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Haring 9:23 Dragon

It had been a lonely two months since Adrianne arrived at the Circle. She was accustomed to the freedom of the outside and the ever watching eyes of the templars were unnerving to her. It felt as if they were accusing her of crimes she had yet to commit.

She had never felt so vulnerable in her life. And it was because of magic. The Chantry mothers had said so when she was a girl.

The echanters made it a point to teach apprentices how to control the magic they wielded. They explained to the young that they had to feel the magic course through their body. To know that it would always be a part of them, and to trust that they could tame it.

Adrianne possessed no such trust.

When the enchanter's told her feel, she numbed herself. When they told her to trust, she grew cautious. The thought of this untameable force unleashing itself in this world frightened her. The advice they gave her fell on deaf ears. Adrianne didn't trust herself with this power. No one should wield this power.

Isabel's tear stricken face was burned into her memory. A reminder of the burden magic placed on her family. To know that she caused their sorrow...it was a sadness no one should feel. It was something she would never forgive herself for doing.

The Ferelden Circle was freer than most. Mages, not apprentices, were permitted to write letters to loved ones. Children, like Adrianne, relayed on the sheer hope that their families would send them something, anything, to remind them of the outside world. To remind them of their past lives.

For Adrianne, her reminders came once a month. Each letter, she would clutch to her chest and read over many times. She would trace over the script with her fingers as if to feel what Isabel or her father was feeling at the time. Sometimes, she swore she felt something akin to them; that they were there with her as she read. Adrianne cherished whatever she could hang onto.

However, during her times of doubt, when she struggled to see the light in all this darkness, she would touch Cullen's amulet. It was the only thing the templars permitted her to bring, and she relayed on it to keep her sanity. She often wondered where he was now, if he started his templar training as he always said he would. They hadn't exchanged a single letter since her departure. It was a lingering thought in Adrianne's mind that perhaps he didn't want to write her. Nothing could tell her otherwise. Cullen wasn't here to tell her otherwise.

She remembered the times at the lake they spent together. The times he would embarrass himself, or the times he tried to hide from his sisters. Their numerous arguments over who won what in their competitions. The secret gazes Adrianne would steal when he wasn't looking. The shy smile that graced her lips when he asked her to dance at the village festival. These were all memories of the past now.

Adrianne didn't know how much more of this she could take. Losing both Cullen and her family was too much. It was cruel...and the Maker everyone believed in allowed it to happen. This was punishment for magic.

* * *

It was a silent night in the Ferelden Circle. The wind howled and the rain pattered against the windows. The cries of small children could be heard throughout the halls.

Adrianne tossed and turned in her bunk; sleep evading her. She stared up at the top bunk with emptiness. No where could she escape the dread she felt in her chest. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. It was a pain that refused to let her be.

All around her, she heard enchanters consoling the apprentices. Telling them that nightmares will end, and everything would be okay. Nothing they said could ever make her nightmare end.

Next to her, Senior Enchanter Wynne with the candle in her hand, lit Adrianne's face in the darkness. With that light, Wynne was able to see her moist cheeks and the fragile nature of childhood. The products of a mage's life.

"The storm will end soon, apprentice. And all will return to peace once more," Wynne whispered.

Adrianne shook her head, "Nothing is ever the same after a storm,"

Wynne placed her candle on the chest next to her, and held Adrianne's cold hands in her warm ones. Adrianne felt better. At least someone was holding her, and it brought her some level of comfort.

"I think there is more going on here than just the storm. A penny for your thoughts," Wynne asked.

There were no secrets between mentors and students. Although Wynne wasn't her teacher, Adrianne knew in heart she could trust the woman. That Wynne wouldn't judge her.

Adrianne squeezed Wynne's hands gently, "Everything changed. Magic ruined everything. It changed my life,"she said while another tear escaped.

Wynne wiped the tear with the end of her sleeve," How so?"

"It took everything away. Izzy, Papa, Adeline, and Cullen. Everything was fine before I had it. I was happy...then it changed all that. I'm sad all the time, and the hurt never goes away. And," she closed her eyes as more warm tears rolled down her cheeks, "I know I'll never see them again," she cried softly.

She felt arms go around her, "There, there. It's okay to cry. There's no shame in telling someone how you feel. Look at me," Wynne said gently. Adrianne watery eyes laid sights on the soft woman, "Change is going to happen. Our lives change every second, every hour, every day. You can't stop it from happening no more than you can stop the sun from setting. Many had gone through this before you, and many more will go through it after,"

Adrianne sniffled as she heard her words. It made her wonder if there was a reason she was put on this path. If there was chance change saved her. That it was meant to be.

"Is change always good?" she asked.

"Not always, but it happens for a reason. Whether that reason be good or bad, it is not us to say. We can only do with what we have, and hope it's for the best,"

Adrianne nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes, "Will I ever see them again?" she whispered.

Wynne smiled,"What does your heart tell you?"

Adrianne shrugged,"I guess so. Maybe...I hope so," she responded softly..

Wynne tucked her in before standing to her full height."Then maybe you will see them again,"

It was a small chance, but that kept Adrianne going. It gave her reason to get up, to live. More than that, Wynne gave her something to hope for. Something that was taken from her. Now, it returned to her once more.

She saw Wynne walk away and she suddenly asked,"Wynne? Does the pain ever go away,"

Wynne's back stiffened for several moments. Adrianne counted the seconds that ticked by as she waited for a response. Twenty five seconds passed before Wynne answered.

"In time, everything fades away,"

**I thank everyone who's followed and read. You guys are wonderful! Thank you for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Haring 9:23 Dragon

"You have to trust that you can block this apprentice! You have feel the power and use it!" Enchanter Bryant shouted as he hurdled a fireball toward Adrianne's erected barrier.

Her barrier barely managed to suppress the fire. Enchanter Bryant shook his head in anger.

"If I was using my full force, you would have been incinerated! You have magic, use it! " he grunted.

Adrianne glared at him, "I am trying my best! You're just a terrible teacher! You force things!" she replied while throwing her hands in the air.

Enchanter Bryant gave a snort, "And that's why you aren't giving your full potential. For every mage that "tries" another gets killed or dies. Trying doesn't do or solve anything. It implies you know you're going to fail so you don't offer everything you can!"

Adrianne's templar flared. She believed she was her best. It wasn't her fault it wasn't on par with his expectations.

"I am doing everything I can!" she shouted.

"It that so? Tell me something:do you trust your magic? Is it a part of you? Does it feel like an extention of your body, like your limbs?" he countered.

Adrianne silent. She couldn't answer his questions truthfully. This magic felt foreign. In truth, it scared her. Her talk with Wynne did wonders for her morale, but it did little to help her trust this "gift". The thought she could easily end a life with a flick of finger...it was too much to believe. It was power she wondered if she should possess.

As a result, Adrianne clung onto her old methods of wielding her magic. To numb her emotions, and focus this entity inside her body. It was less effective. However, it ensured no one would get hurt because of her.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," she replied firmly.

He laughed, "And you think by holding back that they won't hurt you? I'm sorry to say, but people will not show mercy to us. Man is cruel, and man is vain. They won't feel a bit sorry if one less mage was removed from this world. So long as people such us continue to be oppressed, they don't give a damn what happens to us or who hurts us. You have to understand that,"

None of what Adrianne knew of people matched what he claimed. Her family, Cullen didn't believe that. They were good honest people. Her father and sisters loved her still. They weren't the monsters he described.

"You're just a pessimist! You only think the worst of people!"

Enchanter smirked. He was amused by her argument, and it made her angrier.

"I'm a realist. I don't dally in unclaimed dreams. I see the cold hard truth people refuse to see. Everyone here has suffered. We all shared the same story. When I was boy, I burned my house. In it, all my family, but me, perished in the fire. I was branded: murder, heretic, void on Thedas. After years of torturing myself, I realized it wasn't my fault, but the people still to this day believed that I did it on purpose. They dehumanized me, and if it wasn't my new found truths, I would have believed anything they said. I think the worst of people because I've at their worst far more than at their best. I don't have faith in them because they don't have faith in me,"

Adrianne said nothing. She remembered the stares that the people of Honnelath gave her, what the templars told her, what she thought at the time.

_I'm I not people too._

They stripped her of what made her a person. The Chantry had brainwashed her into believing magic was evil, and that any who possessed it were corrupted. They made her feel this way. They made her frightened of the power she wielded.

At that moment, she realized not everyone was like her family. Like Cullen. There would be people in Thedas who wouldn't hesitate to hurt her.

"When you want to learn, come back tomorrow, and I will teach you. If not, find yourself another teacher,"

* * *

Adrianne went to her studies early the next day, and found her mentor in deep meditation. She took a deep breath, and approached him.

"Here early, I see. Always a good sign," he said without opening his eyes.

Adrianne rubbed the back of her neck to calm her anxiety. Enchanter Bryant was practical, and didn't require apologizes. However, Adrianne knew she owed him one.

"I'm sorry about how I acted yesterday. I didn't know that about you. I shouldn't have presumed that I knew everything about you," she replied.

Enchanter Bryant rose to face her. He was tall, and proud of what he was, and what he become. Adrianne admired his confidence in himself. She wanted to be like him. To endure and survive. To not bask in this pain she felt in her chest. To not be afraid.

"It happened a long time ago. Dwelling on it now would only stunt how far I've come. I never forget it. It's a reminder of man's vices. However, I accept that it did happen, and that I can't change it,even if I wanted to," he replied.

Adrianne reflected on what he said. She truly wondered if there where other people like the family that was taken from her. She wondered if he had experienced them in his life. It would be heartbreaking if he hadn't.

"Have you ever seen people at their best?" Adrianne asked.

For several minutes he remained silent and still. His face was blank and distant. It was as if he was stuck in some distant memory. Whether it was good or bad, Adrianne couldn't tell.

"Yes" he finally answered.

"Who?"

For several more minutes, he was silent,"She was a templar. Herah was her name. Sacrificed her life to save our lot. Never met a person like her again," he replied evenly, but with a hint of regret that slipped through.

He waited for her to speak before he spoke,"Adrianne, I'm harsh with my students because I want them to be strong. Unbendable in the wind. The outside,or even other mages, will not give you any pity or mercy at the sign of weakness. It's better for you to realize it from a trusted mentor than to see it too late. At least this way, you could hate me, but I have the comfort in knowing you'll be alive to show me your hatred,"

Adrianne now understood why he was so hard on them. He wanted them to live. He wanted them to be unbreakable. Enchanter Bryant wanted to ensure that they would be strong enough to face those who wanted to harm them. To not feel the pain all the time. These were all things Adrianne wanted.

She stood and looked him the eyes,"I want to be strong, Enchanter Bryant. I don't want to feel this pain anymore,"

She blocked his attack that evening, and any after that. Adrianne could feel the strength steeling her bones, and making her skin armor. The fears she once held were becoming her shield she wielded with defiance.

From then on, Adrianne saw the soft beauty in her magic. It's delicate touch and fragile nature. How Enchanter Bryant said it was a natural extention of herself. The way it felt as it coursed through her veins. How beautiful and awe worthy it was. How it was truly a gift to be praised. It wasn't the burden Isabel or even what Adrianne believed it was. It was so much more. It restored Adrianne's faith in herself and gave her strength.

She freed herself from the chains the Chantry placed on her so long ago.

That day, Adrianne carved out any disgust for her magic in her heart, and replaced it with the iron will and determination she once held. Never again would she bow before anyone for her gift.

**Thank you for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Wintermarch 9:28 Dragon

Adrianne awoke in the middle of the night to metal helmets looking down over her.

Tonight was the night. Her Harrowing was to happen.

They escorted her down the halls to the Harrowing chamber in silence. To say Adrianne was excited was a severe understatement. She had dreamt about this day for months, and if it wasn't for the templars, Adrianne would've been bouncing off the walls in joy, screaming at the top of her lungs. The thought put a smile on her face.

She was ready, beyond ready even. She had trained hard every single day for the past five years. Enchanter Bryant had been grooming her into a fine Knight Enchanter. Adrianne stood tall whenever she progressed in her rigorous training regiment. It was a testament to her will to succeed and her determination. Failure was not an option.

Knight Enchanters took their Harrowing earlier than most to maximize their years defending the Circle. It was a grueling specialization, and many quickly dropped it after the first several tasks.

Adrianne, however, saw it through. Now, she had only to pass her Harrowing to be formally inducted into both the Circle and into the Knight Enchanter ranks. An exciting achievement, provided she lived through the night.

"Sooo...how are you, gentleman? Nice night for Harrowing, isn't it?" Adrianne commented to make small conversation.

The templars responded with silence.

Adrianne scratched her head, "Um...new armor?" she asked unsurely to hard crowd to please.

She heard her question echo off the walls. Adrianne decided it was best if she just shut up.

They made their way up the final stairwell to the Harrowing Chamber and Adrianne's joy grew. In the middle of the chamber, First Enchanter Irving and Knight Commander Gregor stood by a pedestal of lyrium. The substance glowed a bright illuminating blue. It was beautiful to the eye.

Adrianne's eyes grew wide in wonder at the enticing substance. It called to her.

"Magic is meant to serve man and never to rule over him, thus spoke the prophet Andraste as she cast down the Tevinter Imperium, ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin," Knight Commander Gregor spoke gravely as the templars formed a circle around Adrianne.

The Knight Commander strode toward Adrianne and looked into her eyes, "Your magic is a gift, but its also a curse, for demons of the dream realm-the Fade-are drawn to you, and seek to use you as a gateway into this world," he finished.

"This is why the Harrowing exists. The ritual sends you into the Fade, and there you will face a demon, armed with only your will," Irving added.

Adrianne nodded as she listened to the men. She was ready. There was no need to drag this out any longer.

"I am ready, First Enchanter," she announced with confidence.

"Know this apprentice, if you fail, we templars will perform our duty. You will die," the Knight Commander emphasized his last point to make Adrianne understand what could happen.

Adrianne made it a point not to fail. She would not die this day. Not by a demon's hand.

Gregor and Irving escorted Adrianne to the lyrium pedestal. Its energy pulsed and sent shivers down Adrianne's spine.

"This lyrium," Gregor explained, "the very essence of magic, and your gateway into the Fade,"

Adrianne face perked up with interest. She had always been told that lyrium was used for templars, not for entry in the Fade. This was something she would delve further into when she had the chance.

"The Harrowing is a secret out of necessity, child," Adrianne turned her head toward Irving as he voiced his final advice, "Every mage must go through this trial by fire. As we succeeded, so shall you," he came closer to her and in a low voice said, "Keep your wits about you, and remember the Fade is a realm of dreams. The spirits may rule it, but your own will is real,"

Adrianne was more informed after Irving's advice. They were things she would remember if she found herself lost or sweating in dead fear while in the Fade.

"The apprentice must go through this test alone, First Enchanter," Gregor offered her a nod of approval before adding, "You are ready,"

Adrianne walked toward the glowing pedestal and held her breath. She remembered Irving's words, and soon after, everything went black.

* * *

She awoke as if she had been dropped to the ground face first and then stepped on. Adrianne grimaced as the pins and needles feeling left her spine. She looked around and saw the floating chairs and masses of land in the air. There was no mistake: this was the Fade.

It felt strange to her to be here. She always thought it would be different like in her dreams. It was a bit more daunting than she thought at first. Adrianne reached to were the amulet was around her neck, and stroked it. She held fingers around it for a while longer and then let go.

They said she would face a demon and then have to vanquish it. Where this demon was, she had yet to find. Adrianne wandered the Fade in search of this demon. As time passed on, she began wondering if there was a demon. If there was, it showed no sign of approaching her.

Adrianne sighed and sat on a nearby rock. She was twirling a piece of her hair when she heard children laughing. It stopped when she looked around. A chill ran down her spine; a surprising reaction for her. She wasn't frightened, but weary of the sound she heard.

Adrianne heard the laughing again. She stood quickly and followed it to a small cottage with candlelit windows. The laughing continued, louder with each step she took. Was this someone's dream she was walking in on? Or was it an illusion of the Fade First Enchanter Irving had warned her of?

She cautiously turned the knob to four bouncing curly haired children running around. They all turned their dark haired heads and smiled widely at her as if they knew her. Adrianne took a step back. Something about this was strange.

"Mommy!" they cried happily as they hugged her legs, "You've come back!"

Adrianne's heart dropped. These...were her children. It couldn't be...this had to be a trick. She didn't remember having children. They were clearly wrong. Her mind was playing tricks on her.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. I'm not your mother," she explained.

A little girl giggled, "You're funny like Auntie Mia, Mommy!"

Adrianne's eyes widened at the name. Mia...there was only one Mia she knew. It was a name she had not heard in years. Perhaps this was real. Maybe she didn't remember.

A smaller boy took Adrianne by the hand, "C'mon Mommy! Daddy is waiting for you with the baby in the nursery,"

The children led their confused mother through a hall. In a small dimly lit room, a man sat rocking an infant, whispering lullabies to calm the babe. Adrianne felt herself go numb when she saw those familiar golden curls.

_Cullen_

He looked up and smiled at Adrianne and their "children". The words she wanted to say were caught in her throat. When he rose with the sleeping babe with and placed a small, but passionate kiss upon her lips. This was something Adrianne thought she would never experience.

A warmth spread across her chest as she grazed the baby's cheek with her finger gently. The soft plush skin brought tears to her eyes. A family that couldn't be taken away from her.

"They're beautiful, Cullen," she whispered faintly.

He laughed and placed his arm around her waist to draw her close to him and their children, "Of course they are, they have a beautiful mother," he said while kissing her neck softly.

A blush crept across her skin as warmth flooded to her face. She smiled lazily at Cullen and closed her eyes. As soon as she did, alarm rushed through her body like a wildfire. A voice rang throughout her head.

_Keep your wits about you, and remember the Fade is a realm of dreams. The spirits may rule it, but your own will is real_ First Enchanter Irving's warning cleared the haze that had surrounded her. She saw this for what it was: a dream, nothing more.

If only it was real. She wanted this to be real.

"What's wrong love? Are you hurt?" he asked softly while brushing his thumb back and forth gently across her cheek.

"What happened, mommy? Did we do something wrong? We're sorry we didn't mean to!" her children cried.

She backed away, and refused to view the hurt on Cullen's and her children's faces.

With heartbreak, she said,"You aren't real. None of this is real,"

"What do you mean? This family we built is real,"

It was desire, the demon she had to face. It was tempting her with the innermost wantings and desires. If Irving had not warned her before, she would've died. This test was completely different than what she thought it would be. A was a test of temptation, and she nearly failed it.

"No, show me the demon. Come out you coward!" Adrianne commanded.

The walls around her disappeared and ahead of her, a desire demon stood. It flaunted what it had offered her. The anger within Adrianne's body festered. The demon would pay for it.

"You're going to die now,"

* * *

Adrianne looked in the mirror at her new robes. They were made of better material than the dingy ones she wore only hours prior. She laughed slightly as she fiddled with the claps on her hips. Why these robes had them, she would never know. In fact, they were very ill-flattering on just about any mage in this tower. They all appeared fashionably atrocious together.

She lay on her her soft cozy bed and stared at the ceiling, and the events of Harrowing came back with full force: the kiss, the touch, her fake children and life. Those were just dreams, not reality. For better or worse, Adrianne would have no other way than it was now. Her struggle made her strong, and no one would ever be able to hurt her again.

First Enchanter Irving said the day was hers. Remembering the events that transpired in the Fade, Adrianne felt that it would do her some good to take her mind away. Best to not dwell on the what ifs in life.

Adrianne smiled at her fellow enchanters, and spoke to Knight Enchanters on new training techniques they would be utilizing soon. It consisted of levitating upside down for ten minutes with rocks in a sack strapped to their backs. Foot races and agility were among other things discussed.

The mage she was speaking to smirked as he saw a group of templars walking toward them, "New meat. Heard he's a looker, too,"

The templars where showing the new face around the Circle as they did with every templar that joined their ranks. It was tradition that the mages would pull pranks on this poor soul. For initiation, they said.

Adrianne turned to see this man's face. He was looking down at a manual with his helmet on. However, a bucket of water rained down upon him and obscured his vision. He slowly removed his helmet for his face to be seen by everyone.

When Adrianne saw it, everything stopped. The blood flowing through her veins turned into nice.

She was sure she made it out of her Harrowing. First Enchanter Irving assured her of it.

This was no Fade or a dream. It was a sweet torture fate had bestowed upon her.

He stood there with his golden mass of curls and contagious laughter echoing across the halls. This was real.

And he was real as the templar emblem engraved into his armor.

**Thank you for reading and following! Don't be shy to review! I would really appreciate it! As always, thank you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Wintermarch 9:28 Dragon

Adrianne sprinted into the library to avoid a possible run-in with Cullen. It wasn't as if she didn't want to talk to him, she really did want to. However, after the...interesting time in the Fade, the thought of accidentally recounting her time there was not a pretty one. It would be very awkward, in fact.

_Oh hey, Cullen. How I've been? I've been great! Yeah, I just had my Harrowing and you happened to be there! Weird, right? We even had a bunch of kids. _was not the conversation she wanted to blurt out after years of distance.

So, she hid to uphold the image of a fearless woman, and also, to not answer any questions regarding her run. Adrianne's excuse was perhaps not the smartest one to use. It was embarrassing enough that she blamed bowel movements to her collegues. She would never hear the end of it.

The library was surprisingly empty when she arrived. She relaxed instantly and found the most comfortable chair she could find. The tenseness left her muscles and she felt the a wave of calmness wash over her. She hadn't been this self conscious since...well since she was around Cullen. Even so, she didn't have the dream of the Fade to haunt her back then.

Her plan was to hide in here until bed break, then take the long way back to her quarters. Yes, she would never run into him that way. Only experienced templars were allowed to guard the backways. Lucky for her he was new, and would likely not have a post today. It would buy her time to forget about what happened.

The plan would've worked, if it hadn't been for Wynne.

Adrianne saw the older woman walk in and smiled at her.

"Oh there you are," Wynne said.

"Were you looking for me?"

Wynne nodded, "Yes. As a newly Harrowed mage, you have certain responsibilities. One of which is to greet new templar recruits that arrive at the Circle. We have several coming in today, and I'm sure they would love to have a mage to complete their welcoming," Wynne explained with a smile.

_Oh no._Adrianne laughed awkwardly as her well thought out plan came crashing to the ground. It was painful at best. Why did everything land on her? It was as if life wanted her to embarrass herself.

She thought quickly to use her bowel excuse from earlier.

"Um, my bowel movements are off today. Perhaps a replacement?" Adrianne offered smally.

Wynne crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, "Oh really. For one with bowel troubles, I saw you run quite quickly here. Didn't think I saw that, did you? In fact, it was as if you were fleeing. I'm an old gracious woman, and I will drag you with these creaky ancient bones to those templars and you will greet them. So, are you going to greet them or are you going to greet them?" Wynne replied with a deceiving grandmotherly smile.

The healthy fear she held for Wynne far outweighed the defiance she possessed. Adrianne preferred not to see what lay behind the grandmotherly Wynne. She decided it was in her best interest to agree with whatever she said.

She could feel Wynne in the shadows as she walked into the mess halls co-habitated by the templars and mages. Adrianne had to turn around for good measure to make sure Wynne wasn't following her in secret. The thought of the older woman with a large coat and a fake mustache stalking her every move brought a wild laugh from her chest. People around her gave her strange looks and moved slowly away from her.

Adrianne sighed deeply to gather whatever self preservation she had left and went to where the new templar recruits.

"You're shiting me, Cullen? You really didn't see that bucket?" one of the recruit joked.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck with a smile gracing his lips, "It was well hidden, Carroll. I don't think anyone could've seen it," he laughed.

Carroll waved him off, "I've saw it a mile aw-" he stopped halfway through when Adrianne approach their table, "It looks like what they say about Antivans are right: exotic beauties like wine," he commented while looking through Adrianne.

She snorted at his comment and gave him a face. He seemed interested at her apparent distaste for him, and she rolled her eyes to plant a clear message. He didn't seem to notice. Adrianne knew she would not like this templar at all.

_Perverted bastard._

Adrianne cleared her throat before beginning, "On behalf of the Circle of Magi, I, Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris, welcome you new templars into the Ferelden Circle, " she glanced toward Cullen for a second to see a bright beautiful smile forming.

He remembered. A flutter soared in her chest at the gesture. She could feel the warmth creep up her neck and into her cheeks. She tried to look anywhere, but at him. Cullen still had an effect on her. Adrianne knees went weak and anything she was going to say disappeared from her memory. She was reduced back to the blushing girl back at Honnelath.

Knowing she would embarrass herself further if she prolonged this welcome she said her last words with lightening fast speed, "Now that your welcomed, buh bye," and ran off.

Fate didn't seen to let her be.

Adrianne heard armored steps following her from behind and she cursed under her breath. She thought she could lose him. She made many twists and turns through the corridors and Cullen persisted still. It reminded her of the forest competition they held years ago. Stubborn as always.

_Run away. Run away. Run away. Run away. _

Adrianne went down the stairs quickly. It was silent until he came crashing down the steps behind her. She stepped faster, but it wasn't enough. Adrianne was sucked into Cullen's dissent. They tumbled down together as every step gave them a fresh bruise on their bodies.

After what seemed like forever, they finally landed with Adrianne on top of him. She was dazed and her vision was thankfully blurred to avoid his stare at their compromising position. If only he had let her run off and win, but no, he had to show he could beat her.

It was few seconds until she heard Cullen's nervous cough. She sighed faintly and tapped her fingers on her his armor. Adrianne looked down and shook her head slowly.

"You just had to go and trip, did you?" Adrianne said.

Cullen smiled slyly, "You didn't exactly give me a choice? It's not as if I wanted to fall. You were running away from me after all," he explained.

"Pffffftttt. I did no such thing," she replied, ignoring her earlier thoughts.

"Were too,"

"Were not"

"Were too,"

"Were not,"

They continued arguing in the same position until they heard a foot tap next to them. Adrianne cursed silently as she looked up to an amused Wynne. This woman had it out for her. Her grandmotherly looks didn't fool her anymore.

Fate hated her, apparently.

"I thought I said to greet the templars. You got a little too friendly, it seems," Wynne laughed.

Both Adrianne and Cullen blushed a bright red at her implication. Their faces and bodies grew hotter by the second.

"This isn't what it looks like," they said together.

Wynne's smile said otherwise.

* * *

"So you're sure she won't say anything, Adri," Cullen asked on their way back to the upper level. He rubbed his neck nervously.

Adrianne rubbed her sore side before answering, "Yeah. She promised. Our secret is safe with her. Don't worry, she won't tell a soul. Maker, what in the Void do they give you templars?! My insides are nearly squished," she replied.

He chuckled, "Apparently not what they give you here,"

She stretched her legs and arms thoroughly to lessen the soreness. When she finished, she noticed that he was staring absently at her. She raised an eyebrow. Perhaps she had something on her face. Likely explanation. The arse would never tell her when she had something on her face when they were younger until much later.

She placed her hands on her hips, "You better tell me if I have something on face, Cullen. I'll throttle you if I do and I find out from someone else. Even if you are a templar now," she declared as she wiped her face.

He laughed before explaining, "No, you don't have anything on your face," he looked away from Adrianne before continuing, "You've changed...um, older, no...um...you look taller,"

Adrianne smiled shyly as he struggled to speak, "Are you sure you didn't hit your head?"

He sighed deeply and muttered something she couldn't hear under his breath, "What I'm trying to say, very badly I might add, is..." he looked into her eyes and smiled, "that I'm glad to see you again. I never got the chance to write when you were taken. I wished I did though. My templar training started soon after, and your family left a few days after you. I didn't know you were here ,"

Adrianne placed a tenative hand on his shoulder and smirked, "Well, I had a reminder all these years," she pulled out the amulet he had gifted her years ago, "So, you're forgiven,"

With a careful touch, Cullen's finger grazed the surface of it and smiled tenderly, "You kept it after all these years," he whispered.

Adrianne nodded, "Of course, it was from..."_ someone special, "_my longtime friend," she replied softly.

She wanted to say it, but she didn't know how he felt. What he wanted. She had nothing offer him. To say he was special and not know how he felt was dangerous. She couldn't allow own feelings to jeopordize his happiness.

Cullen looked down before he spoke"I-I um, I better return to the Knight-Commander before he sends a search party," he turned to walk away before eying her sideways," I'll see you around?"

"Of course"

He walked away without another word. Adrianne felt silly with fuzzy feelings taking over her mind, but she couldn't stop them. She was like a young girl again at the sign of love. Full of its giggles and heartfelt sighs. It was too sappy for Adrianne's taste, but it matched what she felt.

She walked back to her room her with her head in the clouds. Adrianne never thought she would see him again. She believed how she saw him in the Fade would be the only she saw of him. In a way, he would've been like that...or it was wishful thinking.

Adrianne was wrong about how she thought he would be.

He was better than what the Fade made him out to be. He was better than her dreams. He was real...and she could never be anything to him.

She could never be his. He could never be hers. It was safer this way.

**Thank you for reading and following! **

**#wynne'saboss**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Harvestmere 9:28 Dragon

Sweat dripped down Adrianne's brow as she struggled to hold her body up on her elbows. Her arms shook with tiredness and she hoped she wouldn't drop. The ground was calling her name.

Adrianne, along with several other mages and templars were balanced on their elbows, with their knees not touching the ground, back straight and holding their own body weight parallel to the the ground. It was a test of willpower as well as strength. Every passing minute it became harder and harder to hold themselves up. However, neither side was willing to give the other the satisfaction of seeing them fall to the ground.

One by one, she heard her fellow mages strength give out from trying to remain upright for so long. Adrianne wanted to join them, but giving up and losing went against her inner competitor. That, and Enchanter Bryant made her do this exercise on a weekly basis. She was a professional at this.

Adrianne wasn't about to let these templar arses beat her at her own game. She was the last one standing of the mages. She just imagined the looks on the templar's faces. Adrianne heard the shouts of her fellow mages cheering her on as the templars began dropping like flies.

These friendly competitions between mages and templars were the closest thing to camaraderie, or something like it, they had. Although Gregor was reluctant to even have these friendly non violent competitions, Irving convinced the Knight Commander it was ease the atmosphere between the two groups. It was a reminder that there was a person beneath their armor or robe. It helped ease the undeniable tension between them. That, and it gave them something to do when things got too boring around the Circle.

Most were betting a week's rations of cookies on this. It would be cruel to let them down.

"C'mon Adrianne! You're the last one standing! Only one left is-

_Cullen_

She should've known he would've participated in this. A chance to socialize with his fellow templars, and to show what he was worth. Not that Adrianne was complaining, a chance to see those arm and back muscles ripple across his skin, or his golden hair become damp was worth the seering pain her muscles were in.

As always, they were toe to toe to see who would be the one to come out on top. Neither would be willing to give the other the gloating rights. Adrianne wanted to be sure it was her.

Her muscles began protesting and wobbling violently as the time ticked by slowly. Adrianne's determination could've kept her going until the early morn. Her body had other plans. The physical prowness she worked endlessly on reached its limit.

Adrianne dropped to the floor breathing in huge amounts air. She couldn't lift herself up, much less see if Cullen was still up. Her body felt heavy, as if she had weights attached to her.

"Who won?" she groaned as she felt the tightness return to her muscles.

"Well...no one. You sweaty bastards dropped at the same time. It's a tie," her roommate announced.

"What?!" Adrianne screeched as she struggled to rise, only to fall face first to the ground.

She turned her face sideways against the cool floor to see Cullen in a similar position as her. He gave her a soft smile that put her already hazy brain into an immense thick fog. Adrianne grinned in return. It was a small moment between them, but it was theirs.

Since his arrival at the Circle, they had been distant. It was understandable. He being a templar, and she being a mage, it was hard to talk to one another without looking suspicious. In this Circle, rumors spread like wildfire. A mage and templar caught talking in secret would be the fuel that would have the gossips talking.

Despite this, they found moments to speak in peace. When they did, it was usually recounting the old times they had. It would usually end with Cullen growing quiet when they spoke about events that happened toward the end of those simple days. Whether he was guilty for being part of the Order that separated her from her family, or out of respect for Adrianne, she would never know. She always reassured him it was for the best. That who knows what could've happened if she wasn't taken here. She could've hurt her family or others. Maybe she would've hurt herself. She told him reasons and justifications to put his mind at ease.

Of course, Adrianne's Fade imaginings told her of what could've been, but she kept silent about those. Better that way.

It was difficult to maintain that careless innocence they once had. To say their relationship wasn't affected because of the mage templar divide, would be bending the truth. Not as much as people would think, but it was there. The slight distrust she would see in his eyes as he watched her perform spells in the practice area, or how he would tense whenever she would hone her abilities with the other Knight Enchanters in big shows of power.

True to his position, Cullen was always weary. Even with her.

Adrianne's feelings for him made that all the more difficult. She knew nothing could ever happen between them. The consequences were too great. For both of them if he shared her feelings. And from what Adrianne could tell, he didn't. He didn't grow nervous around her as he did with other women. He didn't view her as a romantic option. Adrianne didn't know how to feel about that. That she never had chance, or if that chance was taken from her.

However, she pushed those fantasies as far back she could. Instead, Adrianne focused on being as good of a person and friend to Cullen as she could be to avoid muddling things between them. Bending over backwards to ensure her feelings didn't complicate anything. It was bad enough that their positions made their friendship difficult, no need to add romance to the mix.

Having enough of her thoughts reminding her of the burdens of ill fated relationships, Adrianne sighed"Lua, help me up. I think a three hour nap is in my near future," she said before giving Cullen one last glance.

Lua helped Adrianne all the way to their shared quarters and tucked her into bed. Adrianne heard the other woman laughed and wondered what was up.

"What's with all the smiles?" she asked.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking about all the betting that went into this. A lot of rations went in. Whoever predicted a tie won," Lua responded.

"Who would ever bet rations on a tie?" Adrianne asked in confusion.

"Apparently Irving. Didn't think I would live to see the day that man gambles, but there you haveit. Had a cheeky grin, too. Well now that you're here, I'm going back to see the aftermath. Wouldn't miss that for anything, no offense," Lua replied while walking away.

Adrianne laughed tiredly before being pulled into a dreamless dream. For once, she was thankful for it.

* * *

_My dearest Adrianne,_

_Your last letter was rather short? Are you ill? Or have you lost the proper lady skills to write a sentimental and touching prose to your sister? I wouldn't be surprised that place you mages call home lacks adequate lessons in letter writing. How you survive there still eludes me to this day. Whatever the case may be Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris, I do hope you are alright. Don't make me come all the way from Antiva City to Ferelden, I do it, and nag you in front of all the mages and templars too.  
_

_Father has returned from Orlais. He said Empress Celene paid a fortune for the slippers. Apparently she even made a position in the Orlesian Court as official shoemaker and decided to overlook your ban from the Winter Palace (they remember you dear). A bit too informal for my tastes, but a title is a title. She even paid chevaliers due to send us the finest Orlesian wines and fabrics to our door. If only you were here. You would be donning a new dress every day.  
_

_Adeline is as rambuctious as ever. She is a lady yet a sailor all in the same. What am I to do with her is beyond me. She is humorous, I do concede. Where she gets all these strange ideas is Maker knows where.  
_

_As for me, well, I've been busy. With betrothals. For me. A political nobody, unless you count the connections I made from my stint as bard, then yes. The idea is...alluring. Father,the dear he is, gave me the choice who I would pick, if any, and when. Everything on me. He said he doesn't want to force anything upon me. As eldest to the one of the most wealthiest merchant families in Antiva, I have a duty to this family to secure our future.  
_

_One of the options is from House Otranto. I along with House Montilyet's eldest daughter are being considered as possible candidates for their son, Adorno Ciel Otranto. I've had encounters with him...he is a quite charming and handsome man. And respectful to boot. However, I didn't want to make a choice without running it by you first, so with this letter, I've written the names of the other men and their heraldry in addition to family mannerisms and shoe measurements.  
_

_I do hope to hear from you soon. I miss you terribly. I often wonder if you're happy or sad or lonely. Please hang in there, if not for me, for yourself. I promise one day I'll free you. I vow to you. A lady never breaks her commitments._

_Your loving sister,_

_Isabel Aurore Calligaris (Izzy)_

Adrianne traced the script over and over before hugging the letter to her chest. She could almost feel Isabel hugging her back. It brought a smile to Adrianne's face.

She was sitting in the window sill overlooking Lake Calehand as she read Isabel's letter. It was peaceful here and secluded whenever Adrianne wanted to read her letters away from the prying eyes of passerbys in her room. The view was a bonus. Today was no exception.

The sun shone and danced across the water's surface. What Adrianne wouldn't do for a swim right now. The last time she had a quality swim was when she was fourteen. And even then, she had to rescue Enchanter Bryant from drowning. The bugger never told her he didn't how to swim. Had too much pride, it seemed to be shown up by his own student.

Adrianne reread Isabel's letter as the soothing affects of the sun's rays made the letter all the more intimate. How she missed the Lady Isabel was unexplainable. No amount of words could express what she felt.

Adrianne opened her next letter and began reading.

_My daring girl,_

_I have no doubt Isabel has written you regarding Empress Celene's excitement over the slippers. When she wanted a pearl, sapphire, aquamarine adorned and silver encrusted slipper, I would've been surprised if she didn't like them. A side note, apparently your chandelier swing has become an infamous tale in the Winter Palace. The same guard works that area too. Nearly had a panic attack when he saw me coming. Poor man. The look on his face: priceless.  
_

_I hope you're well. I think of you often when I'm on my trips. I blame myself when I look in the mirror. If I was there, I could've taken us far away. Away from the ones who took you. You'd think I learned my lesson, but no: I'm always away from Isabel and Adeline. At least they have a permanent home now instead of being whisked this way and that as you all were when you were younger. I'm afraid I'll never learn.  
_

_Isabel's been receiving betrothals from a number of families. If she decides to marry, I promised her I wouldn't miss it for the world. I want to at least keep that promise. I owe her at least that. She raised you girls without a single complaint or word otherwise. She deserves something for herself.  
_

_I hope you write soon. Sometimes I feel as if these letters are all that keeps me in good health._

_With all my love,_

_Marcus Fernando Calligaris_

Adrianne heard soft footsteps, and looked up to see Cullen staring at her. She smiled when he didn't seem to notice. She cleared her throat and looked back at Cullen. He jumped when he saw her staring back.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to intrude, I swear," he explained.

Adrianne smirked faintly, feeling a bit down traught after reading her family's letters, "It's alright,"

He eyed her letters before speaking, "Are those from your family?" he asked.

Adrianne nodded, "Isabel's been receiving betrothal offerings," she laughed as she pulled out the stack of possible options, "Even sent me notices to review her choices,"

"I don't know how you feel about that," he said.

Adrianne shrugged, "She always wanted to be the wife of a lord. 'To rule as an equal to my lord husband. Never under his whim. His power is my power.' She would always say. Said politics needed more women ruling beside their husbands rather than subservient to them. Also, she always liked the riches. Explained why she love The Game so much. Too much pish posh for my tastes, but it makes Isabel happy," she answered back quietly.

She sighed as she looked back at the lake. How beautiful looked from here.

Cullen sat down on a nearby crate. Changing the subject after noticing how quiet Adrianne got, he asked, "How do your arms feel?"

She wiggled her tender arm a little and they both laughed at her struggle, "Like a soggy noodle. Can't believe we tied,"

He grinned while shaking his head, "Well, apparently no one was meant to win. I was going to congratulate you, but you were whisked away before I had the chance,"

Adrianne tensed. She didn't think he noticed, but she should've known better. He saw everything.

"Well, I needed rest," she lied. The real reason was more complex than that, and he knew it, but said nothing.

They remained quite afterwards. There was tense thick air between them. They looked anywhere but at each other. Adrianne focused on floorboard while Cullen looked out the window behind her. Neither of them were willing to speak or bring up a topic that had not already been talked about. It felt as if the silence would never end. Adrianne swore the walls were talking about how quite they were. She was going mad.

It was maddening how awkward they were. They use to be able to talk for hours on end. Now they couldn't even mutter a sentence without silence ensuing. How much had changed.

She looked down, "I'm sure you're busy right now. I should go," she said quickly.

Adrianne rose to leave when Cullen stopped her, "I," he began as a faint blush formed over his cheeks, "I'm glad I found you again. I know it's hard to see with us being so...apart, but I'm truly thankful that you're here with me,"

Her heart stopped and sang with joy. The warmth she felt from her chest traveled up her neck and to her face. She tried to pinch herself to see if this was a dream. If her mind was playing a cruel trick on her again. That she wasn't just imagining him speaking that. That this was real.

She always wanted to hear him say that. To hear him speak of how he was happy to have her around. To give her a small silly chance of their what if.

With a soft gaze, she said truthfully, "I'm glad too,"

Why did fate have to be so cruel.

**I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. It was kinda difficult to write. By the way, they were doing a plank competition in the beginning. Just in case it was a bit obscure. Well, anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please feel free to review or give some criticism. Either or. **

**Also I apologize for the no update yesterday. I had the chapter I was going to post written and edited, but it didn't fit, for a lack of a better word, here in this slot. So basically, I have to make two or three more chapters to have that part make sense. **

**Before I forget to mention, there will be a rating change to M soon. I won't mention why for story reasons, so I'll leave it at that. Probably in like three chapters. I think. Haven't decided yet.**

**As always, thank you for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Guardian 9:29 Dragon

Adrianne snuck through the empty corridors of the Circle. She made sure not to make any sounds, even going as far as taking off her shoes. Last thing she needed is for Enchanter Bryant finding out and giving her extra hours on physical prowness. She could barely lift her arms from the other time.

She rounded the last corner that led to the library, and found her target: Cullen. He was standing guard watching the library's entrance. Prim and proper to a fault. Goody too shoes.

She crouched down and lunged for him. He muffled a scream and Adrianne laughed slightly. As he did years before, Cullen scared easily. A quirk Adrianne found adorable.

"Relax it's me," she whispered. She felt him relax slightly. Not fully, but just enough to know that Adrianne wouldn't just kill him outright. She was still his charge, he always had to remain cautious and vigilant.

Cullen sighed heavily, "You shouldn't be out here. It's way past curfew. Another templar would've turned you into Gregor. You're lucky it was me," he responded while looking both ways to see if someone was coming.

She waved him off, "I knew it was you. C'mon, I want to show you something," she said as she was pulling him up the stairs.

He looked at her nervously. It probably made him uneasy at being alone with her. At night while still on duty.

"It'll only be for a minute. Promise," Adrianne assured him.

He agreed.

They traveled up the stairs in silence to ensure no one would find them. Last thing they needed was the gossips talking of their late night adventure. Oh yes. Forbidden romance was a favorite topic among them. Lovers trapped in a prison finding each other despite all odds. It reminded Adrianne of the cheesy romance novels Wynne loved reading. Predictable and cliche.

After many steps, they reached the top of the Circle where she opened a door that led to the rooftop. The moonlight shone gently along Lake Calehand soft blue waters. It was a magical night. Everything felt surreal, almost too peaceful. It made people feel as if they could do anything. Fly even.

The stars were numerous little orbs in the dark night sky. Everything was still and at harmony. It provided the perfect setting for a mood of wonder and peace.

The chill of the Ferelden air pierced through Adrianne's thin nightgown. She shivered slightly, but enjoyed change of climate. It was good to go out once in a great while. A change of pace from the steady river.

"What's here? Just looks like a regular rooftop to me" Cullen asked as he looked around, but never up.

Adrianne grinned, "Where's your sense of adventure? Not here, but up there," she pointed toward the full moon in the sky.

She watched Cullen's eyes go wide in awe. The beautiful moon was large and pale in beauty. It's silver rays touched down up them and caressed their very souls. There never was a more pleasant and satisfying feeling than seeing a full moon dance across the night sky. It made everything else pale in comparison to its grace.

It seemed to be the perfect thing to help them forget about who they were, if only for a short time. Right now, they were friends, living people who mutually cared for one another. Not people who were bound by duty or by gifts.

Adrianne smiled as she continued watching the moon in the sky, not caring if she and Cullen were caught right now. She would die a happy woman.

She wished this day would never end. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end.

"We can't do this again, you know that right?" Cullen said.

Adrianne didn't look back at him. She looked to the sky with a heavy heart and slowly closed her eyes to feel the world around her. For a moment, she felt better in this magical beautiful world. However, she couldn't stay like this.

She opened them back to the reality and situation in front of her. One can't always live in pretend or in a dream. People always have to come back to life eventually.

Adrianne wished she didn't have to.

"I know"

**Short, but hopefully powerful. Thank you for reading, and don't forget to review( if you choose to do so). Anything helps :)  
**

**As always, you guys are wonderful.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Justinain 9:30 Dragon

"Again!" Enchanter Bryant commanded as he erected a barrier around himself.

Adrianne sprinted toward him, a large glowing sword in hand, determined to break his shield. A bright blinding light illuminated their surroundings as she struck the barrier with powerful and forceful blows. Energy surged from pedstal to pedstal containing the burst of magical energy. Using her staff, she cast a disrupting spell simultaneously as she went in for her last strike.

The barrier shattered into thousands of spectacles of light before Adrianne collapsed to the ground. Her breaths ragged from the grueling exercises. Her face dripping with sweat. She had made much progress in endurance training since the Circle had been pledged to the King's army.

The darkspawan threat loomed ahead of them. Although Knight Commander Gregor was reluctant to pledge his support, he knew that if these monsters were not kept in check, everything around them, life itself would fall into darkness. Even the most devoted templar would loosen the leash at such high stakes. As a result, he handpicked the mages that would be permitted to join. Adrianne was among the ones that were chosen.

Gregor placed Enchanter Bryant and Senior Enchanter Uldred in charge of prepping the mages for battle. All endured long practices and studies. However, the Knight Enchanters received the brunt of that prep.

The Knight Enchanters had long and rigorous training sessions in preparation. Sacks of rocks strapped to their backs to build their stamina. Pressure tests to increase their willpower. Regular education about the dangers of a possible Blight as well mana conserving exercises. Armor fittings as well as daily spars where now part of their daily regime. The Knight Enchanter's will and determination to push back the darkspawn were as strong as their bodies. It was only a matter of time until they put that training into battle.

Enchanter Bryant would have no less than perfection from this group of men and women. He just had his own way of saying it.

"Your balance and breathing were off. If this were a real battle, you would've died the second you broke my barrier. However," he explained while offering Adrianne his hand to help her up "not a bad show. It's enough that you at least won't die the first five seconds of battle,"

Adrianne laughed while trying to relax her breathing. Enchanter Bryant was a hard man to please. "Not bad" was one of the best compliments he was capable of giving. Aside from the typical "it was okay". Not even the impending danger they were about to encounter could dampen his attitude.

However, she understood his caution. This would be a real battle. A single mistake could cost her her life. Even though he never said it aloud, Enchanter Bryant made it his goal to make sure she survived. His prolonged sessions with her and harsh commentary were proof of that. It was touching, and she appreciated it. Enchanter Bryant would deny that he cared that much about her. He tried to cover up his worry by remaining his distant and uninterested self.

Adrianne knew that he cared.

Adrianne chugged down water from her water skin before answering, " Good to know," she replied as the water's cooling effects began taking effect.

Enchanter Bryant sighed deeply"We'll call it a day. Wouldn't want you to strain yourself over your lack of breathing skills now, wouldn't we? You'll need all the rest you can get. We have a long journey ahead of us," He said with what was as close to humorous insult as he could achieve in these dire circumstances.

Adrianne gave him a smug face, " Yes. Wouldn't want a repeat when I had to save your arse from drowning in that lake now," she countered. She wanted to take his mind off the precarious situation as best she could. She wanted to get a laugh out of him. In all the years she's known him, she had yet to hear his laughter.

Enchanter Bryant coughed to cover up his embarrassment, "Different situation, different time," in low voice he said, " I thought we agreed to never bring that up"

Adrianne gave him a sly smile before walking away. However, she turned back and smiled softly, "We'll make it out of there. I promise,"

Enchanter Bryant stared off into the distance as he did that day when he spoke of the templar named Herah. His face held the same emotion. Adrianne never found who she was and what she meant to him. She wondered if he was thinking of her.

After moments of silence Enchanter Bryant reluctantly replied, "I hope so,"

* * *

After a quick bath and a fresh set of robes, Adrianne heard Cullen's voice. Stumbling and stuttering over words.

"I um, you see...um I just..." He kept repeating to a lovely female Templar.

Adrianne hid behind a wall to watch it go down. This encounter reminded her of the times back in Honnelath when he attempted to speak to girls. It was as funny to watch then as it was now.

The woman had amusement plastered all over her face, " Yes, you just what?"

"Well, I um...um..Knight Commander Gregor told me to tell you to report to...to his office," he finally said after many attempts.

_Same old Cullen _

She nodded before leaving him breathless behind her. Adrianne, felt a twinge of jealousy and envy at the other woman. She sighed at how silly she was acting. It wasn't as if she ever had a chance.

Cullen leaned against the wall as sweat dripped from his face after watching the woman leave. Adrianne laughed silently. She wondered if this was the first time he talked to the other woman.

It had been some time since she had spoken in depth to Cullen. They didn't talk like they use to. Their conversations of late had been short and to the point. 'Hello' and 'Goodbye'. No more alone time or secret talks. They had assumed their roles as templar and mage. Keeping their relationship to a minimum. This divide between them had an impacted them now more than ever.

With her last nights in the Circle slowly ticking away, Adrianne wanted it to be like the good old days. The days when everything wasn't complicated. Where it didn't matter that she was a mage and he was a templar. That it only mattered they were two wonderful friends. People. Just two people like that full night on the Circle's rooftop. It felt as if it was a century ago, not the year it had been. However, it was still fresh in her mind. Adrianne remembered that night with fondness. They were equals. Equals for a short while. Then Cullen told her they were to never be alone like that again.

After that, it wasn't the same between them anymore.

Adrianne wanted only to talk. To hear his voice one last time before she left.

Adrianne approached Cullen once he was alone, "Still controlled by your man-brain? Or by a pretty face," she joke lightly. She didn't want to push him too hard. No need for senseless anger.

He resumed his 'templar look'. A faithful to the Chantry and the Templar Order he was. Always following everything by the rules and striving to be the best. Never stopping once to rest himself.

He cleared his throat, "Enchanter Adrianne," he stumbled over her name while trying to remain composed and to keep his voice curt.

Adrianne shook her head and laughed. Even after all these years, he still couldn't say her actual name. This was what she needed as the anxiety in the pit of her stomach began to ease up.

It sounded strange to be called "Enchanter Adrianne". Foreign coming off lips.

"Knight Corporal Cullen," she bowed," I saw how entranced you were by the beautiful maid yonder. An enticing minx was she?" she teased. The extra formality was humorous to her ears.

Cullen allowed a speck of emotion to escape his "cold" demeanor. He looked both ways quickly to make sure they weren't being watched and exhaled a deep breath. His shoulders slumped forward, and he relaxed slightly. He had tired bags under his eyes. His recent promotion to Knight-Corporal left him with long shifts and long nights.

"You're going to get me in trouble one day," he sighed.

Adrianne smirked, "I like trouble,"

He laughed wearily, "I'm sure you do,"he replied while trying to wipe the tiredness from his face.

Adrianne smiled as she walked toward him. He seemed to move backwards as she went forwards. Adrianne smile slowly turned into hurt. It felt like a slap in the face. Adrianne could feel an ache spread across her chest. Moisture welled up in her eyes. She willed herself not to cry. To shake off his actions as she always did.

However, it became harder and harder to ignore it and bounce back from it. It left her worse for wear every time. Every single time.

Cullen tensed again as she moved closer. It was involuntary, an ingrained reaction. A reaction a templar always did when a mage was around. Of course this act would've been pounded into their heads. They would always have to keep an eye out on them. No matter who or what they were to the templar. No matter if the mage posed no threat.

Adrianne stopped moving toward him, and turned away. A slow tear trailed down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. All this time she was afraid she would lose what she had left of him to the Order. She never thought to look in front of her.

He was already gone. Slowly before her eyes. She never could've stopped it. It was bound to happen.

Adrianne had already lost him; she just refused to see it. She acted the fool to try and convince herself it would be like the good old days. That by just talking to him now would solve everything. She should've known better. Life wasn't that fair.

It was heartbreaking to see this falling apart before her eyes. From childhood friends to strangers they've become. Never did she imagine that this would've ever happened.

She could tell by how he looked at her now that it was difficult to be a mage's friend. He was probably teased endlessly about it. How he most likely had to deal with rumors and gossip among his peers.

Cullen had dreamt of being a templar since they met. This was his dream. She supported that when they were kids and now that they were grown. She began to doubt whether he supported her being a mage. That he would stand behind her and be proud of who and what she was.

Adrianne came to a point and wondered would he ever do the same for her. To go out of his way to talk to her as he did that first time. Whatever the answer was, Adrianne wasn't she wanted to know. Before he came, she was fine. She accepted things as they were, as Enchanter Bryant encouraged her to. Those feelings she held for him just a whisper in the back of her mind.

Everything changed once he was back. She wanted things she couldn't have. That she could never have even if she wanted to. She wanted his approval. She wanted him to need her. In reality, he never needed. After all their exchanges, Adrianne wasn't sure if he ever truly missed her. Perhaps he was just fancying her to make her feel better.

She wondered where her self-pride, and self- love went. Did he even want this friendship? Was she just wasting her time?

Adrianne had enough. No more trying to mend what can't be fixed. No more trying to fight the long standing divide between mages and templars. To accept the norm and be done with it. For both their sakes. Adrianne loved herself too much to continue on like this.

This was why mages and templars were never friends. There would always be that distrust between them.

Adrianne laughed bitterly,"You know...since you've arrived, I've been doing all I can to preserve this friendship we've had," she tried to blink away the tears. Adrianne didn't want Cullen to see her weakness, but she wanted him to feel her anger, "And everyday since you've arrived, you've been growing farther and farther away. It's almost as if you're scared to be my friend. That my magic is after you ," she said with a strained voice.

Cullen's brows furrowed, "I have to be cautious at all times. Not all mages are like you. Some legitimately want to hurt templars. Knight Commander Gregor tells us we must remain vigilant,"

The more he spoke the angrier she became. It was as if she didn't know him, and he didn't know her.

"So you think I'll turn into an abomination, then? That I'll murder you? Is that it?" Adrianne accused.

"It's my position as a templar! I have to watch for these things! I can't trust-" he stopped mid-sentence before closing his mouth promptly. Cullen knew what he was going to say and regretted it immediately.

Adrianne knew exactly what he was going to say.

_You. I can't trust you._

It was a blow to the heart like no other. She could feel the hurt she hadn't felt in many years return. She swore to herself she would never let anyone or anything make her feel like that. This would be the only Adrianne would allow herself to break that promise.

Adrianne nodded slowly smiling bitterly with tears falling down her cheeks," Well...," she looked and breathed deeply," you don't have to worry about that anymore. You'll never see me again,"

She walked away, ignoring his calls to her.

**Mic drop. **

**Well, this chapter was a pain to write. A pain as in it was hard to write because it went through so many dang edits. So if this chapter is not up to par, you will most likely see another edit soon.**

**As always, thank you all who review and follow! I really appreciate it!**

**Thank you for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Justinian 9:30 Dragon

On the eve of her final night in the Circle, Adrianne lay awake. She could hear the hushed snores of her roommate in deep sleep. How at peace she was. Sleep seemed like a wonderful thing right now.

Peace didn't seem to agree with Adrianne nowadays. The thought of knowing this night could be her last was too much to allow her rest.

Adrianne wasn't frightened of death. Death was a natural occurrance. An inevitability.

What truly chilled her blood and kept her up at night was the pain of death. She feared that more than life fading away. It haunted her. It made it hard to breathe.

She knew she had to brave. That is why Adrianne became a Knight Enchanter. To be fearless to those who would harm her. To combat her fears.

Adrianne would rather die than submit to her fear of pain. She wanted to conquer it once and for all. To put an end to it and be done. To know she could evade death's hand. That's all she wanted now.

She sighed.

Adrianne rose from her bed and snuck out of her room. She made sure the halls were clear before making a run for it to Circle's rooftop. Adrianne climbed the stairs rapidly with the haste of a dying woman. There was one last thing she needed to see.

* * *

Adrianne closed her eyes as she sat on the rooftop's ledge, feeling the moon's rays upon her skin. The wind brushed against her skin as the fresh Ferelden air intoxicated her senses. It sent into a euphoria. It felt magical again. It was as if she was in dream. A dream of a beautiful land. A land away from here.

She could hear the soft whispers of the trees and the water's waves. They told her of stories long lost, and ones that have yet to be told. It was almost as if they were alive and sitting beside her. Soothing her worries of the coming day.

Slowly, she opened her eyes to see the moon in it's full glory. Beautiful and graceful as always. The stars seemed to hover around it and twinkled to compliment it's beauty. The moon's pale light shone upon her, calming her nerves, promising it would watch over her. Adrianne let herself be swayed to believe. To believe childish dreams. To believe anything can be.

She smiled at those thoughts. Perhaps it was better to be alone. At least this way, no one could ever let her down. Adrianne could provide herself love and happiness. Or something close to it.

This is what she needed. This is she wanted. Comfort. Peace.

Adrianne heard the door open , and turned to see Cullen standing in the doorway. He was in his regular armor. He gazed at her and Adrianne looked away.

She hadn't spoken or seen him since that day. She didn't want to. She didn't want to see him now.

"Nice night isn't it?" he said while moving closer to the ledge where Adrianne sat. She wanted to move away, but she didn't. If someone was going to move, it would be him.

Adrianne remained silent. Perhaps he would go if she didn't answer. If she didn't acknowledge him. She was still angry.

He wasn't allowed to say he didn't trust her and for her to be okay with it. Adrianne meant every word she said. Every word. She wasn't force him to like her. To be her friend or to be something more. And she most certainly didn't want him pretending. She didn't need his pity.

Instead of going away, he stood by her. He was close enough to touch. Adrianne glanced up to see what he was doing, and if there was any indication he was leaving.

There wasn't.

"Why are you here?" she finally asked without looking at him.

He laughed, and it made Adrianne angry. Did the last conversation they had together not happen?

"I've been looking for you. I...was worried. I didn't see you anymore," he replied.

Adrianne looked back at him and stared into his eyes, "Well you found me," she turned her back to him and looked back at the stars," What do you want?"

Cullen shifted slightly, "This would work better if you were facing me," he answered.

Adrianne threw her hands up in frustration. He was making her angry all over again. She could feel her blood boil and her face go hot. Her temper was having none of his antics today.

She rose from her seat hastily and crossed her arms. Adrianne faced him as he said to do. Why would he wanted to see her, she had no idea. It better be a damn good reason.

"Alright. I'm facing you," she shook her head, "What do you want?" she questioned.

Cullen blushed slightly, "I wanted to see your face. I wanted to see you," he whispered.

In another time, Adrianne would've been delighted to hear that. Now, it didn't make her happy. It made her feel anything, but delighted.

"Well congratulations. You saw it. What do you want?," she asked again.

Cullen sighed deeply, "You're angry,"

"How can you tell?" she replied sarcastically.

"You have to understand the Order exists for good reason. I took an oath to protect people from the dangers of magic. Including you. We always have to remain vigilant. I don't hate mages. I don't hate you. I hope you know that," Cullen explained.

He didn't understand. She didn't need anyone's protection. She wasn't some defenseless maiden with magic. Adrianne knew the dangers. She knew them by heart and she knew how to fight against them. Her magic was a gift. Like any weapon, it could be controlled. Mastered and refined.

She saw through the Chantry's excuses. They contorted this danger for their own gain. It was no reason to lock them up. To have no outside connection. To strip them of the fundamental things that made them people. That's why Adrianne was angry. This was root of her fury. She was dehumanized by Cullen. That hurt her more than anything. More than a blade. More than what magic could ever do.

"So now I'm people? Great to know," she retorted.

He sighed, "I didn't come here to fight. I came to apologize,"

She couldn't deal with it. She didn't believe he was apologizing because he thought he was wrong, "You're sorry because I heard you say it," she looked him in the eyes, "You don't have to coddle and make me feel better. You don't trust me. I'm a walking abomination waiting to happen. That's what you see me as. I can see it in your eyes. Don't try to deny it. That's why you templars were made. To prevent our what ifs," the last thing she whispered in a shaky voice, "That's what I'll ever be to you: a what if,"

"You're not any of those thing, Adri. I don't think of you like that. You're more than that!," he repliedas his eyes grew wide at what he said. As if he was realizing something.

To Adrianne, it was just a show.

"Really, what am I to you then?" she countered. If he was going say something, he needn't to make her believe. To believe every word. Anything else would only be empty words.

Cullen stepped back. He was caught off guard by her questioning, "I don't know," he replied with confusion aimed more at himself than at her.

Adrianne could feel her chest tightening and tears threatening to fall. She had to know. He had to tell her. It didn't matter what the answer was, she had to know.

Her jaw stiffened and she failed to remain strong. Emotions that ranged from hurt to anger came through in her voice, "Tell me I meant nothing. That I never meant anything to you. That you don't care!," she demanded.

Cullen shook his head slowly, "I can't" he retorted.

Adrianne felt defeated,"Why not?" she cried.

He didn't answer. No answer could mean anything. A state of unknowing.

She was overcome by emotion. In her anger, she realized how torn apart she truly was. How much she still cared. Adrianne realized she could never stop caring. She began shaking.

It wasn't just care. It was love. She had always denied it. Telling herself it was a childhood crush. That that was all it was.

When he returned to the Circle, Adrianne convinced herself that it was just leftover feelings from the past. That these could never turn into anything of substance.

She was wrong, and she wished she was right.

How could she love him, even now. After all that's happened. She didn't believe in destiny. To say he was her soul mate was foolish. Silly. Yet, they were brought together after years of separation. And now, when she knew he could never be hers and she could never be his, her love remained. In her anger it stayed.

She looked to him with a tear falling, "I loved you," she whispered, "Ever since the beginning. Back at Honnelath and even now. I kept it a secret. I tried convincing myself that it wasn't love. I couldn't. I knew we could never be, and you could never love someone like me. I longed for you. A desire demon tempted me with it. I didn't give in. I wanted the real you, not a fake one. And now that you're here... those feelings came back. I hid them so I wouldn't place you at a discomfort. And even now, I still love you," she backed away.

Cullen remained silent. Adrianne couldn't read his face. The longer she stayed, the worse it would be for the both of them. She turned to walk away when she felt his hand grab onto her wrist to hold her back gently. Adrianne couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see.

"Adri...I...I" he whispered. Cullen didn't finish what he had to say, but held onto her hand still.

She took her hand from his. Adrianne turned slowly towards him,"Don't make a promise to me you know you won't and can't be able to keep. Not for me. Not for you. Nothing good will come of it,"

With that, Adrianne left him.

**Another hard chapter to write. Hopefully it wasn't like a "wait, what?" type of moment. **

**Anyways thank you guys so much for the reviews and follows! You have no idea how that makes me feel! You guys are awesome!**

**As always, thank you for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Justinian 9:30 Dragon-The Kocari Wilds

Ostagar was a blur. An echo in the back of Adrianne's mind. She was there for a moment. In a blink of the eye, she was gone. Only flashes. The Tower of Ishal. The darkspawn ambushing them. How her companions fell one by one. Death every which way. A slaughter. Everything went black.

Then, she awoke from the darkness. Dazed and disorientated. Bruised and weak.

She was in the Kocari Wilds. Alone with only the screams of her comrades in her mind to remind her she was alive. Nothing felt real.

Adrianne rose from the ground and clutched herself as she began to wander. Trying to find a way out. She limped across the forest, not knowing which way was where, or if she would even escape. However, something pulled her, forced her to continue on. It was drawing her somewhere. Where, Adrianne didn't know. She only she had to keep going.

She came to a halt in front of a small hut. It was tiny, and unsuspecting. It even brought a sense of safety and protection. A strange anamoly in these wilds.

"Ah, it seems you survived," a cryptic woman's voice said.

Adrianne looked behind her to see an old woman there. For a brief second, she remembered this woman. A flash like everything else. However, the memory left her.

Adrianne was in a haze of confusion, "Do I know you?" she asked.

The other woman laughed wildly, "You've met me. For a moment. That's how you survived. Through me girl,"

She didn't understand, "Who are you?" this woman made no sense. She spoke in riddles. Confusing obscure riddles.

"You may call me Flemeth"

"Why am I here?" Adrianne heard echo across the landscape. Strange as everything else here.

"Why are you here?" Flemeth countered.

"I don't know. I woke up here," Adrianne explained.

"For good reason. You would've died,"

Adrianne tried to wrap her head around it. She would think she would remember a near death experience. Not even flash was given to here.

"I...I don't remember anything," she said.

"Best for it to remain that way," Flemeth nodded.

"Why?"

Flemeth laughed,"I don't know,"

She didn't understand this woman at all,"Do you always save people?"

"Not always," Flemeth replied.

"Then why me?"

"Why not you?"the woman challenged.

"I'm no one special," Adrianne said as her eyes began to droop downwards.

Flemeth chuckled,"I often do strange things for no good reason," she explained, "In the grand scheme of things you're no one special...yet I see a spark in you, a spark I've seen many times before. A will of defiance. Pain and suffering is what your future holds, but a flame of hope remains all the same,"

"You're not making any sense," Adrianne whispered.

"In time it will,"

Then Flemeth disappeared into thin air.

Everything around Adrianne began to dissipate. Adrianne heard familiar voices yellin her name. She looked up to the sky tearing.

Then, darkness returned.

* * *

Solace 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne breathed in a lungful of air as she awoke to people crowding around her. It was fast. Like everyone was moving at an extra fast pace. Her head was light and confused by the activity around her.

Soft hands rested on her shoulders, "Thank the Maker you've awakened," Wynne's familiar voice said with relief.

Adrianne looked around and couldn't think of a thing to day. She was confused beyond belief by what was happening. When she attempted to sit up, a seering pain tore across her stomach. Adrianne muffled a cry of pain.

Wynne laid her back, "You're not ready for action yet. Rest is what you need. It was close back there. We barely recognized you with the blood and bruises,"

Again, her mind was met with fog, "How did you find me? I remember...," she closed her eyes to trace her last memory and was met with resistance, and then nothing, "...I can't remember anything. I remember the tower being overrun. The wardens were to light the beacon. We stayed back to give them a clear path...that's all. I only remember flashes," Adrianne explained.

"Strange. Well, we found you laying out on the side of a trail on the way back to the Circle. You were dead for a moment. I swore you were. Then you began breathing. It took a lot of magic to save you," Wynne replied while pulling the cover up to Adrianne's chin.

Then she remembered: Flemeth. The strange woman she met in her dreams. She claimed to have saved her. Did she? Or was Adrianne going mad?

Wynne must have sensed something was wrong, "You're safe now, Adrianne. No need to worry," she assured her.

Adrianne looked up and gave Wynne a false smile, "Right...right,"

Wynne didn't buy her smile, but she didn't ask Adrianne anymore questions. It was better that way. Less confusion for the both of them.

"Well then, I will inform Enchanter Bryant that you're awake. He was worried, or at least something close to it,"

Adrianne nodded and watched Wynne make her exit. Adrianne couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen...again.

* * *

Adrianne stood staring out the window, with a haunted expression on her face. Sleep evaded her. Her dreams nightmares. Some of the images were familiar. Fragments of what happen at Ostagar.

The others...were disturbing. They were of abominations and blood mages in the Circle. Slaughtering innocents. Butchering them. Then she would see herself surrounded in a pool of blood, lifeless. She would awake screaming and drenched in sweat. Adrianne would then scrunch herself into a ball and repeat that it was not real.

Now, she wanted to do anything but sleep. She was paranoid, and cautious. As if she was walking on egg shells. Adrianne didn't know why, but she felt an immense darkness surrounding her. Threatening her.

Adrianne tried pull herself together, but the whispers came. It was like someone was in her mind attempting to control her. She would fight back and the whispers would cease, but then they would return with double the force. She felt the words crawl and wither inside her mind.

"This is not you," Adrianne whispered, "You're stronger than this. Show it! Don't be a weakling. Fight!" she told herself.

She jumped when she heard footsteps. Her breathing quickened and her hands trembled. Adrianne grabbed them firmly to stop the shaking. A small drop of sweat rolled down her forehead as she fought for control over her mind.

_What's happening to me?_

Cullen appeared before her. He looked at her hand still gripping her arm tightly and then looked back at her face.

"Are you feeling ill?" he asked as he moved closer.

The words were stuck in Adrianne's throat, "I-I-I'm fine...just tired," she choked.

The whispers began growing louder. A scream now. They were taunting her. Telling her of hidden desires. Promises to make them come true.

Adrianne couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. They were about him. By him being there so close, Cullen was only making it worse. She had to protect him. He was in danger from her.

Adrianne began walking away quickly, "I have to go," she said in haste.

"Wait, I'll-" Cullen began.

"NO! I have to go!," she shouted before running.

Adrianne didn't look behind her. She kept running. Fleeing.

Later that night, as she sat bare in the bathing room with her soaking wet hair plastered against her skin; she could still hear the faintest of the whispers. Adrianne held her knees tighter while a tear rolled down her face. Everything felt raw. Everything felt wrong.

_What's happening to me?_

**Thanks for the reviews and follows! You guys are awesome! So don't be shy to leave a comment or criticism. I don't get offended. Of course, if you want. No pressure.**

**Anyways, thank you for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Bioware does.  
**

Solace 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne shook violently as the onslaught came in the night. Her body was on fire. Her viens and blood boiling. Every part of her skin hot as burning coal.

The whispers rang throughout her head. Resisting became more difficult as the promises became more and more enticing. Her desires were used against her once again. Testing her. Attempting to break her. Never before had she ever experienced this assault upon her before.

Someone was in her mind trying to wrestle the controls from her. Wanting to manipulate her body, her muscles, her voice, her gift for their own devices. They were trying to force her out, and push themselves in.

Whether it was Adrianne's defiance or her sheer will, they had not succeeded thus far. Her fight lasted longer than they had anticipated.

However, she couldn't endure any longer. Adrianne had kept silent for weeks about these nightly attacks. Aside from the encounter with Cullen that came dangerously close to breaking her, Adrianne had been able to ward off these attacks.

This attack came like no other.

It disabled every fiber in her being. Every sense in her mind. Every ounce of her control now lay in darkness and ruins.

Her body began moving on it's own accord. Adrianne 's vision flickered on and off as she walked out into the halls. She could feel the presence inside her pushing her away. Adrianne forced herself back in, and she would regain control for a few seconds. However, this darkness would push her back.

Every step was a leap into the unknown. Into darkness.

Through her eyes, Adrianne turned into a room: Wynne's room. Fear shot through her spine as Adrianne loomed over the older woman. A prey within reach of the predator.

Adrianne felt the darkness wanting to harm her. To kill her. Commanding Adrianne's body to kill Wynne. It was only when it revealed its intentions did she begin fighting it with renewed vigor. She refused to allow it to harm anyone.

No one should get hurt because of her.

_I will not give in!_

Wynne slept peacefully, with no idea of the battle that raged above her. Adrianne's hand shook as it reached for Wynne's delicate, fragile neck. She held her breath as she pulled her hand back. Sweat trickled down her forehead as her arm extended forward and then back again. Adrianne would not allow it to win. She would rather die than succumb.

Her vision began blacking at the edges. It was taking over again. Adrianne used what strength she possessed and with her other arm, held her arm with an iron grip. It was the only thing she could do.

Adrianne shivered. Sweat rolled down her spine as she clinged onto what remanants of her she still controlled.

"Wynne," Adrianne whispered in a shaky voice as she shook and squeezed her arm with bone shattering force,"Wynne. Wake up,"

Wynne mumbled words before her sleepy eyes opened to Adrianne hovering over her. Her eyes grew wide in terror as she gazed stone faced at Adrianne hand only a hair's width away from strangling her.

Adrianne's whole body began trembling violently, but she held onto her arm if it was last thing she did. A tear trailed down her cheek as Wynne sat up and grazed her cheek.

She felt like the little girl in the Circle from all those years ago. Scared. Frightened. Afraid what was to happen next.

Adrianne's grip on her arm intensified as her vision began blurrying. She couldn't tell where she ended and where it began.

"Wynne..." she blacked out for moment and quickly snapped out of it in time to catch her arm again. Adrianne breathed a shaky breath. Another tear fell, "There's something in me," she croaked.

"It can't be," Wynne shook her head in denial, "You're in control," she replied.

"Not always. It's fighting with all it's might right now. I'm barely hanging on," Adrianne explained as the monster began presenting her with images to wiggle through her guard. It was working. She was fading.

"Wynne...you have to kill me. I don't know what this thing is or how it got there, " through her teeth she said, "My mind is not my own,"

"No, there's a way to save you without bloodshed. You've been able to resist thus far. Keep fighting," Wynne begged.

"I can't!" Adrianne hissed,"I'm fighting a losing battle!"

It would be a mercy to be rid of this entity once and for all. No matter the cost. She rather die herself than at it's whim.

Suddenly, Irving and Gregor entered the room. Adrianne saw as they stared between her tense body and Wynne. Gregor unsheathed his blade.

"No!" Wynne jumped from her bed and ran past Adrianne, "If you kill her now, we will never know what manner of demon is trying to possess her,"

Gregor stalked past Wynne to Adrianne. Good. Someone who was rational.

"Does it matter, Wynne? She is a threat to every soul in this Circle. She must die,"

Adrianne nodded, "Do what she won't, Knight Commander,"

Wynne stood between Adrianne and Gregor. Adrianne hissed in anger. This needed to be swift and to be done with already. That's all she wanted.

"Think about it Gregor: this demon didn't reach out to her. It was binded and placed within her without her knowledge. Someone in this Circle is planning something. We'll lose the opportunity to know who this demon serves if we kill her. We lose our loose end. That possibility endangers more lives than a resistant host," Wynne reasoned.

Adrianne tensed as another wave of torment came. Just kill her already! Why wait for her to lose what control she had!? Why risk someone getting hurt! Why risk any of it? Why risk it for her? She was no one special.

"Gregor...give me mercy. I can't fight much longer. Grant me mercy and end it," Adrianne begged.

The Knight Commander looked between the two women. Adrianne on his left. Wynne on his right.

With his sword still in his hand he pointed toward Adrianne, "Tie her with magic resistant binds and take her to the Harrowing Chamber. No one is to go in or out unless instructed by me," Gregor commanded.

Adrianne's heart fell as they tied the shackles and chains ingraved with magical resistance to her hands and feet. Her magic lay dorment now. Unable to manifest itself.

The templars escorted her, but not before she turned to Wynne with tears falling.

She didn't want this.

"Why?"

* * *

Adrianne sat in darkness as she thrashed in the chair she was chained to. The demon was able to break through and taunt the templars in the chamber. However, Adrianne managed to suppress and send it back for a while. Only for a while before she was forced to battle it for dominance once again.

This was no way to live.

Her damp hair covered her face so the templars wouldn't see her struggle. It was bad enough they were here. Adrianne would destroy them if she had the chance. Yes. Their life in her hands as she slowly took their life. Adrianne grimaced in horror. No...these were not her feelings. No..No..No. She was nothing like this demon. It made her angry how easily it influenced her thoughts and emotions.

The door to the chamber opened and allowed for light to flood into the room. Only a single person walked in: Cullen. Adrianne glared at him. He was probably happy that she was like this. Finish her off himself. Just like he always wanted to. He would like. He would enjoy slaying her.

No! This was not her. Their thoughts were becoming one in the same.

Adrianne kicked at the floor as she watched the other templars but Cullen leave. When would this end? It was enough that she loved him, but to see her like this? At the mercy of a demon. Everything he wanted to protect people from in one. He must feel repulsed by her.

It was silent, except for Adrianne's ragged breaths. After an hour of staring at the floor through her hair, Adrianne heard Cullen come toward her. She stiffened and clenched her jaw. Her body trembled slightly as he grew near. The demon laughed.

Cullen knelt before and peered through her hair to see her face. His soft eyes were full of worry. A trick or an illusion the demon was playing at. It shot pain through her heart. A dense, undescribable hurt.

"Adri? How are you?" he asked.

Adrianne or the demon laughed. Small talk? That's what he wanted? Petty conversation. Bitterness and anger filled her.

Adrianne glared at him, "I have a demon inside of me. It's been circling in there for weeks trying to take over. How do you think I feel?!" she yelled.

A flash of hurt crossed Cullen's face, "Adri, I-

"I NEED IT OUT, CULLEN! I NEED IT TO END!," Adrianne cried as she once again thrashed in chair. Cullen stared at her as her tears fell to the stone floor, "PLEASE CULLEN! I NEED IT TO END!," Adrianne sobbed as Cullen steadied her with soft hands.

Adrianne continued crying as Cullen moved her hair gently from her face. He turned her face toward his. She sniffled and breathed shortly as he stared at her. Cullen was concentrated upon her as he held her face. She never saw that look in his eyes before. Not once.

He brushed his thumb across her tear stained cheek. He wiped away a fresh warm tear as it fell from her eye. Cullen pushed his forehead against her gently. Adrianne shook again. He was so close. Closer than they had ever been. Comfort.

Their faces were mere inches apart. Adrianne could feel his breath on her. She feared for him. He shouldn't be this close, but she wanted him to be. To be near her. To touch her.

"We're going to find a way to get it out, Adri. You have to be steady, and not give up. Don't let it win. Do you believe me?" he whispered.

She did. Every word. She believed in him; wholeheartedly. A big leap of faith.

Adrianne gazed into his beautiful eyes,"I always have. Ever since we were kids," she smiled faintly as she remembered the days. How he would always have her back and she would always have his. No matter what, "Remember?"

Cullen nodded, "Yes. You believed I could be anything. That I could be a templar. You always encouraged me that I can. Now it's my turn: You can do this, Adri,"

Adrianne shook again as she fought her battle from within, "It seems like a different time, now," she said softly.

"Yeah. Now it's time you have my support. I promise," he replied as he rose.

Adrianne stared at Cullen as he rose. The feelings came back, as they had they had that night. She wanted to say it. To say those three words.

"Cullen," she called with a strained voice. He turned to look at her, "I-I...I.." she couldn't finish.

The demon subdued her and closed her mouth before she finished. Her vision blackened and Adrianne hid behind her hair once more.

The last she remembered from that moment was Cullen placing a gentle kiss upon her forehead.

**So I've had a rotten, terrible week. It's one of those weeks where you're like, "How are you even considered an adult?"**

**I'm sorry I've neglected to update. So I will post 2 chapters tomorrow as consolidation. **

**In case anyone noticed, the Cullen and Adrianne interaction was very much inspired by Hal and Lourdes relationship from Falling Skies. So just in case:**

**Disclaimer: anything similar to Falling Skies goes directly to their creators.**

**Any reviews will earn you my gratitude as well my appreciation. **

**As always, thank you all for reading and following.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Solace 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne stared out into space as the enchanters circled around her. Templars stood stationed nearby as a precaution...in case this failed.

What was to happen next, she didn't know. She only hoped something good would come of it. They were risking their lives to save her. They didn't even know if this demon had too much of her already. It was a question if Adrianne was worth saving. They were basing their decisions by chance.

Adrianne hoped nothing would go wrong. That everyone here would not suffer because of her.

No one should get hurt because of her. There was no question regarding that fact. She told them when her mind was her own to kill her if she endangered any of them.

This was the only way, it seemed.

They told her someone was to go into the Fade, and defeat the demon. This was the only way they could save Adrianne's life. Anything else would see her dead.

It was too much to ask for someone to die for her.

She was no one special.

Cullen stared at her from across the room. Their conversation still fresh in both their minds. The kiss. The closeness and bond shared between them. Adrianne wished he didn't have to see her if...if something went wrong. Would he be heartbroken?

She wanted him to be safe. Right now, she was not safe for him. Adrianne would never forgive herself if he was injured because of her.

What mattered most is that Cullen and the other enchanters stayed safe from this demon in her.

_No one should get hurt because of me. No one._

Enchanter Bryant had volunteered to journey into the Fade. It was fitting, he argued, that the master should save their apprentice. It was a thinly veiled explanation. Enchanter Bryant wanted to ensure that whoever did this to Adrianne would pay dearly. He wanted revenge.

She thrashed in her seat as she felt the demon crawl and slither in her mind, "Are you sure?" Adrianne asked as the demon clawed its way against her.

Enchanter Bryant steadied her gently before he answered,"Yes. It should be me. I'm the only one capable to destroy it and to find its master. Besides, as your mentor, it is my duty to ensure you come out alive,"

_I rather have you alive to show me your hatred. _Echoed throughout her mind. It was this simple statement that explained so much of him. He wanted her to live.

Adrianne managed to nod her stiff and tense neck as the demon crawled all over. She did her best to fight and push it away. To remember this. Her best wasn't enough.

Adrianne trembled again as the demon took over.

The last thing she saw was darkness and laughter...the game for her body began.

**It's amazing what chocolate milk can do for the soul. Bad week not so bad now. Thank you chocolate milk!**

**So this is a short chapter. I will be posting the next chapter sometime today. It will be longer than this one. The rating will go up to "M" next chapter. **

**As always, thank you for reading and following! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Bloomingtide 9:22 Dragon

Adrianne screamed in joy as she swung high into the sky from a rope tied to a tree. Cullen stared at her from below and shook his head as he saw how high she soared. Adrianne stuck her tongue as she sped past him. Beating Cullen was her favorite activity of all time. A time to play and win were good days.

Adrianne was having the time of her life.

She let out another cry of joy as she let go the rope. Adrianne felt the wind speed past her as the sparkling lake water called her name. She smiled widely as she submerged herself in the water upon impact. Adrianne swam upwards as she pumped her fist in the air for victory.

Cullen smirked in defeat from the docks as helped her out of the water. Adrianne shook water on him for good measure and he fell to floor in a fit of laughter. She saw her reflection in the water and began laughing with him at ridiculous she looked. Her hair was covered in leaves and everywhere all over her.

"Alright!" he cried in between laughs, "You win this time. Just stop shaking your hair like that! You look like a wet dog,"

Adrianne attempted to straightened the tangled mess. Isabel had her work cut out for her.

In the distance, they saw two golden haired giggling. Adrianne grinned as Cullen's eyes widened in horror. Oh, to say she was enjoying this day was a severe understatement. Words couldn't describe the smugness she felt at that moment.

"Cully-Wully!"Mia called through her giggles, "Mom wants you home and to bath. You're to take us to the Merchant's Day Festival"

Klara chimed in as well, "So take a break from your wife!"

Cullen turned red immediately and buried his face in his hands. He was seething in embarrassment at his pet name. Cully-Wully. Since the day she met him, Adrianne made sure to tease the living daylights out of him whenever she heard it. He was never going to live this down.

Adrianne jabbed him the shoulder to ease his embarrassment. She ruffled his golden hair for good measure as well.

"I think you're sisters are calling, Cully-Wully," Adrianne laughed as he muttered something in his hands,"You should hurry before they start singing **that **song,"

Cullen rose immediately, "Maker, no. We don't need everyone to hear that. You're only my friend-my girl friend-no-I mean you're my friend who just so happens to be a girl,"

Adrianne jabbed him again,"Glad to know. You better get up there," she pointed as Mia and Klara began singing.

As fast as lightening struck, Cullen ran up the hill. Adrianne kept smiling as she saw the girls poke and prod Cullen. He their plaything. There was no denying that.

Once they were out of view, Adrianne let out a deep breath. She always tried to take Cullen's sisters teasing in stride, trying to ignore the truth behind it, at least in her case. It was easier him that way. It took every ounce of energy in her body not to blush or turn red as Cullen. It was harder than she made it look.

It wasn't easy loving your best friend.

* * *

"Izzy, I think you might've pulled my hair out," Adrianne complained as Isabel made the finishing touches on her hair.

Isabel adjusted Adrianne's front braid before speaking "I did no such thing, Adrianne. Besides, it took me long enough to get the lake smell out. Now you look presentable for the festivities today,"

Adrianne grimaced as she saw how dolled up she looked in the mirror: A silk laced lined dress with little tiny lace gloves. Her hair in some intricate braided bun that she would not minded if it was not for the pain that shot down her spine at how tight it was. And of course, Isabel picked the most impossible shoes to walk in. This beauty over comfort sacrifice, as Isabel called it, did not make Adrianne feel at ease. Isabel on the other hand looked pleased at the result.

Adrianne struggled to move in the dress, "I can't move my legs,"

Isabel shook her head, "You will learn to solve these problems, eventually. Now run along. I must prepare myself now," she replied as she loosened her hair.

Adrianne looked at the dainty loose fitting floral dress Isabel wore. She still needed to get ready?

"You mean, that's not it?" Adrianne asked.

Isabel laughed, "Of course, not. This is nightwear,"

"Right," Adrianne said as she waddled out the door.

Honnelath never looked as festive as it did today. Lanterns were strung up on houses and buildings. People wore their best clothing as they saw what the vendors had to offer. Musicians offered dance and entertainment for those not buying today. Even the golem in the village center had baskets of small scented candles in its arms with it's face painted in intricate designs. Today remained Adrianne of the parties in Val Royeaux and Antiva City. On a lesser scale of grandness, of course.

Adrianne moved from merchant to merchant looking in awe at all they had to offer. However, in the corner of her eye, she saw a jeweler. As quickly as her dress allowed her, she made a beeline for the vendor.

The man laughed, "Ah little lady. You saw my wares, did you?" he said in an Orlesian accent.

Adrianne nodded as she stared in happiness at all the jewels and bracelets and necklaces and lockets that gleamed in the sunlight. They glowed before Adrianne's eyes. She carefully touched the silver chain on one of the necklaces in delight. Everything was so shiny. So beautiful.

It was like a million different colored lights bouncing off the surface of the jewelery. A battle of which light was the most fair of them all. They all made beautiful colors together. Adrianne could sit and watch the subtle changes in the light dancing across the jewels surfaces for hours. She wanted to do so.

The vendor only smiled as he saw Adrianne's eyes widened in fascination. She was enthralled.

"You like this stuff?," Cullen asked from behind.

Adrianne turned to make a snide remark when she covered her mouth with hand to prevent herself from laughing at ridiculous he looked.

Cullen's golden curls were entwined with pink and blue ribbons cascading down his back. A flower crown was placed upon his head as well. How he managed to walk out and in public was beyond her. He was red as a tomato.

He sensed her laughter, "Mia can be very persuasive," he said.

"I can see that," she grinned.

Cullen shook his head before asking again, "I didn't know you like jewelery,"

_What's that supposed to mean?_

Adrianne's eyes narrowed at the implication. She didn't need to be like that snooty Rosalie to appreciate fine craft.

Adrianne punched him in the shoulder, "I don't have to wear frilly dresses, talk about princesses, or act like a damasel to like this stuff," she turned back to the gleaming merchandise, "I've always liked shiny things," she said in awe.

"Then why don't you get something, then?"

Without taking her eyes off the jewelery, Adrianne responded, "Papa won't let us. He says that it's dangerous enough that we travel with all these jewels, adding our own would only make us a bigger target," Her eyes danced from necklace to necklace until her eye caught a particularly beautiful piece.

It wasn't nearly as extravegant as the others. It was rather simple in design, yet it held this air of beauty that drew the eye to it. It was breathtaking to view.

Her finger trailed down the smooth surface of the silver and emerald centered amulet,"Look at the way it catches the light, Cullen," she whispered as the light sent many colors reflecting across the emerald's green surface, "That's how you know it's real," she turned to him and smirked,"Only the real ones do that,"

Adrianne realized how close they were standing next to each other and the faintest of a blush spread across her cheeks. Cullen stared intensely at the amulet and then back at Adrianne as she stepped back. She smiled and playfully shoved his shoulder. He made that face whenever he was in deep thought.

Adrianne hooked her arm around his and patted him on the shoulder., "C'mon. Let's get those ribbons out of your hair before the templars see,"

Before leaving, Cullen stared back at the amulet with curiosity before allowing Adrianne to carry him off.

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It's a flashback if you couldn't tell. **

**Thank you all for reading, following, and reviewing! I appreciate it so much when you take the time to do this. You guys are awesome!**

**As always, thank you!**


	16. Chapter 16

Solace 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne could hear Enchanter Bryant combating the demon in the distance. She wanted to help. To call out to him. However, once more, she was pulled into another memory.

A memory almost forgotten due to the demon's influence.

* * *

August 9:23 Dragon

Adrianne walked up to the Chantry steps where Cullen sat with his arms crossed over his chest in disappointment. She smiled sadly. She knew exactly why he was so upset. The templars had turned him away again. He tried so hard to impress the them. To be one. It's all he would ever talk about sometimes.

"What has you in a pout?" Adrianne asked as she seated herself next to Cullen.

Cullen didn't answer. She noticed the faint bruise he had around his eye from a sound hit he took from the mean spirited Timothy. Cullen had won, and impressed the templars who watched the entire thing.

Adrianne playfully bumped his shoulder, "You're not fighting again are you? You took a good lashing last time. I don't think the templars would appreciate their recruits fighting all the time,"

He sighed deeply before turning sideways from where he sat,"You would think they would see that I can handle myself. That I would protect people who are defenseless. I'm just not good enough for them. The templars laugh whenever I bring up training. I follow them around every day for them to see what I'm worth. Mother and Father won't even hear of it. Maybe I shouldn't even bother," he replied as he kicked the ground.

Adrianne placed her hand firmly on Cullen's shoulder, "Cullen Stanton Rutherford not templar? That doesn't sound right, does it?"

"It might become a reality," he muttered.

Adrianne shook her head,"Oh you stop. You're going to be a templar. You just have to wait. Like you tell me: patience is your friend,"

Cullen snorted,"How do you know that?"

Adrianne shrugged,"I just do. I have faith in you, and I know you can do it. Those templars just need to be followed a little more. With a little time, you'll turn out to be an excellent templar,"

Cullen smiled faintly, "You really think so?"

Adrianne nodded, "Absolutely. I've watched you train harder than anyone here wanting to be a recruit since the day we met. No one has as much faith in the Templar Order than you. You believe in its ideals and all. Protection of the innocent and whatever else you tell me," Adrianne answered as she patted him on the shoulder.

Every once in a while Cullen needed encouragement to believe in himself. Adrianne was always there to give him that little confidence he needed.

That's what friends were for.

Adrianne stared at him as Cullen looked to the sky, "I've always wanted to be a templar. Ever since I could pick up a sword," he looked back to Adrianne and smiled, "What are you going to do when...I don't know, when you're grown. Something you want,perhaps?"

Adrianne thought for a moment. She never really considered anything. All her life she was content where she was. Her family had always been there. Always on the move. Honnelath was the longest place they stayed. Ever. Maybe that's she wanted.

"A place to call home," she finally said.

"You have home,"

Adrianne frowned, remembering all the places they had lived. She didn't have a land to call hers,"Not really. Honnelath is the longest I've stayed in one spot. I always remembered moving. I can remember a little from when Mamae was alive that we were still moving. Before that, I can't say. Probably, that's what Izzy says at least," Adrianne answered softly as she drifted into those fuzzy memories of her mother.

The woman had a beautiful smile with an air of kindness and sweetness to her. Adrianne remembered the sound of her voice most of all. It held a beautiful angelic tone. It was comforting and soft. Those were the only memories Adrianne had of her mother.

"You don't talk about your mother often. Only once, when we first met," Cullen said after seeing Adrianne go quiet.

"I don't remember a lot. Not enough to share at least. I don't even know what she looked like. Papa said Izzy resemblances her so she must've been very pretty,"

"What else has your father told you or that you remember?"

Adrainne concentrated on everything she knew, "People didn't like her..." then she remembered the names hurdled at them once they discovered their lineage, "...or me and my sisters. Half-breed, they called us. Vermin,"

Cullen placed his hand over hers as she remembered her mother being called knife-eared or elven bed warmer. Once she died, the insults stopped. No one knew of their mixed heritage. It made her sad thinking about it.

Adrianne's father cared less at what people thought. He loved her mother deeply. He still loved her. Adrianne would catch him at night looking through her mother's things. Sometimes a tear fall from his eye. It was hardest for him knowing their lives would always be difficult because what their blood held.

He would hug them every time he came back from a trip, and would tell them how much he loved each one of them. That he had never known more beautiful, good, and decent girls than his. That he would always love them no matter what.

He would give them unconditional love. No matter how tired he was or time crunched he was, he made time to come back them. He defended them against any who would harm them. A true warrior to Adrianne.

Cullen squeezed her hand gently as he brought her back from the memories of the Fade, "Well if it helps, I don't care if you're elf-blooded. You're still, Adri to me. You always will be. I'll always like for who you are, not what you are,"

Adrianne hugged him. That meant more coming from him than she was willing to admit. It gave her comfort. He knew the mother topic was difficult for Adrianne especially because it affected much of her early life. She had never told him of her elven heritage. It would've be a gamble especially if he was like the others.

Adrianne was glad he wasn't.

"Thank you, Cullen," she whispered.

"You know, you can always have a home with me. When we're older," Cullen said.

Adrianne laughed. Oh the unintended implication made her blush.

"You're going a templar when we're grown. For all you know, I'll be married off by then,"

Cullen shook his head and grimaced when Adrianne punched him the shoulder, "Not like that! I meant that you're more than just something to be...to be...to be treated like that. You deserve more than that. That's what I wanted to say," he said he braced himself for another hit.

Adrianne looked downward and smiled a girlish grin. She wanted to let out giggle but stopped herself.

She turned to him, "Well," Adrianne smiled,"Thank you. That doesn't mean I'm not going to hit you still," she smirked as she jabbed his shoulder.

"Whatever you say, Adri," Cullen said as they both looked to the beautiful sky that day.

It was the last normal time they had spent together before everything went straight to the Void.

**Okay, flashback sequence is done. **

**Thank you to all who have read, reviewed, or/and followed. I really appreciate it! It's extremely gratifying for me to read all those reviews or to see the list of people following this story grow. So once more: thank you!**

**As always, thank you for reading!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Solace 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne awoke in silence. She felt safe and at ease. None of the whispers that were once haunting her lingered in the corners of her mind. There was no temptation lurking in the shadows, waiting for her to lose focus. It was only her thoughts. Her feelings.

Adrianne mind was her own. She was at peace at last.

She sat at the edge of her bed as her bare feet touched the cold stone floor. Adrianne grasped the post of her bed for leverage as she struggled to rise.

With a wobbly first step, Adrianne relearned the controls of her body. She went slow, taking step by step. There was no rush. It was all her own will. Her own command.

Two templars were stationed outside her room. They both turned to stare at her as stumbled and hobbled out. Adrianne fell to the floor; her weak legs giving out. She felt a templar's hand on her elbown gently helping her rise from the ground.

"Are you alright, miss?," she said.

It took a few moments for Adrianne to form the words, "Yes. I'm...just disorientated. That's all,"

"The Knight Commander will be pleased then. We are to escort you to his office once you've awakened,"

Adrianne nodded as they helped her climb the stairs to meet the Knight Commander. They passed Enchanter Bryant on the way up, and he volunteered to help her the rest of the way. The templars followed them regardless. They had orders, they explained.

Enchanter Bryant didn't speak, but she could feel the relief in his touch that she finally awaken. There was several times she swore he was sitting by her side as she slept. Both he and Wynne looking after her. Adrianne was thankful for both of them. She owed them everything.

* * *

"Now, do you understand? If this happens again, Enchanter Bryant said we may not be able to save you again," Gregor said as he rose from his seat.

Adrianne sighed," I understand," she turned to walk away but not before asking, "Were you able to find the identity of the culprit?"

Gregor stiffened. His face narrowed and turned dark, "Yes. We're going to confront him when he least expects it,"

_Good._

Adrianne glared at the ground, anger fueling her body, "Give that bastard the Void for what he did," Adrianne said in a dark voice.

Gregor nodded in agreement,"We will,"

* * *

Her muscles were worn and sore. However, the tension she once felt was gone. Adrianne didn't have to worry about them hurting anyone.

Everyone was safe...for now.

Several days later, after Adrianne had regained some of her strength, she found herself back in her favorite spot in the Tower. Adrianne sat in the window sill as she combed through the letters she had missed during the dark time. Isabel had written multiple letters, all very threatening and concern ridden at the same time. Her sister had a way with words.

_Dear Adrianne,_

_I have not heard from you since your letter. Are you ignoring me? I hope not. Father and Adeline are worried as am I. Please write and soon._

_Your dearest sister, _

_Isabel._

_Dear Adrianne,_

_Still no letter it seems. Are you too important to write your sister? You better have a good explanation for this, Chantelle. Or you will feel my wrath for making me feel this worried. Do not doubt that. Remember: you may be a lady warrior,but I am the fiercer of us two. Remember that, dearest sister._

_Sincerely,_

_Isabel._

_Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris,_

_I will set sail all the way from Antiva City to Ferelden if you do not respond. This is a promise, Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris. I don't even know if you're alive, if you survived Ostagar, or what. If you are dead, I will raise you from the Veil where I will nag you for all eternity. ALL ETERNITY. I do not care what the templars or whatever rules there are. In no way will a sister of mine will ignore a hand written sentiment. Adrianne, you better start writing fast, or Ferelden will feel the wrath of this Antivan woman._

_Izzy_

Below the letter a finely illustrated scene of what would happen Adrianne did not write soon. Knowing Isabel, she would come. Isabel always said a lady never threatens. They only make aggressive promises, and ladies keep promises.

She could feel the love in the finely written letters. She wished Izzy was here, no matter the cost to Ferelden. Just to see her face in all its fury.

Adrianne found herself smiling. A true smile. Not one with sadness behind it, but a happy, enjoyable smile. Isabel reminded her of who she was. That she was herself. She was no monster. That Adrianne was in control of her person.

Adrianne hugged the letters to her chest. Her sanity restored to her. Of course, she would need to write to Isabel and fast. Or else, Ferelden will fall. This country stood no chance against Isabel's fury.

_Dear Izzy,_

_Do not destroy Ferelden. I don't think anyone will take too kindly to that. Especially now in these...dark times._

_On a more serious topic, I am alive. Barely. I will discuss this in further detail another time, but all you have to know is I am alright._

_Your loving sister,_

_Adrianne_

Adrianne sighed deeply and tilted her head against the window. She was at peace. A foreign emotion she hadn't felt since...since before Ostagar. Adrianne welcomed it with open arms. She ran to it.

She stared out across the lake and saw the sparkling waters. How the sunlight hit the clear blue surface just right. It scattered into different colors. Just like the jewels did in her memory from the Fade. The water was shiny in brilliant light. It looked surreal. Like the shiny things, as she called them.

"I thought I would find you here,"Cullen said from the doorway.

Adrianne looked down in her lap before staring back at him. She smiled tenderly. She almost expected to see the boy from her childhood.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as he moved closer. Adrianne laughed as she held her knees closer to her chest. He was so unsure of himself. It was endearing.

"Um...you're hair," he cleared his throat, "it's down,"

Adrianne held a long black strand between her fingers, "It is. I didn't feel like braiding it today," she replied as she dropped the hair from in between her fingers.

Cullen looked at the ground and blushed. Adrianne swore she saw sweat forming on his forehead.

"It looks-I mean-you! You look nice-no-you're-I don't know what I'm saying" he stammered and stumbled while his face turned red.

Adrianne bit back a chuckle,"I don't either," she replied.

Right now, it felt as if nothing had changed since that time back in Honnelath. He was still terrible with words, and she was just as bad at wanting to laugh at for it. It was nice.

She had not forgotten what had said in her lowest moment. To bring her back from whatever that demon was telling her. It helped shed light in the darkness that had consumed her body. If only for a moment.

It also reaffirmed her feelings towards him.

Cullen breathed deeply. He was preparing himself for something big, "What I meant to say-very badly- is that everything I told you in that chamber: I meant every word," He said as he grew closer.

Heat rushed to Adrianne face. The room felt unseasonably warm and awkward. She shook her head and took a deep breath.

She wanted to touch him. To tell him everything she said, she meant as well. No, she wanted to say more. Adrianne wanted to say what she didn't say back there, to throw caution to the wind, just this once. It seemed like bad thing to do. She wanted to, though.

Adrianne decided against it. The stakes were too high. Especially if he did not return those feelings.

"So did I Cullen. Every word,"she replied.

Cullen smiled softly. He took her hand and caressed it between his own. Adrianne felt her face heat even more as they ventured into unknown territory. She held breath and her heart pounded against her chest. Everything felt so fragile and vulnerable around her, as if it was made of glass. She could lie and say that he was reaching out to her as only a friend. That he was only comforting after a terrifying ordeal. It would've easier to tell herself that lie many times, and eventually believe it.

There would be no lying today. Cullen was looking at her as something more.

The look in his eyes told revealed many things he didn't say. They held interest and longing. Cullen gazed at Adrianne as if she was the only woman who existed. As if nothing mattered except for her at the moment.

Adrianne had been dreaming about this moment since the day she met him at the lake all those years ago. She loved him before she knew it. All those times spent together she kept it to herself. She was only his friend and competitor at the time.

She never thought her dream would become real. It frightened her. It wasn't Honnelath anymore.

This time it was different. They were in different stations. Different factions. Different everything. Was she justified in acting on it? Was he? To complicate things further between them. Did she have a right to act on it? As Adrianne thought earlier, to throw caution to the wind? To be foolish?

Cullen gazed into her eyes, "I've been thinking about that night, before you left for Ostagar," he trailed a finger down her cheek, and Adrianne felt everything inside her grow warm. Fuzzy. It was like she was walking on air, "Does it still hold true?"

**I'm evil, I know ;)**

**Thank you for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Adrianne breathed several shallow breaths as she attempted to process what had transpired. Was this truly happening? Of all times, why now?

These were all questions that rang throughout Adrianne's head.

True to his nature, Cullen remained timid, and unsure about what he was asking. It almost seemed as if he needed assurance that he wasn't putting her at a discomfort. That he wasn't placing any pressure on her. That he wasn't assuming anything. Cullen was careful not to cross any line without her consent.

He was everything she imagined him to be and more.

Adrianne turned her head to hide the blush across her cheeks, "I..," she gazed upwards into those swirls of hazel eyes before she could finish, "I stand by what I said. So...even now," she said quietly before turning away to hide her face.

Adrianne couldn't begin to explain the longing she in her chest. To be with him, and not hide. However, that was impossible, no matter if she wanted it.

She began to feel like the blushing maids from the cliche romance novels Wynne liked so much. If it wasn't for the intense emotions driving out any sense she once held, Adrianne would've laughed at how silly this entire situation. It was a gossip's gold mine.

However, she knew what she felt.

Cullen turned her face toward him, and Adrianne could feel her entire face grow hot with a blush creeping up from her neck. There was no hiding her overwhelmingly noticeable reaction to his touch. A simple caress of her face and he sent her into a mindless haze. The influence his presence had over her never ceased to amaze her. Cullen smiled and Adrianne returned it. Her heart soared to the heavens and back at the sight of that damned smirk.

There were many things she wanted to tell him, but she was mezmerized by him. Captivated how his hand remained on her cheek. The slight change in his breathing. How close he was. A simple reach away.

An intense urge to hold his face in her hands overcame Adrianne's senses. She gently caressed his face, amazed at how anyone so beautiful could be of this world. He leaned his cheeks into Adrianne's hand as she stroked the stubble.

They were walking a tight rope into a dangerous path. It frightened Adrianne at what could happen to him if he was caught with her.

She released Cullen's face and began backing away,"Wait," he pulled her back by her hand and hugged her against his chest. His armor was cool to the touch, and left goosebumps trailing down her arm, "When I came up, I didn't imagine things would end up like. However, I'm glad they did. I..." he paused and looked her into Adrianne's eyes intensely, "things...they're complicated between us. It's not like before, Adri. As a templar, I have duties, and decisions to make. Those obligations can mean choosing between life and death," he took her hand in his, " I don't know what I would do in a world without you,"

Adrianne gave him a pained smile. The hurt in her chest was like pouring citris in a cut. A slow, unbearable burn.

She wanted to hear this, but she didn't want him compromising anything for her. Being a templar was all he thought about when they were younger. She wanted him to follow his dream even if that meant she couldn't be a part of it. Adrianne would remind herself of this so it wouldn't come as surprise when he struck her down finally. This made that all the more harder to bear. He just had to say "I don't know what I would do in a world without you," did he?

Adrianne placed her other hand on top of his and in a soft, but firm voice, she said, "You do your duty Cullen. No one should get hurt because of me," she replied softly.

He smiled crookedly, "I wasn't finished yet," he said while brushing his thumb across her cheek, "For all the Order's rules and restrictions telling me not to," he paused as he pulled her closer, causing Adrianne to stop breathing all together," you're the one thing I'll never give up," he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers.

_Me? The...the one thing he'll never give up. He DOES have feelings for me. I'm not imagining it.  
_

It was like an explosion in her chest. Her heart was racing out of her body. Adrianne had the confirmation she had been waiting for since she had met him. Not even the Circle could contain the happiness and feelings spewing from her at that moment.

Impulse took over. Adrianne leaned in and pushed her lips softly against his. There was no hesitancy on her part. She had always imagined this moment from when she was a girl. What she would do, how Cullen would react. Never in her dreams did she imagine the look on his face when she pulled away.

Cullen held a blank expression. Perhaps the kiss was a bad idea. Adrianne immediately wished she had not acted so headstrong. She placed him in a compromising position. She should have asked what he wanted.

She closed her eyes, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Adrianne looked down to avoid his stare, "I-

Cullen grabbed her by the face and pushed his lips against hers. He took the initiative, and leaped from caution. Adrianne didn't know how to react. He had caught her off guard and with no doubt surprised her. However, it didn't take long for her to regain her composure. Adrianne leaned closer and ran her fingers through his soft golden curls.

There was bliss all around them. It was airy and like a sweet spring day when all the flowers have bloomed and growth since the the winter's day. It was like magic. It was too good to be true.

Cullen pulled away quickly with a faint blush forming over his cheeks, "I'm sorry...," he said while his eyes trailed over her face and gazed into his eyes, "that was real nice," he whispered as he kissed her again.

Adrianne could think of more accurate words than nice to describe that kiss.

Adrianne smiled and gently traced invisible symbols over his skin. She wanted to stay like this. Everything felt right. It was a precious sacred moment. Adrianne didn't want it to end. This was as close to perfection as she could get. This wasn't a dream of a what if.

This dream was real. That alone sent her brain into a haze.

Adrianne leaned in again and placed another kiss upon his lips. Cullen held her tighter as returned her kiss. Adrianne slid her hand down to where the templar emblem was engraved upon his armor. She flattened her hand over it and pulled her head away to rest it upon his shoulder.

"You have no idea how long I wanted to do that," Adrianne whispered as Cullen held her.

Cullen laughed softly as he trailed his hands down her spine,"I won't let anything happen to us...I promise,"

Adrianne closed her eyes once more as she leaned against his shoulder, "I certainly hope so,"

**Confession time: I've literally never written anything like "romantic" before this story. So if this chapter was super awkward, I apologize. It is probably attributed to my lack of experience in the romance genre.**

**Now, I'm debating whether to crush all your hearts like grapes later on today or wait another chapter before I bring on the barrage of feels. Decisions, decisions.**

**As always, thank you for reading!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

August 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne charged the barrier erected around the glowing pedestal as she increased her speed. She ducked, dodged, and rolled across the platform as several lightening bolts came spiraling towards her. She felt a nick of the lightening graze her cheek sightly as it narrowly passed by without hitting her completely. She rose quickly as glyphs came floating toward her. With her staff, she summoned multiple ice spears to attack the glyphs coming from all her sides. It took several moments for them to vanish into the air.

The first obstacles were complete. A test of agility and speed. This test was far from over.

Adrianne jumped and spiraled out of way as several bursts of fire came surging toward her. With light feet, she leaped to the other side of the platform and triggered the next phase.

A series of puzzles landed before her as she moved quickly to get through all of them before her time was done. If she didn't pass, Enchanter Bryant would revoke her most recent commendation. Adrianne had worked hard that promotion, she was determined to keep it.

She fit the last piece of the puzzle in and saw the barrier weaken enough to break through it easily now.

Victory was hers at last.

"You seem to have that foolish smile plastered on your face almost all week. I truly hoped this distraction won't take away from your training now. From the looks of, it didn't. However, you almost were hit by the lightening in the beginning as usual. You were okay, despite all things," Enchanter Bryant commented as Adrianne's spirit blade pierced through the barrier.

Adrianne shook her head and laughed. How very observant he was. Nothing escaped his keen sight. Not even a maiden's grin and blushing smirks. The reason for her smiles would be described as foolish by Enchanter Bryant...if he knew about it. She touched the glowing object on the pedestal and deactivated the traps and triggers in the room.

Adrianne smirked, "Can't your apprentice have a good or fun week?"

Enchanter Bryant stared at Adrianne, studying her. He was on to something, he always was. Ever since she's known him, Enchanter Bryant always seemed to be ten steps ahead of her. What he was ahead of her on, Adrianne couldn't even begin to guess.

He paced several steps before turning to face Adrianne. She stiffened slightly and held her breath. Whatever he was going to say wasn't what she would want to hear.

"You and the templar boy are treading on thin rope," he began as Adrianne's blood went cold in shock...he knew, "A very dangerous circumstance for both of you,"

The words were stuck in Adrianne's throat. She and Cullen believed they had done well in their secret meetings. Covering up their trail and making sure no one was following. They made sure to leave at separate times and never together. Even their hidden glances and smiles were done in isolation, when no one was looking. Apparently, they hadn't done nearly enough.

Adrianne looked back to Enchanter Bryant who seemed ready for an explanation. She wasn't nearly ready to give him one and he sensed as much.

Enchanter Bryant raised his eyebrow slightly,"This is a good way to end up getting hurt. You cannot allow your guard to go down," he quickly sent a fireball hurdling toward Adrianne that she barely deflected in time, "As you can see this can be dangerous. Love places everyone in danger," he explained.

This was not what she had in mind when she came in for training today. Enchanter Bryant providing her warning on forbidden romance was on the very bottom of that list. In fact, it wasn't even on the list because he wasn't supposed to know! No one was to ever find out.

Forbidden romances always played out like this, it seemed. Everyone couldn't and wouldn't remain clueless for long. Especially here.

Adrianne sighed. She knew what he was trying to get at, "I understand," she looked around to make sure no one was in earshot, "You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?" she whispered.

She expected him to turn her in. To tell her she had gone astray. Lost her way. That there was no redeeming quality in Adrianne anymore.

However, Enchanter Bryant was loyal. She shouldn't have expected anything less when he spoke.

"No, what happens in your spare time is of your own business. I can only tell you the word of caution and advise you on a possible course of action. Other than that the decisions you make are of your own. The consequences you are to bare as a result are your own as well," he replied while looking in the distance behind Adrianne.

The same look he had when he spoke of Herah that day. The same dazed sad look in his eyes.

"Are you advising me against whatever it is I'm doing, then?"

He returned his attention back to her, "No," he finally said," I'm just asking you to exercise caution. I was in your place once, and I wasn't cautious enough. Don't make the same mistakes I did,"

Adrianne had to repeat what he said in her mind to properly process what he had told her. For a minute she didn't believe she heard right. In fact, she was sure she heard wrong. That couldn't be. It didn't make sense. Enchanter Bryant having an ill-fated romance with...Herah. Everything she knew about the woman came together at that moment.

_She was a templar. Herah was her name. Sacrificed her life to save our sorry lot. Never met her like again._

_Herah._

That's who she was, and what she meant to Enchanter Bryant. The look in his eyes. That distant far off look...it made sense now. He was thinking of her whenever he held that frozen in time demeanor. The only time he allowed himself to love, and she was taken from him.

Everything made sense. Herah was the love of his life. He sees them in Adrianne and Cullen. A tragedy waiting to happen.

It took several minutes for Adrianne to recover from the sudden revelation that she didn't see coming.

"I-I don't know what to say," Adrianne finally said after several stumbles.

Enchanter Bryant turned to walk away but not before saying over his shoulder, "You don't have to say anything, just keep your guard up,"

**Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and survived the fanfiction shutdown of '15. **

**Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I want to thank everyone for their support. Every little bit makes it easier on my part to keep going. So once more, thank you!**

**As always, thank you for reading!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Rating has gone up to 'M'.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Adrianne laughed as she felt Cullen trace around the amulet. He grazed the skin surrounding it ever so softly as he continued to gaze intensely at it. Adrianne felt every fiber in her body relax at the calming sensation he was sending across her person.

The amulet was the start of it all.

He picked it up carefully and inspected its smooth, translucent surface, "It still shines like how I bought it that first day," Cullen said as he continued to trace the amulet's shape.

Those days working at the woodcutter's must've been flooding back to the forefront of Cullen's mind from the expression that graced his face. Adrianne thought fondly of the day had given it to her. That was the first time she believed they had a chance. It was a sweet time in childhood.

Adrianne smiled lazily as she slung her arm across his bare chest. She lay her head in the crook of his neck and kissed it. She felt his hand slide from her amulet to the curve of hip and laughed softly.

"I took care of it that's why," she whispered as she placed a kiss upon his throat.

Cullen hissed slightly before drawing Adrianne in for another kiss. It started innocent enough, but if their earlier excursions were any proof, it wouldn't stay that way. The kiss grew deeper and more intense as Cullen slid his hands across her stomach and to her spine. A shiver ran throughout her body and caused her breaths to become labored.

She trailed her fingers lightly across his chest as she learned his body. The warmth in the room colored their cheeks, making everything feel all the more surreal. All Adrianne wanted to do was to memorize every line, every curve upon Cullen's person.

Her breathing hitched again and not before long, Adrianne climbed atop Cullen's hips.

He reached up and touched her cheek gently. So softly, as if Adrianne would break by a simple caress. She leaned her head closer to his and placed a kiss upon his lips. Adrianne could feel him smiling.

Adrianne deepened the kiss, and pressed her forehead against Cullen's. His hands trailed up her back and stopped when he noticed Adrianne pulling away. He was confused by her abrupt stop. Adrianne chuckled silently. She held his face in her hands and smiled faintly.

The love she held for him was more than life itself. She wanted to treasure this moment. To remember it. To live in it. To feel it.

She lost herself in him.

* * *

"Is something troubling you?" he asked in the afterglow of the evening.

Adrianne frowned and reached for his hand. Cullen squeezed hers gently in his as he pulled her closer. She leaned her head against his shoulder and slowly closed her eyes. She thought about what Enchanter Bryant had warned her of. The warnings from a man who had years of experience. A man who has lost.

_A tragedy waiting to happen._

It was concerning to say the least. There was nothing she wanted more than for them to love together in peace, and happiness. It was wishful thinking. With their luck, anything was possible. Bad things happened when something forbiddened bloomed. It was only a matter of when it would happen.

There were never happy endings in these stories.

_"_Are you worried, about us? About what could happen," she whispered as she held him tighter.

Cullen remained silent for several moments before he pulled her closer, "Sometimes," he replied.

Adrianne could hear the slight fear in his voice. He was right to be afraid. Any consequence to come to either of them would be theirs to bear. A result of their ill-fated romance. One that could cost them everything and each other.

If it would've been a casual dalliance, nothing would've mattered. They would've gone their separate ways and put a stop to it. No one's feelings hurt, no strings attached. It would've been easier that way.

However, Adrianne and Cullen were going for something more than just physicality. The bond between them went deeper and beyond the surface. They knew each other inside and out. Neither one of them could see another as their equal as they saw each other.

If something happened...there was a guarantee someone would end up with a broken heart. Alone.

"Do you regret this?" she asked softly.

"No. This is one thing I'll never regret, no matter what happens," Cullen whispered softly. He held Adrianne's hand tighter in his before confessing, "I love you, Adri,"

A tear rolled down Adrianne's cheek slowly. She lifted her head slightly and smiled before placing her head back on his shoulder.

"I love you, too," she replied replied softly.

In that moment, they allowed themselves to believe anything could be. That everything would be alright. For a moment, Thedas was what they imagined it would be. A place were they could live together, and create something good.

However, all good things come to an end. They only hoped it wouldn't be them.

**Um...well the most awkward chapter I've ever written. You've just tuned into me continuing to write very sappy romance.**

**Confession time: Remember some chapters ago I mentioned I've never really written a kiss romance chapter that this story is my first. If you do, well, this is my first semi-sex romance chapter. The coward I am, I decided, 'Nope! Not gonna write all that other stuff until I've done more research'. Hence, the black out. So readers, if you know of any talented smut writers, send them my way. That will probably be the most awkward and weird request I will make of you guys. Thank you in advance.**

**As always, thank you for reading! I will proceed to squish your hearts like grapes next chapter. Let the feels begin! :DToodles!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

August 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne walked slowly among the abnormally empty halls. Everyone was scattered within the tower. So few left and permitted to walk in the halls. It was a tense, unnerving silence that made her all the more on edge. It was strange, and everything seemed off. Even the templars were standing stiffer and tenser than usual. There was something terribly wrong.

It had been over an hour since Gregor had called Irving and the other enchanters into the conference room. Enchanter Bryant was there. Adrianne was worried something must've happened in the war against the darkspawn. Or that Uldred was trying to ally them with Loghain once more. It seemed peace evaded the tower these days. Whatever the case may be, everyone in the Circle knew things were not normal.

Adrianne passed several apprentices talking in hushed whispers in a secluded and restricted area to those who haven't yet tested for their Harrowing. How were they even permitted there?

She walked toward them and saw them jump in surprise. They looked like the cat caught with a canary. These apprentices looked no older than fifteen. Still children in a sense. There was no way they would be here. Not even with permission. Classes were cancelled today. All apprentices were to report to their rooms.

She waited for an explanation, but they remained silent.

She crossed her arms,"What are you doing? Apprentices are not supposed to be here," Adrianne asked while eying one the apprentices arm that had numerous cuts and scars littered across it. The apprentice immediately pulled down their sleeve once they saw Adrianne's eyes narrowed upon it. These were not just any apprentices. They were up to something. Only a blood mage would have all those markings on their skin.

One of the boys spoke in an attempt to distract Adrianne from making any further connections, "Oh it's you, Enchanter Calligaris um...we were supposed to meet Senior Enchanter Uldred here. He was going to give us a lecture," he explained.

Adrianne looked between the youths, but said nothing. They must've thought she was utterly stupid to believe such a lie. There were to be no lessons or lectures as instructed by the Knight-Commander. All mages had the day off, no magic allowed or training areas to be used. She knew they were up to something at that moment. Something they were hiding.

"Really? All mages have the day off today. Apprentices are to be in their rooms. No exceptions. Now tell me what you're really doing?" Adrianne demanded as she saw the apprentices tense. She had caught them in their web of lies.

She saw one them reach for the dagger and acted accordingly. With one hand she summoned vines from the beneath the stones in the tower and binded the other two against the wall. Adrianne whirled around and kicked the dagger out of the boy's hand and levitated him into the air. He screamed like a child. He was no child.

The templars came running toward Adrianne as she shook the boy.

"Now tell me! What we were you here for?!" she yelled.

"What's going on here?" the templar's asked while eying Adrianne.

Without taking her eyes off the boy she responded, "These are blood mages. They were going to attack me. Now tell me, who sent you here?" she said firmly.

The boy glared at her, eyes full of hatred, "I'm not telling you! We won't be complacent anymore for the Chantry or the templars to rule over us again. HE gave us the power to fight back! Enchanter's like you are templar boot lickers!," he screamed from the top of his lungs.

Adrianne shook him again, "Who's he? I will not hesitate to hurt if you don't tell me who taught you," she warned. This boy was testing her whatever patience she still possessed.

He laughed with a crazed voice, "It doesn't matter!," he continued with his maniacal laughter.. He held the look of crazed man. He was gone, "We've already won!"

They heard a loud explosion in the distance followed by cries and screams. Adrianne turned away only for a second before she saw the boy transform into an abomination before her very eyes. His flesh twisted and contorted every which way until whatever he was before was unrecognizable.

The abomination broke free and lunged for Adrianne. She summoned a shield and in the same motion simultaneously pierced through the abomination's abdomen with her spirit blade. Blood spewed out and onto Adrianne's face and robes. It smelt of death. It was not human anymore.

The other apprentices still attached to the wall shrieked in terror at their slain friend. Adrianne turned to the templars.

"What's -" Claws tore through the skin on her back as she screeched in agony at the pain. It felt as if razors were being dragged across her back. She could feel the fire race across her skin to where she was attacked. She turned quickly, tearing even more skin from her wound, to see three other demons coming up from behind her.

She threw up a barrier quickly as the demon swung again. The templars charged the demons position as Adrianne froze them. She electrocuted them with lightening to paralyze them even more as the templars finished the job.

The apprentices behind her were turning. Child-murder echoed throughout her mind. Adrianne hung her head in shame as she stabbed both of them in the chest before they could complete the rite. So much potential wasted.

Once all was under control, Adrianne touched her back gently and brought back a dark red hand gleaming in blood. She was repulsed by the horrid smell.

The situation became clear: blood mages had infiltrated the Circle's ranks. They were summoning demons to do their bidding. Kill those who would stand against them. Catch them off guard before they gained strength. Make their cause be known and instill fear into those who could be manipulated.

They had succeeded.

"We should hurry before more of those things come," one of the templars suggested as they all stared at the bodies littering the ground.

They ran through the halls like mad men. Adrianne held the barrier around them as demons followed closely behind. She lit them on fire and watched as their bodies turned to ashe.

It was a nightmare. Surely nothing such as this could happen. Not here...not here. The Maker couldn't be that evil. He couldn't. What did they ever do to deserve this? Did he truly hate mages as people claimed? How much did they have to endure?

There was no Maker. How could anyone believe in such a horrid god? One who didn't care for his own. One who allowed suffering to happen.

Adriane lost whatever faith she clung onto. She didn't believe in the Maker and he didn't believe in her.

Adrianne struggled to remain composed as images of Ostagar began resurfacing in her mind. New ones. Old ones. Pieces of the puzzle coming together at last.

_"__HOLD THE FRONT!" Commander Laurel yelled as darkspawn matter sprayed on her._

_Adrianne steeled herself against a hurlock as she blocked it's blade with her glowing spirit blade. With her staff, she flung a boulder across the way and onto the darkspawn creature. She heard it's bones and brains breaking apart before growing quiet. She only had a second to recover before an arrow sped past her. _

_She ducked behind a barrel as the darkspawn archer missed again. Adrianne breathed heavily as she looked to the motionless knight enchanter next to her. She felt for a pulse quickly and drew her hand back when all there was only cold death on the mage. So many of them had fallen. Many more will share this mage's fate. So much fighting everywhere.  
_

_"__Someone take out that archer!" Adrianne yelled over shoulder as another arrow narrowly missed her head. _

_A body hit the ground and Adrianne sprung from her position and fired. The darkspawn hit the ground, burnt to the bone. However many Knight Enchanters that were left, regrouped. They all were battered and bruised from the relentless combat. Some were even at death's door. _

_"__This position is hopeless Commander Laurel! We're going to be surrounded soon if we don't make our retreat!" one of them shouted._

_"__We're not gonna make it! So many of us are dead, and there's many more dying. You must understand that, Laurel my love," a woman said as she lay a dying Knight Enchanter on the ground._

_Commander Laurel shook her head, "No, we must maintain our position for those wardens. They're our only hope to win this battle now,"_

_Adrianne remained silent throughout it all. She never said it, but she wanted to go home. Not to Circle, but home. With Isabel, and her Father, and Adeline. She wanted to be with them. She had seen so much blood and turmoil these last several days...it was too much. They weren't going back to the Circle. They wouldn't make it back. Their time was up._

_"__I understand our morale is low, but with our -" armored men came through the door. The Commander's eyes lit, "You must be Loghain's men at last! You're our-" _

_Commander Laurel's body fell to the ground as blood sputtered from the arrow lounged in her throat. Her gasps for air came to a halt. Adrianne was too frightened to move. They were going to kill them all._

_"You killed her! We're on the same side!"_

_The leader shook his head slowly as he drew his sword from it's sheath, "There can be no witnesses," The gleam of the iron teased the inevitability. Adrianne backed away and held her breath. _

_They said magic was the blight of all mortal life. That it was curse. There was no worse sin than to possess magic. That it was taint upon the Maker's precious world. It could never be mastered and those under it could never be trusted. That mages were savages._

_As Adrianne stared at the man's sword, she wondered what made him any better than her. What about him made people yell in delight? Why was he more deserving of people's kindness than she? He and his men were going to slaughter them. Innocent people fighting for the same cause as him. People trying to protect the very soil they lived on. What made him better than them?_

_When did it become acceptable to allow living creatures, beings to become nothing more than a hollow shell for others to fear?_

_Why did the Chantry allow it happen? When was it ever okay to allow good, decent people to suffer under your watch? Were they not people too?_

_She heard a scream and another body hit the ground. There was no turning back now._

Adrianne swallowed as she wiped a tear from her eye. That was their fate. It wasn't the darkspawn. It was people. People. Not the creatures.

It was people that Adrianne needed to fear, not those who had magic. People were their own worst nightmare.

Flemeth was right: it was better if she didn't remember.

* * *

They reached the main doors where a congregation of templars were forming. Adrianne released her barrier as the templars to their brethren. They were safe. Her people were not. They were trapped inside the nest of the demons, blood mages, and abominations. Death was waiting to claim them.

There were so many left behind:Wynne, Irving,...Enchanter Bryant.

Enchanter Bryant was still in there. He was still there. He was there where the explosion occurred. Adrianne hadn't seen him as they passed through the halls. Everything was a mess. People desperate to find safety. What were the chances something happened to him?

He taught her everything. He was there, and made her believe in her gift. Made her believe in herself. To humanize herself and make her skin of steel. To fight against those who would harm them. To never feel the pain again. To be strong.

He saved her life all those years ago. When she was nothing. He never gave up on her. Not when she didn't believe in her gift and not once while she was in the clutches of a demon. She wasn't going to lose him. Not now. Not ever.

He was there in her time of need, now she was going to find him. She was going to find him and bring him to safety. That's all that mattered at this moment.

Adrianne stepped back as the templars motioned for her to come quickly into safety. She shook her head slowly. There would be no going back.

"Enchanter Calligaris if you don't come, there's no guarantee this door will be open when you come back," the templar pleaded.

She looked to the floor before speaking, "No, Enchanter Bryant is still in there. He needs my help,"

"That area is crawling with demons! There's no way he survived,"

She shook her head again. She had to do this. She had to know for sure. There would be no giving up on him.

"I'm not coming back without him," and she ran back into the chaos.

The Circle was bleeding. It was bleeding for help.

**The rebellion has begun! **

**To be continued.**


	22. Chapter 22

August 9:30 Dragon

Sweat beat down Adrianne's forehead as she sprinted toward the danger. The screams of mages filled and echoed throughout the halls. For many, it was too late to save them. It was all the same every time. Either they had already died at a demon's hands or succumbed to a blood mages' control.

Adrianne swallowed her disgust as she saw children among the deceased. So young and vulnerable. What manner of person would do such a thing? Children were the most innocent of the innocents. Even they were not spared.

It was madness and fear everywhere. There was no escape. All that remained were the mages will for the Circle to survive and live a while longer as they waited for rescue. Adrianne knew it was a long shot for someone to save them.

The Circle was dying. It was dying by it's own hand.

There was so much destruction that Adrianne could barely even recognize the tower. This was the place that shaped her into the woman she was today. It was where she was raised. There was many things that made her who she was here. Now...it was all gone.

For years she had known of what the mages had to endure. The dehumanization and treatment at the hands of the Chantry. Female mages forced to give up the child they had held in their wombs for months. Who they had loved and carried throughout it all.

Despite its flaws, Adrianne still saw good in the Circle. For all its blunders, it saved many mages lives. Hers included. It was a place were they could practice their magic in peace. Where they could learn to control it. To master it. Above all, the Circle was a place where mages didn't need to be afraid to show who they truly were.

However, many were not content with that ideal. They wanted true freedom. Apparently, no matter what the cost.

Adrianne wanted to agree with their decision. She truly wanted to, but seeing all the turmoil and chaos, she couldn't bring herself to. She didn't want freedom at all this cost. Lives lost senselessly. Innocents butchered. Allowing demons to assist them in their efforts. No, Adrianne couldn't agree with any of that.

The price of freedom. All the mages had to pay.

Adrianne grimaced as her wound reopened from all the movement she's done. She shrugged off the pain scorching within her body. There was no time to heal herself. That energy was better saved to fight the horrors to come.

With every step, there was no knowing what could happen. There was no certainties now. It was much like her Harrowing, she had to keep her wits about herself. Adrianne had no choice. It was either that or die.

She rounded another corner and saw a group of mages along with most of the children that survive. Wynne was there along with Petra and several others, outnumbered by the demons. Adrianne charged forward as she wielded her sword like a warrior.

They struggled in driving the demons back. Adrianne closed her eyes as demon blood coated her face. It was a never ending army of demons. Every time it was harder to keep fighting. Death surrounded them at every angle. There was no end in sight. All around them, evil loomed over them, waiting to claim them.

Evil was a real force in this world. Not the imaginings of stories or tall tales to keep the people afraid, frightened. The evil was within every being. Anyone was able and capable of unleashing it into Thedas in different magnitudes.

At this moment, Adrianne remembered what Enchanter Bryant had said about people: _I've seen people at their worst far more than at their best. _

Mages were at their worst in this time. Pulling people's fears to light. Reminding the Chantry of the danger magic held. Giving them another justification for what they do. Another reason to strip them of their humanity. Every mage hereafter would have to atone for the mistakes done here. To give people a reason to believe in believe they were people. That they were not a curse.

Adrianne felt Wynne's hand on her shoulder as she stared at the bodies on the ground. Mage and demon intermixed. Two halves of the same coin.

"Don't lose your drive now," Wynne softly as she stared at the bodies of the mages she couldn't save, "You'll need it to survive,"

Adrianne nodded absentmindedly, never taking her eyes off the bodies. Another memory had surfaced.

_"Why are they doing this?" Korra asked as she coughed up blood. _

_Adrianne and she had narrowly escaped Loghain's men. They were hiding behind crates, staying as quiet as they could. Korra had been gravely wounded in the process. Korra had begged her to leave her, and flee while she could. Adrianne refused to leave her behind to die. Not when she able to do something or at least attempt to save her._

_Adrianne pressed her hands against the woman's side, willing healing magic to mend the deep wound. The magic wasn't working as Adrianne had hoped. There was too much. It was too serious, too critical of an injury. She was going to die. Adrianne cursed silently as she could do nothing but sit and watch Korra lose her life. To feel so helpless...it was something Adrianne never wished she had to experience. _

_What use was this gift she had if she couldn't save one person?_

_Adrianne eyes grew sad, and she closed them so Korra wouldn't see, "I don't know, Korra. I...just…," a tear escaped and rolled down Adrianne's cheek, "I don't know,"_

_Korra laughed, "Didn't think it would go down like this," her voice broke into a sob, "And they say we're the monsters," she sniffled before breathing heavily as she cried out in pain._

_"Don't move, Korra. You'll make the bleeding worse," Adrianne insisted as she pressed harder on Korra's side._

_Adrianne couldn't accept that Korra was dying. With every mana store she had in her body, Adrianne poured more magic into Korra's injury. Adrianne could feel the magic flowing through her veins, pulsing and lighting itself into the real world. A beauty in its own way._

_No matter how beautiful it was, it came too late. _

_Korra held an empty, lifeless expression. Despair washed over Adrianne as she attempted to convince herself that Korra was just daydreaming. It was a futile effort on her part to avoid her failure. Adrianne shook her slightly to rouse her. There was nothing. Adrianne grazed her fingers over Korra's eyelids to close them for her eternal slumber._

_Was this every mage's fate?_

More demons came their way. The children cried out as they hid behind the enchanters. There was no way they would be able to protect the children and fight at the same time as they did before. Not with that many coming. Everyone would be slain. Someone had to hold them off so the rest could flee.

Adrianne looked around at the worn faces of the enchanters. A small girl looked to her, eyes full of awe and wonder. They were eyes full of hope. Full of faith that Adrianne would save them. They reminded her much of when she was a young girl when she saw Enchanter Bryant. Whenever she encouraged Cullen he could be a templar.

Cullen...would be safe. He had to. He had to keep on living. Adrianne reached to the amulet still hung around her neck and held it. It was as if he was there giving her strength. Giving her courage to do what needed to be done.

If there was a Maker, Adrianne prayed to him to watch over Cullen and for him to forgive her.

Adrianne accepted what she must do. She let go the amulet and breathed deeply as the sounds of the demons came near.

"Wynne," she turned toward her and looked her in the eyes, "Go. I'll hold them off as you take the children and others to safety," she said with firmness in her voice. It wasn't a suggestion, it was an order.

Wynne shook her head quickly, "No, I can't allow you to do that! You'll die if-"

Adrianne pointed her hands around them to the death surrounding them, "We'll all die if I don't," Adrianne argued, "Keeping the children alive is your job," she smiled sadly as she remembered the vow she took to protect the Circle and all it's occupants inside when she became a Knight Enchanter. Isabel had always said a lady honors her promises. Izzy would be glad to know that Adrianne finally kept one, "It's mine to protect you, even if it means sacrifice,"

Wynne's face fell as heard Adrianne's words. It was the first time Adrianne had seen Wynne in such a state.

Wynne embraced her tightly, "Go," Adrainne whispered as she heard the demons draw closer.

Wynne reluctantly separated as she and the others began running. Adrianne stood straighter as she watched them flee the danger and into safety. That's what she wanted. Now this is what needed to be done. Wynne slowed down as Adrianne saw the demons come. There were many. Many more than what they faced together. Adrianne shook her head and pleaded with her eyes for Wynne to flee.

Adrianne shot a fireball toward the demons looming toward her at an alarming rate. One broke through the pack and attacked. Adrianne bashed it's head with the hit of her spirit. She whirled around and struck another.

She summoned several ice traps to slow the rest as she fought off two from her sides. She looked behind quickly to see Wynne still there.

Whatever Adrianne was going to scream was silenced as she heard large ground shattering footsteps. There was only one such demon that could cause such an occurrence.

Pride demon.

It's large threatening form lurked across the hallway. The muscles and spikes rippled throughout its body, evoking its terror and danger within and without. Many mages succumbed to it's possession.

Adrianne gathered all the courage within her soul and mind and charged, making sure the other demons followed. She took out several on the way to the pride demon. Hacking, summoning, and slashing all the way toward it. Fear far from her mind now. Determination to see Wynne and the others survive fueling her.

Adrianne whinced as a demon claw ripped the skin on her shoulder. She retailiated quickly, never taking her eyes off the pride demon. She yelled as she came within reach.

The pride demon laughed at her efforts. It grabbed her in its hand shook her wildly. Adrianne smiled viciously. It was falling for her trap. Pain quickly overcame her as it squeezed her, shattering and breaking her bones.

She glanced at Wynne once before she did what needed to be done. The world slowed, remembering what she did.

Using her only free hand, Adrianne raised it to the ceiling. Reaching for it. Power was pooling into her arm. Energizing the strength she needed. Every store of mana, even her own life force, went into breaking the stone and toppling the ceiling above their heads.

Wynne final fled and Adrianne smiled as she stared after her. It was a good distraction from the inevitability.

The pain finally broke was so much of it everywhere she looked. It was an endless wave of suffering. So much agony as every muscle in her body died on her. As her body tried its best to keep her alive. The pain was suffocating. It was all she was able to feel.

Adrianne remained in a state of turmoil while under the rubble. She smiled in defiance at the pride demons last breaths after the dust was settled. She had won. Wynne and her group would live to see another day. That final thought gave her some peace.

They would live.

Adrianne felt her eyes close, thinking that it was forever.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

August 9:30 Dragon

"We were wrong you idiot!" Adrianne heard as she stirred from the darkness.

She cried at the pain she felt shoot down her spine. It was a heavy, scratching unbearable pressure upon her broken body. Nothing was in the right place or intact, yet she was still alive? How was she even able to survive all this? Why did death refuse to claim her a second time?

In the midst of her thoughts, Adrianne heard another voice, "She sided with the other enchanters, Lua! She's a traitor to every mage! Why did you dig up her body from that pile of rubble? Uldred said to make sure every single one is dead if they don't accept. Not to heal them,"

_Lua? She sided with the blood mages?Then she healed me...what in the Void is going on?  
_

"She was my roommate! She listened all those times when no one else did! And I repaid her by allowing Uldred to plant a demon in her! I couldn't save her. Look at her! Now she's dead because of me...and whatever we are fighting for," Lua cried.

They continued arguing, but it was distant on Adrianne's ears. Adrianne didn't want to listen anymore. She...she trusted Lua. They had been roommates for two years, and Lua willingly put a demon in her that nearly succeeded in killing Wynne. That blind trust almost had Adrianne killed.

That pain was indescribable. To know someone you trusted...betrayed you when you at your weakest point. It hurt more than Adrianne's broken body ever could. And the more she thought about it, Adrianne's blood began to boil. That pain she felt only moments earlier gave way to anger and outrage.

Adrianne couldn't look at Lua without hate and disgust. If anything was redeemable in Lua, Adrianne had yet to see it. Lua sickened Adrianne. Luckily for her, she and the other mage left her alone. A blessing in disguise.

Adrianne heard heavy, struggling breathing. It sounded as if someone was clinging to life. At least they had Adrianne to keep them company in their last moments.

No one should die alone.

With gritted teeth at the amount of agony it took to turn her head to the side, Adrianne's heart stopped. She choked on tears as her heart broke. Adrianne prayed to whoever existed in the heavens that this couldn't be. It just...it couldn't. Not like this. Not to this cruel, cruel world.

He was stronger than she was! Yet Adrianne was able to think clearly and hold onto this life and cheat death twice. Why? What was so special about her that she continued to live?

Enchanter Bryant sat limp and stiff against the same wall. His face was pale with his veins visible against his skin. His forehead was wet with sweat, and his eyes were tired and worn. No fight left in them. The fire and confidence they once possessed was gone. There was no drive left in him. Broken and weak.

_What did they do to him?_

Adrianne felt her tears come down in waterfalls. This couldn't be. It couldn't. A heavy ache pushed itself upon her chest. She didn't want this to be real. She didn't want any of this. To see him like this, so broken and a shadow of his former self was more than punishment;it was torture.

There was nothing left to him. Only a husk continuing to breathe.

"En...en-enchanter," Adrianne croaked as the words refused to leave her tongue, "Bry-bry-ant," she breathed.

Enchanter Bryant allowed his head turn weakly toward Adrianne. It was devoid of emotion, of life. That alone made Adrianne cry all the more.

"It seems you survived. Looks like something...I-I taught stuck," he whispered so faintly that Adrianne struggled to hear him.

Even now, he was still correcting her. Just like he always did. There was never knowing what could come out of his mouth. Death didn't scare him from stating what was on his mind. Perhaps there was a little fight left in him. At least, this is what Adrianne told herself.

Adrianne reached for his cold, sickly hand and squeezed it. Enchanter Bryant didn't have enough strength to hold her hand. He wasn't going to make it. He had the face Korra held in her final moments. A faraway, distant expression. One that looked beyond the physical world. In a way, a peaceful look.

_Comfort him...give him at least that._

Adrianne smiled halfway before she tried speaking again, "I-I..." she began, "...bette-er than...yyoouou...th-thought,"

Enchanter Bryant croaked out a laugh. Adrianne chuckled slightly before the pain in her body became too much. It sounded so strange to Adrianne's to hear his laughter for the first and last time. It was childish with a hint of refinement and restraint. It was almost like a fake laugh, but the emotion behind it reached his eyes. That's how Adrianne knew it wasn't a fake one.

Enchanter Bryant wheezed and choked on his own breath. She squeezed his hand gently to remind him she was there as he was for her. He struggled for hours, and Adrianne held his hand all through it. She didn't let go once. Not even to rest.

There was no worse suffering than watching those you care about dying in front of your eyes. All the while you could do absolutely nothing to stop it. There was no harsher punishment Adrianne could think of than this. It was like her own personal Void. A test of when she would break.

To endure and to know. Two things Enchanter Bryant constantly preached.

To endure what mages had to go through no matter obstacle and to know there will be an end to it all someday. That just as all good things come to an end, and bad things do as well. Until then, keep proving people wrong.

Those were the softest sayings he would tell her. They comforted her time of doubt.

Now they helped more than ever.

For a moment, she was a little girl again. Enchanter Bryant wasn't the dying man next to her, but the strong confident mentor teaching her to feel the magic, and to never be afraid of it. To trust it and believe and know she could control. To see the beauty in it.

It felt odd to be that age again. It was most likely an illusion or trick her mind was playing. Whatever it was, it brought comfort to them both. The mind trick made it easier to converse.

"I want to give you something," Enchanter Bryant said as he removed a golden banded ring from his finger and a necklace with the same ring from his neck.

Adrianne saw the beautiful shine it had. It glistened in the limited light they had. In its simplicity, the ring was beautiful in its own way.

Enchanter Bryant placed the rings her hand. Adrianne traced over the engraved leaves, noting how gorgeous the design was. Upon closer inspection, two names were enscribed in fine script: Herah and Bryant. Both the rings had them. Adrianne looked to Enchanter Bryant for explanation.

"It's the only thing I have left of her. She gave it to me the night before she died. Herah had them made especially for us. I took hers from her dying hands so we would always be together," he looked away before turning back to Adrianne, "Now they're yours," he whispered.

Adrianne squeezed the rings tightly. She looked back to Enchanter Bryant to see he had returned to his present state, and Adrianne's to hers. Adrianne could tell he was fighting death's claim on him with all his might. It was too painful to watch.

It was time to let him go. He had suffered enough. He would have continued holding on as long as Adrianne was there. To show it was endurable. That was the type of person he was. He never did like showing her his weakness. Not even now as he was dying.

"It...okay to go...enchanter," Adrianne allowed a tear to fall, "I'll...I'll be fine. Go...to her," Adrianne whispered.

Enchanter Bryant looked to Adrianne and then to the ceiling. It was as if he was arguing within himself on what to do.

"En-en-echanter...Bryant...you...taught me ...everything," she stared into his weary eyes,"...you were there when...I needed you most..saved me. Not...weak letting go," she croaked through her tears.

He remained silent before choking out, "Thank you...you were my greatest success. Proud to have been your mentor. I'm sorry,"

_Sorry for what?_

Adrianne smiled through her blurry vision,"Nothing to be sorry of...rest in peace,"

It wasn't long after that Enchanter Bryant's head lay against her shoulder as he passed on. Adrianne bid a silent farewell to him, and hoped he was finally reunited with Herah at long last.

Adrianne stared straight ahead as the hours passed, and death didn't come to her door. She remained there with Enchanter Bryant's dead body next to her the entire time.

It was a never-ending torture for Adrianne.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

August 9:30 Dragon

Adrianne awoke dazed to the sounds of voices in the hall. Shadows of two people appeared in the doorway. Adrianne strained to hear what they spoke of but her heart fell at what she was able to dicipher.

"Uldred has Irving and the others in the Harrowing Chamber. It won't be long until the Circle's ours. This is only the beginning he said,"

_I failed._

Adrianne squeezed the rings in her hand tightly. She failed the Circle. Everyone was going to die and it would be her fault. She had sworn an oath to protect all those who lived within the tower...and now it was in destruction. Adrianne had failed.

There was no faith...no justice.

Adrianne stared at the ceiling with numbness, and with weary and worn eyes. She was tired, so very tired. All she wanted to do was to go home. To live. To be loved. To be accepted. To dream foolishly.

That world didn't exist. Perhaps it never would. Maybe she was fooling herself and giving herself false hope. She was shaken now. Her eyes wide to the world she lived in.

The horrors of mankind were all around her. People at their worst. Willingly killing one another for their own purposes. At any cost with no mercy.

Were people truly as cruel as their Maker?

All Adrianne could do was watch as the world tore itself asunder and wondered if she would ever receive her answer. A tear trickled down slowly as the pain broke through the numbness.

_I must remain strong. Don't let this break you. To endure the trials of all mages. To know there will be an end. That it will end some day. Until then keep on fighting and proving people wrong.  
_

She closed her eyes and returned to sleep once more and awaited what would become of her.

* * *

Her eyelids drooped as she counted another second gone by. Adrianne was sure she was delirious. Nothing seemed real anymore. Everything was silent, except for her shallow breaths as she gazed across the destroyed Circle.

To endure and to know there will be end kept echoing throughout her mind. Now it seemed more like a taunt, mocking her.

Would there be an end?

The pain became worse as the hours passed by. She had only Enchanter Bryant's head nestled on her shoulder to remind Adrianne where she was. And what had occurred.

_Never forget what happened. Know that you can't change it, even if you wanted to.  
_

How she wished that wasn't so.

There was so much uncertainty in the air. So much unknown. She felt as helpless as she did at Ostagar. Resigned to the torment of others.

_Adrianne fled as Loghain's men trailed closely behind. The prey hunted by the predator. Sweat dripped down her brow while she heard their footsteps loom dangerously close. She willed herself to run faster, telling herself of the consequences as motivation.  
_

_She rounded another corner as she hoped to lose the soldiers in the chase. Her heart raced against her chest and stopped when she reached the ledge; a dead end. She looked over to see the long fall with the ground no where in sight. Adrianne looked over her shoulder to see the men lurching forward. Every step signaling the impending doom before her.  
_

_She backed as far as she could with her feet lingering on the edge of the ledge,"Why do this?" she asked, "Why do any of this?"_

_"We're only following orders. Everyone would die if Loghain didn't pull back. We can't have people spreading slander about him and telling anyone otherwise,"  
_

_Adrianne still didn't understand. Why? Kill to cover his tracks? How would that solve anything?  
_

_"So you kill anyone who was in this tower? Is that it?" she demanded.  
_

_"I'm sorry, we have no choice,"  
_

_Adrianne shook her head in anger. It was a lie! "There's always a choice. There's always another path to take,"  
_

_The archers aimed their arrows toward her, "I'm so sorry,"  
_

_It happened in flash. Several arrows impaled her flesh, sending high magnitudes of pain coursing throughout her body. Adrianne clutched her side and her vision shook as stared at her hands covered in red. The hurt made her disorientated, and everything seemed so far off. Adrianne hobbled backwards, slipping off the edge and into the abyss.  
_

_The torment only lasted a moment. She held onto the amulet as it brought her comfort through her suffering. Then darkness consumed her._

The hurt she felt in those last moments was comparable to ache she felt now. Another tear rolled her cheek as her breath hitched in her chest. Everything hurt. There was no escaping it. To know what was her fate...what did happen. That it DID happen...

Flemeth was right: it was better not knowing what had happened. It would have been easier that way.

Adrianne choked on her breath as she looked to see how alone and helpless she was. She couldn't help herself. She damned herself at not being able to rescue herself. The tears welled in her eyes as she shook her head.

"Someone help me!" she cried out.

Adrianne choked on her sobs. She was lost. Lost in the unknown. Forever to wander in circles. She was like a child without any guidance.

Adrianne covered her face to hide her weakness from the world. She sniffled as the tears continued falling between her fingers. Adrianne cursed how low she had fallen. How weak she was. She couldn't even save Enchanter Bryant from dying. What good was she?

What good was she if she couldn't save the people she cared about?

What more did this world want from her?

She had endured! She endured the torments of a demon! She had to sit and watch as the man who saved her life from the Chantry's lies die! All while she could do nothing! She was betrayed when she was most vulnerable. She willingly sacrificed her own life for the good of others! When would this world draw the line and say she's given enough?

When would her torment end?

"Please..."she whispered as a tear fell to the floor. Adrianne clutched the rings in her hand harder, clinging to them with dear life," Please...someone help me," she cried again...and no one came.

No one would ever come it seemed to be. She would have to endure alone perhaps forever more.

Time was on her hands. Time seemed to slow the world, and twist it to its own machinations. Time near and far. It was in time, Adrianne sought comfort.

Adrianne squeezed her eyes shut as flashes of her childhood memories surfaced. So innocent...so pure. Days spent with Cullen and her sisters. The amulet...the lake. The smiles and twinkled eyed youths. A simple time as she had once described it. Now it was only a distant memory of a time long gone.

She hoped he had survived and been spared this chaos. If something happened to him...she didn't know what she would do. She couldn't bare to lose two people in one day. Cullen meant...he meant the world to Adrianne. The only man she could ever love.

_Let him live...please._

Her mind surfaced memories of Isabel, Adeline, and her father. Laughter around the few dinners they had together. Her father whispering stories as he tucked her in at night. Isabel telling her and Adeline of their mother and raising them as Isabel raised herself. Familial love, and bonding. A sweet time.

The laughter of children rang in the distance of her mind. The children she always wanted, but hid. They were something she knew she would never be able to bring to reality. However, the Circle nor the Chantry kept her from imagining what they would be like. Their small hands and smiles. Their soft, and delicate skin as they slept in peace, oblivious to the world around them. That childlike innocence.

A faint smile graced Adrianne's lips before she opened her eyes to the world on fire. The smile soon left her lips and she hardened her gaze. The world was not done with her.

For first time since the first signs of her magic, Adrianne didn't know what to do.

**I promise the rebellion and Circle portion of the story will end next chapter!**

**As always, thank you for reading, reviewing, and following!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

August 9:30 Dragon

"Look Knight Commander! A survivor!" A templar called out as Adrianne slowly opened her eyes.

It had been days, hours, minutes maybe since the Circle struck itself. This was the first sign of life Adrianne had seen in a while. She should've been overcome with joy and happiness that she was going to be rescued. Yet, Adrianne wanted nothing more than to close her eyes.

Adrianne looked into her hands as the Knight Commander and his ally knelt to her side. Gregor stared off toward Enchanter's Bryant's form and stared back at Adrianne's empty face.

"The tower is secure Enchanter. It's safe now,"Knight Commander Gregor said.

_Safe...no one is safe anymore._

Adrianne remained silent with her shoulders hunched over and her face pale. Her fingers still clung to the rings with a vice. It was the only thing keeping her alive at this moment with all the turmoil and chaos unwinding about her. Those rings were the only thing telling her the danger was away for now.

_ For now_.

A whisper in the back of Adrianne's mind told her it would return once more. It was not a statement, it was a promise. No amount of discussion could convince her she would ever be safe as she was before.

Adrianne finally pulled her gaze away from her hands and stared into Gregor's eyes. She watched as his eyes furrowed in concern at her sullen face. An empty gesture for what Adrianne was feeling. What she felt was the worst type of hurt: nothing.

A distant and out of body nothing. She was there, but not entirely. It felt like a heavy boulder upon her broken body. A burden.

Adrianne took a breath before speaking, "Are the blood mages and demons gone?" she asked softly with her words barely above a whisper.

"We're running sweeps at this very moment. Irving survived, you're safe now," he replied.

Adrianne stared beyond him with a tear trickling down her cheek, "It'll never be the same again," she whispered.

The immense pain she held back was building in her chest. It was waiting to come out. Begging for a release Adrianne held her breath to keep it in. To keep it from showing how truly lost and hopeless she was.

Gregor remained silent for several moments before answering, "Let's move you to the healing area," Gregor said as he attempted to help her stand.

Spikes of pain and what felt like needles pierced and rushed throughout Adrianne's legs. Adrianne crumpled and fell to the floor at the sudden flash of torment. She shook and breathed rapidly, with her tears threatening to boil over once more. Adrianne knew immediately her legs weren't right. They felt as if they were about to snap in half with a single step. She couldn't bare weight on either of them. It was as if they weren't even there.

She was a Knight Enchanter... she needed her legs! What good was she to anyone if she couldn't even move let alone walk and run?

The heaviness and pain in her chest surfaced. The floor become spotted as her tears fell onto them as she attempted to choke back her sobs. Her vision blurred as her face contorted in sorrow. Adrianne pounded her fist to the floor in anger. Blood oozed from her knuckles in response.

All she ever wanted to do was help. Help her people. Make people understand. How could she do that now?

What more did she have to lose until life said she had given enough?

Adrianne felt Gregor's armored hand bring her back. With a shaky a voice she said, "I can't move them," her cry broke in and seeped into her words, "They won't move...I can't feel them, Knight-Commander...," her breaths became shallow as the pain cut deeper. Adrianne didn't know what to do, but she needed something to remind of who she was. To give her a purpose to be here. To be worthy of her gift. To guide her out of the darkness, "Tell me what to do and I'll do it, Knight-Commander. I won't complain. I won't argue...and I won't fight back...I won't..." she couldn't finish what she wanted to say as her cries overcame her.

_Help me._

Her hands wiped away her tears only to have fresh ones wash over their work. Nothing she could tell herself would calm her. There was nothing she could do to help herself. Adrianne needed someone to be there for her. To give her comfort and a sense of peace in her lowest point.

Adrianne felt the Knight Commander lift her frail form into his arms and carry her into the light. He told her to rest, and nothing that happened in the tower was her fault. He repeated once more that they were safe.

They should've given her comfort, but they made her cry all the more. Everything was in pain. Adrianne couldn't tell herself to stop. She wanted to believe every word he said, but she couldn't.

How could she when everything bad that could've happened happened?

How could she be any more safe when Enchanter Bryant died in the same Circle?

The more he tried to comfort her, the more Adrianne questioned if she would ever truly find her way back.

* * *

The next several days became easier to manage as the Circle began its road to healing. For Adrianne, it gave her time to control her emotions, and remember that Enchanter Bryant wouldn't want her wallowing in despair. He would say rise above and beyond it.

That was difficult to stick to these days.

It was hard to stay so positive when everything around her was against her. She stared at her bandaged legs with a blank face. Adrianne awaited for the answer to the longstanding question she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear. Every moment she felt the impending dread draw closer.

Adrianne clutched her amulet to her chest as the healer walked in. Time came to a stand still while she heard her heart thump loudly against her chest. Adrianne figured it was due to her extreme exhaustion. Sleep refused to come to her during the nights. She would awake in a cold sweat, and frightened of what loomed outside her bed. There was no other way to describe the fear other than scars. A constant remainder of what happened. Events that would always follow her.

This was it. This was she would need to know. Whether she wanted to hear the news was another thing entirely. This wasn't about what she wanted to know...it was about what she needed to know. Avoiding this was no longer an option.

_"_I'm sorry, Enchanter Adrianne," the healer began and Adrianne tensed for the rest to come, "You may never walk again. It's a very slim chance your legs will recover from the trauma,"

The healer's words cut through her, wounding whatever pride she had left. In the deepest crevices of her mind, Adrianne had hoped it wouldn't be so. Adrianne had steeled and prepared herself for this outcome. She told herself there would be no tears, no nothing. That she would sit and eat what they told her no matter what it was. No matter how heartbreaking it would be.

Adrianne stayed true to herself as she held onto her covers intensely as she stared at the wall.

_You may never walk again _echoed throughout her mind. A remembrance of what she had yet to learn. Of what she couldn't do.

Nothing would ever the same.

* * *

Adrianne waited silently in the Chantry chapel on the eve of her departure. All the injured were to be shipped to Circles across Thedas. Templar and mage alike. Irving and Gregor had both agreed it for the best. The Blight would kill them if they stayed.

Adrianne had to remind herself that she would be of no help here. The healers had told her the chances of her legs recovering were dismal at best, impossible at worst. With little she could do, Adrianne did all she could to move on.

That was easier in theory than it was in real life.

Now she sat in the epitome of Thedas' dreams, aspirations, and faith. It was the center where believers gathered to share their common bond. A way to connect with others of different backgrounds and classes. It united the faithful.

This was a place of hope, yet it brought Adrianne none. Adrianne felt nothing here. There was no Maker watching over her, and if he was, he didn't care for her nor Adrianne for him. Faith was foreign to her now, but she knew he would be here. Cullen would be here. Alive.

His survival became known to her after she heard whispers among the remaining apprentices at how he had changed for the worse. Telling templars that mages couldn't be their friends. That they weren't people like them. It was all very concerning to her, but she never wavered her faith in him. Adrianne refused to believe these rumors.

He couldn't...not even when they were struggling for their friendship did he ever say such a thing. Not even an inkling of what these claims were. Alas, she waited for him to come to her. Adrianne had to know the truth.

She looked around the empty chapel to distract herself from the anxiety pooling in her stomach. It was nerve wracking to her his voice once more. To see him come near her again. The very thought of him being near made her heart race. Adrianne kept reminding herself the type of man Cullen was. That he was a good person, a man to compare all others to. One who would protect innocents. A man she fell in love with. That's who he was. At least, that was who he was to her.

Adrianne heard footsteps and she felt her heart stop and her breathing ceased. She knew it was him. She turned slightly to see his pale face stop dead in his tracks. Cullen's face held...fear, and disdain. Disbelief? Her skin crawled at her final thought...hate?

Adrianne shook off the speculation and finally spoke, "I knew you would be here...I was worried about you,"

There was something wrong with him. Cullen didn't even look her way. Adrianne bit her lip as she waited for him to speak. Deep within, Adrianne knew he wasn't the same person she remembered. His face held a conflict of pain and sorrow. It was like he was fighting himself.

Adrianne reached for her amulet and touched it's cool surface as she had done many times before.

_Don't show your tears...don't show weakness if he has changed. _

Adrianne gripped the edge of the bench intensely as she struggle to rise. Every inch she rose felt as if her legs would fail and drop her. However, Adrianne kept pressing on until she stood wobbily and held onto the bench for dear life. Adrianne feared she would fall back any minute as her legs protested against such movement.

She ignored her physical discomfort to face Cullen who had yet to answer. Adrianne wanted nothing more than to reach out and graze his face. To follow every line upon his face. It was something she had taken for granted when she still could. Now she was stuck in her place.

Adrianne gazed at him with hurt eyes, and he looked away from her. She wanted him to talk, and say something. To give her at least that so she would know he was okay.

"Are you going to speak to me?" Adrianne asked firmly.

Adrianne watched Cullen clenched his fists before he looked at her, "How could you?" he accused.

"How could I what?" Adrianne replied in confusion.

He pointed toward her,"How could you mages do all this?"

She shook her head. At first she didn't understand, but then she realized: Cullen was accusing all of them of this treachery. Innocents who had nothing to do with any of this. Every single mage within this tower. Adrianne included.

"Not all of us are responsible, Cullen. Most of us didn't know what had happened until it did happen. We're as much victims as you templars are. You must understand that," she reasoned.

"There's always excuses that you mages make to cover who you really are,"

_No...no. He wouldn't go there. Don't do this...walk away._

Adrianne couldn't just walk away. She narrowed her eyes at him, and felt her blood begin to boil , "Who are we then?" she demanded.

Cullen shook his head,"With a curse like magic, you aren't a person like me,"

If he had aimed to break her heart, he hit the target. Adrianne felt as if he had struck her in the face and flinched away.

Her humanity striped and pulled away. He did it again...he dehumanized her as Enchanter Bryant once was. It wasn't something Cullen did by accident...he meant it. It wasn't something he regretted saying...he meant every word that sliced and cut through her skin. That hurt more than anything.

Despite his hurtful confession, Adrianne couldn't bring herself to despise him for it. It was against her nature to hate him. However, she saw red. Beyond the initial hurt she was angered, furious. It didn't matter if it was Cullen or anyone else: she was a person too. And magic wasn't the problem nor solution with everything that went wrong.

It was a fundamental belief that she refused to part with.

"Magic didn't do this!" she shouted, "People did this. Magic is just as dangerous as your weapon!"

"My friends were killed by blood mages. I was tortured for days. They were taunting me...showing me images. How could you still say that even now? How could you!?" he spat.

He too was touched by the madness of the Circle treachery. No one was spared. Cullen was lost as well just like her. Part of her sympathized with him. She knew and remembered those images all too well of a life of what could've been. However, Adrianne overcame them, and they made her stronger. She gave people a chance. Cullen wasn't faring the same.

Adrianne wanted to forgive him for things he said...but she would never forgive herself if she did so. What happened to him was not her fault. Many things were her fault, but that wasn't one of them. No, she would not forget, nor would she simply sweep his accusations under the rug because she loved him. It was because she loved him that she couldn't let that stand.

Adrianne made her skin steel and her eyes intensified upon him, "I suffered. I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you weren't the only who lost someone in all this! We all suffered from blood mages, but you cannot simply brand all mages evil. You can't condemn us all based on the actions of a few,"

"You mages are never in control. At any moment any mage can become possessed and turn into an abomination. You are an example of that," he replied before laughing drily,"You almost fooled me. You almost made me believe there was something in a mage. You nearly led me astray,"

His words stung. Adrianne clenched her jaw and felt tears of anger fall down her cheeks. He was blaming her. Placing his problems on her. Justifying his false accusations, "I came back for you," she said evenly," You had a choice. I told you to tell me I never meant anything to you. I warned you to not make me a promise you couldn't and wouldn't be able to keep," she said firmly.

He looked at her,"Did I really ever have a choice? How do I know you weren't just controlling me? Your magic ruined you,"

That was the last straw. She made herself a promise to never bow before others for her magic. It was a gift and it will always be that. Cullen reminded her of that promise a little girl made long ago. Unlike him, she stuck to them.

He placed doubt in her. All the sweet sayings, and everything he had told...he didn't mean any of it. Nothing. None of it was real. It was only a dream...a very foolish idealistic dream.

It tore her apart for him to believe she would do something like that. Perhaps he didn't know her as he made her believe. And she didn't know him as well as she thought.

There was a reason why templars and mages were natural enemies.

Adrianne smiled bitterly and nodded at his accusation, "If you really feel that way..." she closed her eyes as a tear squeezed through. She breathed a shaky breath before continuing, "Then I have nothing more to say to you other than you're wrong...my magic is a gift and it will always be," she took a step and her legs gave out. Adrianne hit the ground with a loud thud. She squeezed the floor with her hand before showing him her fury, "You made me believe," she whispered. For a moment Cullen seemed almost as if he regretted what he had said, but Adrianne knew it wasn't so, "I'm going away. Far away and you will never see me again. And you'll never know what happened to me," She clutched the amulet hanging around her neck as another tear trickled down. With heartbreak, she removed the amulet from neck and hung it on the bench's armrest, "I don't need you and your words to speak of what I am. If I meant so little to you, you can have this back. Give it to someone you actually do love,"

Cullen eyed the amulet with a hurt expression before replying, "Then so be it. I won't recant anything I said,"

She glared at him, "Neither do I. I won't bow for you and I won't bow before some god for who I am. I love myself too much. I won't let you drag me down," she retorted.

It was silent for several moments before the doors opened.

A person walked in and ran toward Adrianne, "Enchanter Adrianne, are you alright?" as she helped Adrianne up.

Adrianne eyes remained fixated on Cullen. He wasn't the man she knew, "I'm fine. Take me to my room, please,"

In the doorway she turned around once more and gazed out toward where Cullen stood and said, "Goodbye Knight-Corproal Cullen,"

Those were her last words in that chapel. Adrianne would never return to the Ferelden Circle of Magi again.

**Hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter! I hope it was emotionally charged. **

**So don't forget to provide me feedback as we enter the next segment of Adrianne's and Cullen's relationship. I really appreciate all the support you guys have been giving me! You guys are awesome!  
**

**So once more, thank you for reading!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Kingsway 9:30 Dragon- Ostwick

The sky was black in mourning and the clouds were grey and heavy when they arrived in Ostwick. This city too seemed to mourn as they did. The templars and mages of the Kinloch Hold had sailed the seas for several weeks after the Ferelden Circle treachery. The tension between the mages and templars aboard was all too evident and reminiscent of that time. With only their will to survive and to live, they bared the harsh seas of the Free Marches together.

There was fear in the air of a new time to come and of the unknown. Everything about their future was up in the air. Who would live and who would die was the only thing people seemed interested these days. Both mages and templars kept to themselves and avoided talking to the other side altogether.

Everyone out for themselves it seemed.

For Adrianne, this silence gave her time to reflect upon the events of recent. How much had changed, and what will continue to change. Change is coming as Wynne once told her so long ago. Adrianne remembered the kindhearted woman telling her things would change and she couldn't do anything to stop that. Wynne comforted her by telling some years later that what people did with that change defined who they were and what they stand for.

Adrianne didn't know how this change labeled her.

Now as Adrianne seemingly lost everything she once cared for, she worried what this change would bring. It was uncharted territory, and she may be forced to face it alone. Fighting just to walk, no, to take a step without falling was daunting enough. It was nearly impossible by herself.

Adrianne pondered how different her life turned to be. Never in her wildest imaginings did she ever suspect the misfortunes bestowed upon her. From being sent away at young age to reuniting with Cullen to falling victim at Ostagar to fighting against a demon in her to now fleeing Ferelden's treachery with the support she once had gone. Tragedy enjoyed following her.

In truth, Adrianne wished only to recover and move on with her life. These were the only things she could do now. She didn't need people, as she had yelled in anger at Cullen, to drag her down. She wanted people who would support her surrounding her.

In a moment of weakness, Adrianne reached to her neck to stroke the amulet. A sense of urgency overcame her when she felt for it. It was like her life depended on it being there. When her fingers touched air, she remembered those last words she spoke to Cullen.

_Goodbye Knight-Corproal Cullen._

Not Cullen. Adrianne had called him by his title and severed any familiarity she had with him. Adrianne had burried the hatchet. Deep within her heart, she demolished the pedestal she had placed him on and saw him for who he truly was. He was a person, and Adrianne now understood she shouldn't have thought him to be so wholesome and incapable of hurt.

Adrianne accepted their end and learned her lesson: Show no one your weakness, and you'll never get hurt.

* * *

The ship had docked in the Ostwick harbor as templar and mage alike filed out of the boat. They moved slowly and made sure to avoid others of the opposite faction. Their time at sea did not build or instill the sense of commeraderie among the two groups. It could be said it allowed that tension to fester into a deep sated hate.

It was hard for Adrianne to see the falling relation between the two groups. There was nothing she could say or do that would calm their anger and frustrations. That was a battle for another day and another time.

This current battle she faced was a test of her own strength and willpower.

Adrianne frowned as she held onto the ship's railing as she stared at the long way down. Several mages had helped her out of the living quarters beneath the deck, but they soon abandoned her once they saw how dependent she was upon them. Even her own people wanted nothing to do with her.

Now she stood holding onto the sides of the ship for dear life and wondered how she would she accomplish a feat such as this by herself. Adrianne sighed and decided to somehow get across. Anyway as long as she got off.

She began wobbling as she attempted to step forward. Adrianne's hands held the wooden railing with an iron grip as sweat began to form upon her forehead from the immense strength it took for her to stand and lift one leg. Adrianne face was in deep concentration as she willed her body lift and bend her leg.

_Don't fall. You can do it...don't fall._

For a moment Adrianne believed she could walk. That she would succeed and this would all be over. That one part of her past would be returned to her and she would be able to stand tall and proud.

Life was never that generous or easy.

Her motivation soon came crashing down as she went tumbling head first off the ship and onto the hard ground. She was sure bruises would surface in the morning. Adrianne looked around with a dazed expression as the world turned in circles at how disorientated she was. Her things were scattered about the ground in every direction.

Considering all the noise she had made, people continued about their business. No one stopped to help and Adrianne looked everywhere for some type of leverage she could use to stand. A raindrop landed on her head with a thud as the grey clouds in the dark sky unleashed their sorrow.

She really was on her own.

With shaky arms, Adrianne attempted to lift herself, but fell back onto the ground. She continued this action until she no longer had the strength to pick herself back up again. Adrianne had never felt so weak in her life. Here she lay on the ground with no way getting up.

Things were as terrible as they seemed.

The rain began falling harder and people scattered indoors, and Adrianne remained were she was. If this wasn't a sign that life was out to get her, she didn't know what was.

Suddenly, Adrianne felt someone sling her arm around their shoulder and lean her weight against them. Adrianne turned her head to a tall, strong red-headed woman in templar armor hold Adrianne's weight against her own as she bent down to gather Adrianne's things.

Of all people, a templar came to her aid. This woman had every right to keep walking like the rest, yet she didn't. Adrianne eyes watered slightly at the sight of this woman. The woman slung Adrianne's things upon her other shoulder and began walking.

The woman moved a strand of her short firey hair from her face and revealed the most beautiful blue eyes Adrianne had ever seen in her life. They were like living aquamarines.

"Easy now, one step at a time. Up and lending you a hand little lady since no one bothered. I was born and raised in brothel surrounded by the lowest of the lows and I still have better manners than these arses. Templar or mage, rudeness is still a thing, sadly. Don't matter who you are," the woman said in a thick Ferelden accent.

Adrianne smiled faintly, "Thank you..." Adrianne paused to allow the woman to say her name.

"The name's Guinavere Ackerman, little lady," Guinavere responded as she pulled both of their hoods up as the rain pounded harder.

"I'm Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris and I thank you," she stopped for a moment before continuing, "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't helped," Adrianne admitted.

Guinavere shrugged as the rest of the templars and mages came into view,"No worries, I would've helped you even if you didn't want me to"

A templar came hulking forward as he eyed the two women with disdain, "What are you doing touching her, Knight Lieutenant? She'll infect you. She's a mage,"

Adrianne watched Guinavere snort at what the man said, "Sod off, Hammon. I'm more likely to catch a disease from you than her. Now go away and lead the group like a good little sheep,"

The man mumbled words beneath his breath as he turned away. The corners of Adrianne's mouth tugged upwards as Guinavere defended her. The other sensed as much and returned Adrianne's smile.

"Nasty fellow there. Spineless, though. Doesn't have the courage to raise his sword against me. He needs a nice humbling every now and then,"

This was first time Adrianne had seen a templar turn away their own. Usually they were a tight knit group with little in fighting. Yet, here Guinavere was doing just that.

Adrianne nodded slowly before stating, "You're different than most templars, Guinavere,"

Guinavere laughed, "I've no doubt," before her face grew serious, "We think we're all high and mighty flaunting about doing the Chantry's bidding. Some use that favor to do whatever in the Maker's given name they want. I've seen templars do downright despicable things when they thought I wasn't looking. It was enough to make rethink if I truly wanted this life.

"What made you stay," Adrianne asked.

Guinavere looked the sky and answered,"In those times of doubt I remembered why I chose this: I joined because I wanted to protect people no matter who they were. Sometimes most of us forget the templars were made to protect innocent lives against the misuse of magic, not mages. Mages are people who need our protection as well. Now they forget that more than ever. Being a templar means you don't get to pick and choose who you bat an eye an to and who you treat like shite,"

_Just like Cullen believed._

With a sad expression, Adrianne said, "My friend thought the same when we were kids. He said similar things,"

Guinavere nodded in approval,"Must be a good man, your friend,"

Adrianne remained silent as she thought of what to say. It didn't matter, Cullen had changed, but he was a good man once. He was lost like her.

"Yeah, he was until the day he wasn't,"

**I hoped you guys enjoyed the introduction of Guinavere! She'll be in the next few chapters. Also, I know nothing about the landscape of the Free Marches, so excuse the not so accurate descriptions. I'll do better next time.  
**

**As always, thank for all your support!**

**Until next time!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Cloudreach 9:31 Dragon-Year One- Ostwick

Adrianne emptied the contents of her stomach as she heaved into a waste basket in the healing bay. She leaned her head against her elbow as she breathed heavily with sweat rolling down her face. The room spun in circles as she heard the soft cries of a newborn fade in the distance with the sounds of heavy armored steps. The noise echoed and haunted throughout her thoughts.

It was the fourth time this month she had to be the healer. The healer to deliver the mage children. The one who relinquished the small babes from their worn mothers arms and handed them to the templars. Every time, the guilt became worse. Those mothers empty tired eyes as they watched their child being taken away followed Adrianne in her dreams. And each one of those hopeless gazes made her wonder how many more would have to endure that pain.

Adrianne composed herself as she walked back to the bedside of the new mother. The woman was still and she stared out at the doors her child had just been carried through. Her face was pale and devoid of any emotion. However, her glossy eyes held a strength stronger than any warrior Adrianne had ever seen. A strength that did not fade even now.

Adrianne placed her hand over the woman's frail hand and held it ever so gently, "I apologize for the that, Lorelai. You shouldn't have seen that," she said. A mistake. A moment of weakness.

Lorelai turned her head slightly and smiled sadly, "You've last longer than most," she replied softly before looking beyond Adrianne at those doors again, "He was my second," she mummered as Adrianne pulled the covers up to Lorelai's chin, "I should've known better than to think it would be any different this time,"

Lorelai's word cut into Adrianne's heart and wounded her. There were so many to help, and as always, Adrianne didn't know what to do. Lorelai's words disabled and froze Adrianne.

Adrianne knew there was nothing she could do or say that would make Lorelai feel any better. There weren't any words that would give Lorelai any comfort. Everything Lorelai wanted was beyond those doors now. Beyond those doors and out of her reach.

The only thing Adrianne could do was hope that babe would have a good life.

Instead of saying empty words, Adrianne tucked Lorelai in and remained by her side until the woman fell into a peaceful sleep.

In the silence, Adrianne saw those eyes staring back at her and the sound of a babe's cry. Once more, sleep evaded Adrianne that night.

* * *

Adrianne landed on the stone floor for the tenth time in a row. In anger, Adrianne pounded her fist to floor causing a spike of pain to travel up her arm. Her back stiffened and she bit a cry of pain. She muttered a string of Antivan curses as she continued hitting the ground with blood splattered upon her knuckles.

Once her knuckles were raw and red, Adrianne sat back and covered her face in shame. For months she had been working for hours on end to walk this very hall. Now here she was and she couldn't even get twenty paces of the way.

It frustrated Adrianne for something so trivial as walking, no, standing was such a colossual event for every single day. And every single day she failed.

These feelings of failure were magnified after staying with Lorelai in the birthing room. It was how helpless she could be. How Adrianne was unable to help others in their time of need or herself when she needed it most. How she failed at what she wanted to do which was help.

Now she couldn't help herself much less anyone else.

_You're so useless! Why can't you do this?_ she thought bitterly as Adrianne cursed at herself some more.

In the middle of her self deprecation, Adrianne didn't see Guinevere walk toward her with concern.

"Still at it I see," Guinevere's voice broke through Adrianne thoughts.

Adrianne lifted her head slightly as the strong confident woman came closer. Strong and confident. Two lacking characteristics Adrianne was missing these days. How envious Adrianne felt of Guinevere at this moment.

How far she had come from that girl taking her Harrowing till now was humiliating. It intensified her frustration. It was expected of her to be strong and brave. She was no good if she only had one. She needed both to be at her best and help people like Lorelai in their dark times.

Adrianne remained silent as Guinevere seated herself next to her, "You were in were in the birthing room, weren't you,"

Adrianne nodded in response. She didn't feel like talking. Not when Adrianne felt so terrible about herself.

For several minutes, they both said nothing. Adrianne kept her head down in deep thought until Guinevere finally spoke.

"Nothing in there is your fault, Adrianne. You did what you had to do. You stayed and ate what most people won't. People don't stay to see the aftermath of what happens in that room,"

Adrianne stared at the ground and closed her eyes. For a short moment, she was a young girl again with Enchanter Bryant teaching her how to summon the spirit blade. How excited she was that day to finally learn to be what he was and follow in his footsteps. The excitement radiating off her.

Then Adrianne opened her eyes and the illusion of her mind vanished, and Lorelai's pale emotionless face stared at her in the distance. It haunted her still.

Adrianne balled her hands into fists, "I couldn't even look her in the eye to say anything that would've helped her. The guilt I felt was so intense that I couldn't breathe or keep it down. And I vomited as Lorelai sat in that bed strong as a shield maiden, and I was the one writhing in the corner. Not the woman laboring for that child, but the one who delivered it,"

"That's hard enough for anyone to stomach. Not every bad thing that happens is your fault. You need to understand that,"

There was anger surfacing and it seeped into Adrianne's voice, "_**I should've been stronger,"**_

"And you think this is going to make you stronger?" Guinevere pointed to Adrianne bruised and scraped legs, "Working yourself to exhaustion trying to walk every day after your lessons and training? Strength doesn't just come from what our bodies can do"

"You don't understand!"

"I understand more than you think. You think by returning to how you were before will make everything better. How do you know you can't help people from how you are now? Do you not see the strength you have now?"

Adrianne widen in surprise at what Guinevere was saying, "What strength?! I'm on the floor from just trying to take a step. How does that characterize strength?"

"You don't give yourself enough credit! Most would have their covers up to their chins in bed, templars included. They wouldn't be training nor would they be walking these halls. Yet here you are inspiring little ones. Showing that you don't have to be able to walk or even to stand to be brave and to be strong. That a mage is capable of being so much more. That they too can be that,"

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"Don't you see it? The mages of Ostwick admire you. You inspire them. They look at you still casting spells of grandness and yet you can't stand on your own, but you keep up with those who can. When they see you, anything is possible,"

Adrianne didn't know how to respond. The fact people noticed her was something else in itself. Usually she didn't think people noticed her as she trained, but they did see her. And they saw her different than she saw herself. They saw her as a shining example to aspire to. That thought alone made Adrianne wonder why.

"I'm not anyone special, Guinevere,"

"You're not? These people began asking! Soon word spread that you were a Knight Enchanter who heroically fought at Ostagar and survived to tell the tale. A mage who became the target for a demon and resisted its temptation and taunts while it was inside of her already. A mage sacrificing life itself to save others from an army of demons in the Ferelden Circle. One who comforted her mentor in his last moments as they both lay injured and broken. That alone makes you hero in their eyes and proves that whatever the Chantry tells them about their magic isn't true. They respect you,"

"But..."

"But, nothing. I'm not telling you to give up trying to walk again. What I'm saying is you don't need it to be strong enough to help people. You already are a strong person and you've endured more than most people do in a lifetime. The ability to move your legs doesn't define the strength you already possess. Only you can make yourself believe that you are strong and that you can help. That you are worthy of those mage's admiration and respect,"

Adrianne remained silent. She never noticed what Guinevere had claimed. She had been so focused on trying to become strong by learning to walk again that she never looked around.

All she ever wanted to do was help. To be strong. To be brave and to be proud. Adrianne guessed she just never imagined having to do it like this. She thought she would be like the warriors in paintings of old. Standing tall and proud. Standing.

What Guinevere was saying now made sense: strength came in all forms.

* * *

Several days later Adrianne found Guinevere on her off day in the library nose deep in a book. Adrianne felt the same feeling when she went to apologize to Enchanter Bryant all those years ago. Anxious and a bit frightened.

She had two mages help sit her in the chair across from Guinevere. The templar lowered the book she was reading before picking it back up to read it again. Unlike Enchanter Bryant, she did not speak first.

"I apologize for how I acted the other day. I was frustrated with myself and I took it out on you,"

Guinevere lowered her book and eyed Adrianne, "And?" she emphasized.

Adrianne sighed, "And I hope you were not offended by how I treated you. I hope you can forgive me,"

Guinevere smirked before snapping her book shut, "Apology accepted. You know you remind a lot of myself at your age,"

_Your age? How old is Guinevere?_

"How old are you exactly?"

Guinevere snorted, "Older than most would think. Anyways, I was always trying to prove myself strong. It wasn't until later did I realize strong wasn't always we think it to be. All those different types of strong are still all the same at the core and they can all help people,"

Adrianne stared at her hands before looking up,"I guess I just thought I would ever end up like this. I accepted that everything changed and I had a harder adjusting to it than I had anticipated. I was trying change the unchangable,"

"Most people do, and they'll fight that change with all their might. You're a good person, Adrianne. And there's a lot of good decent people who are mages that need someone like you in their lives,"

"What about you Guinevere? You're a great person,"

"I became a templar to help, but that reputation makes it hard with all mages. The people who come to the Circle are the ones who need the most guidance. They're alone and they're afraid. For them this is their life. Some come so small they don't remember any life they had before the Circle. They remember us always watching and waiting. They don't trust us, but they will trust one of their own who understands what is feels like to be vulnerable. A templar could never give them that comfort. We don't know what it feels like to be in your position. You do, Adrianne,"

Adrianne shook her head"You're a good templar, Guinevere. They'll listen to you as much as they would to me,"

"My intentions may be good, but I'm no mage. I don't have the experiences you have. As much as I would love to help every single mage that walks through those doors, I can't. Not every mage is as trusting as you or can open up to a templar easily. Some of us have tarnished our image in their eyes. To repair that image could take decades...you mages don't have that long. You've been taught to be frightened, and to be oppressed. To be ashamed of your own Maker given gifts. The fact that some of you despise yourselves for your magic means that the Chantry failed you and we templars have failed to protect you from that,"

Guinevere believed in wholeheartedly in what it meant to be a templar. Protector of innocent no matter who they were. She was a good person, and most Adrianne people knew didn't come close to where Guinevere was. A true guardian of the innocents and that's why Guinevere held Adrianne's respect.

"You're a person to compare others to, Guinevere,"

She laughed"Thank you. Don't get that compliment often. And if you want, I'll turn a blind eye and guard the hall every night you practice walking. I'll even guide you every step of the way and make sure you don't cut up those legs of yours,"

Adrianne smiled, a true smile, teeth and all.

**Best Friends! I hoped you liked this chapter and enjoyed reading it!**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I'm so flattered and touched by your comments! I haven't had time to respond to them,but I will in the next coming days! Thank you for all your support! All that read, review, follow: thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

**As always, thank you for reading.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Justinian 9:31 Dragon- Year One- Ostwick

"Considering you have to haul my arse everywhere, Guinevere, you don't complain much," Adrianne commented one day as Guinevere escorted her to her rooms.

Guinevere had been assigned by the Knight-Commander to follow Adrianne around all day everyday. The Knight-Commander had claimed it was to ensure Adrianne's arrival to her various destination throughout the hours due to mobility concerns. For the lack of a better word, Guinevere was to make sure Adrianne doesn't fall off the side of the tower or down the stairs. Guinevere was Adrianne's personal crutch.

Guinevere snorted as they rounded the corner to Adrianne's room, "Pfft. I get paid to haul your arse, so I don't mind. Nothing to complain about,"

Adrianne laughed, "And here I thought you were doing this from the goodness of your heart,"

"I am. You're my friend, but I get a bonus for following you around everywhere. It's a win win situation," she teased.

"As you say"

When they reached Adrianne door, the two women stared at the ground in surprise. At the foot of the entrance to Adrianne's room lay a single daffodil. Guinevere smirked knowingly as a slight blush colored Adrianne's cheeks. Adrianne cleared her throat as she tried to hide her maiden blush. Guinevere bent down and handed the delicate flower to Adrianne.

Adrianne lightly stroked the smooth yellow petals of the flower and smiled faintly at their beautiful simplicity. They weren't as striking as a rose or an orchid, but they held an air of innocence; an air of light. This flower was one of many Adrianne had received over the last several weeks. They were a nice addition to long days of training and teaching.

Adrianne would be lying if she said they didn't make her days all the more happier. They put a smile on her face on days when the pain from her legs became too heavy to bear. It eased some of her inner turmoil and shed some light when doubt crept into her mind. Adrianne knew it was silly to think so highly of an object from a person she didn't know, but it was there. It was there when she needed it to be.

Guinevere playfully shoved Adrianne's shoulder as she admired the flower, "What's that, the fourth time this week?" she teased as she set Adrianne on the bed.

Adrianne shook her head and laughed,"Whoever this is probably has the wrong room"

"Yes, picking the wrong room for, what? Several weeks now. Or perhaps our Little Lady Adrianne has a secret admirer," Guinevere smirked with a devilish twinkle in her bright blue eyes.

Adrianne rolled her eyes in response as she placed the flower on the bed side table, "Very funny, and not likely,"

"Is it so odd for someone to find you appealing?" Guinevere asked when she saw Adrianne grow somber.

_Yes. I didn't think anyone would...I thought he would be the only one.  
_

Adrianne remained silent. She hadn't even thought of finding another...not since...not since those days. It was the furthest thing from her mind. To make herself so vulnerable again...no. Adrianne had promised herself never again, yet was that the real reason? Or was she reluctant for someone to hurt her as HE did? Maybe...the thought the love she felt for him could be replaced. A love she once thought irreplaceable. How young and naive she was just one short year ago.

Whatever the reason was, Adrianne pushed those feelings to the back of her mind.

Guinevere placed her hand on Adrianne's shoulder,"I know you don't like talking about mystery man one," she began explaining, "And I get the feeling you loved him very much. You must have if he left such a hole. However, I think maybe it's time for you to move on. From him, and whatever you once felt. You've managed to move from most of what happened, and you've been doing better because. I know this keeping you from the best you can be. I think you need to let him go so you can heal completely,"

_Let him go? After all those years...throw those memories to the wind? Allow them to drift away?_

Adrianne smiled thinly before sitting back further in her bed, "I suppose that would be the logical thing to do considering the last words we had..." she looked to her hands when she ran out of words to speak.

"Do you want to love him remembering him that way? I remember you telling me that wouldn't let him drag you down, and he may not be doing that for your love of magic, but he is keeping you from loving another as you loved him,"

In her heart, Adrianne knew Guinevere was right. Sever the last thing she had to her past, and then she would be free. Truly free. And...he would no longer drag her down as Adrianne said he would. The love she still felt for him was preventing her from being as free as she could be. It kept her from moving on, as Guinevere said.

He had made Adrianne feel as though she was his enemy...and maybe that's all she would be to him now: the mage woman who led him astray. He changed. And she changed from the girl that day. That girl was gone.

Adrianne reached not for the amulet that once occupied the space on her chest, but for the rings there. The names of Herah and Bryant forever intertwined and connected. Just as they had moved onto wherever there lives led them, Adrianne would do the same.

Today she would be a new woman. A better one.


	29. Chapter 29

Solace 9:31 Dragon- Year One -Ostwick

The chamber of enchanters was boiling over in controversy as one enchanter stood before his own.

"The warden proved mages should be free! He sacrificed himself and ended the Blight. Any mage would have done the same. We should all convince the Divine to demolish the Circles! A Conclave should be called" Enchanter Leon cried as many mages joined in his call.

"We agree!"

Another mage spoke out against this notion, "Don't be fools! You Libertarians would take an opportunity like this to shatter this peace we've founded!"

"At least we aren't templar sympathizers like you Aequitarians! We have a spine!"

Adrianne watched as one of the Aequitarians rose in anger, "Take that back!"

"I speak only what I see and what I see is a spineless lot following the templars blindly to whatever they bring us to!"

"You-"

Shouting soon erupted all over the chamber as First Enchanter Marion attempted to calm the flaring tempers. Of course, the enchanters were too far gone to pay any attention to her. Adrianne could feel the outrage radiating off the First Enchanter at the mages deliberate defiance of her authority. The small elven woman massaged her forehead, and Adrianne knew her patience had reached it's end.

Adrianne and her friend and collegue, Senior Enchanter Alric, remained silent as they awaited for the First Enchanter to regain control over their fellow mages. A riot would likely erupt if the First Enchanter did not take charge soon.

This was by far the most intense enchanter meeting Adrianne had been to. How the topic of demolishing the circles came up was beyond Adrianne. This was to be a simple short meeting discussing the status of the Ostwick Circle and any improvements that could be made. Instead it turned into a two hour long debate among the enchanters. Many of whom were from opposite fraternities.

Ever since news of the Warden's victory in Ferelden spread like wildfire in the Marches, mages have been speaking more and more about separation from the Chantry. Some even spoke of demolishing the Circles altogether.

This new spark of rebellion among the mages created havoc for both the Knight Commanders and the First Enchanters of the Circles. It became difficult for them both to maintain peace within their respective circles. As Adrianne saw now, it was not easy for them to control that spark.

"Do you think she'll be able to get them to stop, Alric? Just look at them" Adrianne whispered as the debates grew louder and angrier with curses being exchanged.

Senior Enchanter Alric smirked at the chaos around and took it in stride, "This is nothing. Back in our day, Marion had a knack for getting people to listen to her. Just you watch,"

As, Senior Alric promised, she did. First Enchanter Marion pounded her gavel on the table and roared, "ENOUGH!," her voice echoed throughout the room as all the mages turned their heads toward the woman, "Everyone have a seat. NOW." she demanded with her voice dripping with anger. It dared people to challenge her authority once more.

Senior Enchanter Alric chuckled silently as the mages obeyed the tiny woman, "Marion still has it it seems,"

Once all the mages were quiet and seated, First Enchanter Marion spoke, "The topic of where the circles stand in relation to the Chantry was not among the things to be discussed at this meeting," she said while holding back her anger with a clenched jaw. Adrianne stared at the woman in slight intimidation. She was by far the most terrifying mage she had ever seen. Perhaps even more so than Wynne.

"But-"

First Enchanter Marion glared with venom at Enchanter Leon and it was enough to silence him into submission, "Unless I tell you lot to speak, you WILL remain silent or I will have the templars escort you to your quarters. Am I understood?" the silence in the room was answer enough for her, " Now that I have your attention I will make this matter clear: we will only discuss the internal affairs of the Ostwick Circle in this meeting. Any external Circle affairs will remain off the table. However, to address the concerns about the Warden I will tell you this: he was no Circle mage, and did not champion on behalf of the Circle. He proved nothing. King Alistair's autonomy of the Ferelden Circle has been challenged by the Chantry and many say that the Chantry will strike it down. This matter of discussion is over now,"

Enchanter Leon began to protest one last time, "You can't really believe he proved nothing!"

For a moment, Adrianne thought the First Enchanter was going to strike Leon, but instead she rose slowly with stiff joints and a set jaw. Even from this distance, the First Enchanter's commanding presence instilled fear into her very soul. The usually calm voiced woman stared directly into each and everyone of their eyes.

Everyone leaned back into their chairs as her gaze upon them made them grow uncomfortable and intensified the already tense and dense atmosphere. The opposition died out and the First Enchanter's reign was reestablished. Her voice was to be heard above everyone else's.

"Not another word,"

* * *

"It seems like the mages are as divided as I thought on how the Circle should proceed," Adrianne said as the meeting ended with everyone filing out of the chamber in relief. It was safe to say that First Enchanter Marion would never be challenged again.

However, the meeting emphasized and enlarged the clashing viewpoints of each of the fraternities. The arguments within the chamber made them all the more apparent. Each and everyone of them had their own agenda on how the Circle should operate and handle its affairs. The Aequitarians were the most numerous of them all as well as the most powerful. However, in recent years, the Libertarians were gaining support and influence from the younger mages of this age.

With the news of the Warden, the cries of the Libertarians began to outnumber even the most seasoned mages. There could be no neutrality with them. It was all or nothing. In a Libertarian's eyes, neutrality was consent to oppression. Their oppression.

Senior Enchanter Alric laughed as he helped rise from her seat, "No one ever said we had to agree, only convene under one Grand Enchanter when the time calls,"

"I wonder how that will turn out. You saw how they acted in there. You'd think we were enemies by the way we were looking at each other. What's the point in having a Conclave if those viewpoints make mages enemies of each other?" she asked the elderly mage.

Senior Enchanter Alric smiled, "Why would anyone want to form an opinion? Or a community? A nation perhaps?"

Adrianne couldn't form the proper thoughts to make a response or understand what Senior Enchanter Alric was going at, "I don't know," she replied.

As Senior Enchanter Alric escorted her from the room, Adrianne saw him grin at her response, "There's one thing that unites all mages, and it is a fundamental belief that allows us to continue onward despite the hardships and differences we face: hope,"

Adrianne raised one her eyebrows, "Hope?" she questioned. It was hard for Adrianne to believe that is what united mages. At least from what she saw inside that chamber it was hard to believe.

However, he confirmed her doubt and nodded, "Yes, hope. From birth to death, mages have experienced trial after trial of gaining the outside's trust. Even the most humble and wholesome mage is no match to change the time-honored skepticism and doubt often spread of mages. For many, there is little to sooth their minds of the distrust of magic. We're repulsed for the gifts we are born with. The fraternities are more than just a way of thinking: they give mages a purpose and hope for a better life. No matter which fraternity it is, it gives mages a reason to convene when they see nothing else. The Grand Enchanter uses that hope to make a consensus among mages. Hope is our common bond. Whether we hope to be free of the Circle or help mankind or even practice our magic in peace, alone, it is that drive that gives many the strength and will to live. Through the years, I've learned that this simple concept can turn tides even change someone's life. I believe this is why the fraternities and the College of Magi exist, to give us a future to look forward to. Depending on the mage that future can vary,"

Adrianne had doubts that it was that simple, "Do you think it's really that simple? Something like hope bringing us together?"

They turned another corridor before Senior Enchanter Alric spoke, "Yes, I truly do. Don't you?"

"I just...I just don't think it's that easy. I was in the Ferelden Circle when it fell," flashes of those painful memories surfaced. The horrors unleashed upon this world. The power hungry thirst in those eyes. It made her angry to think of all those innocents lost back there, "And it didn't look like hope was driving them,"

What he said next baffled her, "It had everything to do with it. They wanted to save us. Save mages. They did it wrong. It wasn't the way to go about it. They couldn't save us the way they did it,"

_He must be losing it. What does saving ourselves have anything to do with uniting?_

Something told Adrianne there was more to his lecture than what was at the surface. His eyes held that other worldly look. A faraway gaze. Adrianne couldn't help but think of a possible underlying message.

"What do you mean? What does saving ourselves have anything to do with uniting under hope?"

His eyes sagged "The Circle is dying, Enchanter. Soon mages will be on the platform with the eyes of all Thedas upon them with the fate of the Circle on the edge of the abyss. Tell me, which side will you stand on: the destruction of this time honored system in search of a new way, or will you uphold the Circle's traditions and values?"

"I don't see how this connects to hope uniting us,"

He smiled faintly, "But it does. You may not see it now, but it does. It always does. You haven't answered the question,"

Her head ached from the confusion. How these topics connected was beyond her. Hope uniting them...saving themselves...how did those two things even relate? Nonetheless, Adrianne thought of what he said and it brought her more questions than answers.

_Hope is a common bond that unites so...that can save us? No that can't be it. Maybe saving ourselves can bring hope. That's just doesn't make any sense. _

The more she tried to pick at what he was trying to make her see, the more hazy mind grew. Adrianne sighed as she tried to rationalize hope and saving mages, and nothing came to mind. Whatever he was trying to make her understand was not piecing itself together.

She hesitated before answering, "I...I-that's a very difficult decision, Senior Enchanter Alric. There's consequences for either action," she couldn't think of a definite answer. She tittering on the edge of both, but she couldn't decided whether to leap or stay behind, " I...I don't know what I would do. I want to do the right thing...but I can't tell which side is right. Or at least which side is less...is less wrong or unmoral. If that's even possible,"

"When pressed many mages will say the same things you said. Not many would choose side right off the back. You're still young, but one day you may have to make a decision. And the impact of that decision will be felt for generations to come. Choose wisely, young one,"

Adrianne was still wondered what did he mean, "You never answered my question, what does hope have to do with saving us?"

"Hope can divide and unite. It did both in our case,"

**Sorry for the lack of updates. Calculus 2 is a pain to deal with so hopefully I will never have to see it again after this quarter! Fingers crossed!**

**To everyone who has followed: Welcome to whatever this story turns out to be :). Seriously, I never thought I would ever break thirty followers, yet I have. So thank you to everyone! I appreciate it so much! You're all beautiful and kind and more than I deserve!  
**

**So from the bottom of my heart: thank you for reading!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Solace 9:32 Dragon-Year Two Ostwick

_My Dearest Adrianne,_

_I'm delighted to hear you are doing well. I recently married...and I'm expecting...I'm sorry, but I can't speak of my goo fortunes while you're in a prison. It isn't right. Especially because you almost died...alone in that cold cruel place. I can't stand it! I really can't! I try to stay strong for our family...and I just can't. Not like I was able to.  
_

_Father...he nearly marched all the way to Ferelden when we hadn't heard from you. He didn't care if it was infested with darkspawn. It was a very difficult time for us. I couldn't breathe at times when I didn't know whether you had lived or died in that Tower. Every day was a walking a nightmare waiting to happen. I would remind myself that you were strong, how could you not be. As a child, you were full of life...of energy. You never did listen to a word I said unless I threatened with etiquette lessons. Sometimes I believed you were of another world...  
_

_ I would never have forgiven myself if you had perished in that Circle.  
_

_For these reasons, I'm petitioning the Chantry for retainer rights. You don't deserve to be locked away from the world. I need you, FATHER needs you. The thought that he nearly lost you broke him. He didn't eat nor sleep for several days. The empty look in his eyes...  
_

_I...shouldn't be telling you all this sadness. Especially since you're still recovering yourself.  
_

_I love you. I hope you know that and I pray one day I can keep my promise._

_Izzy_

Adrianne smiled faintly as her fingers glided over the tear stains over the fine script. She could almost see Isabel writing in luxurious desk with a golden plume...with tears in her eyes as they fell upon her letter. Adrianne thought she would never see that day. Her sister was never one for tears, and it broke Adrianne's heart to imagine the pain Isabel was in to shed her tears.

The fact she was expecting probably intensified those feelings even more so. Adrianne wondered who she had married. Knowing Isabel it would be a man of regard and good values. One who would see her as an equal and nothing less than that.

Adrianne held the letters lightly as several enchanters smiled and waved at her as they passed by her. She returned their gestures and it eased the ache beginning to form in her chest. Being around others offset the pain...usually.

Today was not that day. Worry set in as she read the lines over and over.

_Father...he's not doing well. My family is suffering._

Her father would protect his daughter no matter what. No distance or power would be able to keep him from that. The thought that he was hurt...it was unacceptable. Adrianne vowed she would do better and take care of them as they had her.

She gathered her wits and began writing.

_Isabel,_

_I'm delighted to hear that I will be an aunt...that child is going to have a wonderful mother. I know it._

_Don't worry about me, I'm doing well. I can stand on my own and walk a little. It's not much but it's more than I was able to manage a year ago. I still fall, but not as much. Not as bad as bad as those lessons. The look on your face when I asked you the strangest questions...  
_

A tear smudged her writing before she continued.

_I want you all to know, I love you all so much. You and Father did everything to ensure Adeline and I had a childhood worth remembering. You never complained about anything. At the end, and even now, I strive to have your strength. That is a feat I perhaps I will never achieve, but to come close is something worth going towards.  
_

_Everything that I once feared only strengthened my resolve. Isabel...I am free. I'm free of my nightmares and much more. You don't know have to worry about hurting me. No matter what you say or do...you can never hurt me, and I will always love you. To the end of my days and beyond. Not even the Maker can take that away. You will always be a beautiful wonderful person in my eyes. That's just what you are and who you are. Always.  
_

_Your dearest sister,_

_Adri_

**Sup. So things only a couple of more chapters until *something* happens! I predict about three but who knows with me :) **

**I will try to pick up the pace so we can see Cullen again. So expect a shift in setting soonish. Also we will learn the identity of Adrianne's admirer ;).  
**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Firstfall 9:32 Dragon- Year Two- Ostwick

"I hear the Circle in Ferelden is rebuilding," Senior Enchanter Alric said during Adrianne's exercises one day.

He stood nearby, watching and correcting any mistakes in her form. Usually Senior Enchanter Alric didn't speaking during training, save for the occasional praise or criticism. However, the rise of the fallen Circle had reached Ostwick, and many mages spoke eagerly of it. Reconstruction was underway and at full force with the support of the Ferelden crown. Many said the Circle would rise taller and mightier than what it was before. A shining example of what a Circle should be.

At least that was what it should be...for those who weren't there. For the ones who survived, it was a reminder of the horrors that occurred within those walls.

For Adrianne, it was a terrible memory she pushed to the back of her mind as she healed. She didn't want to think of the ordeal, or the countless lives lost.

It was a living nightmare.

"So I've heard, Alric," she replied as she the directed orbs of the fire through the ring obstacles they had set up.

He nodded slowly as he gazed into the burning flames, "A new Circle means many things. Do you plan on returning once the construction is complete?"

Adrianne felt a small flutter of sadness in her chest. It was like an old wound that seeped into her concentration. It blurred the fragile line between harmony and chaos. A hiccup in an otherwise perfect performance.

Adrianne breathed evenly as her orb lost its shape slightly. She gathered her emotions, and held a steel grip over them. There was no excuse for letting her emotional attachment controlling her. The orb halted its movement as Adrianne waited for the sorrow to fade. Once she held them in check, the orb returned its shape once more. A sign all things were normal within her. Balanced.

Control was key in this test. It was a never-ending assessment of a mage's skill. Their ability to find balance within themselves.

Emotions were a mage's friend and enemy. One slip up, the inability to keep troubling emotions under check could result in a disastrous outcome. People get hurt when they weren't careful enough. However, as Adrianne knew, numbing their emotions wasn't any better; it made their magic weaker. It limited their power. So through time, mages were forced to discover a balance between feeling too little and feeling too much.

This balance took a toll on mage's body. There were no shortcuts or easy ways for it to be done. They had to hold enough caution to ensure nothing they didn't want to happen happened. Safety was everything. Those who weren't careful felt the consequences of that negligence severely.

To be constantly checking one's emotions was grueling. It was emotionally and mentally exhausting. However taxing on their minds and bodies it was, this control was a necessary precaution, and Adrianne accepted that a long time ago. She took her gift with all its virtues and vices as she should. They were there for her to bear with honor.

Her magic was for her to cherish. And Adrianne valued her gift with all her heart. It was a part of her and who she was.

The beauty in her gift has had her mesmerized ever since.

Senior Enchanter Alric watched as Adrianne navigated each fiery orb through the rings with grace and precision. Every hoop, and sharp turn, Adrianne managed to avoid the edges of the rings. The mana flowed effortlessly throughout her body and allowed for extra control as her emotions remained calm and concise.

Adrianne turned her last orb through the final ring and with the flick of her wrist, she extinguished her flame with a sigh of relief. With the test finally over, she turned to Senior Enchanter Alric to answer his question.

"Yes, it's a testament to what that Circle overcame," she began while wiping her hands with a towel she had in the pockets of her robe before continuing, "New beginnings. A new era...for me..." Adrianne knew what her was. Deep in her heart, she always knew what that answer would be, "For me...I don't think I will ever return. This," she emphasized her surroundings, "is my new home," after a long silence she added softly, "Anything I once cared for there is dead...no need to remind myself of all I've lost"

To think of everything that occured...how many lives were lost...it would be too much for her to endure. All the progress Adrianne had made these past two years would go waste. That Circle was somewhere she vowed she would never return to ever again. No matter what.

Adrianne's nightmare may have faded, but the scars remained forever more. Scars she was still learning to live with. Scars that only made her will and resolve stronger.

* * *

_One more..._Adrianne thought as sweat rolled down her forehead. She was nearly there. The end was within her grasp. _Just one more step...you're almost there._

Adrianne grimaced slightly at the familiar numbing pain beginning to spread from her feet up to her legs. The burning intensified as her muscles protested, but she ignored. It fueled her unrelenting determination.

"Easy now. Don't strain yourself," Guinevere said from the end of hall. Adrianne's destination.

This seemed impossible a year prior. Now, it was that defiance so prevalent in Adrianne's attitude to make that impossibility a possibility. It drove her to defy the odds. Even if she wasn't as she was before, it would be a victory in her eyes.

Adrianne only nodded as she winced at the burning in her body. She had come so far, she couldn't give up now. Not because of pain. If she was going to fail, it would be because she exhausted every effort. Anything else was unacceptable.

Adrianne let out a muffled cry, and bit her lower lip to prevent more from coming out. With a clenched jaw, she lifted her leg forward. It felt as if she was scraping her flesh against jagged rocks, but it didn't stop her. Nothing would get in her way. Once her foot was down, she breathe a sigh of relief and let out a shaky heavy breath. She heard Guinevere cheering her on.

_I'm here...just a little more. You CAN do this._

Almost done. Just half a step more to her reward.

The world moved at a snail's pace. The beating of Adrianne's heart, her shallows breaths, the sweat dripping down her face: all momentum leading up to this moment. When Adrianne's foot pressed to the stone cold ground, her mind took her through her journey. A long winding journey.

Flashes, memories, crossed her eyes: a young girl floating in a lake, staring at the clouds. That golden haired boy's worn and blistered hands. A loving sister sacrificing her own childhood for hers. The fear that misconceptions brewed when that young girl discovered her magic; so dark and daunting. The wonderful, surreal feeling of the delicate beauty in the gift that she was born with. Doubt and fear. Betrayal. Heartbreak.

All these were pieces of Adrianne. Whether for good or ill, they shaped her into the woman she was. This was her time. This was now. Now she would be better than what she was.

With every ounce of energy she had left, Adrianne let out a cry of perseverance as she crossed the end. The corners of Adrianne's mouth tugged upwards into a faint smile at her success. The feeling within her chest couldn't be described. It was as if she was seeing the light for the first time. She had been lost, and she found her way back. She'd overcome her mountain.

The credit was not all for her to take.

Adrianne fell into Guinevere's strong arms and laughed softly, "We did it Guinevere...we did it," Adrianne whispered.

Guinevere smirked, "I didn't do anything, this was all your doing,"

Exhaustion striped Adrianne of any energy to argue with Guinevere. Guinevere was a part of her success as much as herself. Adrianne would be forever thankful to her friend. She couldn't ask for anyone better than her. Adrianne valued their friendship more than anything.

"I think it's time for a well deserved rest, little lady mage,"

_Yes...rest is good.  
_

Adrianne smiled slightly as she felt Guinevere lift her to take her tired form back to her room.

This success, it made Adrianne wonder if Enchanter Bryant was smiling from whatever afterlife he was in. That knowing smug look he had whenever he proved her wrong. It was his hallmark.

Oh how she missed him. It was during these times, Adrianne wanted to believe there was a Maker, and that Enchanter was there by his side with Herah. It was only then did the thought of a possible god enter her her thoughts. It was the only time she allowed herself to believe.

_To endure...to know there will be an end. Even in death, he's right. I hope I've him proud.  
_

**You know things are heating up in this mind of mine when I'm looking up jedi battles ;} Hint, hint ;D.**

** I don't know why...but is Adrianne, like, is she a mary sue? I get that she would be considered one in a sense that she's survived 2-3 incidents that should've killed her. It's bothering me for some reason. I guess because I wanted to make a complex character, and not so "good" or "badass in everything" type of character. Is she a mary sue from your guys angle? Maybe it's in my head...hopefully T.T  
**

**Anyways, thank you for the reviews and follows! Every bit helps, and don't be afraid to point out flaws in my writing. As long as you're respectful about it, I welcome any critique! Remember: you guys are awesome! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  
**

**As always, thank you for reading!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Wintermarch 9:33 Dragon- Year Three-Ostwick

"Transferred?" Adrianne asked while her eyes bulged from their sockets, "What do you mean transferred? Did I do something wrong, First Enchanter Marion?"

First Enchanter Marion sighed before standing from her seat and looking out the window. She remained silent for several moments as if she was contemplating what to say. Adrianne sat in her chair anxiously as she awaited her answer.

For three years, the Ostwick Circle had been her home. She healed, cried, and struggled here. This was where she wanted to be. Anywhere else would be less than satisfying. Ostwick just had a way with her morale. This pleasant atmosphere made her feel so such better about herself. In every way did it save her from herself.

Now just when she found a place to call home at last she was going to be sent away.

The First Enchanter breathed heavily,"I'm very sorry, Enchanter Adrianne, but the Kirkwall Circle is in need of mages who know how to heal and who have a good track record. The Knight-Commander there is making more mages tranquil on the most lowest offenses. Trust me, I would keep you here, but the Chantry dictates that we must help circles in need,"

Adrianne furrowed eyebrows in confusion, "So you'll send me to the wolves?"

The Kirkwall Circle's legacy was known, and that is what instilled into Adrianne's very soul. They were willingly sending her in harm's way. How in anyway was that right? They knew this Circle's reputation and they were sending mages anyway.

"It's not like that. I know you'll do well there, and you've overcome so much since your arrival here,"

Adrianne was panicked and she was trying come up with anyway to convince her to let her stay. It was pure desperation to keep this home that was fueling her actions. In her face, hurt bled through her usually controlled emotions. It had been many years since she wanted to stay in one place.

There was only one other long buried in her memories, and that was a time long since gone.

"I'm a Knight Enchanter, First Enchanter Marion. Why can't you send another? A mage who's actually a trained healer," emotion seeped into Adrianne's voice as she begged the first enchanter. She would plead on her hands and knees if that would convince the first enchanter to let her stay.

"Because the other mages have seniority over you. You're not the only one being transferred, three other new healers and several enchanters are going as well," First Enchanter Marion shook her head and slumped her shoulders forward, "Our circle is swarmed with new arrivals. We simply do not have enough room here in Ostwick and Kirkwall's predicament is very...convenient," she said with disgust.

It angered Adrianne beyond anything comparable. The rage was almost too much for her to contain. It took all her willpower not to shake First Enchanter Marion senseless.

"Convenient enough that you'll throw us to them," Adrianne accused.

"I know it may sound bad, but this is in the circle's best interest," the First Enchanter assured her," Kirkwall...Kirkwall has a bad reputation I know, but we do what we must for its survival,"

It was a lie,and they both knew it. It wasn't even convincing or comforting. She was forced to do this and there was no way around it. And it didn't matter who was caught in the crossfire as long as it was done, that's all that counted.

However, it didn't matter what Adrianne wanted. It didn't matter how vulnerable she felt now that the only place she felt safe was being taken from her. It didn't matter that for the first time since Enchanter Bryant died did she feel strong and capable of her duties. That she had friends and collegues she enjoyed working with. Or that she was happy.

Adrianne's wants simply didn't matter. It wasn't even a factor in their decision.

Everything she had here would be gone. Everything. Not one thing would be left that she could call hers. Adrianne would just be another mage that walked these halls.

She squeezed the armrest of her chair tightly, "I...I don't want to leave,"Her voice dripped with sadness. She looked all around her and at the fond memories she made. Her eyes stung as she held back the unshed tears. Her place was here, "I never had a home before here," she whispered softly. The words hurt as they came out.

First Enchanter Marion sighed sadly, "I'm truly sorry, but the decision's been made. The boat leaves in two days. I suggest you pack quickly,"

_There's nothing you can do. Just nod and walk away...as you've done all your life._

* * *

_"_So you too?" Guinevere asked as she sat next to Adrianne the following night. Their last night walking these halls.

Adrianne sighed heavily before turning her head to look at Guinevere. The usually jovial woman was stoic. It seemed most were sad these days. They had reason to be.

The rumors of the Kirkwall Circle spread far. For the mages going there, they feared for their lives. Especially with the chaos brewing in the corrupted city, no one was excited to leave Ostwick's nurturing embrace. No one should be.

It was said the city held Qunari, blood mages, and that real leadership lay with Knight Commander Meredith. A templar controlled city with little sympathy for mages. Tranquils outnumbering actual mages were among a selection and variety of rumors. That the First Enchanter there could do little to protect them.

The uncertainty that some would perish in Kirkwall was a real and tangible fear. That some of them would not make it. That many going might as well make their last wish because who knows what could happen there. They could be murdered in their sleep or even killed for no reason for other than them being a mage. It was not knowing what could happen to them that frightened them senseless. Adrianne would be lying she said it didn't scare her in any way.

Most said they were going to request transfer as soon as they could. How little did they know how hard transfers from a low populated Circle was. They were almost always denied.

"They're moving you too?" she asked knowing the answer already.

The Circle had not deemed Adrianne fit to walk alone or on her own. Even though she was able to walk certain distances by herself, Adrianne still needed a person following her and have crutches. As result, Guinevere was to be transferred as well.

Guinevere shoved Adrianne's shoulder slightly, "I'm your expert arse hauler. I'll haul you across Thedas if the Order said to...and," Guinevere looked her in the eye. Respect,"I won't abandon you, not now after these years and especially not to Kirkwall,"

"I figured you had heard the rumors as well,"

Guinevere's faced turned stark white, "Not just the rumors...I lived there. I was born and raised in that Void. It was there where I was recruited to the Order and the Gallows was my first Circle. The first chance I had to get out, I took it," Adrianne watched as Guinevere stare into her hands, "Never again, I said,"

In the years Adrianne had known Guinevere, she had never seen her this distressed. It was the first time she had even seen that empty stare. This wasn't Guinevere. Whatever happened in Kirkwall, it wasn't good. Her going back would only make that worse.

Sensing the fear this entire situation was causing her, Adrianne felt the need to tell Guinevere she didn't need to go. Adrianne was able, for the most part, handle herself. She could find a friendly enough templar to escort her. It didn't have to be her friend. Guinevere didn't need to suffer if she didn't have to. Not because of Adrianne.

"You don't have to go," Adrianne explained, "If it was that bad, I don't think you should go,"

Guinevere sighed deeply and closed her eyes, "I have a bad feeling that if you go alone, you won't make it in there. Everything...it's not safe. Especially for you. The templars there...it's as if there's nothing inside them," her voice shook.

Adrianne remained speechless. There was a slight, spine chilling, blood curdling fear that Adrianne couldn't shake. It froze every vein in her body as she began to wonder if there was more than what the rumors suggested.

Ignoring her own fear, Adrianne placed her arm around Guinevere's shoulders and attempted to calm the older woman. She felt Guinevere shake and she whispered encouraging things to her. She was always there when Adrianne needed her, now Adrianne would be there for her.

Later that night, when she tucked herself in, Adrianne's mind wandered her back to what Guinevere said that first day they met. How foreboding that day would be.

_'The things I've seen them I do when they thought I wasn't looking...'. What are they sending us to?_

**Tune the dark music because we're going to Kirkwall folks!  
**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Guardian 9:33 Dragon- The Gallows

The fog was thick and the air frozen as they sailed into the Gallows. The skies were grey and devoid of emotion, much like the mages aboard, huddled together to stay warm. Everything was still, and only the waves crashing against the sides of the boat with a fury could be heard. The sea's wrath drowned out the soft whispers of pray of the faithful.

Adrianne clutched her sides as she breathed steadily into the winter air. The wool cloak did little to protect her from the elements. The furious winds stung like a wasp's bite in the spring, but only so much more. Adrianne sunk deeper into the confines of the cloak, and tried to relax herself for the oncoming arrival.

It was both daunting and petrifying to be be entering another Circle yet again. It didn't reflect well on a mage to be sent to two different circles within a three year spend. Even more so with a record like Adrianne's. Knight Commander Meredith would surely see that. And knowing her, she would finish Adrianne off herself when she got the chance. Adrianne had no choice, but to do well here. Anything else would cause further scrutiny on her part.

Even if she did well, there was still a chance she would never see the light of day.

It wasn't safe for her here.

Adrianne held herself closer as everyone within the ship's deck felt the ship come to a sudden stop. Their time at sea was over. The time and arrival they had all feared during their journey had finally arrived. It was time to face the darkness hounding their every thought. The impending darkness to come.

The mages filed out reluctantly and with her crutches, Adrianne followed with a clenched jaw off the deck and onto the Gallow's yard. She winced at the pain slowly traveling up her legs and into every muscle in her body. The harsh coldness was not boding well with her. She was now regretting not wearing her stockings underneath her robes now. At least then, she wouldn't be freezing her arse.

In the thick fog, Adrianne spotted Guinevere's bright red hair and walked as best as she could towards her, "How are you holding up?" Adrianne asked quietly.

Guinevere gazed all around at her surroundings and gulped audibly. Adrianne noticed how her friend's hands fidgeted, and how out of her element Guinevere was. Adrianne wished she hadn't come. However, Guinevere insisted, and now she looked as if she saw the Void itself in the Gallows.

"I'm...it's...," Guinevere stuttered before staring with wide eyes at the statues in the courtyard towering over them. With her eyes still on the intimidating figures, in an even voice, Guinevere whispered, "how I remembered,"

There weren't words that would be able to comfort Guinevere's troubled mind. What she needed was to get away from this place and fast. And Adrianne was determined to save Guinevere. No matter the cost to herself. Guinevere's safety was worth more than Adrianne's ability to get around.

Adrianne patted her shoulder, and stared at the figures with horrified faces. It wasn't something someone wanted to see when arriving to a new location. If this was Kirkwall's way of greeting guests, it was a wonder how anyone would want to live here. Let alone come willingly. Kirkwall was a place of last resort in Adrianne's eyes. It held an atmosphere of tension and dread.

The few mages in the courtyard had smiles plastered on their faces. A lie to negate the rumors the incoming mages had heard. They were putting on a show, and it may have worked if Adrianne and the others hadn't know any better.

In the distance, the mages saw four figures, a woman, presumably Knight Commander Meredith followed by three men. Out of the four, one was a mage and everyone knew immediately that he was the First Enchanter. An elven men who appeared stern yet kind-hearted with good intentions. It became apparent that he and the Knight Commander did not have a civil relationship. They kept as much of a distance from each other as possible.

Adrianne knew that the heads of the templars and mages clashed, why wouldn't they. However, their relationship seemed to go beyond that. It could almost be compared to cold hearted hate for one another. The way they looked away from each other in disgust. Adrianne never thought the situation here was this...was this deteriorating. There was no relationship. It was simply people living together who rather not. With a knife pointed at each other's back.

If the Circle's leaders appeared to be barely civil, how would the inside fare with their subordinates?

Knight Commander Meredith eyed each and everyone of them, making sure they knew there would be zero tolerance for unacceptable behavior. Adrianne held her cloak tighter against her body, as if that would protect her from Meredith. It wasn't respect that made Adrianne comply, it was fear of what she would do if she didn't.

The mages lined up horizontally, shoulder to shoulder. The templars who came for the journey did the same.

Adrianne held her breath as the Knight Commander began to speak.

"I'm Knight Commander Meredith,and this is Knight Captain-"

_No. Not again. _Adrianne's heart sunk as she laid eyes on him. Knight Captain Cullen. Meredith's second and right hand man. Fitting that he would be here of all places. Harsh rules on mages, of course he would be here. Why wouldn't he? It was a dream come true considering their last conversation.

Adrianne lowered her hood further down her face as she kept her gaze steady on his face as Meredith's voice drowned out in the background.

Three years. Three years since they had spoken. That golden haired boy she once knew...he was gone. The man that stood there looked like him, but he wasn't. She didn't know this man. And he didn't know who she was. That girl back in Ferelden...Adrianne doesn't even know her anymore. How far they had come from those sweet times. The innocence and ethreal sensation of first love.

Those fluttery feelings were gone the moment Adrianne was sent away to Ostwick. She moved on and it appeared he had as well. Even now she didn't regret a thing...anything that had happened. Even him. She learned and she endured.

Mage pride some may say.

"Now that you are here. I will be conducting interviews of each and everyone of you along with First Enchanter Orsino and Knight Captain Cullen. A necessary precaution as anyone knows. If you have nothing to hide," she said as she gazed at the tense mages and nodded in approval, " then you have nothing to fear"

Adrianne watched as First Enchanter Orsino roll his eyes in response to her speech. It seemed if it was up to him, none of these interviews would happening. A compromise on his part, perhaps.

"Templars, follow Lieutenant Alrik, he will show you your quarters and assignments," Adrianne watched as Guinevere's face raged when she laid eyes on this Alrik. Adrianne took note and would remember to ask later on, when she got the chance. Meredith turned her attention back to the mages, "The rest of you follow me,"

Adrianne merged with the crowd as they entered the Gallows. This was their new...their new surroundings.

It wasn't a home. It was far from that.

* * *

"Maker be with us. Maker be with us," the man behind Adrianne chanted for the last hour. At this rate, she more along the lines of beyond annoyed than scared.

Adrianne massaged her temples to keep herself from sounding off on this innocent man. People had ways of coping with fear. Some paced. Others exercised...apparently he prayed aloud for all to hear to a distant merciless god. Wonderful.

"Stop that," Adrianne whispered in exasperation, "It's not like your next," she added.

_Or have my record._

The man shook his head rapidly, "I will be. And when I am, the Maker will be by my side, guiding me,"

_Where was he at Ostagar or when the Circle feel...or when...or when Enchanter Bryant lay suffering. Where was he then?_

Adrianne shook her head and sighed heavily, before returning her attention to the door in front of her. She heard muffled voices from the people within the room. Some sounded confrontational, others dismissive. Sometimes, arguments would erupt only to be followed by silence. It seemed like a toss of faith whenever a person entered.

Adrianne counted the minutes each interview lasted. Most were under ten, however, some lasted much longer. The people who lasted longer came out with blank expressions upon their faces. Adrianne wondered if she would exit as such. Pale, stone faced from their questioning.

What they would ask, how they would ask, if they would try to hurt were all the more stress to bear upon Adrianne's shoulders. Now wasn't the time to stay scared, but it was difficult due to where they were. It was gamble between staying cautious and not cautious enough.

She steeled her demeanor as the person came out and nodded for her to enter. Every minute, and every second slowed as she hobbled into the room.

_You have nothing to hide. Be strong. Be strong. Don't them the satisfaction of seeing your fear. Make them earn that._

Adrianne kept her eyes and head lowered with her hood covering most her face. No need for him to recognize her now when she needed to prove herself capable. With quiet movements, and little eye contact as possible with the three individuals. A terrible way to introduce herself, but a necessary precaution. First impressions weren't everything.

"Remove your hood, now," the Knight Commander commanded with no room to argue.

Adrianne cursed silently before allowing her hood to fall and reveal her identity for all to see. Her eyes moved upwards to meet their faces. Before her eyes, she saw the Knight Captain stiffen slightly and his face fall as if he had seen a ghost. A haunting memory from his past before his eyes. It was only for a moment before his stern face reappeared. His templar presence returned with full fury.

Adrianne shifted in her seat as she waited for them to begin speaking. She stole another quick glance at the Knight Captain before he noticed and studied his features.

It was evident his was tired and worn. The circles under his eyes told her volumes: his hard working attitude, along with his attachments to his duties were the cause of his weariness. It didn't surprise her one bit. Now, he had one more thing to add to his list of things he needed to shadow over.

"State your name and where you born, mage," Meredith began.

Adrianne breathed in deeply and exhaled to calm her nerves. She had nothing to hide. Nothing they could use against her. Hopefully.

"Knight Enchanter Adrianne Chantelle Calligaris of Seleny,"

Meredith raised her eyebrow slightly while glancing down at Adrianne's file, "Knight Enchanter? Hmm, it says you were a healer in Ostwick. It didn't say anything about a knight enchanter sent in the missives,"

Adrianne nodded slowly and explained exactly what she was, "In Ostwick I was a healer because of the...the extent of the injury to my legs. Before there, I was a Knight Enchanter in the Ferelden Circle,"

"Ferelden?" Meredith turned her gaze from Adrianne to her Knight Captain, "Did you know my Knight Captain, enchanter?"

_Why would she want to know that? She knows that we were in the same Circle. Why..._

She was testing her. Adrianne could see it as bright as day now. She wanted to catch her in a lie. To prove she had cause to not be trusted. Ammunition to be used against Adrianne later on. Meredith was no fool. She knew all the answers to her questions. If she wanted to know, she could look them up herself. This was their first test in her grounds. Give them facts they should know or watch them twist them to their liking.

Adrianne would not fall into that trap. She decided to play along with Meredith's game. Give her no reason to use her answers against her. Show that she was not deceitful.

Adrianne exhaled as she watched Knight Captain Cullen hold his breath to hear her answer. Adrianne only shook her head. He thought she was going to throw him under the bridge and ruin everything he had worked for these past three years. Was that how highly he thought of her? It was almost insulting. A slap in the face. If he truly thought she was here to ruin his life he had another thing coming. An awakening on who she was. And who she was now cared little for ruining his life. She had other things to be worried about.

With a cold expression, Adrianne said, "Yes, I knew of him, but I didn't know him. Not really,"

It was the truth. She didn't know him, and he didn't know her. She watched as his eyes narrowed, but he remained silent. Adrianne straightened her back as she prepared herself mentally for the next question.

Orsino interjected before Meredith could follow up, "I don't see how this has any connection to her, Meredith,"

Meredith glared at him, "I get to-

"You KNOW," Orsino emphasized, "that I have as much say as you do in what we ask. This question is over,"

Adrianne could feel the outrage radiate off Meredith. The woman's steel eyes locked with Orsino's. A battle of the bold.

Meredith turned her stern gaze back to Adrianne's file and scanned it until she found something of interest. At that moment, Adrianne knew what it was. It would be difficult to explain...to her most of all.

"It says here you became a thrall of a demon. Yet here you are. Interesting they had not cut you down right then and there. To make sure it didn't come into this world. How do I know it's not still there,"

Adrianne hesitated and stammered over her words. Meredith's upfront no limit attitude had caught her off guard this time. The way she said 'cut you down right then and there' made Adrianne's blood run cold. Genuine fear. Zero tolerance...and if Adrianne had been here when she was possessed...she wouldn't be of this world anymore.

Still, Adrianne had to play along...no matter how difficult. No matter how painful.

Adrianne answered hesitantly, "I-I-i was...was a victim of a binding ritual. It-it was without my knowledge...and it was before the Circle fell,"

"What a coincidence," Meredith began while keeping her gaze on Adrianne. It was accusing her, "that the Circle falls after you are binded. It was as if it was planned if I didn't say so myself,"

Adrianne shook her head, "It wasn't. The other enchanters were able to release me from it's control before that and before...it made me do something. I fought it's control the entire time, I swear it," she breathed shakily, "I'm telling the truth. I'm not a danger,"

Meredith folded her hands on her desk, never taking her eyes off Adrianne, "So you say now. That's what all mages' say before they kill. Time and time again,"

Orsino seethed in anger, "Enough Meredith. She's proved herself. Not all of us are so weak against a demon. This interview is over. Enchanter Adrianne, you may go to your rooms. I will ensure Meredith will give you no trouble,"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at Adrianne as she gathered her crutches, "I will be watching you closely. Know that,"

Adrianne could only nod as she swiftly exited the room and found her rooms as quickly as her crutches allowed her to. She slammed the door shut and crumpled on the floor in front of it. Adrianne lay face first against the cool stone and reminded herself that she had nothing to fear. That she was exactly what she said she was. Her hands squeezed the floors as she caught the breath she had been holding.

After an hour, the tension that had been straining her muscles left her body. This was her safe zone. It provided her temporary relief from Meredith's ever watching eyes. Only now that she was safe inside her rooms did she feel herself relax.

The days following, Meredith kept her promise.

**So how was it? Did I keep Meredith in character?**

**I hope you all enjoyed, and see you next time!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Alright I'm just going to have a trigger warning here in case if any of you have issue or are bothered with Ser Alrik's actions in the game. It is not my intention to dramatize this and I hope no one is offended. I do not condone anything that man did, and encourage people to speak out against it. So if you are bothered by that quest, I highly encourage you to skip this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Guardian 9:33 Dragon- The Gallows

It was the middle of the day when Guinevere came into the healer's room. Adrianne watched Guinevere's tired eyes and body find a seat next to Adrianne. To say Adrianne was concerned was a severe understatement. Her friend was not well, and very unlike her cheerful self.

When Guinevere didn't speak, Adrianne asked, "Are you all right, Guinevere?"

Guinevere remained silent and in a daze. It wasn't until Adrianne cleared her throat did Guinevere jump up from her seat and revealed the deep set circles under her eyes. With a strained laugh in an attempt to alleviate Adrianne's worry, Guinevere seated herself again.

As always, she was putting on a show for Adrianne's sake. Adrianne wondered what she ever did to deserve a friend like Guinevere.

Guinevere rubbed her eyes before speaking, "I'm sorry Adrianne...," she paused for a moment to stare at the door behind Adrianne's head. She was on edge. Her entire body was tense as if she was ready for someone to attack, "my mind was somewhere else," Guinevere replied weakly, "What was your question?"

Adrianne brows knit in concern as she watched Guinevere worn eyes now stare at the ceiling. This was becoming a common occurrance that made her worry so much more about Guinevere's health. The fierce woman was barely talking or eating, and from the looks of it, sleeping. Adrianne did all she could to help Guinevere and she was going to find the root of this issue.

Whether Guinevere wanted that help was not Adrianne's concern at the moment.

She placed her hand over Guinevere's and looked her the eyes with a gentle face, "Talk to me, Guinevere. What's wrong? And don't try to make something up or shake me off. I know something is wrong. Just tell me. Whatever it is, talk to me,"

Guinevere bit her lip and gazed in the distance at some memory, "I never told you about my time here," Guinevere stopped momentarily before continuing, "This was where...where I wondered if this life was truly for me. This was where my seed of doubt was planted,"

Guinevere had spoken of a time when she had second thoughts about devoting herself to the Order. However, she never revealed the exact reason. She only said templars did some things that she did not approve of. And those actions made her wonder if this life was for her.

From the way the Gallows affected Guinevere, Adrianne wondered what exactly occurred to shake Guinevere's demeanor to this point. What made her so paranoid and vulnerable now. Guinevere was putting up a strong front, but she knew better than to believe that. They were reflections of each other. They put a mask on so the world wouldn't see the creaks in their armor beneath.

When Guinevere didn't elaborate further, Adrianne knew didn't press for further detail, Guinevere wouldn't give her anything else to work with. And any chance she had of helping her would vanish into the air.

Adrianne spoke once the silence became too much, "What happened here?"

Guinevere shook her head slowly, not looking Adrianne in the eye. Adrianne squeezed her hand softly, "You have to tell me, Guinevere. I can't know what to protect myself from," she lied, feigning that it was for her protection to get more information, "if you don't tell me a little or even a clue,"

Guinevere's voice shook, "I've seen some things," she began with one small tear rolling down his cheek, " I've seen HIM," she snarled and it was the same reaction Guinevere had laid eyes on Ser Alrik, "do some things, and the coward he was and still is, denies it. He's a snake, that's what he is,"

Adrianne became uncomfortable, "Did you ever tell anyone?"

Guinevere laughed bitterly, "Of course I did...," her eyes were angry and wrathful, "And what did he get? A slap on the wrist, and told to never do it again. He didn't tell them everything nor the truth and that's how he got off. It was my word against his. He was here longer, of course his word held more weight than a fresh face. And here he is a Knight Lieutenant prancing about as if he deserves it,"

It was him...and Guinevere hated him. Ser Alrik. Guinevere wanted that man dead.

"Ser Alrik? Is that the he you speak of? I saw your expression the day we came...you don't think highly of him, do you?" she knew the answer.

"No, no one should. He's scum. He's a snake," she sneered before turning to Adrianne, "For my sake and yours, Adrianne," Guinevere looked her firmly in the eyes to emphasize her point, "if you see him and you're alone, walk the other way. Get far as away as you can from him. Never walk the halls by yourself," she warned.

"Is this why you're losing sleep?"

Guinevere remained silent for a while before she spoke, "Promise me," she begged.

Guinevere was desperate. She had that look in her eyes. She needed Adrianne to promise. It was as if her life depended on it.

Adrianne nodded, "All right, I promise, but you need to promise me that if this becomes too much that you will go back to Ostwick. I'm not defenseless as I was over there. I'm getting stronger as each day passes, alright. If he somehow tries something, I can fight him,"

Guinevere's face turned cold, and frightened. She stood and walked towards the door, but not before saying, "You don't understand. He already has his eyes on you...I won't let him have you too,"

Before Adrianne could process what Guinevere had said, she was gone. An unsettling feeling came over Adrianne and she looked over her shoulder to make sure she was truly alone. For good measure she closed the door and turned her seat to face it and see who came in and out.

_'I won't let him have you too'...did he hurt someone she knew? What happened? Where am I?_

**If you made it this far, I hope I did not offend anyone. If I did, I will immediately fix and edit the chapter.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Guardian 9:33 Dragon- The Gallows

Adrianne gazed wearily across the healer's room one night. The dim glow from her dying candle created an eerie atmosphere, ghostly almost. The air was thick and still; every sound can be heard, every breath, every step echoed in the night time halls. The templar's ever present watch, their ever so watchful eyes, intensified during the dark light. Their gaze ever more blood curdling, and scrutinizing. It was as if these walls held the essence of what the templars were.

It was Adrianne's third week in Kirkwall. Tonight was the fourth night in row she was without Guinevere by her side. Her dear friend lay in her cot sick. Kirkwall was making Guinevere sick. That much Adrianne was sure of.

Guinevere had told her once that not every bad thing that happened was Adrianne's fault. Now, Adrianne couldn't help but think that. Guinevere wouldn't be here if not for her. In a way, it was Adrianne's fault that her friend was suffering.

If something were to happen to Guinevere, Adrianne would never forgive herself. No one should suffer because of her. If Adrianne couldn't help her, then she had no right to be having Guinevere in pain because of her.

Of course, none of that mattered now that they were here. Things...were different in Kirkwall. Even the mages were a curious sight. Always on edge at the sight of templar. Some even jumped at the sight of one their own.

Trust no one was the motto here. The second was to never be alone, which led to where Adrianne now sat, alone in the healer's room.

There was a reason why many healers refused to work the night hours. And there was a reason they put this burden on the newest member of their inner circle. A sacrificial lamb.

For Adrianne, she was their lamb. The not healer to them. Not that anyone listened to her when she said she wasn't a healer. Rather, they just assumed Adrianne was some untrained newly Harrowed mage who had no business being a healer. Apparently, Adrianne's words fell on deaf ears.

If they only knew what she was capable of, of what she did, those assumptions would be put to rest. However, all they saw was a mage with crutches. A nobody.

Adrianne put those thoughts to rest as she remained fixated upon the entrance to the room. No one could enter without her knowledge or take Adrianne by surprise. She was ready. Every fiber and muscle she possessed was tense and awaited to strike or flee. Her staff ready for anyone who would come through to harm her. Anyone.

Time slowed as armored steps lurked towards the door. Adrianne breathing quickened as those steps ventured closer and closer. It felt as if fate was delaying the inevitable. Like it wanted her to die of anxiety or fear. Fear.

Adrianne's mind toyed with her fear of the unknown. It came up with different possibilities of what lay beyond that door. Some less frightening than others. Others terrified her out of her senses. The way the mind worked.

However, what her mind did not plan for was the ghost from her past walking in.

Adrianne gaze hardened when she saw the person who crossed the threshold. Of all times to show up, the Knight Captain choose now to make his appearance. In the dark and alone with her. Perfect. Not suspicious whatsoever.

Adrianne tensed slightly as he made his way into the room. She kept her steel grip on her staff to be ready.

Show no weakness.

The Knight Captain sat himself across from Adrianne, making sure she was in the light where he could see her. They watched each other with narrowed eyes and steady faces. Neither let their guard down. Adrianne stared at the wall behind his head as she felt his eyes fall upon her. The thick air between the two was suffocating and restricting. Adrianne let out the breath she had been holding and forced herself to release the tension her body had built up. Her hands rubbed the weariness out of her tired face and Adrianne rose her head slowly to meet his gaze once more.

Their eyes clashed. Brown vs hazel. A duel of resolve and strength. A test to see who would give in and name their self the more fearful. Both would never do such a thing. They saw themselves as equals in that respect.

With her eyes still holding his, Adrianne spoke firmly, "What are you doing here?"

Knight Captain Cullen replied with the tone, "I could ask you the same thing. Kirkwall. Of all the circles you came to Kirkwall,"

Adrianne laughed bitterly as she rolled her eyes. The way he made it sound, it sounded as if Adrianne WANTED to come. As if she knew he would be here. Because having lost contact over the last three years and the end of their relationship meant absolutely nothing. No, Adrianne was here to torment him. If only he knew how she felt about all this, then it wouldn't seem so suspicious.

"Don't flatter yourself," Adrianne retorted before she turned away from him. She grasped the rings hanging around her neck lightly before continuing, "If given the choice, I would leave now," Adrianne cast him a sideway glance and with a even voice, she said, "I don't have the luxury to get up and leave,"

He scoffed at her answer "Unlike you, I don't have the luxury of knowing when a mage is going to attack or smile as I walk by everyday,"

Adrianne collected herself, and remembered what Enchanter Bryant had said of people:

_Man is cruel, and man is vain. They won't feel a bit sorry if one less mage was removed from this world. So long as people such us continue to be oppressed, they don't give a damn what happens to us or who hurts us. You have to understand that._

_"_Maybe they would trust you more if you give them reason to. **We **," herself included, not the Kirkwall templars at least. Her trust lay with Guinevere only, "don't trust you because you don't think of us as living creatures. Lock us away from the world we were born in that's the templar solution," Adrianne replied.

Her words had the punch and impact Adrianne had foreseen. The Knight Captain let out a sarcastic laugh, "Of course you would say that. You're no different than the rest. You mages would have no restrictions at all,"

_Excellent...right were we left off._

Adrianne tightened her fist around her staff to hold her anger back. It took every ounce of energy within her to not yell at how ignorant he was of the mage's plight. He may have valid points that some mage's abuse their power, but to sweep the injustices mage's experienced on a daily basis was unacceptable.

Her jaw clenched, and with a voice dripping with fury, Adrianne replied, "Well...," Lorelai's empty eyes stared at her from across the way, from the deepest depths of Adrianne's memories. She still haunted Adrianne's dreams, "this place is perfect for you then. A nice fancy title, ruling mages with iron fist under the command of the righteous Knight Commander Meredith. Life seems to be looking up for you," Adrianne looked him straight in the eye, " I don't expect you to agree with every single thing a mage spews out their mouth because I don't either. You feel very strongly about magic. That it's a curse and we're abominations waiting to happen. However, you are never this room..." Adrianne trembled, but she pushed through regardless, "when a mage mother has her babe torn from her arms shortly after birth. Tell her, Knight Captain in all your rightful templar ways that she deserves her child being taken away from her. That it's her fault. If you can come up with an understandable explanation," Adrianne shrugged, "then maybe you're right about us after all,"

Adrianne watched him as the Knight Captain remained silent. There was no reason. None that were good at least. For some odd reason, Adrianne was glad he had some compassion left in him. Or at least, he couldn't come up with a decent argument against her. Whatever it was, she was hopeful of him.

Were they together much longer in Ferelden, Adrianne could've been Lorelai looking for her child beyond those doors. Neither of them could've done anything to stop it.

Adrianne softened her gaze slightly before speaking again, "That could have been us. In another time that would have been us," she sighed and stared at the ceiling, " I'm glad it wasn't. You would see that child not as your own, but one with magic tainting their blood. That's all you see now. You see me as that. You view all of us as such,"

Silence fell upon the two. Everything that had to be said was said. There was no room for question now. They both laid down the lines on where they stood. From what Adrianne could tell, they were in two different worlds. Opposite ends of the spectrum. They were no where near coming to any common ground.

Different times. Different situations now. There was no turning back.

Knight Captain Cullen finally spoke, "Why didn't you tell Meredith? ," he looked to her with gentle eyes reminiscent of that sweet time, "You were right there. You could've casted doubt in my ability to remain faithful to the Order. Make her question her Knight Captain's resolve. Why didn't you? You had every right to" he asked softly.

For a short moment, he was the Cullen Adrianne grew fond of. The one that young girl in the lake fell with all those years ago. That moment, however, was gone in a flash.

"Because believe it or not, I cared for you once. From the time we were children I cared. Just because we don't agree doesn't mean I have to hate you. To your people, you're a good man who embodies what the templars are: devout, faithful, brave. You believe in what the Order stands for. It's your life...," she paused when a realization dawned upon her. Something that was vital to who he was, "...and even now, you would lay down your life for an innocent. That will always remain...and it will always be something I admire about you. Even as you are at present," Adrianne admitted.

For a single second, their eyes held each other not in suspicion or mistrust, but in genuine care. A slip up on both of their parts. One that they both swept under the rug quickly as they snapped out of whatever daze they were in.

Things were not the same between them.

Knight Captain rose to leave, but gazed at Adrianne's face before walking away without another word and shaking his head.

Adrianne could make out words he was muttering under his breath as he left:

"Get a hold of yourself. Don't be blind as you were before. You exist for a reason"

**Reunited, and it's not so good! :D. Cullen in DA 2, as we all know, is EXTREMELY paranoid of magic. For good reason. So hopefully he came across as such.**

**What else...oh yes! Don't expect Adrianne and Cullen to get back together anytime soon. It's unrealistic for them to get back together so soon. **

**Also, for anything that might make some readers uncomfortable, I will post a warning at the beginning each of those chapters like I did last chapter. I don't think there will be many of those, but just in case.**

**So story time: I made Adrianne's mom in Dragon Age: Inquisition today and I literally had to put my controller down for five minutes because I was struck by how beautiful she was! #I'mhopeless!**

**Once more, thank you to all my beautiful readers. You guys are awesome! Remember you all are wonderful and I'm your biggest fan! :)**

**See you next time!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Just letting anyone know who is concerned Ser Alrik does make a extremely small appearance in this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Kingsway 9:33 Dragon- The Gallows

Adrianne breathed heavily and squinted to kept her sweat drenched face from blinding her. There was nothing like having your vision compromised during a training exercise. Especially one with objects flying towards you. It was a miracle Adrianne dodged that ice spike in time. Not with the way she was moving.

Her movements were sluggish and off balance. Slow and ungraceful. The lack of rigorous physical exercise caused her to go soft. Of course, being crippled for a short while didn't help either and Adrianne knew she couldn't control the extent of the trauma her body experienced. However, she now understood why Enchanter emphasized physical fitness. If these last several months were any indication, it was going to a long road. Bruises and all.

Physical ability was just as important as mental capability. Magic was a valuable tool, but it shouldn't be used as a crutch. Many mages made the mistake of relaying too much upon their magic. As a result, that mistake cost them their lives. Knowing a few defense moves goes a long way. Especially for a mage.

Adrianne was receiving the brunt of that knowledge. For her lack of physical finesse, she had to make up for it by using more magic to block spells she couldn't dodge or use spells to dispel barriers she couldn't break. Her control over how little mana she had to use for each spell only went so far.

_At least I've lasted longer than the last match...oh joy. _Adrianne grimaced as she summoned a shield to protect herself from a quick moving fireball she knew she wouldn't be able to evade.

Seeing her opportunity to strike from the smoke covered field, Adrianne charged with her staff and spirit blade drawn. Every swing of Adrianne's spirit blade was weaker than the last. She barely even penetrated Garth's barrier with her latest swing. A newly trained Knight Enchanter could probably put up a better fight than she.

Now Adrianne understood more than ever the lessons the late Enchanter Bryant taught her. With her mana stores low, Adrianne was unable to put up a sizable barrier to block Garth's last attack. His blast sent her flying backwards and crashing into a chair like a rag doll.

Exhaustion seeped into Adrianne's bones as she lay back. She lost the battle, but at least she went down with a bang. Literally.

Adrianne up to watch Garth come running up to her with a guilt ridden expression and her crutches in tow, "I'm so sorry! I should've been more careful. What was I thinking?" he chastised himself while helping Adrianne rise.

Adrianne heaved but smiled at his concern. Like her, Garth was one of the mages from Ostwick transferred to Kirkwall. Unlike everyone else, however, he took the change in stride. He attempted to lessen their worry. He failed, but it was still touching to know that he cared so much for his fellow mage. Even if many scoffed at him.

A kind man, and a talented mage in elemental magic, Garth was the sweetest young man Adrianne knew. They worked together numerous times in the Ostwick Circle on experimentation on mana consumption as well as training exercises in their spare time. There was always a smile on his face, and he cared deeply about the Circle and everyone within it. From what Adrianne could tell, Garth didn't one mean bone in him.

"You didn't do anything wrong Garth," Adrianne laughed while catching her breath. Her heart was thumping out of her chest and she laughed some more at herself, "I told you to go full force for a reason. You're helping me by not going easy on me," Adrianne explained.

"Are you sure?" Garth asked as he handed Adrianne her crutches.

Adrianne steadied herself before smiling at Gareth, "I'm sure,"

Garth continued nonetheless with apologies. Adrianne repeated that it was okay and she wasn't hurt.

Everything was going well until Guinevere's bane show up.

Out of the corner of her eye, Adrianne saw Ser Alrik standing near the doorway, out of sight to those not paying attention. However, Adrianne knew better than to let her guard down. Guinevere's words echoed throughout her mind. Adrianne tensed as she began to search for alternative routes out of the training room.

Garth must have sensed her worry when he smiled at her slightly. Adrianne was going to speak and tell him he needn't about her. That she fine. However, Garth beat her to it.

"You know," he began as his eyes twinkled, " I can go for a walk right about now. How about it?" he asked.

Adrianne looked once more at Ser Alrik before she answered, "I would like that"

* * *

Adrianne chuckled hysterically as Garth finished his story, "And let's just say, the ladies in Ansburg didn't greet me too kindly after that,"

She bit down on her lip to prevent her girlish laughs from coming. However, it had been too long since she had a good laugh. Adrianne felt much like she did when she was younger and carefree. When she could laugh for days on end without a care in the world.

Laughter was contagious.

Garth joined in her fun and shrugged, "How was I supposed to know accidentally singeing someone's eyebrows off would receive such hostility. If only I'd known,"

Adrianne shook her head and rolled her eyes with amusement. She sighed heavily as she turned to the door of her room. All good things end, they say. Today had been something she needed. Truth be told, she was glad Garth was with her. With all the darkness in Kirkwall, Adrianne was glad his cheerful self didn't dim. At least someone wasn't damaged by this Circle.

They faced each other and smiled goodbye.

As Garth turned to walk away, he quickly turned back around and pulled a folded piece of paper out from his robe, "I've been meaning to give this to you for a while now," he said as placed the item in Adrianne's hand. Adrianne stared at the folded paper.

It was withered and crinkled around the edges. Garth must've held onto this for quite some time. Adrianne wondered why. He was never one to be so shy about giving people things.

Adrianne raised in eyebrow as she felt how heavy it was. It was then she realized there was something the paper was containing. Before she could ask what it was, Garth was already almost at the end of the hall. It was strange that he left so quickly. His departure only made Adrianne all the more curious.

_Something he's been meaning to give me? _

With delicacy, Adrianne opened the folded paper slowly. Her heart stopped and her breathing ceased. Every sense grew numb as she stared at the object within the folded paper. Adrianne gasped silently as her eyes widened evermore at what was revealed:

_A yellow daffodil. _

Confusion overcame her until she thought back to what Garth had said.

_It was him...back at Ostwick...it was him._

Adrianne looked up with quickly again for any sign for Garth, but he was long gone by then.

Gone, and leaving her with only her thoughts to fill in the blanks.

**Told you I wouldn't leave you guys hanging! :) Adrianne's admirer has been revealed! **

**As always, I love to hear from you guys. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Remember: I'm your biggest fan!**

**Thank you for reading!**


	37. Chapter 37

**So...just in case anyone is uncomfortable about this topic, there will drug withdrawal symptoms in this chapter. So if you are bothered, I would highly encourage you skip this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Kingsway 9:33 Dragon- The Gallows

"So mystery man two reveals his identity at last?" Guinevere joked as she rubbed her face.

Adrianne sighed as she straightened her desk containing the healing salves for the day, "Yes, it was Garth all along. I never would've guess or even suspected him. It's probably not what we think it is. Garth is a sweet man, and he does this stuff all the time. It's probably just him being nice,"

Guinevere groaned as she continued rubbing the weariness from her face while looking up to Adrianne, "Or, he could happen to like you," she smirked, "That's not out of the cards either,"

Adrianne smiled, "Was it ever in the cards?"

"Well...Damn it," Guinevere struggled to speak and Adrianne's smile fell as she watched Guinevere rub her head. She stared at Guinevere as a drop of sweat fell down her face, "Can't seem to be rid of this damned headache," Guinevere hissed.

Adrianne placed her hand on Guinevere's shoulder and stared at the dark bags underneath her eyes. It had been more than a week since Adrianne had seen her last due to Guinevere persisting illness, and now she looked even worse. At this point, Adrianne wasn't sure what to think, and it seemed as if Guinevere didn't want Adrianne to see her like this. Guinevere was going to run herself to death at this point; it appeared she hadn't sleep in days.

Even so, it seemed as if Guinevere was distracted beyond something more than just sleep. She looked paranoid, as if she was reliving some sick memory. Like someone was out to get her. Guinevere was never one to be so overtly cautious, and it seemed to be driving her into sickness.

She appeared paler than usual and sickly. In addition, Guinevere had been complaining about the headaches and things of that sort. Sometimes she would take days off and return without a single word to Adrianne on why she was gone. It was as if she was avoiding the issue altogether. It wasn't like Guinevere to hide things from Adrianne. However, ever since coming to Kirkwall, Guinevere was growing reclusive. Now she was just a show of the vibrant woman she once was.

It made Adrianne worry all the more, "What's going on?" Adrianne asked firmly. There was no room for arguing in her voice.

Adrianne wanted answers and Guinevere had been dodging her questions as of late. Well, not this time she wasn't. Not if Adrianne had anything to say about it.

Guinevere rolled her eyes and rose hastily, "I'm fine!" she said defensively, "You always say that: 'what's wrong'," Guinevere mimicked Adrianne's voice, " 'or how long has it been since you've slept'. You know I can just be having a bad day. Ever thought about that?" Guinevere jabbed her finger at Adrianne.

_What's gotten into her head?_

"Excuse me?," Adrianne answered, insulted by Guinevere's brash behavior, " But you never act like this. I'm sorry if I can't help but be concerned about you're well-being," she retorted.

Guinevere snorted, "Apparently you don't know me as well as you think," she laughed sarcastically.

"Well maybe I don't but there is something wrong with you and you refuse to tell me. I can't help you if you don't tell me," Adrianne replied.

"I don't need your help!" Guinevere shouted in anger, "I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't because of you!"

Adrianne glared at Guinevere and closed her hands in fists to hold back her anger. All it took was that one phrase to bring any patience Adrianne had to the brink of destruction. She had told Guinevere numerous times to leave, and yet to her Adrianne was responsible for her problems. Adrianne was at fault for many things but this wasn't one them. And she didn't need her friend blaming her when she encouraged her to leave since the very beginning.

"How exactly is that my fault?!" Adrianne threw her hands in the air in frustration. The nerve of Guinevere to throw her under the bridge, "I told you didn't have to come. This was your choice, not mine. You were the one who made it,"

"You expect me to leave someone like you alone in this Void! There was never any choice!" Guinevere countered.

This wasn't happening. Oh how Adrianne wished conversation wasn't happening. Never did she believe Guinevere would speak to her in such a way. To make Adrianne feel so useless. The sad part was, this wasn't some sick dream she could wake up from. It was real, and it was brutal.

The temper and anger Adrianne had fought to keep in unleashed itself upon poor Guinevere, "Well I don't need you! No one is begging you to stay," Adrianne only saw red, "I can take care of myself!" she shouted.

Guinevere took it all in stride, "I don't have to deal with this," she said as she walked away leaving Adrianne alone.

Adrianne shook and covered her face with her hands as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Now she truly was alone.

**So Guinevere is well into the stages of lyrium withdrawal, and she will be absent the next two or three chapters. Maybe even more. Hopefully no one was offended, and it never my intention to offend anyone. If I did, please point it out, and I will edit it.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	38. Chapter 38

**So again, warning for content that may make people feel uncomfortable. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Harvestmere 9:33 Dragon-The Gallows

Adrianne awoke, dazed, as she heard a door slam down the hall. She sighed at how restless she had been, any noise waking her from her slumber. There was nothing suspicious at all about it. It wasn't unheard of for enchanters to make a wash room break in the middle of the night.

Shaking her head, Adrianne began falling back into the Fade's enticing embrace. There was nothing to worry about, she felt at the time.

_Go back to sleep..._

Adrianne would've ignored the situation entirely if not for the sound of a soft muffled cry followed by a chilling silence. Adrianne's eyes shot open and she sat up in her bed, now alert to cry she had heard. However, as quickly as she heard it, it was gone. Only the stillness remained. There was no sound, no noise of any type. It was the type of silence that froze the veins and blood within a person. For Adrianne, every muscle in her body tensed as the seconds of quiet ticked by.

It was most disturbing. A cry silenced in the cold dark night.

Now Adrianne remembered why she had been so restless as of late. There was rumor around the tower, of mages being snatched from their beds in the middle of the night, never to be seen again. Or worse, made Tranquil.

There had been more and more Tranquil in the courtyard, roaming with their blank faces. No one knew who was behind such acts, but most believed it was by a templar's hand. Adrianne believed it was so.

How could it not? Or better yet, how could anyone believe otherwise? There was no coincidence, yet many believed otherwise. People of influence. People who could make things right. People like the Knight Commander.

Knight Commander Meredith denounced such abductions. She claimed if one her own had gone rogue, she would know. Her assurance did little to calm anyone's nerves, if that was her goal.

And now, Adrianne wondered if Meredith truly believed her reasoning. That she truly knew everything that was going on within her order.

However, Adrianne put such thoughts to rest as she froze when her ears caught wind of noise after the eternity of silence.

For a moment, Adrianne heard the soft whisper of man's voice. No tangible words, but Adrianne knew she wasn't imagining it. She strained to hear more, but couldn't. Only the eerie quiet of the night. Adrianne remained still, fearing if she made any noise that something might come after her. It wasn't before long that she began to hear steps in the hall. They echoed right outside Adrianne's room. Too close for her comfort as Adrianne rose from her bed. Armed with only her nightgown, and staff, Adrianne crept silently toward the door.

As soon as Adrianne neared the door the steps stopped. It was like an omen of bad things to come. A warning.

Adrianne held her breath while a shiver ran down her spine that chilled her to the bone. The world was at a stand still, and the seconds, minutes, or hours dragged on. Adrianne intensely at the door, willing for whatever lay beyond it to go away. A plea on her part. She would do anything for it to go away.

After waiting for what like an eternity, the steps began heading in her direction. Taking no chances, she braced herself against the door, fearing what might lay on the other side. Adrianne shook as she heard the steps come closer. Whoever it was, they were right on her doorstep. Her stomach heaved as the door knob began to slowly turn, creaking ever so slowly. It felt as if death was at her door, calling to her. Wanting to claim her.

Adrianne pushed all her weight back to prevent the intruder from entering. She bit her lip to prevent tears from falling as the assailant attempted to gain entry. She dug her hands back toward the wooden door in order to gain some leverage. To be brave. There was no denying the fright or hysterics Adrianne was experiencing. Attempting to calm those demons took more energy than she thought it would.

_Now is NOT the time for tears! Not when someone is right outside our door. Don't you dare give up...not even if you are scared. _

Adrianne couldn't afford to be weak. Not right now when her life was possibly in danger. No, not now with darkness surrounding her. She couldn't afford for her fear to cripple her.

Feelings of dread, and horror pooled in her stomach as she heard the assailant pace back and forth after giving up forcing their way in. It was trickery. Adrianne remained where she was. They were not going to fool her into a false sense of well being. For what seemed like hours, the steps continued. Every step Adrianne knew it could be her last.

Through the night, they tried and tried again. And like before, Adrianne held like steel to that door. Their movements became more aggressive, but it was due to Adrianne's sheer willpower that they did not gain entry.

And all through the night, Adrianne fought, never once giving up. She did not close her eyes. Not even in her moments of weariness. Or when all hope was lost, and that the assailant would win. She kept steady. Remembering Enchanter Bryant's words.

It was Adrianne time to endure...and to know her horror would end...no matter how unlikely it felt.

In the end she did prevail when the dawn's light came. Only when the light flooded the halls, did Adrianne finally relax and know that she was "safe."

If she believed in such a state of mind anymore. Safety was a distant memory to here like everything else she once knew. She would never be safe here. Not in Kirkwall. Not ever.

Adrianne curled up against her door and held herself. She was a small child, defenseless and vulnerable to the world around her. No tears fell, but there was nothing in her. No life, no energy. She felt numb. Empty.

There would be nothing to look forward to if this was it. Every night fighting. Not being able to close her eyes and know she would remain unharmed as she slept. Hunched up against the door to prevent entry. Fearing what night terrors that could lurk upon her. It was no way to live.

_I'm so tired...so very tired._

Adrianne rocked herself like she would a child, and stared into the Void that was her home. A realization that caused a tear to fall.

The saddest part for Adrianne, was she had no one to turn to. All for the sake of her pride.

**Having writer's block like crazy T.T! So hopefully this wasn't too bad. Our favorite knight captain will be returning next chapter!**

**So I think this is newsworthy: this story officially has 50 followers! I'm so touched by all this! You guys are so wonderful and all the reviews I've been receiving...I'm just one big mess of tears! I will always be your biggest fan!**

**Thank you for reading!**


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Harvestmere 9:33 Dragon-The Gallows

_Stay awake...don't fall asleep. _Adrianne chanted in her mind as her eyelids sagged downward. Sleep was on her mind constantly. When she trained. When she read...when she lay awake at night as she prepared to hear the steps in the night. All she wanted was to embrace sleep and rest...but she couldn't. Adrianne always had to be looking over her shoulder. Ever since that night.

In effort to keep herself awake, Adrianne pinched her cheeks. The slight pain made her eyes open and with the basin of cool water, she rubbed her eyes for good measure. The water's magic made her feel at ease, and loosened the built up tension the weeks had accumulated. How relaxed she felt...it was heavenly as she continued rubbing her eyes. Adrianne's lips almost graced a smile. Almost.

Adrianne was pulled from her state of relaxation when she heard steps at the healer's door. Any soothing effects were forgotten as she tensed every muscle in her body. She clenched her jaw as she remembered what had happened only two weeks prior. Flashes of the fear, and dread echoed in her mind.

As opposed to those first weeks, Adrianne was worn out. It was as if in those moments of fear, she didn't know how to be truly afraid anymore. As if that made any sense. Or perhaps, she was going mad. It didn't matter. Adrianne was too emotionally wrecked and exhausted to feel anything. It was too tiring to feel.

Adrianne breathed deeply and willed herself to look out towards the door. Her mind told her she couldn't fight against an unknown threat without knowing who it was. Always listen to your mind, she once believed.

It was in the dead of night that Adrianne gathered enough courage to look up and see the Knight Captain standing in the doorway during her shift. She didn't know why, but an unspoken sense of relief washed over her. Adrianne couldn't explain it. It was an involuntary reaction and was one that didn't make sense. It was as if...as if she was glad it was him who walked through that door. Of course, she was glad it was him than whoever it was at her room, but to be so..."thankful" was nonsensical.

_You make no sense...you're okay with him being here? _Irrational, Adrianne believed she was being. Sleepless nights did that to a person, she's heard.

Her emotions were already a mess, having him there only muddled things further. This was only his second visit since she arrived at Kirkwall. The duties of knight captain took him far from the Circle. Investigations into apostates among other things kept him busy. Besides, after the conversation took an awkward turn, it was no surprise he avoided seeing her and keeping busy with his work.

Apparently, the Knight Captain thought it was time for a visit. Adrianne wondered if he had nothing better to do in his spare time. Or better yet: why does he feel the need to come to her? That was the biggest question that crossed her mind.

Adrianne sighed heavily before looking his way, " I haven't killed anybody if that's what you've come for. What do you want?" she asked dully.

In the moonlight, the shine of his golden curls gleamed beautifully. Just like they had the night he had given Adrianne the amulet. It was reminiscent of that peaceful time when they could just be together. However, that was not the case. Adrianne pulled out another candle from a drawer and lit it with a flame in her hand.

The Knight Captain narrowed his eyes,"You're not supposed to use unauthorized magic outside the training area, " the Knight Captain said as he watched Adrianne extinguish the fire in her hands.

She stared at him with worn eyes and sighed,"Yes, because I'm going to take a candle across the tower up the stairs to the third floor to training area just to light it. By chance, the flame could blow out on my way back and I would be forced to go back to the training room and light it again," she paused to watch him scowl at her which made her feel a flickr of satisfaction, "Does that sound reasonable?"

The Knight Captain grumbled and took a seat across from her before he responded,"Those rules are in place for a reason. There is precedent for their appointment, as you no doubt know,"

"That doesn't answer the question," Adrianne retorted.

"No it is not reasonable," he conceded, "but it is there for safety. For us and as well as you"

_My safety? Didn't know that crossed his mind._

Adrianne remained silent and watched the candle flickr delicately. She could feel the Knight Captain's eyes looking her up and down. Assessing her no doubt. Trying to see if she was a threat. A demon in disguise. And it irritated Adrianne beyond belief. To know she was being judged for a threat she didn't possess. At least, Adrianne didn't believe she was a danger to anyone. Not when the real when the real monster was lurking among the templars. Killing innocents or making them Tranquil.

Yet...she was the monster in their eyes.

"What do I have to do," Adrianne began, feeling the anger above any emotion raise. She may be too tired to be happy, but her anger sufficed, "to make you realize that I am harmless. There is no demon within me, and I will not hurt anyone here. What will it take for me to prove that?"

"Even the most seasoned mages can fall victim to possession. And under the control of a demon, the consequences could be the lives of innocent people. There is no one way that a person can tell if there is a demon in control of a mage" he replied.

Adrianne rubbed her head. She wanted to cry, but not here and not in front of him. Another break in her already shattered heart. It was...it was...it felt like no matter what her intentions may be, she would always be taken as a danger because of what the Knight Captain said.

Adrianne leaned her forehead against the palm of her hand and stared at the stone floor, "So what you're saying is no matter what I do, I still won't be trusted?" He didn't say anything and that made the fragments of her heart fall into the pit of her stomach.

_Does he have an answer...or does not have the heart to say it?_

Was she the monster? The way he made it sound...she was.

It was rumored among enchanters that once a mage is bound, it was easier for the creatures of the Fade to take over. A mage's mind was like a wall of solid stone. However,like stone, the mind could be worn down. Binding did such a thing. After a binding, a mage's wall was never truly put together. Cracks, ways to get in were formed. It was easier to bind the mage again. The longer the demon inhabited the mage, the more cracks there were. Resisting wore down the mind even more.

Perhaps, that's why she wouldn't be trusted. Adrianne had more cracks in her wall that she could count. Her mind may have been her own, but it's guard was weaker. Perhaps why they feared her so.

Sometimes, Adrianne wondered if she was better off dying at Ostagar. At least that way, people would only remember good things about her. No one would have judged her intentions. Instead, no one trusted her at all. It hurt for no one to believe in her. That she had good intentions but they were swept under the rug. To feel the profound disappointment even among her peers.

Adrianne covered her face and sighed heavily with her hands, but didn't say a word. It was a burden to have magic. It dictated everything: where you lived, who were your friends...who you loved.

Did Cullen hate her? Was she just a constant remainder of a mistake he did? She, the woman who led him astray...was that how he thought of her? Did Adrianne even want to know what he thought?

"Maybe if you're lucky..." she looked in his eyes, the bags under her eyes apparent, "I'll be the next one...and you've never have anything to fear from me again,"

The Knight Captain's face contorted in confusion, "The next what?"

Adrianne laughed and looked down in her hands. Oh how clueless he was "There's a tranquil-maker among your ranks. Snatching mages...killing them...making them tranquil. All behind Knight-Commander Meredith's back. Of course, that's not you'll hear from her,"

"And how do you know?" he demanded.

Adrianne gazed his way and a tear betrayed her and rolled down her cheek. She reached up to her cheek to wipe it away and sniffed any more that were threatening to come. The Knight Captain frowned at her display of weakness and his face softened in severity slightly. Almost as if...as if he cared. That was a big leap from one face. It could mean anything. Whether it was in concern, worry, or disapproval, she didn't know. Nor will she ever.

"I..." she sighed heavily before taking a deep breath to muster the courage to begin again, "I...I've...," she struggled to come up with words to say. She couldn't explain...she just couldn't. Adrianne was incapable of telling him the nightly horrors she has had to endure. It was impossible,"I...I..." she clenched her jaw to avoid a cry seeping into her voice.

Adrianne breathed a shaky breath to compose herself in order to speak. This was harder than it should've been. Yet, here she was struggling to say something; anything. She was speechless.

Adrianne knew he wanted an answer. That CULLEN wanted an answer. Her...her someone special from long ago.

With her tired worn eyes, she gazed into Cullen's eyes, "You don't know the members of your order as well as you think," she said, "They hurt people...abuse them. Try to hurt them in ways people shouldn't," she breathed deeply and in a shaky voice she said, "I don't feel safe here," she confided to him. Foolish on her part, as if he would ever take her seriously. However, she had to tell someone. It was a need.

"Did..." he stopped to look at her, "someone try to hurt you?"

Adrianne remained silent and told him nothing.

The templar order didn't stand for a lot of things, and their followers did them regardless.

Cullen's eyes showed a hint of worry, but his voice had no tells, "Don't you have a templar escort if you're so worried about your safety?" he asked evenly.

Adrianne shook her head and shrugged. No, Adrianne ruined that too. She spoke in anger and Guinevere left. Adrianne knew she shouldn't have said those things...and they were inexcusable. They hurt when she said them, and they hurt thinking about them. Guinevere had every right to be angry, Adrianne knew that. Her thoughts drifted to those last words she spoke to her friend.

_'Well I don't need you' you said...'I can take care of myself'...now you're by yourself. Just like you had said: taking care of yourself._

Adrianne shoulder's shoulder slouched forward, and she sighed. There was no way to explain what she was feeling. In a way, she felt hopeless. It felt like she was never going to get out. That she would live her entire life fighting. Her against everyone else.

It wasn't what she wanted...but it's what this life gave her.

"Not anymore...it's only me now,"

**Sorry about the sad chapters...(not really). Anyways, still fight writer's block T.T. Hopefully Cullen was not ooc. I tried to keep him in character, but maybe I slipped up towards the end (probably).**

**On a lighter note, I found Cullen and Adrianne's otp song! :D Plus I decided Adrianne theme song would ever be "Mage Pride" or "Rogue Heart" from the Dragon Age 2 soundtrack**

**Anyways, reviews as well as constructive criticism are always welcomed! Or don't be shy to PM me. You guys are wonderful regardless of how many reviews or follows I garner. Remember that!**

**As always, thank you for reading! :)**


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Haring 9:33 Dragon- The Gallows

Adrianne rubbed her temples as she continued reading her tome in the dim light. It was a long and tiresome read, but the information within it invaluable. Words old and unused in modern times. Archaic language. Adrianne found it surprising she could understand half of it, considering her mind was in a dazed state. However, she continued onward with the read despite her mind's protests.

_And so, at the point of manifestation, mana begins undergoing a series of..._

The words began to blur together as Adrianne's eyelids began to droop downwards. Her head hung forward, swaying up and down. Sleep wanted to claim her. It whispered its sweet musings to her. Tantalizing Adrianne with its offerings. A master of persuasion sleep was. It like an oasis in a desert...waiting to be claimed.

However, Adrianne's mind insisted she stay awake. One could never be sure as to what lurks within the library, it chimed. Reasonable thoughts.

Were it another time, Adrianne would've listened. Were she not sleep depraved, she would've listen. Today was not that time.

Adrianne immediately went against her better judgement. Sleep was important and the library was well watched...a few minutes wouldn't hurt. A minute would go a long way compared to the dismal amount of rest she had. It would only be for a short while...just a little while.

_Sleep...oh yes...sleep_ Her eyelids became heavy as her weariness seduced her into a state of relaxation.

Just as she was about to dose off, a voice broke through her fog of grogginess, "Tough read?"

Adrianne's eyes shot open as she jumped and spun around in her seat to see a young smiling dark haired woman as she tried to catch her breath. Her heart nearly leaped out of her chest at the fright the woman gave her. It was becoming a habit of people to sneak up on her. Including strangers, it seemed.

_One of these days...one of these days someone is going to give me the scare of death._

After catching her breath from the scare, Adrianne turned to the woman and noted her familiarity. Adrianne had several seen this young woman several times in the Tower, mainly around the younger apprentices. The woman was well liked in the Kirkwall Circle and she had heard only good things about her. Beyond that, she was a stranger to Adrianne, a face she's seen in the hall amongst many others.

Strangers...it was like much of the mages within the Gallows.

Adrianne sighed tiredly before responding, "A bit of a dry read for my tastes...," She waited with a slight smile for the woman to say her name.

"Silly me, I forgot to introduce myself," she laughed, "I'm Bethany Hawke. You must be Senior Enchanter Adrianne,"

Adrianne's eyes furrowed in confusion at her title. Senior_ Enchanter? Since when am I a Senior Enchanter?_

This was news to Adrianne. It wasn't everyday a person finds out they have a new rank. Of course, it didn't help that she had been distant from the musings of the Circle. Focusing instead on her training instead of the ramblings of the Circle's politics. Or the Circle period.

Adrianne had never been one to be fascinated with titles or ranks. It never interested her nor would it ever. They could name her the Queen of Antiva at this moment and Adrianne could care little of it.

However, how she came across this title was another thing entirely.

"I suppose so," she said with uncertainty. What experience did she have? , "Aren't senior enchanters...more seasoned than me?" Adrianne asked.

Bethany nodded, "Usually, but the Circle makes exceptions to people who they see with talent. Like with me, they've heightened your rank to the level of Senior Enchanter,"

It seemed too easy to Adrianne for them to heighten her rank just like that. There was a catch. There was always a catch, "Oh...I don't know what to say. I was unaware of that,"

"First Enchanter Orsino found it fitting to raise your rank due to your record. That's why he sent me to get you. He wanted to speak to you. He said it was for this and something important"

"Speak to me?"Adrianne repeated. Usually when a First Enchanter wanted to speak to her, it was always bad. To expect otherwise would not be wise given her luck.

Bethany smiled with kindness. It must be in her nature to be so...nice, "Yes. He's been wanting to meet you, but he's been busy as you no doubt know. Trust me: you'll like him, " Bethany assured Adrianne.

What choice did Adrianne have? Refuse? That only land her in more hot water. It didn't help that Meredith was keeping tabs on her. Refusing would only draw the Knight Commander's eye on her even more. Instead, Adrianne reluctantly followed Bethany to First Enchanter Orsino.

Whatever he may say, Adrianne was too tired and too world weary to be surprised anymore.

* * *

Bethany smiled at Adrianne as she escorted her to the First Enchanter's office. Adrianne offered a fake smile at the sweet young woman. There was nothing to smile about, but Adrianne didn't want to seem mean-spirited. Especially because Bethany had a kindness about her, but more so because she was well liked. Adrianne didn't want to inadvertently make an enemy of the most liked person in the Gallows. That would only gain her a dozen more.

They continued down the hall in silence until Bethany stopped in the middle of the hall and sighed. She turned to Adrianne and looked at her with the most hopeful face she had ever seen. It was as if Bethany was confiding in her. Something she was certain Adrianne would support or offer her guidance on.

Adrianne raised an eyebrow at Bethany's behavior,"Is there something wrong, Bethany?" she asked.

She shook her head, "No, it's just...I feel like I must say something in regards...," Bethany laughed as she struggled to come up with sufficient words to say, "...in regards to the Gallows. It's a good place when you give it an opportunity. There's a great many wonderful people here. The Knight Commander is not as bad as people claim she is nor is Orsino. They do their best with what they have. I know it's difficult for many to understand why someone like me would entertain or even stand to be in such a place like this. But surely Senior Enchanter Adrianne, you above anyone else can understand why I hold so much regard for the circle,"

_Oh._

Adrianne nodded slowly at what Bethany was getting at. Adrianne remembered at an enchanter meeting being called upon to express her view of circles. True to her nature, Adrianne didn't want to speak. She had relatively few friends among the Kirkwall mages that she didn't need to be making enemies. It was only at the first enchanter's urging did she finally speak.

Adrianne had said that the current system didn't function as it should. That the Circle in concept was a great idea. A place where mages could practice and train in peace. However, Adrianne argued taking mages away from their families did more harm than good. Adrianne had said there was more to the circles than just teaching mages to control their gift: it's purpose was to show mages to love and not be ashamed for the beauty of magic they possessed. That they can do good in this world.

And to Adrianne, it was this purpose the Circle's deviated from. Perhaps it was due to Chantry influence, perhaps not. It didn't matter who's fault it was, there was no excuse for telling the young that they were born with a curse, a cancer upon this land. Every mage was at fault for having let this view spread and affect their own. Adrianne included herself in that blame when mages' became angry with her. They were all part of the problem and part of the solution. Only together can they fix these age old problems.

After that meeting, Bethany looked at Adrianne as if she was Andraste herself. A look that now made sense. However, Adrianne didn't quite grasp what Bethany meant. Did she think Adrianne liked it here?

"What do you mean by why only I would understand?"

Bethany smiled faintly, "People say I'm crazy for believeing the way I do...but I thought perhaps you felt the same way about the Gallows," she answered.

_No _she answered immediately in her head _Circles shouldn't be like this'_

Adrianne stared into Bethany's eyes with a soft gaze, and offered her a small sad smile. How much she didn't know, and it tore Adrianne's heart apart because of it. How many more were like her, and didn't make it. How they tried their best to convince others that it wasn't so bad. They were good and wholesome, yet blind to the horrors around them. Adrianne saw so much potential in Bethany, and yet, she couldn't see the torment in the Gallows. She couldn't sense the fear in the air. To be that oblivious...it was dangerous to believe and view the world in such a way.

Careless faith.

Adrianne stared at Bethany with gentle eyes before she spoke,"Listen Bethany, this is your first circle. You don't have any other experiences in other circles outside these walls," Adrianne said while looking at Bethany's face fall. She needed to know the truth, "The Gallows...this isn't what it's supposed to be like. How Circles are supposed to be. In Kirkwall, a mage is constricted, unable to grow or achieve their full capabilities...In these types places...you'll turn a blind eye to evils around. Try to find something redeeming in the darkness all around you. Convince yourself there's nothing there. And you'll believe that it isn't so bad," Adrianne paused to look at Bethany. Her brown eyes staring intensely at Adrianne. Adrianne found it so sad that she couldn't bear to look Bethany in the eye when she continued, "And it is that denial that will one day end up hurting you, Bethany. You'll die if you believe in Kirkwall,"

Adrianne watched as Bethany's face fell, and hurt gracing her soft features. Adrianne's heart shattered and she felt the guilt ripping her apart for saying such a thing. The was no regret but guilt for being so brutal. Who was she to tell Bethany what to believe in? What gave Adrianne that right?

Yet...the guilt was over as quickly as it came. An indifference to it all quickly swept over Adrianne. She didn't feel anything...no sympathy...no nothing. No inner turmoil over being so cruel. Nothing. Just a void. Adrianne was empty inside...and it frightened her. To feel so numb...she didn't feel human anymore. It was as if she wasn't a person. That feelings of empathy and compassion belonged to people...not to Adrianne. The ability to connect to another...it wasn't there.

Adrianne felt wrong. All over she felt off.

_I'm not okay..._she realized.

It was as if nothing mattered anymore. Adrianne's pain didn't matter...her feelings didn't matter. As she searched throughout herself to find the reason why, Adrianne realized she didn't care. Not a care in the world. Everything that made her her...it wasn't there.

Adrianne wasn't in there anymore.

_Monster...that's what you'll ever be._

Everything Adrianne had told herself...that she could help...that the Chantry was wrong...it was for nothing. She became a monster in the end regardless. There was nothing that made a person a person in her.

Not being able to feel compassion or care is what made people monsters. It was what defined a monster. A thing that felt no care. Something that felt no remorse for hurting others. Vile and cruel. And that's what Adrianne was: a monster.

Bethany remained silent before replying, "You have to give this place a chance. Believe me when I say this, but I was the same way when I came. I didn't trust anyone, but as time went on I began seeing the opportunity this place has to offer. It just takes growing use to it all," she explained.

_No...you've seen what you needed to. No one is safe here. Tell her she'll die. Tell her. Make her know._

Were Bethany someone else, she would've been dead in the world. How trusting she was with people, and how she didn't understand Adrianne's caution. Bethany was lucky for the talent she had. It kept her alive for now, but there were other ways to hurt a mage: careless trust.

Adrianne sighed before responding not bothering to look her in the eyes, "Bethany, I will pass on some wisdom I learned from when I very young, and much like yourself. Perhaps you'll see reason in this. I was confused and frightened until I opened my eyes and realized that I had reason to be, but it wasn't because of what I thought. I believed too much in the goodness of people...and it made me blind. It made me weak and it prevented me from reaching the potential I was capable of," Adrianne stood still as she remembered Enchanter Bryant's words, clear as day, "My mentor taught me this: People will brand you heretic, void on Thedas. They'll tell you things to dehumanize you, and you'll believe it. You'll believe it, and try to change yourself, or become disgusted at what you are. You'll see a never ending wave of sorrow with no way to get out. I see so much of what he warned of in you. You believe too much that the tainted can redeem themselves. That's your goodness blinding you...Trust no one but yourself. Friends," Adrianne thought to Guinevere...of Cullen,"will not always be there. And that can be because of you, or other things...but they won't always stay. Take care and rely on yourself. There is no choice but to do that,"

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep giving Adrianne the word of doom, but there was so much of it that Adrianne believed. So much of it she had blind to early on and even now to an extent. With everything she had gone through, the heartache and struggle to remain afloat in a sea of turmoil, Adrianne became hardened to even the littlest pleasures and ideals.

There was a time where she could believe like Bethany. To be starry eyed and have faith that the Circle would protect her. To believe that there was more to what life had given her.

Adrianne couldn't. She had lost her faith back in Ferelden. So much of her had died that day. The world had shown its true colors that day.

The faith and safe thought that things would turn out how they were suppose to was something that brought her comfort once. It did anything but these days.

"The Circle was supposed to protect us, remind us that we are not monsters. That we're people too,". Adrianne remembered the stares, the distrust in the eyes of many. She could remember it all, and how it stabbed in the heart and tore it from her chest. Adrianne looked beyond Bethany and stared absent mindedly at the memories. _You are a monster_, " The Gallows failed in that regard, mark my word it has. Every every Circle has. The Circle does a great many things, good wholesome things...but it has failed. When there are apprentices who still believe in the lies the Chantry tells them, it doesn't matter...the circle failed it's core function. In its most important fundamental. The more someone tells you are a monster," she said softly, "You begin believing its true. For hundreds of years mages have been thought of as such...and it hasn't changed"

Adrianne was too far gone to feel any other way. It would take something of great power to make her believe any other way.

Adrianne turned away and continued making her way towards Orsino's office. It was

"Adrianne...can't I be loyal to the Chantry and Circle, and still be proud of who I am? Can't I still believe the Circle can redeem itself" Bethany asked after several moments.

Adrianne stopped and wondered the same thing.

Was it possible for the Circle to fix itself? To challenge the Chantry's teachings? Was there such thing as hope anymore?

Adrianne couldn't say. Not with any amount of confidence at least.

Instead Adrianne offered what little she could besides empty words that wouldn't hold true.

"You can try," she replied in a soft voice, attempting to comfort Bethany's plight, "it's a little tough,"

**Sorry for the lack of updates guys :(. My major is taking up a lot of my free time and I have two midterms coming up next week so yeah...and it doesn't help that I'm still fighting writer's block. So if this chapter isn't up to par, I apologize.**

**Anyways, I'm going to try to post two chapters this weekend. If not, most likely next. **

**Sorry for no Cullen. He'll return next chapter, so you'll see the noodle soon :D.**

**As always, thank you for reading! Remember: I'm your biggest fan!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Haring 9:33 Dragon

Adrianne sat silent in the Circle's chantry staring down at her hands as she listened all around her.

It was after the evening mass when the soft murmurs of prayer echoed throughout the room. A foreboding peace. The quiet and solitude that many longed for during times of trouble. During times of darkness. It was the one place that could give them the assurance they needed.

The Chantry was many things to different people: worship, comfort...faith. It was a symbol for all to look up to. A common bond to bring everyone together. It was a place where people could turn to in their time of doubt or turmoil. To many the Chantry was a beacon of hope. The Maker their martyr. He had won their love and devotion from the very beginning. From the highest noble to the lowest apprentice, He held their admiration and faith. Many bowed before him and chanted his name on daily basis.

However, as Adrianne stared blankly from her hands to the altar in front of her, she couldn't help but feel bitter at this Maker people worshipped. Hot, boiling anger filled every thought of hers as she gazed at this place of worship. Adrianne saw red everywhere she looked. At the Chantry sisters, the people...everything. She wanted nothing more than to lash out at them. For falling for the Chantry's lies.

Yet behind all that fury, that uncontrollable outrage, Adrianne was in pain. A wound this Maker caused.

Why did he deserve their love? What made Him so deserving that hundreds, no, thousands prayed to Him every day, every minute of their lives? Why were people were so devoted to Him? HE had turned his back on them. He allowed people to suffer. Blood was shed for Him. His own children died in his name...yet people still turned to him. After taking their loved ones, their lives destroyed...Why?

So much suffering had happened because of the Maker,...and yet _I'm the monster._

An innocent. Someone who believed once some time ago. How whole heartedly Adrianne had believed. Adrianne was as devout as any of his followers. And...he let her be seen like she was an abomination. He allowed His children to curse her, scorn her. Make her less of a person. A girl! Adrianne was a little girl when she was taken! Not even old enough to understand why she born the way she was. And she believed his disciples when they chanted how magic was a curse. A cancer tearing this land apart.

Adrianne didn't know any better. How could she? She had been told the same thing time and time again. Magic was a curse. It was evil. Tainted. Those very things made her scared, and they weren't the truth. She believed them nonetheless. Lies, all of them. Tell a person enough sayings, enough misinformation, enough lies...they begin to believe that there is truth to them.

The Maker told lies...about her. Of her people.

What made people believe in the good intentions of The Maker, but scorn every mage born in this world? What was it?

It was the one question that had plagued Adrianne's mind ever since the beginning. To this day, she still didn't understand why people flocked to earn the Maker's favor. In Adrianne's eyes...He was cruel. Relentless. Unforgiving. So distant and cold. But He held their love. Their faith. Their undying devotion.

Was it her? Was there something she missed?

Maybe there was more to it...or maybe not. The truth was she didn't what to believe in anymore. She was lost. Wandering in the realm of unknown with no answers to guide her out. This constant state of not knowing whether to believe or not haunted Adrianne. It twisted and contorted her mind, creating a muddled mess. At the end of the day, she was no closer to her answer than the previous.

It was a never-ending circle.

Adrianne didn't notice when the Knight Captain entered. She heard his armored footsteps and looked up meet his tired eyes. Those orbs of hazel, worn and weary. Deep circles set around his eyes. His skin more worn than usual. A familiar. Sleep seemed to evade him as well.

It had been some time since Adrianne had seen him. But...she remembered those encounters. Those conversations in the healer's room. It was only when he was with her did she feel some level of normalcy. Not safe, not at peace, but a small amount of comfort that she wouldn't be hurt. Physically at least.

However, his presence did little to comfort the numbness she now felt in place of the anger she felt.

Kirkwall had ruined her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

_Why are you here? What's your purpose sitting in a place that brings you no closure?_

These were questions Adrianne had asked herself as she sat staring at the same alter for hours now. As before, she didn't know. She didn't even know how she came upon the Chantry.

Adrianne sighed and shrugged as she turned to stare at the altar, wondering the same thing herself, "I don't even know why anymore," she answered softly.

It was a true answer. It was one that held no deception. It was from the heart.

"Long day?" Adrianne asked while gazing at a burning candle.

The Knight Captain didn't reply. Instead he went to sit in the row behind Adrianne and released a deep breath. He whispered a prayer that Adrianne didn't hear, or couldn't pay attention to. It didn't matter which. The words didn't comfort her as they did with him.

Cullen was always a believer. From the time they met, Adrianne knew as much. A faithful. An honest, and good child of the Maker. Adrianne remembered how he would tell her the Maker worked in mysterious ways. That even the most devout couldn't understand why He did what He did. However, unlike most, he would question the Maker's actions. Cullen would wonder about those mysterious ways regardless. Sometimes, he would become so angry with the Maker. Not once in those times of anger, however, did his faith falter. No matter how angry the Maker made Cullen, he would always go back. Always back to the Maker's side.

Always.

After his whispered prayers grew silent, with a low voice, Cullen asked, "What do you mean you don't know anymore?"

Adrianne closed her eyes before opening them again, hoping the world would be different when the darkness was gone. When sight returned, and the world was still the same, "If I knew," she replied gently; empty. Adrianne felt so cold. Frozen as ice while she spoke," "then I would have something to say to you...something to say to myself. I would have answers"

After moments of silence, Cullen spoke, "Back in Ferelden, you didn't believe,"

Adrianne shook her head,"I still don't think I do...but with everything happening," she paused and clutched the ring necklace at her chest, "I don't know what to believe in anymore. Like you said, from the highest enchanter to the lowest apprentice, we're always a risk. That's why people don't trust us..." she trailed off as she clung to the rings harder. Adrianne thought of all those lost in Ferelden, at Ostagar...why? ",but they trust a god who's done nothing but cause suffering. They love him," she whispered, "They worship him. Mages who believe are just as devout, if not more. They give him everything they have. And for what? To be locked away for something they didn't have a choice in being born with. Why?,"

Adrianne held the end of her seat with an iron grip. Everything made her so angry. To want answers and have none. None of it was right. When did people stop caring when good decent people are hurt?

In the end it didn't matter what it meant to Adrianne. Not to anyone. It just didn't...and that was the most painful torment and torture to endure.

Cullen's gaze remained fixated on the ground while Adrianne eyes watched the flames of the candle upon the altar flicker at every passing moment. The silence thickened with the seconds going by slower and slower. For a moment, Adrianne could feel his eyes staring into the back of her head as Cullen avoided her persistent questioning.

With a weary sigh Cullen began,"The Chantry functions that way for a reason. Centuries of the misuse of magic have paved way for the Chantry's current take on it. This may not be the ideal, but it is something. Mages needn't die because of a threat they may possess," he emphasized, "The Circle serves as a beacon to teach the fundamentals of magic. It is a place where mages can practice in peace. The Circle is in every way home to mages,"

"Peace?" Adrianne laughed half crazed. It was funny...peace? Practice in peace yet they have armed guards posted at every corridor.

Adrianne could feel Cullen glare at her from behind and the anger apparent in his voice when he said, "Was there some joke I missed...Enchanter?"

"No..." she trailed off as an unspeakable weight fell upon her shoulders. A sorrow of sort, but one of immense darkness. Peace was never in the cards. Not now not ever. It was a fool's dream to believe there would be a tranquil's peace. Adrianne gaze met Cullen's and she saw the far away uncertainty in his eyes masked by his iron demeanor. He was frightened...uncertain...fearful "But...if what you say is true, how at peace are you, Knight Captain?" Adrianne retorted.

They were one and the same as the Knight Commander's stare shifted towards the floor, reluctant to answer her question. The tension radiated off him as the stillness crept between the two. It was an unspeakable and eerie silence.

When Cullen didn't reply, Adrianne's gaze softened towards their mutual understanding. He was troubled...but she knew that from the first day in the Gallow's courtyard.

Adrianne wrapped her arms around herself "That's how at peace I feel," she admitted, "...the only difference is I'm a mage and you're a templar. You're supposed to feel more at ease than I, yet here we are. The same side of the coin,"

Cullen remained silent, and in deep thought. He was so close...and those memories Adrianne had treasured came in a rush. The shy stares, and secretive smiles. The kiss...the soft touch of this fingers grazing her skin. That gaze he gave her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world...it all came back to her. A light at the end of some distant tunnel...one she longed to go to. Deep within her soul, Adrianne reached for it, but knew she could never have it.

Adrianne was chasing a child's tale.

That was her dream, though, and it was one that would lead her to her own doom. Too many times had people, demons, toyed with her over what she desired. Sometimes it felt so real, like at her Harrowing...just within her grasp if Adrianne would have just let herself. But she didn't...yet it was so tempting just to give in. How real it could have been...what it would have been like if only for a moment. Adrianne could remember the ache in heart as she stared at those dark haired children in the Fade. They had their father's look and her coloring. Her heart had soared when her sights were on them. The smile on Cullen's face and the way her heart raced.

The demon may have manipulated her wants, but Adrianne's feelings were real. And when she and Cullen made the leap of faith into the abyss...that was real. The love she felt for him wasn't just her imagination...that was all Adrianne. Every moment, every whisper, every kiss was hers. Adrianne had chose him. She had chose him and him only. No one could ever compare to the love she felt for him.

Her love had been from the beginning. All those years ago in Honnelath...on that summer's day in waters of the lake. That's were it all started...how it all started.

Was it real to him? What they had? Did he lie to her and regret it all?

Adrianne remembered his words:

_"For all the Order's rules and restrictions telling me not to... you're the one thing I'll never give up," he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers._

Her strong stone faced mask crumbled as she uttered the question, "Are you ashamed of me?" she whispered with overcome emotion. So many years held back pooling into a single question, "Of what we did? Of any of it" Adrianne's voice shook and cracked. If there was one thing she wanted to know, this was it.

She could accept so many answers if they definitive. However, Adrianne could not accept the unknown. She needed an answer. Any answer.

An answer...Adrianne would not receive as she watched with heartbreak as Cullen rose to leave the Chantry.

She allowed only a single tear to shed as she saw him fade with the distance.

**Still fighting writer's block! T.T And also my major is kicking my ass so that is the main reason for the lack of updates.**

**As always, read and if you like the chapter enough, tell me how I did. **

**Thank you for reading!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Ser Alrick will be in this chapter. You have been warned!**

Wintermarch 9:34 Dragon

Adrianne squeezed her eyes shut as Cullen's footsteps faded in the distance...the pain she felt...no words could describe the ache. None. Yet, the biggest hurt that came to her was that she convinced herself that maybe, just maybe, she was important enough for him to admit she meant something to him.

_You should've known better...foolish girl._

The whispers of prayer began once more. The soft murmurs of "Maker have mercy" and "In the Maker's name" echoed throughout Adrianne's mind. Teasing and taunting her innermost thoughts. Telling her of the Maker's kindness bestowed upon this world.

Everything went back to the way things were...exactly how they were.

Adrianne breathed a shaky breath as she rose. She looked up to the Maker's statue and clenched her jaw to contain the emotions coursing through her. It took all her strength to hold herself together and to continue.

However, every time Adrianne fell, it seemed so much harder to rise again. To convince herself that everything would be fine. To believe in herself and those around her.

However, that would not be because as she saw it now: it was her against the world. One against them all.

This was not living.

* * *

Adrianne gazed into the flickering flames of the dwindling candle upon her desk. The dawn sky stood still, ageless. Everything around her slowed and every breath was drawn out. The night air was calm like a summer's eve: quiet... so silent that even the faintest secrets of the walls could be heard. The soft breaths of the mages within echoed down the hall.

It was the type of silence expected before a raging storm. Despite the illusion of peace, Adrianne knew better to fall into such perceptions. She remembered the terror she experienced those first months in Kirkwall. The fear of those trying to hurt her. For that reason, Adrianne never lowered her guard, even when she believed she was alone.

No one was safe.

Adrianne felt the air change, becoming thicker and tenser as her skin prickled against a breeze swept through the healer's room. Adrianne's breathing quickened in fear, and she could feel tears threatening to fall as she heard armored footsteps heading her way. Every step sent a chill down her spine at the impending doom to come. It was an omen, a sign, a means to an end.

In the pit of her stomach, Adrianne knew nothing good could come of whoever this person was. Deep in her thoughts, she knew it wasn't Cullen. There was only one other person it could be...and Adrianne dreaded to even think of his name.

The countless nights he tried to gain entry. All the suffering he caused her...the tranquils wandering and rambling of him in the courtyard. Adrianne remembered the whispers of the mages:

_"Did you see Helena in the courtyard...they must've got her too,"_

_"Seems like there are more and more Tranquil everyday...might as well kill us when we're babes and spare us the suffering,"_

_"When will it end..."_

Helena had been a healer like Adrianne. Beautiful and kind...and now only a husk of what she once was.

The same fate that awaited Adrianne in this very room. The one room she thought she was safe in. Now not even here was she safe. The only way out was through that door, and he would see her flee before Adrianne had a chance to get far enough. Fight or flee, Adrianne was a dead woman.

The steps came to a stop near her door, and a presence loomed outside. Time came to a stand still as the moment of truth came.

She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping for a miracle, but preparing for the worst. The footsteps finally entered the room, Adrianne slowly, and reluctantly opened her eyes to a whole new source of horror that awaited her. Either way she was dead. A slave to fate and all it's cruelness. She had given up just like that. Everything she wanted, she gave into the fear.

It made Adrianne ashamed to think in such a way. And she remembered when she swore to herself she would never bend the knee to her oppressors. Yet here she sat, ready to down just that. Adrianne had been reduced down to a small crying child. To think she was once strong...no. That life must've been a dream for it to have been so wonderful.

For a moment, Adrianne could remember her mother. Those soft kind eyes, and the smile that could light up a tavern. Her voice, the sound of the sweetest music, it all came to Adrianne. The woman she barely even knew, she came to her. Isabel looked like her...Isabel. What would her sister think to see her like this? And her child? What would become of it? Magic runs through their veins.

All their pain had come because of magic...and despite it all, Adrianne would have it no other way. Most of her life she had been blind to the horrors surrounding her. Not once did she ever stop to think of mages and how they were treated until she was one. Not once. Magic had been evil, she had been taught as such. Now, it was different. Everything was different. Her eyes were open when they had been shut most of her life. To know the suffering of her people...it was something that not even the purest of people could understand.

Adrianne had accepted being a mage with all its vices and virtues long ago. And she knew she would die because of it.

However, today would not be that day.

After long, harrowing seconds of silence, Guinevere stormed into the healer's room with her face sunken and haggard. Her blue orbs held a sense urgency as she looked to Adrianne with haste. Guinevere was like a light expelling the darkness surrounding Adrianne. A hero in all ways. Adrianne would be forever be grateful to the woman she called friend.

Adrianne rose in confusion as she stared at Guinevere's weary form, "Guinevere..." she began while moving closer to her, "what are you doing?" A tear trailed down her cheek at the relief and the raging storm of emotion bursting throughout her chest. Adrianne didn't know what to feel or how to react. Just moments prior, she had accepted her death sentence. Now Guinevere came to her rescue as she always had. Guinevere had stayed when others had left.

Everything had changed quickly in a matter of seconds. Change didn't discriminate against time, as Adrianne would find out.

Guinevere shook her head hastily, "There is no time. Hide under the desk now!" she commanded while looking over her shoulder.

Footsteps echoed down the hall; several thundering armed steps heading their way. Adrianne stilled at the chill that shot up her spine and curdled her blood. She looked to Guinevere once more, "What's going on, Guinevere? Who is that?" Adrianne asked even though she knew the answer already.

Guinevere twisted her head toward her and narrowed her eyes"Just do it!" Guinevere snapped.

With no time to argue, Adrianne did as she was told. She crawled under her desk and pulled down the curtain to conceal herself. As soon as she did, the shadow entered the room with its army of darkness. Adrianne cupped her hand over mouth so they could not hear her breathing.

"Ah, Lieutenant, what a surprise. I didn't expect to find you here," Ser Alrick leered while Guinevere scoffed.

"I could say the same," Adrianne heard Guinevere retort with hostility apparent in her voice. Guinevere made no attempt to hide her disgust or anger with him.

"Why such anger!" Ser Alrick laughed, "And here I thought we were getting along. You speak to me as if I'm a monstrosity and not the friends we are! Tis such a shame,"

Adrianne could feel Guinevere's fury from where she hid: red and boiling. Pure unfiltered rage, "If a wanted a monster as a friend, I didn't have to look far," Guinevere replied coolly.

Ser Alrick feigned as if he was hurt by Guinevere's comment, "Now there's no need for such words. What would Meredith think if brother and sister in arms talking to each other in such a way," he paused before continuing, "Seeing as you're here, and well...we both know why I'm here," Adrianne heard him take a step toward Guinevere, "Where is she?" Ser Alrick asked sternly.

His question was answered with silence, and Adrianne could feel the air bearing down upon them all as Ser Alrick's temper boiled.

"I'm not going to ask again," Adrianne peered through the curtain as he took a step toward Guinevere's stiff form, "Where is the healer?"

Guinevere's glared at the man with all the hatred in her being and lied,"I don't know. I forgot where she went"

Ser Alrick chuckled, "You see, this is why you land yourself in hot water, Guinevere. This is why Meredith doesn't trust you. You protect them like you would a templar. That's why we don't see you as one of us,"

Adrianne watched Guinevere's jaw tighten and the vein against her neck strain underneath the skin covering it. She knew this as a sign that Guinevere was about to break. When Guinevere was broken...no one was safe. Nothing good would come of this situation.

"And your own do not steal and sabotage their sister in arms when they know they've done something wrong," Guinevere replied evenly.

"I see you're still sore about that, Guinevere. Your ordeal is not my fault. You should know when to mind your own business," Ser Alrick explained as if it was common knowledge.

Guinevere only stared at him and said, "Is that so?"

"But that can change," Ser Alrick replied while circling Guinevere, " this suffering you're in. The headaches and delusions can be gone. You can have the lyrium back...just tell me where the mage is, and it will all be yours. All the lyrium to suit your needs in exchange for one mage. I can tell you're craving it, I can see it in your eyes. The hunger, the want," A drop of sweat trickled down the side of Guinevere's head when she heard the word lyrium.

Ser Alrick was bargaining Adrianne's life with bottles of lyrium. A life in exchange for material means. A person...someone who lived and breathed the same air, someone who had dreams...a living being...

_What do I have to do_ Adrianne had once said.

Apparently there was nothing she could do, and the rage that lay dormant within Adrianne rose again. She had risen and fought side by side with men in the Blight. Any mage had risked as much as any person in this world to protect innocent lives...and their lives mean nothing!

Adrianne was repulsed at how Ser Alrick was able to equate her life with lyrium. He was as Guinevere described him: a monster. And once again, she was angry. So unncontrollably angry that she clenched her hands into fists at was she was hearing. Adrianne shook and bit the inside of her cheek as she glared with tearful eyes at the man. Her eyes burned as Adrianne remembered everything. All those stares, the distrust, the blatant disregard for her life all surfaced in one giant rage storming within her. Adrianne only saw red as she reached the point of no return.

All those times Adrianne would try to convince herself there was a way for people to redeem themselves. That no two people were alike. That she should not judge many based on a few. Yet, in the life she lived, there was no trust in others. As she had told Bethany, trust can kill you. Trust no one but yourself, Adrianne had said. Despite what Adrianne had preached that day...she trusted Guinevere with every ounce of her being. She knew in her heart that Guinevere would protect her and not give her to Ser Alrick.

And she was right. No matter the suffering Guinevere was in, she would not hand Adrianne to Ser Alrick.

"You're either an idiot or a madman to think that I would give her to you. I'm not telling you anything," her voice shook. Guinevere met him eye to eye, "You're done terrorizing her...walk away,"

Ser Alrick looked Guinevere up and down, and smiled, "She looks alot like Serana," Adrianne watched as Guinevere's face turned into wrath, "And she'll end up the same,"

It all escalated quickly. Guinevere tackled Ser Alrick to the ground, and began striking him in the face. Again and again she struck him, and before Adrianne knew it, Ser Alrick's man were upon Guinevere. She watched as they dragged her thrashing form away from Ser Alrick. They held Guinevere up by both of her arms as Ser Alrick rose from the ground.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU," Guinevere screeched as she tried to free herself from Ser Alrick's men.

Adrianne's fists clenched harder as she saw Guinevere's face fall into emotional turmoil. Every muscle in Guinevere's body and soul told a story of the woman named Serana.

To just sit and watch...Adrianne could not simply stand by and see this happening before her. She always said everyone had a choice, no matter what situation they were in. Inaction was a choice. Hurting people was a choice. Everything people did was a choice, and Adrianne made hers.

Ser Alrik wiped blood from his lip and smiled, "Ah, Guinevere...wrong answer," he then balled his hand into a fist, gauntlet and all, and hit Guinevere in the face repeatedly.

Adrianne lost all control the moment Ser Alrick laid his hands upon Guinevere. Guinevere, the purest person Adrianne had ever known, did not deserve this, none of it. Something terrible was going to happen to Guinevere, and Adrianne knew it. She felt it. Guinevere was a good decent person who truly wanted to help. Ever since the beginning of their friendship, Guinevere was there. She stayed by Adrianne's side until the very end. And even now, Guinevere defended her without a second thought when she didn't have to. Giving Adrianne to Ser Alrick meant the pain Guinevere had endured would've been put to an end. Especially with those last words Adrianne spoke to her... Guinevere was a true friend. And now it was Adrianne's turn to be a friend to her.

Adrianne sprung free from the safety of the desk and straight into danger against three armored men.

"Leave her!" Adrianne shouted as struggled to free Guinevere from their grasp.

Adrianne hands burned through one of the templar's armor as the flames surrounding surrounding her hands began melting the metal and skin beneath them. All the pent up frustration and anger seeped into Adrianne magic. The templar screamed and released Guinevere before backhanding Adrianne in the cheek with enough force to topple her to the ground. The other templar went to his companion's side, ignoring Adrianne cradling her injured cheek. She removed her hand slowly and saw it covered in crimson.

The impact rattled the insides of her head and she looked around the room disorientated for the battle soon to come. However, Adrianne rose shakily as her cheek bled and she stood in front of Guinevere like a guardian watching over their charge. As the right side of Adrianne's face burned, she stood like a statue, not moving a muscle as Ser Alrick drew near her.

"I said to hide!" Guinevere shouted as she clutched her bleeding nose.

_No, I will not hide...not anymore. Never again._

Ser Alrick smiled at Adrianne's weakened form defending Guinevere, it was a joke to him. This show was all a performance for his own pleasure. This was supposed to intimate her, make her feel fear. It was meant to force her submit to his whims as Adrianne had accepted before Guinevere had come. Then she was a dead either way, and the had not changed.

However, Adrianne would not give him the satisfaction of seeing fear in her eyes as he did for the two years she had been in the Gallows. No, she would not let him see her like that. She would not yield to him. Adrianne would not give him that joy to hurt them both. She would die before he even dare lay another hand on Guinevere.

"If you're going to hurt someone," Adrianne glared into his eyes, unafraid of a coward who preyed upon the powerless. Unafraid of a true weakling, "You hurt me. You leave Guinevere alone,"

He didn't have the gall to look her in the eye. Instead he laughed and clapped his hands. Adrianne stared at him with stone cold eyes, and clenched her jaw. She was tense as she attempted to hold all the anger and rage ready to unleash itself upon Ser Alrick.

"Now enough. You've put on a show long enough. Remember? You denied me before, and see how that turned out. Do you want to experience that again? And imagine how things will be for poor Guinevere, to know this misunderstanding could've been avoid had you only done as I said," Ser Alrick reasoned.

Adrianne stepped toward him, emphasizing what she was about to say,"You so much as breathe a word to Guinevere or I ever again, and it will be the last breath you draw,"

"Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?" he repeated as he took another step toward Adrianne, " Meredith will not be too pleased with naughty mages making threats against her templars. A girl can get hurt in these parts when she is all alone with no friends. No one will ever notice one missing mage amongst many,"

Ser Alrick was trying fear into her soul, and he failed. He thought back to the scared girl she was, and he failed to realize she was no longer there. That in the place of that girl stood a woman who did not care nor was scared of who he was. A woman who refused to be frightened into submission any longer.

Adrianne knew who she was.

Adrianne had changed, her life had changed. But one thing remained: she would not bow down before any in fear. No more running, and fearing the templars. She was every bit their equal, she refused to be chained any longer. Adrianne would not allow them to revert her back into that scared little girl from so many years ago.

No...not anymore. Adrianne was a mage, and she would live as one.

"I'm not 'girl'," she said while feeling the magic radiating off her. It was empowering and Ser Alrick could feel it as well because he stepped back and away from her. I am Knight Enchanter Adrianne," she continued in a tight voice, standing higher than ever. Adrianne was not some meek healer Ser Alrick step over any longer. She was a warrior and fighter who had come from the dead and back, and she would not bow, "and I do not fear you anymore,"

Today Adrianne chose to live.

**Ok so first order of business: I'm back...well sort of. The writer's block is coming down so that's good. In addition, I'm out for summer break, so expect frequent updates, at the very least once a week from now until like September. **

**It's been doom and gloom from the very beginning for Adrianne. That's all gonna change from here on out! :) **

**As always, I hoped I was not offensive to anyone. I try to handle these topics with care, and if I didn't, just tell me and I will edit that portion of the chapter. I will still be placing warnings in the beginning of chapters I feel have sensitive and/or sexual material (which will not be many).**

**Hopefully I have not lost any followers due to my absence. I appreciate all of you sticking with me to this point! I checked the stats of this story the other day, and it has had over 11,000 views since its debut! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! You guys are the best readers an author can ask for :)**

**To everyone who has reviewed: thank you! To everyone who has favorited and followed: thank you! To everyone: YOU ARE AWESOME!**

**Reviews and comments are appreciated as well as constructive criticism. **

**Thank you for reading!**


	43. Chapter 43

"Now girl, don't think yourself braver than what you are. Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be," Ser Alrick responded, amused by Adrianne's brashness.

Taunts were all he had as weapons. Adrianne glared at the man and stood defiantly in front of Guinevere.

Ser Alrick smirked and shook his head, "I don't think you understand. You remember Serana? Of course you do. You two were inseparable. A shame what happened to her. I hear she's dead now," Adrianne turned her eyes toward Guinevere stiff and tense form. There was fire in her eyes. Rage and anger radiating off her, and Ser Alrick knew it, "Tranquility suited her quite well. How do you expect to be a hero in all of this? You couldn't save her, you expect to save this one?"

Guinevere staggered as she rose from the floor with her bloodied face. Something within her had broken as it had earlier. Guinevere put her hand on the hilt of her sword as she pushed past Adrianne. Guinevere's hate for Ser Alrick clouded her judgement. Blind rage, Enchanter Bryant had called. It was dangerous, and ultimately fatal.

Ser Alrick was baiting Guinevere with Serana. He had an agenda. He knew what he was doing, but Guinevere's mind was in another world to recognize the signs. Adrianne knew this wouldn't end well. Dread pooled in her stomach as Guinevere marched toward him without a second thought.

Adrianne stopped her on the elbow "Guinevere, you're not well. Don't do this ," Adrianne warned.

She shook her head, and shrugged her off "I don't care. Stay out of this," Guinevere responded.

"Stand down. I want to see where this goes," Ser Alrick commanded his men as he readied himself.

In one motion, Guinevere drew her sword and swung it at Ser Alrick, who effortlessly dodged her sluggish movements. Again she swung, and Ser Alrick easily deflected the strike with his own sword. Their swords clashed again and again. Both were moving this way and that, seemly even in strength. It wasn't right. It seemed wrong. Ser Alrick was moving slower, and less experienced as he had in the beginning. It as if he was luring Guinevere into a false sense of security. He was making her believe she was winning.

Before Adrianne could intervene, Guinevere gained the upper hand and kicked Ser Alrick's sword from his hand. Without hesitation, Guinevere charged his position, rushing him without noticing the dagger Ser Alrick pulled out last minute. The world slowed. Ser Alrick plunged the dagger deep into Guinevere's stomach, and the room fell still. Guinevere stiffened and dropped her sword to the ground. There was no cry of pain, no yell to the Maker. There was only silence.

Guinevere breathed a shaky breath, and one short one after. She grabbed at his face to no avail as her breaths became short and scarce. Crimson dripped to the floor, drop by drop, and stained the stone red beneath their feet.

Time danced to a slow tune, a whistle.

Ser Alrick pushed her off himself as if she was nothing more than a weight. Adrianne ran to catch Guinevere before she could hit the floor.

Adrianne grazed her hand over the wound and pushed against it while she stared into Guinevere's glossy blue eyes. Wide eyed with shock, those swirls of blue were reminiscent of a child's innocence. They were pleading with her, begging her...apologizing to her? Adrianne breathed slowly as she tried to process the situation. She turned her head to the wound and stared hollowly at it. A ringing echoed in her ears. Slowly, Adrianne raised her hand and stared at sight of red that invaded and assaulted every one of her senses. Memories returned to torment her. In less than a minute Adrianne relived the nightmare in Ferelden. Ser Bryant's cold body, lifeless next to her. His murder...it all came back in one foul swoop. Those eyes, those hauntingly empty eyes. They were Guinevere's now. Another time and now another friend waiting for death's embrace. Adrianne trembled as she gently pressed her hand against Guinevere's wound to try and stop the bleeding.

"Guinevere?" Adrianne said as she tried to keep her with her.

A tear trickled from the corner of Guinevere's eye. Her eyes held an ocean full of remorse and pain as she gaze beyond Adrianne. It appeared that the pain Guinevere held wasn't from her wound, but of something Adrianne didn't know of. A distant memory that only Guinevere knew. One that was capable of bringing her to tears. Adrianne struggled to comfort her as tear continued to travel down Guinevere's cheek. Guinevere reached to where the tear was, and turned her hand to see the moisture upon it with confusion.

Her wide confused eyes looked up at Adrianne. Seconds of silence passed before a sadness overcame her, "I'm sorry," Guinevere whispered.

Guinevere...sorry. She was apologizing to Adrianne. For their fight. For what had happened. For now...for dying. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. None of it was Guinevere's fault. She shouldn't be sorry, and yet she was.

Guinevere didn't fail Adrianne...Adrianne had failed her.

It became difficult to think and to understand the emotions storming inside Adrianne. A familiar sensation, one she wished she never had to feel again.

Adrianne repeated those words she said to Enchanter Bryant in his final moments, "Not your fault...it was mine. And I'll fix it, I promise,"

This would not be like then. It would not play out the same way. This would not be a goodbye because death will not have his way today.

_No...not again... _Adrianne swore.

"Lieutenant Guinevere..."Ser Alrick smirked, "she never was a good templar. Always too lenient with mages, willing to turn a blind eye to them when they made mistakes. A shame she couldn't live up to the true potential of what a templar is. Alert Meredith," he said to his men, "it seems as if we stumbled upon a crime scene,"

Their footsteps exited the room, and left only Ser Alrick and Adrianne alone together with Guinevere's frail body laying in a pool of blood. Guinevere wouldn't be a victim of Ser Alrick's treachery.

Adrianne reached over and squeezed Guinevere's cold hand, "Please...hang on. Hear my voice and hang on,"

Adrianne held her hand over Guinevere's wound, and willed the flesh to sewn itself together. There was no way to know of the internal damage she suffered, and Adrianne could only hope she wasn't too late.

"It's your fault. All of this, she wouldn't have been hurt if it wasn't because of you. Alas, that is not the case from what I saw. You stabbed her after she found you consorting with a demon. You killed her. She was a waste anyway, but that's beside the point," he taunted.

His taunts echoed in her mind, and with each word, Adrianne's anger rose and rose until it exploded and consumed and ripped apart every rational thought she had left. A darkness overcame Adrianne as a pure rage loomed over her. She balled her hands into fists and stood slowly with her head cast downward. Everything was red, and once more Adrianne stared intently at the blood on her hands. The potential to end this evil once and for all...with another evil.

_It would be so easy to use it...just this once...one time and give it up. _The power called her...it yearned for her to take it. Blood magic had been feared for hundreds of years. It was powerful, to the point it took over a mage's mind...yet the possibilities were appealing to Adrianne slowly. She could give Ser Alrick the painful and merciless death he deserved.

An evil was evil, the Chantry said. Blood magic was the greatest of them all. It consumes a mage's mind. It manipulates them into a power hungry husk, and it becomes an obsession. Eventually, the power it holds over a mage drives them to do horrific acts to continue and increase their power. It was the same story with different faces upon them. Every one of them said the same thing: not me.

Was Adrianne any different?

Before Adrianne could decide what to do Ser Alrick tackled her to the floor wrapped his hands tightly around her neck. Using one hand, Ser Alrick reached for his dagger to finish her once and for all. Adrianne caught his hand before the weapon plunged into her chest. She shook as he tried forcing her hand to let go. Adrianne's muscles shook while holding Ser Alrick's blade in place. Panic set in as she felt her lungs searching and yearning for air to fill them. Adrianne squirmed every which way to loosen his hold on her. Her straggled breaths became quicker as her vision began to blur. She fought to take his hands off as it became harder to breathe.

In the midst of their struggle, Ser Alrick chuckled in Adrianne's face, "And now the heroic templar saves the day by killing the possessed mage!"

_No...Not this day! _The will to live surged throughout every pore in Adrianne's body. Adrenaline pumped through her veins to save her life from death's embrace. Adrianne would not die by his hand.

Reaching up to his face with her right hand , Adrianne dug her fingernails deep into the flesh above his eye and began dragging her jagged nails down his face. Ser Alrick yelled out in pain as blood ran down his eye and his cheek, blinding him. As she had hoped, he released the dagger. Adrianne repeated the same action with the left side as Ser Alrick screams rose in volume. His hand loosened to allow more airflow, but Adrianne knew it wouldn't be enough to escape. With her breaths becoming ragged, Adrianne pulled his head down to her level and bit his face with all the strength she could muster. The taste of his blood coated the inside of her mouth as she continued sinking her teeth into his flesh.

Just as Adrianne intended, Ser Alrick let her go and she crawled away like cat in water. She scanned the room quickly for a weapon to defend herself with and settled for the wooden chair at her desk. She kicked away the dagger he had drawn from the floor and stepped on his arm as he croaked in pain. Adrianne swung the chair at Ser Alrick while he yelled in agony. The chair broke into several pieces upon impact. Ser Alrick's cries echoed throughout the Tower. This was no longer a secret. Everyone would know of what occurred in this room.

Adrianne grabbed a broken portion of the chair, intending to finish this once and for all without a second thought of the consequences that would come of this. She loomed over Ser Alrick's hunched over form, unaware of the thundering footsteps in the distance heading her way. Her justice...Guinevere's justice was within her grasp. His life was in her hands.

The power she held over him had reduced him to a frightened coward as his eyes widened. At that moment, he knew the terror she and everyone of his victims experienced.

However, no matter the power Adrianne held, fate decided Ser Alrick's time was not today.

Knight Commander Meredith's men marched in to the room, weapons drawn and quickly apprehended Adrianne. They pushed her head against the floor and chained her hands in iron cuffs before lifting Adrianne to her feet. Several templar's surrounded Guinevere's body. One looked over her and reported to Meredith.

"She's gravely wounded, Knight Commander! She needs medical aid immediately!"

"See to it!" Meredith commanded.

Adrianne's heart sank as they carried Guinevere's body out of the room. It felt as if this was the final goodbye. Adrianne would've done anything to trade places with Guinevere.

"She was possessed Knight Commander!," Ser Alrick yelled in agony as he clutched the one of the sides of his face where Adrianne had clawed at him him, "She threatened and attacked me after I saw what she did to the lieutenant! I did what I had to to defend myself! That mage is an animal!" he cried while blood flowed from his wounds and between his fingers.

Adrianne lips curled in disgust as she squirmed in the templars grasp, "He's lying! All of it is lies. He stabbed and beat her to silence her over what he has been doing,"

"What do we Knight Commander? Who do we believe?"

Knight Commander Meredith stared at Adrianne with the coldest eyes she had ever seen. A dark look overcame Meredith, and it stopped Adrianne's heart for several seconds. Meredith's eyes said everything: hate. Pure hate of magic. Shivers ran down her spine as Meredith's stare cut through her flesh.

Nothing would end well for Adrianne. Meredith would see to that.

"I don't care who's telling truth," she began in with a harsh tone, never taking her eyes off Adrianne. It didn't matter what was the truth, Meredith saw what she saw. In her mind, Adrianne was responsible in either version of what happened "That mage is going into a cell either way. No questions asked,"

Ser Alrick cut through her men and approached Meredith with anger, "She attacked ME like an animal! Kill her!"

Meredith gave Ser Alrick the same deathly stare she given Adrianne. It appeared she did not take kindly to being ordered by an inferior.

Meredith turned to Ser Alrick with a stoic expression, "That is not for you to decide, Lieutenant Alrick," Meredith said slowly, and stepped closer to him"And if I hear another word out of you about her, " she continued, " you will be expelled from the order for tampering with the lyrium supplies,"

Meredith had known all along, and she did nothing. Guinevere suffered for no reason. Adrianne became angry that she wanted to lash out and call out Meredith. She trembled to contain the rage at the senselessness of Guinevere's suffering. Did Meredith care at all about her men?

"What? I don't know what you're talking about," Ser Alrick stumbled over his words as he attempted feign that he truly didn't know what she spoke of.

Meredith turned her attention away from him,"Of course not because you know nothing. Now leave before my patience runs out."

"You can't do this! I demand retribution for my-"

"I believe I can, and I just did. You don't get to make demands of me. Gentlemen, I believe it'svtime for Ser Alrick leave. Take him away ," she ordered.

Ser Alrick's voice grew further and further away as the templars escorted him out.

Once more, Meredith returned her attention to Adrianne. Adrianne stared at the Knight Commander, waiting for her to speak. Meredith gazed at Adrianne's wounds coolly before she paced the room.

It seemed as if hours passed before Meredith spoke, "Smite her and throw her in a cell. Assign Lieutenant Kyra to interrogate her on what she knows," Meredith walked toward Adrianne with no emotion that told her of what she felt. Adrianne simply stood with no fear in sight before Meredith spoke, "I warned you not to give me any problems,"

She had made up her mind. It was only a matter of time before Meredith would act on it.

Adrianne's days were numbered.

**I apologize for the lack of updates! I don't blame you guys for losing interest as it is my fault. I have the next chapter written, and it's in the process of being edited. As soon as I am done, I will post it, I promise.**

**Once again, I apologize.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	44. Chapter 44

? 9:34 Dragon

Adrianne sat huddled in the filth of the her cell as the cold seeped into the room and prickled her skin. The Kirkwall nights were desolate, with the frozen air cutting through Adrianne's thin attire. Only the sunlight that streamed through from the bars above her head provided Adrianne relief from the prior nights.

She had been imprisoned and bound to the same spot day and night with her templar guards standing watch outside. The last she had been out of her cell was that final night that started all her troubles. Accusation after accusation they had made.

_'You did it,' _They said, '_You're responsible for the condition Lieutenant Guinevere is in. It was all you! Her blood was on your hands. And now Ser Alrick is dead,'_

They wanted to see her suffer, to torment her until she broke. Day and night, it was all the same. An ever spinning wheel of oppression. They made it a point to make Adrianne pay for the death of Ser Alrick, even though it was clear she had nothing to do with it. Adrianne had already been imprisoned and locked away by the time he died. Ser Alrick's murderer was still on the loose. He was found with his armor stripped off his corpse with several daggers impaled in his chest. There were no witnesses, only a body.

Because of the mystery surrounding his death, many of the templars believed that Adrianne was the mastermind behind it all. It was all too easy to see that if anyone wanted Ser Alrick murdered, it would've been Adrianne. She was the one, in their eyes, responsible for it all. It had to have been her.

They had shut their eyes, and were out for Adrianne's blood.

No matter the pain they put her through, Adrianne took it. No tears she weeped, no cries she yelled, no confession she told. The only thing she held onto was her innocence in all this mess. It was the one thing that held the truth no one was willing to believe.

_I will not fall...You have to stay strong...you have to _she repeated to herself every minute, every hour, every day, every night since her incarceration. Although it was difficult to remain steadfast, especially during the grueling coldness surrounding her, Adrianne refused to wallow in despair. It took every ounce of her being not to give in to the templars demands.

The cell door opened, and her interrogator entered. Adrianne only stared at the piece of work that was Lieutenant Kyra. The woman was imposing and unforgiving. Her stare could frighten even the strongest of mages into submission, yet Adrianne remained silent. Throughout Adrianne's questioning, Lieutenant Kyra was never able to get her to sing the canary's song.

As a result, Lieutenant Kyra had to resort to other ways to make Adrianne dance to her tune. Instead of dancing, Adrianne didn't speak. Lieutenant Kyra's eyes had been closed since the beginning. Adrianne's version of events were a joke to her. Rather than waste her breath any longer, Adrianne defied her instead.

Adrianne became indifferent to any punishment she had in store for her.

Adrianne watched as the lieutenant walked the room's length. The crisp air brought a breeze into the room that caused Adrianne's ragged dress to sway.

"Cold night, wasn't it?" Lieutenant Kyra commented with a smile.

Adrianne looked away from her to the empty spot where her bed and covers used to be before answering, "I didn't seem to notice. I slept quite comfortably in fact,"

Lieutenant Kyra paced several steps and answered curtly, "Is that so?"

Adrianne looked to her with an indifferent expression and nodded, "I didn't notice a thing," she retorted.

Lieutenant Kyra's jaw clenched when her bait had failed. Determined to make her sing, Lieutenant Kyra tried again.

"Your face is quite dirty. And those clothes," she pointed to Adrianne's large tattered dress that hung from her body,"it must be difficult to survive in here. Why with the weather we've been having, wouldn't it be nice to have something thicker?"

Mind games as usual. A leverage to try and make Adrianne break to make her suffering stop. They didn't work before and they weren't going to work now.

"It doesn't bother me," Adrianne replied.

Lieutenant Kyra frowned and stopped her pacing, "Are you going to confess? Or is this going to be another trip we're going to take,"

Adrianne remained stoic and numb. She would say nothing, "Confess to what? I don't seem to know what you're talking about"

Lieutenant Kyra's face turned red. Adrianne could tell the woman grew impatient with her resistance. Every time she had come, the lieutenant received less and less information from Adrianne. Lies, Lieutenant Kyra accused, were all Adrianne was telling. Lie after lie.

They weren't lies at all, but the truth Adrianne spoke of was not what the lieutenant wanted to hear. Eventually Adrianne stopped talking altogether about that night because quite or not, she wouldn't appease or satisfy the woman. The more Adrianne played dumb, the angrier Lieutenant Kyra got.

Lieutenant Kyra's anger had reached it's boiling point. She was determined to make Adrianne confess her supposed guilt by any means necessary. She caught sight of the gleam from Adrianne's raven colored hair, untarnished from the conditions she was in.

"What beautiful hair. It's surprising that it hasn't suffered from being in here," Lieutenant Kyra commented while stroking Adrianne's locks in a manner similar to how Isabel would. Adrianne stiffened as Lieutenant Kyra ran her fingers through her hair. Adrianne knew better than to think Lieutenant Kyra was simply admiring her hair; the woman had an agenda. She always did. Eventually those strokes came to a painful pull as Adrianne bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from screaming out in pain. Adrianne steeled herself for what was to come next, "You must take pride in it…," she trailed off while continuing to tug Adrianne's hair. It felt as if her scalp would be ripped from her skull, but Adrianne did not yell for the woman to stop. She stood and endured the endless torture. Adrianne knew what the lieutenant wanted. She wanted to see her cry and beg for mercy. Instead, Adrianne only gave her defiance as she silently endured. Finally after minutes of agony, Lieutenant Kyra let go. She stomped off angrily and opened the cell door, "Cut it off. All of it," she commanded.

With a blade in tow, another templar came from behind the door and pushed Adrianne down into a chair. She remained still, and held her breath. Adrianne closed her eyes, but before they closed, she watched the lieutenant's lips curl into an evil smile as patches of black began falling into her lap.

Her heart sunk into her stomach.

Adrianne had thought of submitting as the last remnants of her former self were being sheared away from her. Telling Lieutenant Kyra what she wanted to hear. Lying. Anything to keep this living memory of who she used to be alive. Her hair represented many things: it meant Isabel, all those times back in Honnelath, the smell the lake would leave whenever she went for a swim, her mother...it would all be gone. Those innocent times would be lost. Those moments with Izzy...it would be only a memory she could visit in her mind.

_'You have such beautiful soft thick hair, Adrianne. Just like mother.' _Isabel would say

_'Just like mamae?'_

_'Yes, just like her'_. Now all those times, all those memories of Isabel stroking her hair as she told her stories of their mother by the fire, were being taken from her.

The last of her innocence.

Adrianne remembered, and moisture came to her eyes. She didn't know why, but she could feel the tears from behind her closed eyes. For an instant, Adrianne could remember her mother's smile, and Isabel's beauty. She could recall it all. She could hear her father's laugh as if he was in the room, and remember Adeline's sweet innocence. And for a short second, she relived the moment she met that golden haired boy at the lake. Her friend, and for a long time, the future she could've had. Isabel's tears and Adeline's cries as she was taken away from their home. She saw Cullen's eyes fall and never say goodbye.

Adrianne heard Enchanter Bryant's voice, telling her to fight, and to be proud of who she was. To endure, and to know there would be an end. The pain, the relentless pain of that fateful day. The lies they had preached, and Enchanter Bryant's empty eyes. She could remember Guinevere's helping hand lift her when she was at her lowest point.

It all came back to her.

Slowly, Adrianne opened her eyes and silently watched as her long strands of hair fall to her lap and on to the floor around her. She could feel the cool air prickle against her newly exposed neck as the templar continued cutting.

They thought by shaming her, cutting off all her hair, and belittling her self worth that Adrianne would break. They were wrong. They only fueled her will to defy and to refuse them of what they wanted now that they took her living memory of once was.

"Is there anything you want to say, mage?" Lieutenant Kyra asked after the deed had been done.

Adrianne breathed a shaky breath as she reached for hair in the back of her head, and felt nothing. Her chest tightened, but she remained stoic, and unrelenting.

Lieutenant Kyra wanted to see her break. Adrianne denied her that right once more.

"Are you done?" Adrianne asked in a tight voice while looking Lieutenant Kyra straight in the eye. She remained composed while keeping the woman's eye contact before she continued, "I have much to do today,"

Lieutenant Kyra narrowed her eyes into a deathly stare, "Come again?" she replied through gritted teeth.

Adrianne's words had the effect she wanted.

"I said I have much to do today," Adrianne repeated while watching the woman's face fall into a fit of rage, "Your interruption caught me off guard, and I would like to return to my duties. I'm extremely busy today,"

In three quick paces, Lieutenant Kyra had Adrianne by the front of her ragged dress, "Why you little…"

Just as the lieutenant was going to strike Adrianne, the cell door slammed open. The Knight Captain stepped through the door with a commanding presence over his subordinate.

Lieutenant Kyra let Adrianne fall to the ground as she saluted the Knight Captain. Adrianne only stared at his armored feet, she couldn't bare to look him in the eye. She feared she would lash out at him, and take out her frustrations upon him. This, where she was, it was not his fault. He was blameless, but...Adrianne could not help but feel intense anger at Cullen. For that, she refused to look at him.

"Knight Captain, we were not expecting you," Lieutenant Kyra explained.

Cullen remained silent, and Adrianne knew his eyes were on her and the black hair strewn about the stone ground. Adrianne didn't say a word, and remained on her knees staring at the dirty and dusty floor. Her breathing quickened as she tried to reign in her emotions. The silence continued.

Cullen paced the room. His steps echoed off the walls as he inspected the it. It was over quickly as there was nothing to inspect.

"I'll take over the investigation from here on, Lieutenant Kyra," he said finally.

Adrianne's hands curled against the floor, and she stopped breathing altogether. He was the last person she wanted in charge. He was a wild card. At least with Lieutenant Kyra, Adrianne knew what to expect. With him...there was no way of knowing.

"With all due respect, Knight Captain," Lieutenant Kyra began, "I am under direct orders from-"

"And I'm here to tell you that you have been relieved from those orders. Knight Commander Meredith will understand. Is that clear, lieutenant?" Cullen replied.

There was a moment of standoffish silence before Lieutenant Kyra relented, "Of course, Knight Captain. I apologize for the miscommunication. I'll leave you to your business,"

All was quiet after Lieutenant Kyra had left. Adrianne remained where she was, not daring to look Cullen in the eyes. She could feel his gaze on her as she tried to reign in the emotions running through her mind. Long patches of black were scattered about the floor, evidence of what had occurred. Adrianne reached for a nearby strand and held it in her hand. She closed her hand tightly around it and squeezed it with all her might.

_You have those memories...they can never take that away from you, at least._

Adrianne breathed a shaky a breath before letting the strand fall to the ground. Slowly, she allowed her tired gaze to meet Cullen's. Adrianne watched as his eyebrows knit together and his eyes become confused.

She didn't want his pity.

"I don't need your sympathy nor do I want it," Adrianne rose and dusted off her dress.

Cullen's eyes remained fixated on her before his eyes wandered downward to her dirty feet where the remnants of her hair lay. His eyes never wondered back up. It was as if he was ashamed to the point that he couldn't look Adrianne in the eye. Why should he be ashamed? He wasn't the one who did it.

After minutes of silence, Cullen finally spoke, "She shouldn't have done this to you. It wasn't within her orders to sanction it. Meredith should've known better than to give Lieutenant Kyra this assignment,"

Adrianne clenched her jaw as her blood boiled in rage. She had suffered far greater than this, and like any obstacle, Adrianne managed to endure whatever they had in store for her...no matter the personal loss. Despite Cullen's words, he couldn't turn back the clock, "It's done and over," Adrianne replied in a strained voice.

Silence and tension fell between the two. Neither wanted to be the first to speak. After what Adrianne had been through, talk was the last thing she wanted to do.

"You know what will happen if you continue to defy Meredith? If you continue toying with her?" Cullen asked.

"Defy her?" Adrianne gaped, "I think you mean nothing less of me confessing to a murder I didn't do. Confessing to the attempted murder of Guinevere. Saying that I did it. That I admit to being somehow involved with Ser Alrick's murder. That is the only answer that will satisfy her, and it's one I will not say," She turned to him and continued, "And like I said to Lieutenant Kyra, I'll say to you: I did not try to kill Guinevere, nor was I involved in Ser Alrick's murder. I will not be blamed and accused because of his doing,"

Cullen's eyes hardened slightly before casting them downward, "They all believe you're guilty. Everyone. By your silence, you're consenting to committing murder,"

Adrianne laughed tiredly...he didn't understand. How could he? How could he possibly know...

Adrianne's jaw tightened as she shook her head and balled her hands into fists, "I was a dead woman to them the moment they stepped into that room and the day that bastard died,"

"How do you know that?"

"They would find it easier to pin the blame on me instead than look for the true murderer" she shook her head, " I stopped answering questions because they don't believe me. Why waste my breath on deaf ears. I told them of my innocence...and look where I am, how I am. They don't want an investigation because they've already decided my fate. My silence has only made it harder for them to get anything from me. Your interference does little to help me ," Adrianne explained, "Meredith has had it out for me since the beginning. I'm sure you're well aware of that... I know you want to have faith in your men, but it's clear to me that they've closed their eyes,"

"It doesn't matter what Meredith wants. The Order dictates an investigation must be made whether she likes it or not. I will see to it that you get a proper trial, and a thorough investigation, " Cullen said.

His promises did little to comfort Adrianne. Her fate had been sealed since that very night. They were only dragging out the inevitable.

"I'm afraid not all of your men are as intent to uphold the Order's ways as you are, Knight Captain. The Knight Commander seems intent for to me pay for crimes I did not commit. Why even give me a trial? Nothing I say will satisfy Meredith. I know what they want and I won't give it them. You know Meredith better than anyone. You know what I say is true,"

"What did Lieutenant Kyra do to you while she was questioning you?" he asked

"Nothing I couldn't endure. If you think I cannot handle pain then you don't know me at all,"

"I want to know what they did,"

"Why do you want to know?"

Cullen didn't answer immediately. It appeared as if he was confused with himself as to why he wanted to know "It doesn't matter why I want to know. All that's important is what they did to you during their questioning,"

He would regret asking after she told him.

"It started with threats. Typical ones...'I'll make you're life the void' things like that," Adrianne shrugged, indifferent towards it all, " Once it was apparent that I would not say what they wanted," the pain she endured, all of it came back with a single memory. Adrianne stared at Cullen's blank face before exhaling deeply,"...she," Adrianne reached behind her and felt the raw welts on her back that were as tender as the day she received them," Lieutenant Kyra moved onto more creative means to get an answer... I received a hundred lashings...," she trailed off softly as she revisited the memory, "One for every time I refused to speak...eventually she got tired and stopped. There was a bed in here with blankets, she took those. My robes...I striped bare and forced to wear rags in the cold nights and days. And well, you know the rest,"

Adrianne noticed his hands ball into fists before he met her eyes again. His face sullen, and weary, it told Adrianne many things, but most of all, it spoke of an uncertainty. Unlike before, he seemed unsure of himself, as if he knew what he was doing was wrong. That what they did was wrong. That something wasn't right.

"And that night? What happened? What did he do to provoke you?"

Adrianne had replayed that night over and over in her mind. It never got any easier thinking about, "He ...he stabbed Guinevere and I watched her fall into my arms..and she said 'I'm sorry' even though none of it was her fault," she paused and a single hot tear rolled down her cheek, " I only saw red. I did what I had to... for justice. Next thing I know, he was screaming possession and playing himself as the victim...the victim," she laughed, "While Guinevere lay in a puddle of blood, and with me scratched and bloodied beyond recognition"

Guinevere's pain...who she was...She was a person with dreams and hopes. He took that from her.

"Everyone had left me alone...she stayed," Adrianne breathed, "She stayed and helped me. I don't know how or where I would be if it wasn't for her"

Cullen watched her intently. He was focused on her. He was listening to every word she spoke. For once, a templar heard her story, and waited for her to tell it. He didn't accuse her of lying.

Adrianne didn't know how to describe the feeling overcoming her as their eyes met. It wasn't pity, but understanding. And if she wanted to lie to herself...admiration and respect. At that moment they were equals.

"They shouldn't have done any of that to you," he said at last, "We were wrong,"

"About what?" Adrianne asked.

"For thinking we had the case solved before we knew anything at all," he looked away from her as he continued, "for treating you worse than an animal,"

Adrianne gazed up toward him, "You don't have to lie for me. I don't expect anything from you. Cullen, you needn't be gentle with my feelings. I know how you are...you said I was capable of anything,"

"I know what I said...It doesn't matter what I felt or how I feel...," his eyes cast downward, "I've read over the reports and I went to both crime scenes and I saw all the evidence laid out before me. I read line after line, hoping to find your guilt. I wanted to believe that you did it. I know you didn't do any of it...I had to see you to know for sure. You're innocent,"

_He had to see me to know for sure? _Either Cullen was tricking her or he truly believed she was innocent. Why, he of all people, believe a mage over his brother in arms? The sudden change of heart. It didn't make sense. He had claimed that mages were always a liability up until who knows how long ago. Now he was willing to go against what his Knight Commander believed. Adrianne didn't understand it.

"That's why...that's why I'm here," he finished.

"Why are you doing this? Why go out of your way to help me. You're loyal to Meredith. You serve her. You must share her opinions to be in her favor," she reasoned

"I serve the Order...not Meredith," he said more to himself than to Adrianne.

For a moment, for the slightest second, she believed him wholeheartedly. Cullen's eyes had always been an open book, and...they held some truth in them. And that wounded Adrianne. Could he truly have changed and see her as she was back then?

With everything that has happened, it was too difficult to believe. It was trick...it had to be. Adrianne knew this all could be a ploy by Meredith. It didn't matter how much she wanted his words to be true, what mattered now was limiting the damage that has already been done. Believing in Cullen was a leap of faith Adrianne was not willing to take.

Adrianne stared at the ground and shook her head gently, "I want to believe you. I want to think there is truth to your words...," she admitted," but I can't. I placed my faith in you long ago..." Adrianne remembered. She remembered everything...to go through all that hurt again..."I can't,"

**Thank you! I can catch my breath now. **

**1) I hoped everyone enjoyed this chapter because it was a PAIN to write the second half xD. Keeping Cullen in character is incredibly difficult! Especially in Act 2 because he begins having doubts over Meredith's leadership. Hence, the second half of this chapter that may or may not be good. **

**2) You all are beautiful, and awesome!**

**The next chapter is being written, so expect a release on Friday or Saturday.**

**Thank you for reading lovely people!**


	45. Chapter 45

? 9:34 Dragon

Adrianne breathed heavily as she struggled to think coherent thoughts. She was drawing blanks, nothing but blanks. The haze in her mind made it difficult to think about anything other than her aching body and the fire she felt all over. Not even the cold floor or frozen air could quench the flames. Adrianne shambled across the room. Her legs felt wobbly and weak. Sweat rolled down Adrianne's forehead while she leaned against the wall to prevent herself from falling. Her stomach churned, threatening to throw-up its contents.

Adrianne was burning. She hadn't been well for several days. Her back stung, and blistered from the untreated wounds. The spell she was under now came shortly after. It became difficult to breathe, and every muscle in her body ached in pain.

Despite the amounting pain she experienced, Adrianne said nothing to Cullen. Whether it was foolish pride or fear Meredith would take slight to her asking for help, Adrianne never said a word. She cursed herself over her pride.

She was falling into an eternal abyss.

"Are you alright, Adri...

The foreign name echoed throughout her mind as her breaths quickened. Her arms shook as she tried to gain leverage to stand. She attempted to rise, but she fell again. The room spun while her mind strained under the pressure her body was placing on it. Adrianne's eyes closed, and she was overcome with darkness.

* * *

Redcliffe Village 9:19 Dragon

Adrianne moaned as she waited for Isabel's excited chatter with Arlessa Isolde's Orlesian handmaiden. They had been talking for over an hour about the extravagant styles coming to Val Royeaux and sophisticated hairstyles. And to top it off...shoes.

Their giggles became louder as their conversation progressed. The more they spoke, the more Adrianne wished her father had allowed her to go with him and Adeline to see Arl Eamon.

'_No, Adrianne. Spend time with your sister. My business with Arl Eamon will be quite boring.'_ her father had said.

It's not that Adrianne didn't like Isabel, but her older sister watched her like a hawke. Isabel expected Adrianne to act the part of a lady. She stuffed her into the most ridiculous dresses and shoes that allowed little movement. The two were different. Adrianne enjoyed rolling around the mud, and running around. Isabel's tastes were more refined, and delicate. Their common bond, however, was their love of shiny objects, mostly jewelery. Despite their differences, Adrianne respected Isabel and held her in high regard.

However, those differences never became more apparent than now.

"You're absolutely precious! You would surely flourish in court. Did you make that dress yourself? The attention to detail is absolutely stunning!" they gushed.

Isabel smiled brightly with pride. Adrianne rolled her eyes while Isabel beamed with joy at their compliment. It was typical Isabel aiming to please those around her. Perhaps anything more boring than listening to the squeals of Orlesian women was, no, there was nothing that could top that. Nothing irritated Adrianne more that listening to all this nonsense about fashion, court, or anything of the like.

Noticing Adrianne's annoyed and uninterested expression, the ladies turned to her, "And what of you, little one? Will you marry some handsome lord and heighten your family's prestige?"

Adrianne made a face that was awarded with a nudge from Isabel.

"I don't want that life, That's not me...ladies," Adrianne responded.

"I'm afraid you have a free spirit, Isabel,"

Isabel smiled, "A very free spirit," she added.

The ladies laughed in a group once more before they dismissed themselves. Adrianne slumped her shoulders in relief.

"I thought that would never end. Why do you feel the need to gossip with them?" Adrianne complained as they began to head back to their temporary home.

"A lady doesn't-," Isabel didn't finish her sentence. Adrianne raised an eyebrow as Isabel linked their arms together, "Stay close to me," she said.

Adrianne was about to question why before she realized the answer was in front of her. A group of rowdy drunks were walking straight toward them. It was trouble waiting to happen. Isabel brought Adrianne close to her, tightening her grip around Adrianne's arm.

The group of men noticed their presence and they became louder with every step they took. Isabel continued guiding Adrianne forward, ignoring the men's ridiculous behavior.

"Lookit men," one of them laughed as he pointed to Adrianne and Isabel, "Lookit! It's little lady knife ears. And to boot there's two!,"

The drunks laughs bellowed in the night air, "Ask'em if they got a dagger to match their dagger ears, Tom,"

Isabel tried walking through the men, but they blocked her way.

"I'm afraid you're in our way, gentlemen,"

"What 'bout it, knife ears?"

"That's not our names!" Adrianne shouted.

"It's squeaking!"

"Maybe it can do some tricks,"

Adrianne wanted to wipe those grins off their faces. She took a step toward them.

Isabel, perceptive as ever intervened before Adrianne could hurt herself,"Gentlemen, I do believe it is time for us to leave. Come along now, Adrianne. Father must be worried,"

"The pretty one has manners! That's a surprise! Maybe they're not all savages,"

"Are you men animals that you would threaten children," a stranger called out.

All of them turned to see a finely clothed man walking up to their situation. He smiled tensely at the grown men before turning his attention to Isabel and Adrianne. He nodded to them and smirked.

"Run along now girls. I'll deal with these brutes," the young nobleman said.

Isabel nodded, "Thank you..."

"Teagan,"

"You have our thanks and gratitude,"

After they were a safe distance away Isabel let go Adrianne.

"Don't listen to them, Adrianne," Isabel said, "you needn't concern yourself over the opinions of sheep,"

Adrianne was having none of it. It wasn't fair! What gave those men the right to judge them, "You heard them Izzy! Everywhere we go it's the same!"

"They know nothing of us. They are speaking simply for the sake of speaking. Their opinions mean nothing to me

"Listen," Isabel kneeled to Adrianne's height, "I feel your frustration. I really do, Adrianne. It was hard for me as well," Isabel admitted, "I learned something important from those difficult times,"

"What?"

"We choose our battles," she replied, "We pick the ones we know we can win, and come back to fight another,"

"And the ones we abandon,"

Isabel smirked, "We don't abandon any battle. A commander knows when to retreat and confront the enemy. We don't forget, and when our enemies least expect it, we strike. I never forget"

The next day, those men were arrested for stolen items found in their possessions.

Isabel had always received her justice.

* * *

"Adrianne...listen to my voice...listen..."

Adrianne heard his voice through the thick fog clouding her mind. She could've sworn she was dead with all the black she had seen.

_Cullen? _Adrianne eyes opened only a crack to see a flash of golden hair standing over her. As quickly as her eyes opened, she was pulled back into the darkness of another distant memory.

* * *

Val Royeaux 9:17 Dragon

Adrianne walked into her father's dim lit bedroom. No older than four or five, Adrianne's mind was restless over the day's event. One woman's words rang throughout her mind. At her young age, Adrianne didn't understand the meaning of those words.

Like always, she went to her father during these curious times. Adrianne's father was finishing lacing a pair of exquisite leather boots when he heard her small footsteps. He smiled at his daughter, and was happy to see her. He was always happy to see his girls.

Adrianne looked to her and said,"Papa?"

He put down his work and turned to his young daughter, "Yes, Adrianne. Is something bothering you?"

"What's a half breed, Papa?"

Adrianne watched as her father froze. His eyes moistened, and the slightly hurt expression confused Adrianne. Was a half-breed bad?

Her father took a deep breath and smiled tensely,"Why do you ask, my love?" he asked with a strained voice.

"A lady said, 'Stay away from my children, half breed.' What does it mean?"

A tear rolled slowly down his cheek as Adrianne became confused as to why. He knelt down to her level and hugged her against his chest. Adrianne felt his tears on her shoulders.

"Papa, why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"

"No...you did nothing wrong...," he wepted.

"Don't cry, Papa. I didn't mean to. I won't do it again,"

"No...no my love. It's not your fault...I'm so sorry," he held her tighter to him. Adrianne stood as his tears came down. The magnitude of guilt for making him cry was too much. Small tears rolled down Adrianne's cheeks, " I'm sorry," he repeated.

He never explained why he was sorry.

Adrianne was never able to enjoy those innocent times as much as she wanted to. Everywhere they went, there was always the stares and snickers behind them. When people didn't notice...it almost felt as if Adrianne was abandoning her elven heritage.

Adrianne could remember so little of her early childhood, but she always remembered this moment. The way her words affected her father, the immense sadness that overcame him. At the time, she didn't understand why he cried. She was so young, and her child innocence didn't comprehend the hatred in those words. It wasn't until Isabel explained gently one night did Adrianne begin to understand why people stared, or called them names. Isabel told her that it went beyond name-calling and stares when their mother was alive and traveling with father.

Those times of happy bliss were over before her sixth birthday. She saw the cruel world for what it was.

* * *

Cullen

Guardian 9:34 Dragon

"I believe she's stabilized for now," the healer announced after applying the last of the elfroot ointment to Adrianne's back.

Cullen raised his eyebrows in concern, "For now? Will she be all right? I thought you said the immediate danger was gone"

The healer wiped her hands on a cloth rag before she answered, "I'm afraid I can't say. She's burning up that's for sure. There were wounds on her back that were infected. I applied the ointment to treat it and kill the infection. Unfortunately, that's all I can do. I don't want to give anything in her mouth, I'm afraid she'll choke. Provided she live through the night, she'll have some nasty scars.,"

Cullen processed the healer's words before speaking. Was her survival not guaranteed? "What do you mean if she lives through night?"

The healer pointed to Adrianne's frail condition,"Just look at her. Her breathing is barely there, and on top of the fever and coughs, she's fighting the infection. Her body is working overtime to keep her alive. The night is the most dangerous because she's not awake to at least take care of herself. If she lives through the night, she'll be safe by morning. I would stay with her, but the Knight Commander made it clear that no mage is allowed in the cell with her. I'm afraid she's Maker's hands now,"

"Why is the night most dangerous?"

"For one, she can stop breathing, and no one would be here to help her if that indeed does happen. Another is to keep her temperature from going higher than it already is. Her body is trying to burn any illness, but she can burn out. And healing magic won't do any good. The body has to work itself out," the healer shrugged before continuing," Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't,"

"So what you're saying is that she might die?"

"It's a possibility. A big possibility. Especially if she was never exposed to Kirkwall's diseases. The infection is not helping either. I treated it after its wreaked havoc on,"

"What if someone stays with her? Will she live then?"

The healer laughed,"With all due respect, Knight Captain, I highly doubt any templar would volunteer to care of her. Like I said, Knight Captain, Senior Enchanter Adrianne is in the Maker's hands,"

Cullen stood for several seconds as the healer's footsteps became distant. The healer's words rang throughout his mind. Those words had a bigger impact upon him than he had anticipated. Fear, loss, a dull ache in his chest didn't allow him to leave. In his heart he knew Adrianne wouldn't live past the night if he left. In a way, he felt responsible for her condition. It tormented him.

He knew it was irrational to blame himself for her illness. People got sick, and people died from it all the time.

Cullen turned to leave, but he couldn't take a single step forward. He heard her wheezing and cries taunt him. Cullen began doubting himself. These feeling he had been supressing were surfacing once again. Why did it have to be her! The Maker was testing his loyalty once again...he knew the consequences that would ensue should he question the Order again.

Yet, he was rendered incapable of leaving her to her fate. When she had first arrived in Kirkwall, Cullen couldn't even bare to look at her. His mind and Meredith's teachings convinced him that Adrianne's magic had led him astray. He prayed to the Maker to take her, and make her go away. He had felt his resolve weaken, and it frightened him. It was because of her, the source of all his doubt. In every way, he had tried to discredit her and prove she was like the rest of them.

Their talks...it made him weak. He talked to Meredith, and she would reassure him that what they were doing in Kirkwall was right. But was it truly the Order's way...he couldn't tell whether he was serving Meredith or the Templar Order. They were no longer one in the same.

He turned around, and saw Adrianne's chest rise up and down. Her wheezing and strained breaths filled the room. She was so frail, and thin. Cullen stood by her side, and with his bare hand, he felt the skin of her cheek. It was soft and abnormally hot. His eyes traveled up to Adrianne's face. Her eyelids were darkened, her lips pale, and her cheeks flushed.

He knew what he had done. Monster. It pained him that all this misfortune that fallen on Adrianne was because of him. And for what? He didn't even know why.

Cullen dipped a rag in cool water and rung it. He placed it across Adrianne's forehead.

He could only sit and watch as she fought through her fever. More than once, he could've sworn her breaths ceased, but they would quickly return. It happened frequently, but all would return to normal. However, it was different this time. Her breaths were forced and short. Long periods of time passed before her next breath began. After several minutes, Adrianne grew quiet, and her chest no longer rose. The seconds went by, and the room was eerily and deathly silent. It frightened him to the point he hoped the wheezing would return. When it didn't, he panicked. His heart fell to his stomach, and his eyes prickled slightly. Dread, and sorrow overcame him like a wave. He knew he was the worst person to have ever lived.

When faced with Adrianne going away forever, Cullen's resolve had broken completely. He couldn't do it. He couldn't hate her, and wish for her to ever leave him. It sickened him that he could even think of such a thing. No matter what...he just couldn't bring himself

Cullen lowered his face to hers and pressed his lips to hers. He breathed life into her lungs. Over and over, he breathed, and did motions to start her heart again. He hoped his change of heart hadn't come too late. Again, he repeated these actions.

It was almost as if his efforts didn't matter. Cullen stopped and covered his face with. She was dead...gone. He remembered everything. All those times from their childhood. Their love. After all these years, he remembered. The amulet she had returned...he had it still, hidden away in his possessions. He was never able to find another as Adrianne said he should. He had never met another like her. One that was able to not only capture his heart, but give him perspective. And those feelings he had once held for her resurfaced.

He didn't want her death. She deserved more than to be locked away from the world.

A soft breath escaped Adrianne's lips. Cullen lifted up his head, and saw her chest rise and fall. Another long breath of air followed by many more filled the room with life. A small tear fell from his moistened eyes and he breathed happily. He was happy...he had almost lost her. The Knight Captain laughed, at what, he didn't. An ache in his chest spread, but nonetheless, Cullen fell back into his seat, relieved.

She was alive...she would live.

Cullen listened to her cries, her cries of pain that echoed throughout the room. Her coughing began again. Over and over he watched by her side. Cullen gazed at her. Out of the corner of Adrianne's eye, a tear fell. It rolled down her cheek, and the ache in Cullen's chest grew. Cullen took her hand in his, and held it gently. Carefully, he wiped Adrianne's tear as she wheezed and coughed through the dark night.

It didn't matter to him. Adrianne would live.

He never let go of her hand. Not even for a moment.

**Yooooooo! So I originally had the chapter written the day I was going to publish. However,...let's just say it wasn't very good. I couldn't, in good conscious, release it. Instead, I scrapped it and started over. So there's that. I apologize for the delay.  
**

**Hopefully you guys like this chapter as I continue to stomp on your hearts :D**


	46. Chapter 46

Guardian 9:34 Dragon

_'Will she wake? Is there something you're not telling me?"_

_"Knight-Captain, Senior Enchanter Adrianne will wake when she is ready. Asking every hour won't change that. You may stay with her if you insist on hounding me at every opportunity. I believe you may like that,"  
_

_"What?! Whatever you are insinuating, is not-"_

_"I'm not implying anything, Knight-Captain. As I said, she'll awaken when she's ready,"_

* * *

Adrianne eyes opened to the daylight streaming in from the bars above her head. Her skin tingled as a feeling of peace and calm came over Adrianne. She sat up in her bed, empty minded and dazed. Her surroundings were the same, but she felt different. Adrianne recalled a thick haze, and warmth. There was nothing after, only darkness.

Adrianne breathed in the fresh scent of rain in the air. Although she could vaguely remember being overcome by darkness, Adrianne didn't have any memories to draw on to explain what had happened during that time. She scanned the room for any evidence for events that had transpired, but only a chair by her bedside gave her any clue of what happened. It was as if she had been in an internal slumber, and suddenly she had awoken in peace. It should've bothered her that she couldn't remember a thing, but it didn't. There was no urgency, no anxiety, no fear...only a sense of tranquility. The feeling was something Adrianne hadn't felt since before her arrival in the Gallows.

Adrianne stared at her long and slender hands. The peace was frightening. It was too good to be true. The thought of a calm made Adrianne uneasy. Something was coming, nothing could remain at peace for long.

Peace and dread, opposite sides of a coin. They were intermingling sides swirling within Adrianne.

The door opened and a breeze swept across the room, chilling Adrianne to the bone. A woman closed the door behind her as two templar guards came in behind her. Adrianne immediately recognized the woman as her fellow healer, Ellie. What she didn't expect was for her to be here. Ellie's presence was alarmed Adrianne. The only reason she would need to be here was if someone was in need of healing.

The dread pooled into the pit of her stomach. Her heart thudded harshly against her chest as Ellie came to her. There was no good feelings, only bad. Adrianne lowered her head as she tried to wrap her mind around her thoughts.

Adrianne's mind burst with renewed activity after its sluggish awakening. Without a doubt she knew Ellie was here for her. Her instincts told her as much. It didn't make sense. Had she been sick? Again, Adrianne tried to scour her memories to find any trace of past events. She knew the events leading up to her imprisonment, and torment. However, the source of the darkness she could not recall. Adrianne's body ached faintly, and there was a warmness about her, but nothing to be worried about

Adrianne watched in confusion as Ellie rolled her eyes at the two men,"Oh, you're awake," Ellie said while going to Adrianne's bedside, " Good. I was beginning to think you weren't going to,"

Adrianne stared at Ellie with a numbed expression as her vitals were taken. An eerie feeling crept into the back of her mind as Ellie's words echoed and repeated themselves in Adrianne's thoughts. It was a feeling that made goosebumps run up and down her back. Perhaps her internal slumber was more problematic than Adrianne had previously anticipated.

For so long death had threatened to take Adrianne, and its fierce cold grip had her. In the end, it had tricked her. There was no darkness...she had been dying.

Adrianne could feel her eyes prickle and she breathed a shaky breath. Her emotions came to the forefront, and she did her best to tame them as best she could.

Ellie turned Adrianne around so the templar's prying eyes wouldn't see her as she pull down the top half of Adrianne's dress. Adrianne felt Ellie's cool fingers inspecting the wounds she had sustained from Lieutenant Kyra's interrogation. Adrianne winced in silence as the woman applied ointment, and the strong scent of elfroot assaulted her nose. The wounds stung as the medicine seeped into them.

"I was right," Ellie announced while wiping her hands and pulling Adrianne's dress back on, "You'll have some nasty scars back there," she paused before adding, " I suppose it is better than what could've happened now that I think about it,"

_'What could've been...what could've been'_ Adrianne with short breaths and clenched fists.

That fateful night Adrianne had chosen to live, and death nearly took that choice from her, again. Adrianne didn't know how death been denied her once more. No memories she could remember, no memories that could explain to her of how she lived. She had nothing, "What happened to me?" she croaked.

Ellie raised an eyebrow as she threw her rag in her satchel, "You mean don't remember?" she replied.

Adrianne shook her head, "No, I don't. Not a thing,"

"That's strange, but not all too surprising. You had a high fever, an infection. You couldn't breathe. You're body was doing it's best to keep you alive, but it could only do so much under stress. I believed you had ceased breathing altogether on more than one occasion. To be blunt: you were knocking on the Maker's door. I didn't think you would make it past the first night, much less several nights, but you pulled through," Ellie explained.

Adrianne thought she would remember death holding her hostage, but she didn't. It felt as if she had fallen asleep and had woken up in a different spot she didn't recall being in. Dying...perhaps Adrianne was better off not remembering, "Was it that bad?" she asked.

"Yes, it was. You're one of the lucky ones,"

"Thank you. You saved my life,"

Ellie frowned and tensed slightly. She saw Adrianne's face fall, and quickly smirked to her, "I'm not the one you should be thanking,"

"What?"

"I'm not the one who stayed with you those nights," Ellie clarified.

"Then who did?"

"The Knight Captain Cullen. He stayed up with you all through the nights and into the mornings. You were almost gone several times, he said. That's why he's not here. He's getting some much needed rest,"

"The Knight Captain Cullen stayed with me?" Adrianne repeated as though she heard wrong. She must've if this is what she was hearing. Cullen helping her...Adrianne must've been mistaken. Her mind was still hazy. Why would he want to help her?

Ellie nodded, "Yes, I'm as shocked as you. It's true, though. He stayed and made sure you lived. Perhaps I misjudged him. Either way, you should be fine," Ellie paused before clarifying, "...as fine as you can be considering the circumstances," she said the last part with uncertainty and deception. Ellie turned her head away quickly to avoid Adrianne's prying eyes.

_He stayed..he stayed with me and made sure I lived. Why would he do such a thing?  
_

"Will he be coming today?"

"I believe he said he had a meeting with the Knight Commander," Ellie sensed Adrianne's uneasiness and offered her hand to assist Adrianne out of bed. Ellie seemed relieved to change the subject, "Let's stretch those muscles. It would be good to get the blood flowing again,"

Adrianne reached for Ellie's hand before shifting her legs to hang over the side of the bed. Taking a deep breath, Adrianne lowered her uncoordinated foot onto the frozen ground. The chill shot up to Adrianne's spine, causing her to shiver. Once her foot was planted firmly on the ground, the other followed suit. Adrianne felt her muscles protest any movement she made.

Adrianne's stiff form only highlighted Ellie's tense form. Adrianne could feel the uncertainty and shame radiating off the other woman. It was as if she was hiding something. The silence was in stark contrast to Ellie's personality. It was unlike Ellie to remain so quiet for long periods of time. Her entire demeanor had changed. Adrianne couldn't help but feel uneasy. She knew something was wrong, and Ellie was keeping it from her. Ellie all but cemented Adrianne's suspicions when she stopped and looked guiltily at her.

Secrets were everywhere.

"Is there something wrong, Ellie?" Adrianne asked with a small, but firm voice.

Ellie sighed and nodded her head. Adrianne didn't know how to react, but she waited for her to speak. It took all the power her weak body could muster to prevent Adrianne from falling to the ground. Her strong composure was cracking as the seconds ticked by. Adrianne had to know.

With a voice of remorse, Ellie whispered, "You're dying"

Adrianne stood, surprised and dumbstruck by Ellie's admission. Dying...that couldn't be. She had just said earlier that she would be fine. No, that couldn't be. Ellie had to be wrong. Life. Adrianne had chosen to live! How could this be? No...She HAD been dying, but she wasn't dying. She had dodged death's hands before.

Ellie had to be mistaken.

Adrianne eyebrows knit in concern and she laughed in a crazed state. It wasn't funny, but Adrianne found her eyes welling with tears as she smiled, "I thought you said I was fine," Adrianne's frantic laughs turned into restrained cries as her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. Deep in her heart, she knew Ellie told the truth. Her face fell as she saw Ellie's face sadden, and she looked away. It wasn't fair. Nothing about it was fair.

"I'm sorry...I wasn't going to tell you, I didn't want to tell you unless I knew for certain," Ellie's head hung low, ashamed of herself," I can't fix this. I can't fix you,"

There was still so much to do. She had chosen life...she wanted to live. Adrianne held herself as tears threatened to fall. She bit the bottom of her lip as the weight in her chest grew. There were no words she could speak that could convey what she wanted to say.

Adrianne had wanted a life. She had wanted so desperately to live. As a girl, she remembered the future she yearned for...what would become of her? The sick pain she felt in her stomach was of the inevitable, it was overwhelming.

With a soft sob, Adrianne whispered, "I don't want to die,"

"I've seen this sickness before. It's merciless. Many...they don't make it past that first summer," Ellie admitted. With a pained look in her eyes, Ellie grimanced at her words, "I know of a root...it can make it come quick and painless,"

Adrianne breathed a shallow breath. Death, it was inevitable. It's hands were upon her and waiting to take her life. Cold and relentless in its pursuit it had been. In the end, it caught up with her...

For many days and nights, Adrianne had stayed up pondering of what lay beyond the walls of her existence. Even as a young child she often wondered about the world and its inner workings. Although so much had changed, that spirit that once guided her was still there in her.

The spirit that refused to allow Adrianne to cower and to wait for death to claim her. No, she would not sit with the covers up to her chins waiting for her fate. The ice hardened fear in her gut haunted her, but it did not control her like before.

Whatever awaited her, Adrianne would go towards it.

"No," Adrianne said at last. She turned to Ellie and looked to the ground for reassurance, "I won't. I know...I see death at every corner and at every sight. It frightens me," A hot tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke and her body shook, "There are days where the fear renders me incapable of moving, and I remember the faces of those I loved. Their deathbeds, and final words... I think to myself 'what use is this world if the good die, and the bad still live' What justice is there if innocent lives are oppressed for something they have no control over," Adrianne heart ached and she laughed," yet...," she looked up to celing and smiled, "I can't bring myself to want to leave this beautiful cruel world. There is beauty still worth fighting for. I won't stop until that beauty is free, even if it means I must die to achieve it,"

"Are you sure? Meredith and the other want your head. They want your life. You'll die suffering at their hands,"

"I've lived in Meredith's shadow since I first laid eyes on her. The fear she has taught me to know...," Adrianne trailed off and thought of those restless nights she had. The fear and torment had been real.

She had endured it. And Adrianne would continue to, no matter the torment. Adrianne looked to Ellie and shook her head, "Whatever she may bring, I accept. I won't knee for her, even if it saves my life,"

A heavy silence fell between the two women. Adrianne wiped her tear stained cheeks as she attempted to avoid thinking of sickness wreaking havoc within her. This illness was a part of her. It was taking her life each second of her limited time.

"Are you frigtened for the future then?"

Adrianne closed her eyes and held her breath. Nothing was certain now. She was venturing into the unknown once more. When she opened her eyes, Adrianne turned to Ellie and nodded her head slowly.

"More than ever,"

* * *

Adrianne sat at the edge of her bed as she stared down at the ground. Nightfall had descended upon the Gallows, and all was quiet. The tray of food that had been left hours earlier remained untouched.

The solitude of Adrianne's prison soothed her mind, and calmed her. However, her thoughts were scattered as she processed the wide range of foreboding sensations. Her skin prickled as her sickness danced within her body, and seduced her into a false sense of comfort. Adrianne knew it wouldn't be long until it reared its savage nature once more.

The door creaked open, and Adrianne gazed upon Cullen's face with gentle eyes. They locked eyes and an air of respect and unspoken gratitude passed between the two. While Adrianne did not place her faith and trust in him, he had her gratitude and thanks. Cullen had bought her more time and life in this world. She would be forever thankful to him.

Adrianne watched as he paced for several steps before he glanced her way once more. She must've looked frail and sickly for him to have gaze linger upon her for several seconds longer. Adrianne dropped her stare and turned away. She looked to the ground as the heat rose to her cheeks.

"I see you've awaken," Cullen announced after the tense quiet deepened, "You had been...subdued for some time. The healer had said you would awake when your body found it suitable. For some time I didn't think-" Cullen stopped himself and shook his head. Adrianne could feel his eyes on her, and she raised her head slowly. Time froze as their eyes held each other.

The heat in Adrianne's cheeks deepened into a rosy blush. She didn't look away. Her heart pounded against her chest as she continued to hold his stare. The tender and gentle gaze that passed them was sweet. It reminded Adrianne of those times forgotten. The stolen kisses, the airy touches, and the soft whispers in the darkened corridors of the Ferelden Circle, it was all those memories that came fluttering back with their gaze. For those reasons, Adrianne brows knit in confusion. These feelings made her uncomfortable.

Adrianne had other pressing issues to be concerned about. However, she could not deny that the uneasiness she felt was not because she was repulsed by Cullen, but because she wanted him near. It was wrong to think and feel such things, especially now with her life fading away. She couldn't afford to be distracted by her feelings.

She couldn't afford be weak in her time of darkness.

Cullen sensed her discomfort. His weary face tightened, ashamed of himself, and he turned his gaze from her. Adrianne relaxed slightly.

"Are you well?" he asked while looking elsewhere, " I wasn't able to receive a report from the healer before I came,"

The words she wanted to say refused to leaved Adrianne's throat. What could she say? 'I'm dying, and there's nothing anyone can do to save me'. No, she shouldn't say that. Even if she did admit to her illness there was little the Knight Captain could do to help her. Adrianne was on her own.

"Ellie had mentioned your meeting with the Knight Commander," Adrianne said to avoid answering Cullen's question. She watched as Cullen's form stiffened, and the feeling of dread overcame Adrianne. Nothing good had come of their talk. Adrianne smiled softly before she wrapped her blanket around herself. The dread crept up her spine like a slithering snake and numbed her.

Her fate had been sealed. Adrianne had ran from a death sentence, only to run into another.

The pool of emotions mellowed and with a sigh, Adrianne said, "I suspected that this would happen. I suppose you're here to tell me, aren't you? She passed my judgement, and she didn't have the gall to come and tell me herself" Cullen turned to her and Adrianne smiled sadly. In another time, she would have wept, but she was just too tired to now. She should've been angry at the injustice, and while she was, there was an acceptance within her that this would happen, "Did she say when?"

Cullen remained silent for several minutes. He stare at her before he forced himself to look away. Adrianne waited patiently for him to answer. She wanted to be at peace.

Cullen faced Adrianne with his hardened mask, and spoke, "There have been important matters that need attending in Kirkwall with the Viscount. Meredith decided that there should be no more delay,"

"No more delay...she's decided from the beginning, hasn't she?"

His silence spoke volumes. From the beginning, he had known. Cullen had provided Adrianne with hope when he knew that there was one. It didn't surprise Adrianne one bit. Perhaps he didn't believe it would come to this.

"You don't have to keep it from me. I'm not a child that needs to be protected. I can handle this," Adrianne said gently.

Cullen lowered his head.

"Forgive me,"

**So my party people: what's up! Guess who has sucky lab partners for their research project: this girl! Guess who will probably end up doing about 70% of the work: this girl T.T! :D**

**Anyways, I was in the mood to post an update because my writers block is gone for now. Hopefully I'll be able to update soonish.  
**

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. Adrianne just can't catch a break, can she?  
**

** Fun side note: I've realized that Cullen and Adrianne's relationship consists of longing puppy dog gazes XD.  
**

**Two words: Qunari Invasion.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	47. Chapter 47

Guardian 9:34 Dragon

Adrianne sat at the edge of her bed as the wind howled and the rain pattered against the stone walls on the outside. The air was crisp and cold with a sense of dread from the coming storm. She was wreaked with anxiety as she breathed deep breaths while she looked to the ground for assurance on the eve of her final hours. An ache formed in her chest as her time came to a close. The raw and fearful pain spread across her mind and body. Her hands trembled and her heart pounded against her chest. It had become a waiting game.

Time came to a stand still as the reckoning drew closer and closer. The uneasiness crept up Adrianne's spine as the room's air became more frigid. Adrianne wrapped her arms around herself as she shook. It was all frightening, and all so real. Adrianne wished that this, her life, had been a bad dream, and that she would wake.

Only life could become a spiraling and never ending nightmare.

Adrianne could feel the severity and finality of her time through the air like waves. So much about her fate remained uncertain, so much she still did not know. She was afraid of the unknown. The silence in the room only magnified the hidden fear that weighed upon Adrianne's mind.

Adrianne was frightened, so very frightened. The sickness that coursed through her veins was the only thing reminding her that she still lived. Her body was weak, and her illness was lurking upon her, waiting to strike. It was out of control and unchecked.

Nothing nor anyone could save her. The Chantry and the Templar Order condemned her to death. Another innocent whom they failed. While Adrianne knew the world would never know her or her name, she wanted something to come of it. If she died, Adrianne wanted it to mean something to the lives of countless mages that lived under the oppression of a failed system. She wanted justice...she wanted to give the mages hope.

In all her life, Adrianne wanted nothing more than to have a place to call home. To grow old with the ones she loved. Adrianne yearned to watch and live in the beauty of this world. She wanted it all.

The familiar metallic footsteps thundered in the distance in the midst of Adrianne thoughts. They echoed off the walls as loomed closer and closer and Adrianne's heart fell in anguish. Every step was a death sentence.

Adrianne closed her eyes in hope to wake up from this nightmare. She hoped to leave to her dreams where she would be safe. Where she could live and be free. She wanted to go back to the small house in the countryside. She wished to go back to that lake from so many years ago, and float upon the clear water's surface as the sunshine rained down upon her. She smiled. Adrianne could almost feel the waves glide and dance across her skin. She could see the swirls of white among the endless blue sky as if she was there. The wind caressing her skin as Isabel sang to her, Adrianne remembered. With a single tear, she remembered, and she smiled. Childish laughter among the countless twinkling stars in the moonlit sky. The flash of golden hair, her father's smile, Adrianne weeped tears of joy. She remembered after all these years, she still remembered. She wanted to stay. Adrianne yearned to return to the simple days.

Things were never so easy, however. Eventually you have to wake up.

With reluctance, Adrianne opened her eyes to the two templars standing before her. They held in their hands iron cuffs, and shackles. The templars acted as if they bestowing a merciful gift before Adrianne. Adrianne turned her gaze from the restraints. It was defeat, not mercy.

They brought death to her.

Adrianne rose and held her wrists towards the templars,"I suppose it's time,"

The cool metal sent chills up Adrianne arms as went they shackle her legs. They took her by the elbow and lead her away from the walls that held her for who knows how long. Adrianne paused and gazed upon the rustic room one last time.

Flashes of dark hair scattered across the floor, blood, sweat and tears followed soon after. A single hot tear trickled down her cheek as Adrianne took her final steps.

* * *

Wind swept through the Gallows as the storm came. It's howls whistled through the stone of the Circle's walls. Adrianne could hear the faint patter of rain as she and the templars ascended the stairs to the Harrowing Chamber.

Adrianne reigned in her emotions as they approached the final steps to the chamber. The walls crept in upon Adrianne as the templar's steps became far and few in between. She could hear her shallow, shaky breaths hitch as they lurked closer and closer to the door. The squeaking creak of the doors sent shivers down her spine as they swung open, and revealed at least a dozen mages like Adrianne with their templar handlers waiting for the executions to commence.

The mages in the room sized up Adrianne as if they were trying to figure how she ended up here. Criminals, blood mages, that's who they were. They were the ones who brought shame to mages and the ones who made people brand them all the same. They weren't scared in the slightest. Others, however, cowered in fear. They looked as though they could never hurt a feather. They were dangerous, at least that's what the templars branded them as.

They would all suffer the same fate, dangerous or not.

The man in charge pushed through the templars and mages. His armor shone like the nighttime stars as he eyed each and every one of them. Nodding his head toward the door, the templars sealed it shut. Any hope of escaping was now gone, and their last chance of living vanished.

The tense air began to seep into Adrianne's stiff form. It became difficult to think with death lurking in the shadows. Adrianne trembled slightly as the seconds ticked by.

Their time had arrived.

"Men," the man said while overlooking the crowd, "Line them up. We will begin, momentarily,"

"Yes, Lieutenant,"

A panic swept through the mages as the templars began to corral and line them up. Cries of terror echoed throughout the chamber as the templar's grabbed their charges and pushed them toward their superior. Those cries turned into begs of mercy as the mages were moved closer and closer to the platform. Adrianne winced slightly as she was shoved towards the front of line by her handlers. A young mage, not even sixteen, looked to Adrianne with wide terrified eyes as she was pushed ahead of her. Her watery eyes spilled tears of fear as her desperate sobs grew.

The girl shook her head rapidly while she choked on her sobs,"I don't want to die, Senior Enchanter...I don't want to die. Please don't let them kill me. Please!" she cried as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

The young girl was out of place. She had innocence about her, something the others, Adrianne included, lacked. Her face was soft and kind, oblivious to the heartache mages suffered despite living in one of the most abusive institutions Adrianne lived in.

She was a diamond in the rough.

Adrianne was at loss for words. In truth, she didn't know what to say. What words were there that could comfort a person like this apprentice? Was there anything she could say that could negate the fact they were going to die in a matter of minutes? This girl was suffering, and there was not a damn thing Adrianne could do to help here.

Adrianne looked up toward the ceiling, and hoped for a miracle.

Adrianne glanced toward the girl and smiled a pained smile. It broke Adrianne's heart to be so useless, "Shhh...," Adrianne smiled as her eyes glistened with unshed tears, "What's your name?"

"Eleanor," the girl croaked.

Adrianne smiled,"That's a beautiful name, Eleanor," Adrianne stared into Eleanor's wide grey eyes to make her feel important, "Where are you from?"

Eleanor sniffled before answering, "Lothering,"

"Lothering, you're from Ferelden. I lived there when I was younger, and my first circle was there. It was a sweet and innocent time,"

"Nothing about my time has been sweet or innocent. My life has been horrible since the beginning. I was born only to die," Eleanor cried.

Adrianne face fell when she heard the hopelessness in the young girl's voice. While she had never seen this apprentice before, she reminded Adrianne of herself. Another person lost in this endless sea of suffering.

Adrianne looked to Eleanor with weary eyes. Her bones and body struggled to remain standing, but Adrianne wasn't bothered by her own discomfort. Adrianne didn't want to spend her final hours dreading what was to come.

"Eleanor, why are you here?"

Eleanor stiffened and her breathing became shallow. Shameful tears fell from Eleanor's eyes.

"You can tell me, Eleanor. I won't judge you,"

The fragile and vulnerable Eleanor raw eyes looked to Adrianne. Eleanor looked as though Adrianne was the first person in her life to tell her those words. An air of trust passed between the two women.

"They found a dagger under my pillow," Eleanor began as a tear rolled down her cheek, " It wasn't mine...I kept telling them, but they didn't listen. I pleaded with them for my life. I know they were punishing me! I swear they were...I saw and did something I knew they didn't want me to...I had just...I just had a baby," the girl broke.

Adrianne paled. A baby...how? Mages had children all the time, but for someone so young like Eleanor... Adrianne was overcome with emotion as she remembered Lorelei's haunting eyes staring back at her. Her faint breaths as the templars took the swaddled infant from her arms. She was living in that memory. Again, the immense guilt returned. Adrianne eyes prickled as the moisture threatened to fall.

Had she not been in her cell...perhaps she could've helped Eleanor. Anger boiled in Adrianne's veins while she bit her lip in vain in an attempt to prevent a falling tear from being shed. Adrianne grew tired of the senseless suffering they endured.

Eleanor shook her defeated head as she remembered the event, "They took my baby from my arms, and I knew the moment they did that they were going to get rid of me,"

_They framed her...they were the same. Both framed for crimes they didn't commit._

Eleanor must've seen something incriminating that the templars would go to great lengths to stage a crime. Adrianne believed every word Eleanor spoke "What did you see, Eleanor, that the templars didn't want people to know? "

Before Eleanor could respond, the Lieutenant's voice boomed over their heads, "Listen up! You mages have been sentenced to die by the Order for breaking the Circle's most sacred laws. By the Chantry orders, you will be given one last chant of light. Sister, proceed,"

A Chantry sister in pristine and clean robes stepped forward to offer them the Maker's world and blessing. Adrianne turned her head from the sister and stared at the ground instead. She found more comfort staring out into nothing than hearing the empty promises of an absentee and supposedly benevolent god.

The Chantry sister smiled to them before she began in her soothing voice, "The one who repents, who has faith, Unshaken by the darkness of the world, She shall know true peace. The Light shall lead her safely Through the paths of this world, and into the next," Adrianne continued to stare to the floor as her words rang on hollow ears, "For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water. As the moth sees light and goes toward flame, She should see fire and go towards Light. The Veil holds no uncertainty for her, And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker Shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword. For the Maker forgives our sins,"

A burning tear fell as the sister told them of the Maker's forgiveness. It was hysterical for a man who loved them to allow war to burn across land and religion to tear apart his children. It was unreasonable to have faith in a god to who allowed his children born with magic to suffer in his name. How dare they speak of his forgiveness as if Adrianne wanted it.

_I don't want it...I don't want his forgiveness. He. Doesn't. Deserve. Mine._

The weight of the chantry sister's words, however, resonated with the faithful. Adrianne could hear the faint whispers that they would meet their creator and finally be at peace. It made her ill how accepting they were of the imminent death. All Adrianne could think of was how much she wanted to live. How desperate she was to be able to walk another day and to be able to live as she wanted to.

Adrianne breathed rapidly as the Chantry's prayers echoed throughout her head and continued to torment her. It was to much to listen as she spewed the Maker's words when all He's ever done for her is the injustice of oppression

Adrianne raised her head slowly as the silent room grew heavy. The head templar nodded his head as signal for the first mage to come. The mage was tall and thin with little emotion that revealed anything about him or his struggle.

"Apprentice Tavish, you are charged with performing blood rituals within the Circle and conspiring to kill an influential templar lieutenant. You are sentenced to death. Any last words, apprentice?"

Apprentice Tavish rolled his eyes, "I wish I would've done it a whole lot sooner and lived to see the look upon your faces,"

The Lieutenant glared and scowled at the apprentice before force him to knee before the block. In one swift motion, the apprentice's severed head came rolling down the platform. Adrianne grimaced as she stared at the bloodied stone on the ground. The aroma of blood traveled to her nose and caused Adrianne's stomach to quake.

Adrianne closed her eyes with the next death as she heard the screams of the mage trying to get free of the templar's grasp. She couldn't bear to watch another as she heard them push the mage down. Again, the executioner's sword came down, except this time, Adrianne felt droplets of the mage's blood fall upon her face.

The contents of Adrianne's threatened to come up. Adrianne gritted her teeth in hopes that that would not happen.

Adrianne could hear Eleanor's breathing quicken. Her anxiety must've frighten Eleanor, so Adrianne turned to the girl in hopes she could calm her. When Adrianne opened her eyes, her sank; she realized the young girl was next. Eleanor looked to Adrianne with her wide frightened eyes and begged her to help. Adrianne looked between the platform and Eleanor as her mind became numb. Adrianne hesitated on what to do, however, she did not have a wide variety of options. She wanted to calm Eleanor, but there was no way to do that...

The situation had become real and personal. The dread she had experienced earlier had returned; Adrianne knew what she had to do. Before the templars could grab Eleanor, Adrianne pushed the young girl back behind her and took her spot. Eleanor stared at her with shock plastered all over her face as she watched the templars take Adrianne by the arm and to her death.

Adrianne knew couldn't save her, she couldn't do anything really, but provide Eleanor a precious few moments of life.

The lieutenant looked at Adrianne both in suspicion and disgust at her sudden placement before continuing nevertheless. The show must go on, as they said.

"Senior Enchanter Adrianne, you have been guilty of the murder of Ser Alrick, and the injury of Ser Guinevere while under the influence of blood magic. This is the highest level of treason and crime a mage can commit," Adrianne remained silent as his words and lies stung her "Any last words, Senior Enchanter?"

Adrianne gazed out to the mages that awaited. Some were detached from what was happening before them, others afraid. However, Eleanor's tearful gaze was full of admiration or something akin to it. She was someone's hero, and it made her laugh and shake her head. Adrianne smiled to her before she knelt slowly to the ground and in front of the executioners block. The blood stains of the recently deceased made her stomach churn, but nonetheless, Adrianne bore her neck to the executioner. Her body trembled violently as the chains that bound her rattled.

Death's cold hands gripped held her as the fear filled every bone in her body. Adrianne was afraid. The chill in her gut as the gleam of death's sword taunted her. Adrianne stared back to the entrance of the chamber. It remained shut with no sign of it opening

Everything was coming to an end. Her accomplishments, her dreams, her future...it would all be over in a matter of seconds. To come to terms with all that wiped away...Adrianne's legacy gone and forgotten.

She had made a difference with Eleanor. No matter how late she had been on meeting the young apprentice.

Either way, Adrianne was out of time. Adrianne breathed a shaky breath and composed herself to show as little emotion as she could. She looked up to the templar from where she knelt with glossy eyes and whispered, "Get on with it,"

Adrianne gazed upon the executioner's gleaming sword as he held it over his head. She turned her eyes from the executioner to the stained glass windows above them. The images were of Andraste's demise...the irony. Adrianne at last placed her neck within the bloodied executioners block as her heart pounded against her chest. Every second was precious, but time only went so far.

Adrianne slowly closed her eyes, hoping to find peace as she waited in darkness.

_'"And when you open your eyes, my sweet Adrianne, " Isabel's voice softly chimed from a time she could scarcely remember, '"All the evil, the injustice of this world will be gone. You will be safe, and you will be stronger than you were. You will be at peace, and surrounded by those whose love you"'  
_

One last tear trickled down her cheek as she felt the gust of what seemed to be the executioner's sword sway across her body.

_I'm coming home, Mother._

**I'm back! I'm finally on vacation from school and passed everything with a B! :D**

**Anyways, to everyone who's just joined this roller coaster I call a story: welcome to my party where I love to crush dreams of happiness and emotions! :D. Thank you my lovely readers for all your support! You guys are awesome!**

**For those of you who read the author's note from last time, its been replaced with an actual chapter, so if you haven't seen that, sorry! I screwed up and forgot to put it in the note. I know I had said this story would be undergoing a rewrite, and I think I might push the rewrite back until I'm actually finished with the story. **

**With that in mind, just for a head count, would you guys be interested if I posted this story on both Archive of Our Own, and here? I have a profile, but I haven't posted any stories there, but if some of you have an easier access to that website, I would be willing to post on both sites. However, it will be a while until I get to where the present chapter is.  
**

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and if you liked it enough, why not leave a review! They make my day, and give me dorky smiles! :D  
**

**As always, you guys are awesome!**


	48. Chapter 48

**I own nothing. BLOOD TW.**

_I'm…_ Adrianne gazed with empty eyes at the destruction surrounding her. All was quiet...she could even hear the crackle of the fire in the distance. The resounding silence of the area struck to her very core. Just yesterday, this street was bustling with people and activity. It was filled with life...how different it was. Now, children's toys, and baskets of flowers were scattered about the blood stained streets. Everything she defended lay to ash.

Adrianne could hear the faint echo of the innocent voices dying in her mind. A single hot tear trickled down her dirt covered face as she clutched her bleeding wound on the side of her waist.

_I'm...I'm alive? _Adrianne walked among the nightmare ruin. The hot crimson fluid trickled out from her side at a slow pace between her fingers as she continued to stare at the chaos unleashed upon Kirkwall. Buildings burned in the distance as the cries of battles died down.

It wasn't a battle: it was a massacre. All around her, she saw templars, mages, people of Kirkwall fall to the Qunari. They descended upon them like wildfire. The Qunari fought with a ferocity that Adrianne had never seen before. They fought to kill...and slaughtered they did.

The Knight Commander had sent too few of them to reinforce the area's defense. Meredith had realized there were too few mages to hold High Town against Qunari reinforcements. As a result, she resulted to using a group of prisoner mages who were going to die anyway as a diversion, so she the others could retake the Viscount's Keep as they kept the Qunari occupied.

'_Fight for Kirkwall'_ Meredith had said to them as she stopped the executioner's sword from performing the templar's "justice" on Adrianne. The prisoners were confused: why would Meredith spare them? That was it: she wouldn't. In the end...Meredith had gotten what she wanted_, 'And perhaps even a mage can stand by the Maker's side in death'_

The mages had fought nobly, the mages fought bravely, and the mages died all the same. They had been spared death, only to fight to their demise…Adrianne stared at their faces: wided eyed and pale from their final moments. She hadn't known them long, but she could sense they been tired of fighting...and of living. Death was preferable to them. Whether they were by the Maker's side as Meredith suggested...Adrianne wouldn't know.

Now she stood as the sole survivor left to tell their tale.

Adrianne squeezed her side in an attempt to stop the bleeding. She winced in pain as she staggered forward. She was heavily injured, but able to push past her body's protest of movement. The false lingering hope that someone was alive fueled Adrianne to stand and look through the debris.

The smell of dust and blood intoxicated Adrianne's smell as she looked among the debris. Bodies were strewn about dead. A small toy horse lay burning at the side of the road, Adrianne couldn't help but let out a soft cry, as she continued to stagger forward. There were so many dead in the rubble, so many lives lost...potential gone and forgotten.

She had seen countless lives lost before in Ostagar and at Ferelden, but it wasn't any easier to see the sight of a dead body. Their haunted expressions never truly left Adrianne's mind.

Adrianne was tired of death. It dictated every part of her life: she lost a mother, a mentor...and she would one day lose her life to it. Adrianne hated it. It was death's way of telling her she was there for it's torment alone. She was bounded to it.

Adrianne had refused to let it win, and she would continue that fight until death did kill her. Even as it surrounded her, she continued onward, vowing to defy it, no matter the pain and fear in her heart.

Adrianne winced at the pain from her side as the blood continued to seep through her fingers. She searched and searched, hoping to find someone who had escaped the barrage of death as she had. Whether it was by chance or fate, Adrianne heard the faint ragged breaths of a young boy. It was like sight of spring on a winter's day. Adrianne rushed towards him as fast as she could.

The boy was amongst a collapsed building. Adrianne knelt down in pain and pulled his little damaged body from the wreckage. The boy was bruised and broken and bleeding from his injuries. Adrianne carried him to a clearing and lay him gently on the ground.

Adrianne, exhausted beyond a doubt, began to manifest her mana. Adrianne watched the boy eyes fall on her hands. Curious eyes unlike most who saw magic up close.

"Don't worry," Adrianne said faintly as she began the healing process despite her low mana, "I'm here to help you"

Adrianne concentrated all her mind and soul into saving this boy. If she could save him...at least something pure survived this horror. Adrianne looked upon his sweet face and she wanted to weep at the pain he must've been through.

"Papa told…" the boy struggled to speak. He couldn't be more than seven; no older than Adeline when Adrianne had left so many years before. The age of innocence. A child seeing all this chaos unleashed...it was a sad thought. Adrianne's hands shook violently as she placed her healing magic over the small child's deep wounds. He smiled, "He told me...he said that all...that all magic was bad...It was evil"

Adrianne shook her head, "Shh...don't talk. ," she whispered as she shook. He was fading away and Adrianne forced more magic to go into the boys mortal wounds.

His eyes softened as his shallow breath's became fainter, "He...he…" his voice was a mere whisper. Adrianne panicked as she felt his beating heart slow so dangerously slow. In a frenzy, Adrianne willed what little mana she had left into his tiny form. It was a foolish and dangerous thing to do, but Adrianne didn't care. The pain shock up her bleeding arms, but she forced the mana to flow through despite the excruciating and increasing torture travelling through her arms and into her body. Adrianne muffled her cries of pain so he wouldn't hear. The boy stared up at her and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards. With one final breath, the boy whispered faintly, "he was...wrong" before life faded from his eyes.

Adrianne felt her arms go numb as her mind. Adrianne continued to stare at the boy while drenched in his blood. She didn't understand why she was so distraught over him...over a boy whose name she didn't even know. Yet, all she could do is remain where she was to stare at his small frame.

Adrianne wasn't sure how long she remained sitting among the dead it was only the sound footsteps that broke her attention from the madness.

"Senior Enchanter Adrianne!" Eleanor's voice called out . Adrianne turned her head slightly as the young girl came running to her with a large bruise on her head. With wide eyes, Eleanor stared at the boy that lay on the ground before looking to Adrianne's useless arms, "Are you crazy Senior Enchanter! You above all should know what happens when you force a spell"

Adrianne's failure replayed over in her mind, "No, Eleanor..." Adrianne whispered with agony as Eleanor attempted to pull her away from the boy's cold body. It felt as if a heavy weight weighed down upon her frail and wounded body. Adrianne refused to leave the boy's side, she just couldn't. Tears streamed down her face as her whole body shivered, "Is he...is he resting?" she asked faintly.

"Senior Enchanter...," Eleanor said softly. She knelt to where Adrianne sat and checked the boy over. Adrianne watched on as she shook. Eleanor looked to her and smiled a pained smile, "I'm sorry, Senior Enchanter…" Eleanor's voice wavered as she spoke, "The little boy...He's dead. His wounds were fatal, and you didn't have enough strength. Even with enough mana, you wouldn't have been able to save him. No one will blame you. It's not your fault. You did what you could, and you provided him comfort in his final moments"

_No...no...no...not again...please_ Adrianne cried _Again I can't do anything. _

Adrianne stiffened as Eleanor's words tormented her. Her arms hung limp at her sides while she watched the world descend into chaos.

It was happening all over again. Flashes of Ostagar and of the Fereldan Circle of Magi buried beneath all her memories came to the forefront of her mind. The screams of many suddenly silenced as she continued to survive.

Adrianne stared at her shaking hands covered in the boy's blood. Her breathing became erratic at the sight. It was everywhere...on her hands, her torso, and she could feel it even on her face.

"There's so much blood everywhere," Adrianne said in shaky voice. With frightened eyes, Adrianne turned to Eleanor who looked on in concern. In desperation, Adrianne attempted to wipe away the blood by wiping her hand it on her worn robes. When she looked again there was more. Adrianne trembled as she continued to try and wipe the blood away "It won't go away," she whispered as frantically wiped her hands on her robes, "Why won't it go away? I keep seeing it, Eleanor" Adrianne cried.

Their blood was on her hands. All those who died while she still lived. She saw their blood.

Gently, Eleanor pulled Adrianne's hands away from herself. Eleanor's hand reached to her own eyes to wipe something from them. Eleanor breathed deeply, and then she whispered, "We'll make the blood go away, ok? I promise, we'll make it go away. But, right now you're hurt, Senior Enchanter," Eleanor's voice broke as emotion seeped into it.

Adrianne stayed silent, almost as if she couldn't hear Eleanor. She only stared frightfully at the blood she saw as she trembled. Adrianne felt her heart clench and falter painfully as she coughed up blood.

Adrianne tensed as the numbness she only felt in her arms had spread, and her vision blurred. She looked helplessly to Eleanor.

"Senior Enchanter…" Adrianne's weak and wounded body gave way, and she fell forward into Eleanor's arms, " I NEED A HEALER! I NEED HELP" Eleanor's voice yelled.

Adrianne could only hear the distant echoes of voices swarming around her as she faded into unconsciousness. Again, she heard Isabel's voice.

'_And when you open your eyes, my sweet Adrianne. All the evil, the injustice of this world will be gone. You will be safe, and you will be stronger than you were. You will be at peace, and surrounded by those whose love you. Don't ever forget, Adrianne'_

* * *

"I'm here, Adrianne"

**Hello! School's been taking up all my time so I haven't able to update! Consider this an early spring break gift, as I will be able to update a little more then :)**

**I've read the reviews since my last update and all I can say is: DAWWW! You guy make me blush and smile like a dork.  
**

**As always: thank you! You guys are awesome and deserve the best.**

**Until next time!**


	49. Chapter 49

Guardian 9:34 Dragon

'_Pain and suffering is what your future holds…'_

* * *

Adrianne awakened from the darkness of her mind with the echo of the witch's cryptic words replaying themselves over and over. Her mind was in a fog, and she didn't faintest idea of where she was. It felt as if every inch of her tanned skin was covered in bruises and scratches. An ache and heaviness overtook her body as she struggled to breathe without hurting her ribs. Adrianne made no attempt to sit up, and instead lay as she remembered only the blackness of her mind. Somehow, the light broke through the darkness and gave her the ability to awaken from the endless night.

Still, Adrianne could only recall those words: Pain and suffering is what your future holds. The witch's words from so long ago that she had almost forgotten them completely. Somehow, her mind chose to remember them now. Ever since her beginnings, Adrianne has had to endure the pain and suffering...Was it her destiny to do just that?

'_Pain and suffering is what your future holds…'_

Adrianne's thoughts were broken as she heard the hushed whispering of two people standing over her. A man and a young woman whose voices were familiar to her. The fog It took several moments for Adrianne to realize where she was and recognize whose voices were speaking: she was in the Gallows healing room, resting from the battle with Eleanor and Cullen standing nearby.

"It seems like she's awakened, apprentice" Cullen said.

"I'm so glad nothing bad happened to her," Eleanor smiled.

Adrianne winced in pain as she attempted to sit up. Not only that, but her mind felt as if it was being split in two, "I-I don't..." slowly, her brain and memories became fuzzy. She could hear the crackle of flames, and see...a little boy's eyes? "What happened-"

In an instant, Adrianne remembered the events that led up to the present. The Qunari Invasion. She could hear her comrades dying screams as the room spun in circles. The blood she couldn't remove from her hands and the earnest and soft face of the little boy who perished as a result. Adrianne felt the raw emotions of the battlefield as if she were there. The clash of swords, the gust of magic in the air...and Adrianne was living in the moment once more.

A slow warm tear rolled her cheek as she felt the pain she had been hiding for so long surface. Even when Ser Alrick had tormented her countless times before, Adrianne had never felt so fragile and delicate. She was like a shattered glass: anything could break her now.

She couldn't save any of them...everyone around her was dying. Adrianne began to feel the flood of emotions come forward. Her eyes stung in an attempt to keep tears from falling. Every emotion she held was delicate as.

"Senior Enchanter! Does something hurt?!" Eleanor cried.

_Everything...everything hurt.  
_

Adrianne realized she could not hold on any longer as her entire world came crashing down around her. Everyone: Enchanter Bryant, her family, Guinevere, they were all gone. The suffering she endured alone because she felt it was necessary to shoulder it herself...it was too much. This facade of strength she tried so hard to keep upright and hard like stone crumpled to the ground. All the pain that had been festering over the years, the memories she had buried, the feelings she made herself believe were gone, pushed her over edge.

_I can't do this anymore..._

Adrianne reached for Eleanor's hand and squeezed it with only the desperation left in her driving her strength, "I can't…" Adrianne's voice shook with emotion, "I really can't anymore"

Eleanor knelt to her bedside with her face plastered with concern, "What's wrong? You can tell me…"

Adrianne glanced over to the Knight Captain who stood by the doorway. He kept himself hidden from view. Last time she had seen him, he had delivered her news of her impending execution. He was another person of her past who was both there and not. Would he be gone as well? He was one of the last people who knew of who she was...

The two formers locked eyes,"Should I call for the healer?" Cullen asked her with a steady voice.

When Adrianne didn't respond, Eleanor spoke for her, "I think you should, Knight Captain"

Cullen nodded his head before exiting the room.

A single tear trickled down Adrianne's cheek as she turned stare at the ceiling. No response... "Is this what the witch meant?" She whispered as she remembered Flemeth's words so vividly now. Was this fate...or was it something more. Weariness swept across her mind. However, Adrianne refused to close her eyes as she continued to stare at the ceiling above her, "Was I destined to only to suffer…" Adrianne faint voice trailed off as the darkness took over once more.

The only thing she knew was this: she couldn't continue on alone anymore.

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry for the weird update schedule. School takes up a lot of my free time so I can't update as much as I like. It is my hope to finish this story within the next couple of months (hopefully). I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! You guys are awesome.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Drakonis 9:34 Dragon

Far and distant memories that never left Adrianne's mind surfaced again while Eleanor listened to her past life. Her first tragedy in a long line of sorrows surfaced as though it occurred yesterday. While such memories caused her pain, it was freeing to tell and share with another the pain Adrianne felt.

"And...I stayed there by his side until he breathed his last breath...I can hear him in my dreams sometimes," Adrianne recounted as she remembered Enchanter Bryant's lifeless, cold eyes staring off into the distance. A pained fate he endured, but he remained strong to the very end, "By the time Guinevere…" tightness overcame her voice as Guinevere's frightened eyes sprang to the forefront of her mind. Whether her friend lived or died she still didn't know, but those frantic eyes would be burned into her mind forever, "That's when I began to ponder the witch's words and if what she said was true"

"Did you ever tell anyone about what the witch said?" Eleanor asked after a moment's silence.

A faint and weary smile graced Adrianne's face at Eleanor's innocence, "I was half dead and on the verge of possession during that time. Who would've believed me?"

"What about the friend you told me about? He surely would've listened to what you had to say"

Adrianne remained silent. Perhaps Cullen would've believed her if she at least attempted to say something...or everything would've been worse if he hadn't believed her during that dark time. That time had past, however, and those pages of her story had been written. There was no use on dwelling on the what ifs.

"I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this all by yourself" Eleanor said as Adrianne silence answered for her, "I don't know if I would've survived. You have a strong will to live, Senior Enchanter"

Adrianne nodded as she pulled the covers up to her chin, "That's all I ever wanted...yet when I have these memories...these reminders of my past torments," Adrianne squeezed the covers in her hands, "I still remember them all as if I was there...as they were," her voice was faint, "I can hear them...and I feel everything again. Isn't it strange? Even mad?"

Eleanor shook her head, "No! It's not strange at all. You're not mad, Senior Enchanter you're haunted,"

"I suppose that's another way of putting it. Though, I doubt that's what the templars would believe," Adrianne admitted.

Eleanor reached up to her own face to wipe a tear that escaped from Adrianne's recount of the demons that still haunted her, "Well, I'm here now, so don't worry, big sis-I mean Senior Enchanter!" Eleanor smiled.

Adrianne's face softened. _Big sister_ was something she had not been called in many years, "You called me big sister,"

Eleanor blushed, "Sorry, it came out before I caught myself"

Adeline would be around Eleanor's age, her birthday had passed only a month ago...her precious little sister, "I have a sister about your age. I haven't seen her in over ten years. I doubt she remembers me: she was very young when I was taken. Your sister is very lucky that you remember her," Adrianne smiled, "I would do anything to see my sisters and father just once,"

Before Eleanor could respond, the door opened to reveal another in need of a healer. His hands covered a swollen eye and his body was tense with anxiety. Adrianne felt a shiver go down her spine at the fear he possessed as they locked eyes.

"Alain, that looks like it really hurts!" Eleanor cried at Alain's bruised and battered eye.

The usually meek and timid mage stammered, "I-I it's-nothing...really. It...looks worse than what it is,"

"That doesn't look like nothing. What happened?! It looks as though someone roughed you up badly" Eleanor persisted.

Alain looked to and fro at the door as if he were debating whether to stay or leave. Eleanor's curiosity seemed to be making him uneasy, "I don't want any trouble. If you can find the healer, I would appreciate it,"

"I don't know...are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened, Alain?" Eleanor insisted as Adrianne stared at his face.

A dull ache in Adrianne's belly formed as the black and blue continued to hold her sight. A vague sense of familiarity crept up on her spine: Alain's uneasiness, his unwillingness to talk. It was clear as day: they were one in the same.

Alain shook his head quickly, "I just need a healer, please...I rather not talk"

Eleanor's eyes furrowed, but she nodded nonetheless and followed Alain's request. Adrianne and Alain sat in silence both avoiding the others gaze.

After an eternity of silence, Alain finally spoke, "Listen, I know what you want to say...I've said it to myself before a thousands times over," he turned to look at her in the eye and smiled with sorrow, "I can't, I just can't...look what happened to you when you tried to stand up to the templars. I don't want that to be me,"

Alain's words struck Adrianne in the heart. A tear slid down her cheek, as the ache in her belly moved to the wound his words caused her. All her life she wanted to help, and to lead by example. This wasn't what she wanted.

_I can't do this anymore...I can't._

JOodlkosidosdis

Adrianne pondered over Alain's words as they repeated and echoed throughout her mind. She sat up in her bed as the weight of his words took a hold of her. It was frightening how terrified he was and how helpless he felt. If it were only her, Adrianne wouldn't have had thought another second about it.

However, this wasn't about her anymore. Everyday, horrors occurred all around them, and many turned a blind eye to the mages suffering. They had become complacent in their pain to the point that staying quiet was a preferable alternative. It wasn't justice, it was the reinforcement of an oppressive system.

Adrianne had been silent for so long, unwilling to fight. As tears ran down her face from the fear and terror she felt, the Circle burned in the back of her mind. Mages like Alain and her cried in background as their pleas for mercy were silenced.

The true battle began once the tears have dried, and for Adrianne, they had. Any tears Adrianne had left in her had dried the moment she saw Alain's face. She was tired of crying and waiting for change. The tower wasn't go to change no matter the tears she and the others shed.

From the beginning, Adrianne never wanted to change because of the actions of others. She wanted to remain true to her being, and to her heart. If she were clay, Adrianne wished to mold her own destiny and not be a pawn to the whims of this world. That was no longer the case: the world was an increasingly cruel place. Was she truly capable of standing aside as the destruction and oppression happened before her eyes?

Deep within herself Adrianne knew the answer: she must change to survive. There would be no more tears. Now was not the time for weakness...she must be strong. She had no choice.

Adrianne's thoughts were broken as the healer, Ellie entered the room. She didn't bother to look at her as she was consumed by her renewed resolve. Change was on the horizon, Adrianne could feel it in every bone in her body.

"I see you're sitting up that's always a good sign," Ellie commented as she took Adrianne's vitals.

'_I don't want that to be me…'_

"Senior Enchanter? Is something wrong?" Ellie asked.

Adrianne looked to her with determination in her eyes."Senior Enchanter?" Ellie repeated.

"I didn't want the Gallows to change who I was…"Adrianne gripped her covers as Alain's bruised and battered face gazed at her from within her mind. Anger and rage coursed through her veins like wildfire. No...never again did she want to see a face like that again. It was time for her weakness to come to an end. Enough was enough, "I was wrong. I must change...whether it is my destiny is to suffer or not, it doesn't matter," Adrianne tossed her covers aside and she swung her legs over the side edge of the bed. Her limbs were still weak but Adrianne stepped onto the floor anyway, "I'm not going to wait to die with the covers up to my chin ,"

Watching Alain's suffering, it awakened Adrianne's willpower and spirit. His fear and acceptance of the situation of the situation around him, it brought back that youthful defiance that defined her so long ago. Her need and will to protect her fellow mage and non mage alike returned with a vengeance.

"While that's all beautiful and inspiring, Senior Enchanter, what about your condition? You do remember what I said? Any undo stress could accelerate that timeframe and you will die. Do you understand that? This isn't a game Senior Enchanter," Ellie frowned.

Adrianne would not wait in her bed and accept her fate. No, she was going to challenge it until the bitter end. Her resolve and will to live returned to steel once again. She couldn't fail this time. Everyone: Enchanter Bryant, Guinevere, Wynne, her mother...and so many more depended on her. This time she wasn't going to give up.

"I've made my decision. I know it's dangerous, I know," Adrianne admitted as she remembered her condemned fate. She clenched her fists, "I won't stay back and wait to die as the Circle, the system that has raised and shaped who I am burns with the blood of my people. Nothing you say will deter me from what I've decided. If I die, so be it. I'm through being afraid,"

Adrianne began to limp toward the door, "Where are you going? I haven't released you yet" Ellie questioned.

Adrianne turned back to Ellie who stood waiting for an answer, "To train. It's been some time since I've been able to. Next time you see me, I won't be Healer Adrianne anymore," she straightened her back and stood higher and full of determination. She was a warrior through and through, "I'm going to be who I was meant to be: Knight Enchanter Adrianne,"

"You're a stubborn one, aren't you?" The shorter female smirked, "I see nothing I say willI change your mind, Knight Enchanter Adrianne" Ellie walked over to her desk and retrieved a notebook and plume, "There's no cure for this wasting illness from what I've read. The most well documented case was Queen Rowan. The moment I saw the symptons I knew your outlook was bleak," Ellie explained.

"However, I see difference with you. Perhaps, I could study you. I am the expert apothecary and alchemist here in the Gallows. I've been trying to develop better medicines for this sickness since Kirkwall took in the refugees from Ferelden. Unfortunately, many of them have died before I could even begin a trial. Your recent illness has given me new material to work from. I was afraid to bring this up earlier, as most lose the will to live. I theorized you would be the same but I was wrong about you...and I'm glad. We could try to test different poultices and attempt to slow the progression. If you are willing, we can begin from the what the alchemist notes left from Queen Rowan. We may not be able to cure you, I want to make that clear," Ellie paused to allow Adrianne to process what she had said, " but we can buy you some years of relative happiness should luck permit. Do you understand, Senior Enchanter?"

_Years to live...that's all I want._ What Ellie had said gave Adrianne feelings of hope that she hadn't felt in ages. The mere possibility of living longer was enough to keep her going.

Adrianne nodded," I understand, and I consent to your study. Thank you, Ellie" she smiled.

Ellie smirked, "Now go and train. I expect Knight Enchanter Adrianne to protect us all in no time at all,"

_I will, I promise._

For the first in a long time, Adrianne smiled as she headed into her uncertain future.

_I can do this._

**Don't worry Adrianne! My plot armor will protect you ;) Hehehe**

**Hey guys! I'm finally on vacation from school! Sorry for the lack of updates. I was hoping my schedule this quarter would've allowed me to update more, sadly that was not the case. I'm back now, so that's all that counts!**

**I wanted to finish this story this summer to move onto other projects I want to get to, but seeing the progress I'm making, I don't think that will be the case. With that being the case, I will try to update once a week. Hopefully we'll be in the Mage Rebellion Arc soon by the end of the summer.  
**

**Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you liked it enough or saw something that didn't seem right leave a review :)  
**

**Remember: you're awesome!**


	51. Chapter 51

Hey everybody,

It deeply saddens me to have to write this. Due to unforeseen life problems and some personnel issues, I'm deciding to take a break from writing fan fiction. Most likely this story will be put on indefinite hiatus or discontinued. I'm sorry to disappoint you all. I had every intention of finishing. I understand completely if any of you feel angry that this story won't be receiving closure.

In the case I do decide to continue the story, I'll let you guys know right away. You guys were the most wonderful readers and I couldn't ask for anything better. I'm honored to have such kind readers. As always, you guys are awesome!

Until next time,

Sirens call universe


End file.
